✺ Kate's point of view ✺
My morning goes as most of my mornings do. Wake up in Harry's arms, wait until he's awake, kiss for twenty minutes while chatting about silly little things, then get up and make breakfast.
Harry dances around the kitchen in his boxers as we fry bacon, then end up at the kitchen table with a shared plate of food and two cups of coffee. Conversation flows easily between us even though there's a very obvious elephant in the room.
Around one in the afternoon, Harry and I shower together. I tell him I have an appointment and have to hurry, but it doesn't stop him from getting his way. I end up pressed agains the shower wall with his body between my legs before either of us can lather our hair with shampoo. The memory leaves me blushing as I attempt to cover the spots on my neck with some concealer once I'm getting ready.
At exactly two o'clock in the afternoon, I'm walking into the familiar building where I've been attending therapy for months. Mia is going on vacation with her family for the next three weeks but promised to pencil me in before leaving-- thanks to my parole officer, she was convinced I was in dyer need of the appointment.
"Kate, always so lovely to see you. Have a seat. Would you like something to drink?" She greets the second I step into her office. We greet each other with a simple handshake, then I'm accepting her offer for a bottle of water while pulling my coat off of my shoulders.
"How are you doing today? You look..." She passes off the plastic bottle to me and I furrow my brows in confusion as she trails off.
"I look..."
"You look happy." She laughs as if she almost doesn't believe her own words. I stay silent, unsure of what to say in response.
"I am, I suppose." I shrug my shoulders and slowly sip my water while Mia takes a seat across from me.
"Is it the new boy you've been seeing...?" She takes out a pad of yellow papers and lays it in her lap while looking over at me.
"I'm not seeing him, I'm just hanging out with him." I correct quickly, not sure if the title she's putting on him is going to have me getting ahead of myself.
"Right, of course." She smiles reassuringly and I clear my throat uncomfortably.
"Anyways, what's on your mind today? Anything in particular you want to talk about?" She lays her hands in her lap and I consider my thoughts for a moment before answering.
"My friend... The um, man I've been spending time with... He asked me to come home with him for the holidays. Like, to his parents house." It feels surreal now that I'm bringing it up in conversation. When Harry asked me last night I accused him of being drunk and told him we'd talk about it some other time. He battled with me for a few minutes, but eventually gave in. We've yet to discuss it all morning and I'm patiently waiting to see if he recalls doing it, even though I know he wasn't drunk.
"Oh, well, how do you feel about that?" Mia raises her brows in a very therapist-like way.
"I feel like... I don't really know. He's a very complicated person. He lost his wife last year and because of that he's been hesitant to get close with me." I find myself relieved to confide in Mia about about Harry. It's not someone she knows and she can only judge him based on what I tell her.
"He lost his wife?" She furrows her brows curiously and I nod.
"And... How did you say you met him?" She taps her pen against her paper and seems almost momentarily anxious.
"He's a professor. I had his class at the beginning of the year and we started talking and now we're... Yeah. Whatever we are that doesn't have a title." I laugh at my own words while Mia stays silent.
"Okay, um-" she straightens her posture in her chair, then sighs.
"Do you know a lot about this man, Kate? I know that you got upset with me in the past when I tried to warn you about getting involved with another man so soon, but I'm not bringing it up this time because I'm worried about your behavior." She crosses her legs, then uncrosses them just as quickly. She's being oddly fidgety and it's worrying me.
"Well then what are you worried about if it's not me?" I ask in return, eyeing her suspiciously. She chews on her bottom lip and glances down, then up at me again.
"Kate, all that I can say is that you need to be careful. In the situation you're in you need to know who your real friends are since there's so much on the line with you. He could be lurking in places you would never expect and I feel as though it's part of my job to just forewarn you to never let your guard down for someone. That's when it will be easiest for him to get to you." She gives me a serious look and my previous confusion turns into pure worry.
"Mia, is there something you know about him that I don't?"
"No, no of course not! I apologize. We've gotten completely off track and I'm talking far more than you are which is the opposite of what should be happening." She shakes her head and sits back comfortably in her chair again while straightening out her pad of paper.
"Mia, you can't just go off like that and expect me to forget about it-"
"All that I can say is you need to be careful with who you consider to be your friends. You're in danger at all moments of the day whether you realize it or not. I can't say anymore than that." Her voice has lowered greatly and I find myself stunned by the situation. Not only is she trying to convince me nothing's wrong after her panic a moment ago, but now she's beginning to sound a lot like Harry by telling me I can't ask for anymore than what she's already told me.
"Anyways, tell me about your week." She eventually sighs lowly and offers me a smile that clearly tells me to drop the subject.
What the hell is going on here?
✺
From Harry:
Are you at your dorm?
I distractedly read the text as my hands fall quickly over the letters on my keyboard. I've spent the last hour on the internet searching for background history on my therapist in hopes of finding something that will tell me she's a psychopath and that maybe I'm not just going crazy.
To Harry:
Yeah. What are you up to?
I take a monetary break to get up from the bed and grab myself a glass of water. My head is pounding, but I won't rest until I find something. I don't even know where to look at this point. I've googled just about everything having to do with her that I can think of.
My phone buzzes on the bed just as I return and I sigh as I sit down.
From Harry:
Just got back from the gym and went to my office to pick up some things. Can I drop by?
I type back a quick agreement to Harry, then lay flat on my stomach on the bed. My laptop is still sitting in front of me, but the website I'm on tells me nothing useful.
Instead of continuing to stress about it, I pull up some class work that I've been putting off. I don't want Harry to get here and question why I'm researching some probably harmless woman like a stalker.
Ten minutes later, a soft knock sounds at the door. I get up from the bed and move quickly to open it to allow Harry inside. He greets me with a sweet smile as he steps inside, then pulls me in to press a gentle kiss to my lips as soon as the door is closed.
"How was your appointment?" He asks in a soft voice as I lead him across the room. Our hands are clasped as we walk back towards my bed where I was previously sitting.
"My appointment was fine. Nothing too special." I mumble back. As soon as he's sitting on the mattress, I curl up at his side while pulling my computer back onto my lap.
"What did you say it was for?" He ducks down to kiss my forehead, then sighs along with me. The gloomy weather outside has clearly taken a toll on both of us.
"It was, uh," Would it be embarrassing to admit to Harry that I'm in therapy? I'm sure he would understand.
"Because of my parole I have to go to therapy once a week. It's not a big deal, she's just supposed to check on me and-"
"You don't have to cover for yourself, babe. I don't care that you go to therapy." I'm thankful for him cutting me off, and I'm even more thankful for his assurance.
"I go to therapy too, actually." He adds. I furrow my brows and try to gather my thoughts as a sudden memory hits me of seeing Harry walking out of Mia's office once.
"Wait... I saw you there once. Before we met." I eye him for a moment, then laugh at the thought of how he was a stranger only a few months ago.
"You did? How did you remember it was me?" He chuckles in return. I think back to how striking he looked the first time I saw him.
"You don't forget a face this gorgeous." I cup his cheeks with my hands and greedily kiss his lips while he grins. Our laughter mixes as we attempt to move our mouths together, but it's no use. We end up holding onto each other instead with his head leaned on top of mine and my face buried in his chest.
It seems like hours pass that we sit in silence just cuddling. Harry's hands rub up and down my back while my own hands stay clasped while my arms are resting around his waist. Sweet kisses are pressed to the top of my head every now and then and I try profusely to think of something to talk about, but nothing comes to mind. All I can process is his familiar smell in my nose and his comforting embrace around my body.
"Your essay is pretty good." Harry hums thoughtfully at some point. I feel as though he's woken me up from a sleep I was never in.
"My essay?" I sit up and look at him through a groggy haze.
"Yeah, I read it over your shoulder. It was pretty good but I'd like to rearrange some of your sentence structures if you don't mind." He leans over to grab my laptop and I laugh as he pulls it onto his legs. His arms move away from our embrace and he begins tying while I lay back on the bed and sigh tiredly.
"Your writing is impressive. I grade some essays by students your age and I wonder sometimes if kindergarteners wrote them. You have great word choice and I haven't found one grammatical error yet." Harry's compliment seems genuine and I feel his hand pat my leg, but I lay still and scoff quietly to myself.
"Thanks. I thought I wasn't quite at the same intelligence level as students my age though? That's what you told me when I switched out of your class." I pick at the chipped nail polish on my fingers and wait impatiently for Harry to respond. He takes a few seconds longer than usual, but eventually does speak.
"Babe, I've told you multiple times now that I didn't mean that. I was angry with you when I said it and I couldn't think of anything better to insult you on. I think you're one of the smartest students I have met, actually." His hand rubs gently against my jean-clad knee while I continue to avoid looking at him.
"So if I hadn't switched out of your class and if we had never made up, I would have failed for no reason? It's kind of scary that you have the power to do that just because you were upset with me."
"I probably would have given up my pathetic vendetta against you at some point. To be quite honest, the reason I was so rude to you in the first place is because I wanted you to hate me. The second I met you I knew you'd be trouble somehow and wanted to give myself some security. See how well that worked out, though." He laughs as he rubs his hand up my leg and I giggle along with him.
"It worked somewhat. I still hate you aside from the great sex we have." I roll onto my side to look at him and his eyes widen momentarily before he begins laughing again.
"That's a lie. You like me even when we're not fucking. You literally just hugged me for twenty minutes straight and at no time was my dick involved in that hug."
"It's called reverse psychology, babe. I make you think I'm in the cuddle mood so that later when we're screwing you'll have so much energy from our relaxing cuddles that I'll have the orgasm of a lifetime." I stretch out my legs across his lap and he continues to shake his head in amusement at me.
"Yeah, I'll look into that." With a playful wink, he moves onto continuing to edit my research paper. I hold his free hand with my own and find amusement in slowly lacing and unlacing his fingers between mine.
Eventually, he closes the lid of my laptop and lays it on the ground. My body shifts as he moves to lay beside me, then we're left curling up beside each other without speaking. My hand begins tapping some random beat against his chest until eventually he does begin to talk. It's exactly what I was hoping he wouldn't bring up, though.
"I tried to book my plane ticket to France today." His voice is low and holds some emotion that I can't detect.
"Yeah?"
"Mhm. I didn't finalize it though. If I need to book a second plane ticket I'd want to make sure I'm sitting beside my guest." His fingers run up my arm and to my neck until his thumb is grazing my jawline.
"So I can finish booking it now if you'd give me the go-ahead to also get your plane ticket at the same time..." His voice trails off and my heart begins to race. I open my mouth to say something, but I don't even know where to begin.
"Harry, I don't think I can go to France with you." I state the simple words that have been repeated in my mind for the last fifteen hours.
"Why not? If you can't go back home to be with your family then you have no valid excuse to stay here and sit all alone in this tiny dorm on Christmas Day." He brings his hand up to angle my head to look at him while I chew my lip worriedly.
"I can't go home and be with your family, though. The only title between you and I is friends with benefits, Harry. I don't want to meet your parents and stuff. That would be so unbelievably uncomfortable for me and probably for you as well."
"Why do we have to put a title on it? I can bring a friend home without her being a girlfriend, can't I?" He leans up on his elbow to look down at me and I keep my eyes trained on the ceiling so that I don't have to face him.
"I don't want to be spending our entire trip pretending like I don't want to, like, hug you or kiss you or something." My voice drops a few notches lower so that I'm not speaking as loudly. Harry watches me curiously for a moment, then without a word, leans down to peck my lips.
"Kate, they're my parents, not prison guards. They're not going to jump on you for kissing me. I think you're overthinking this a bit."
"I am not. We can't tell them we're friends then be all cuddly in front of them." I finally look up at him and notice the amused smirk on his lips.
"This isn't a joke. It stresses me out." I add. We stare at each for a moment longer, then I finally break down and laugh along with him.
"All of your reasons to not go with me are shitty reasons so I'm going to guess you're going with me." He shrugs his shoulders, then plants his lips on mine again. We both laugh through the kiss and don't actually achieve anything from having our mouths pressed together while we giggle.
"Okay, one last argument." I finally push him away and he sighs as he falls back onto the mattress.
"I'm going to have a valid argument in response, I hope you realize that." He mumbles back. I lean over to look at him and purse my lips as my fingers sift through his hair to push it away from his face.
"I know you'll try, but this one is a bit hard to argue. I'm not sure if I'll get permission to go out of the country with you because I'm on parole. It may be a long process trying to get permission and everything and I don't want to add to the stress of leaving town so if it turns out to be a big deal then I won't bother. Chances are there will be a million rules on them letting me go and that won't be fun for anyone and..." I shake my head at the thought and wish silently that for once I didn't have to worry about those types of things. I'd give anything to be a normal twenty-one year old for a change that can spontaneously take trips with her friends without worrying that her parole officer assumes she's fleeing town when he hears she left.
"Kate, we'll do what we have to to get you on this trip with me. I won't take no for an answer." He eyes me seriously and I nod without knowing how else to argue.
"I'm sorry that I can't just say yes and leave it at that. I swear one of these days I won't have to worry about all of that stuff anymore." I scoot my body in towards his and smile softly when his hand moves up to cup my cheek.
"All of that stuff brought you to Chicago, and to me. It seems shitty in the big picture, but hey, you got to have me if nothing else good comes out of it." With a quick shrug of his shoulders, I'm smiling happily while butterflies swarm my stomach.
"Well you're the best thing that came out of this, so I'll be happy with that either way."
"You're pretty sweet to me for someone that's supposed to just like me for sex." He purses his lips as he looks at me and I notice the part of his mind taking over that's always there to remind him that I'm nothing to him besides a way to get off. I know he does it so that he doesn't get too ahead of himself, and each time it hurts a little more.
"I like you for a lot of reasons aside from sex. I think you're a really wonderful person, Harry. You make me feel like..." I run my thumb along his jawline and try to connect all of the words swarming my mind.
"I finally feel like I'm not just another file at the police department, or just another disappointment in my family. You make me feel special." I gently push his chest so that he'll lay down in the mattress, then roll on top of him. Our arms encase each other's bodies happily as I prop myself up far enough to still be able to look down at him.
"I make you feel special?" He asks back, pulling his lip between his teeth.
"Very special." I confirm.
"I think you need a nap. You're starting to sound a little crazy." He grabs my wrists with his hands and brings them up to link around his neck as I'm dropped gently back onto the bed.
"Also, you need to stop rambling to me and start brainstorming your defense about how amazing I am for when you ask your parole officer if you can come to France with me. This is a lot of pre-planning that we need to take into consideration."
"It will definitely take some pre-planning. I can't think of one nice thing to say about you." I purse my lips playfully and end up in a fit of laughter as Harry attacks my face and neck with playful kisses as he grumbles on about how I'm a liar and that of course there's a million things I could name I like about him.
He's sadly correct. I could probably think of two million things to say that I like about him. It's becoming slightly scary just how much I like him.
✺
On Friday afternoon, Harry and I travel in his car to a building downtown where I was instructed to meet my parole officer. It seems to take us ages to get there, but as soon as we arrive, Harry's hand is resting comfortingly on the small of my back as he leads me inside the tall building.
Everything seems to pass by in a blur as we check in, walk through security at the entrance of the building, then get seated in a lobby to wait. As soon as my parole officers bald head emerges from one of the doors I'm left in a state of slight disgust. Every time in the past that I've seen him it's been under bad circumstances and it's almost a mental state each time he's near me to be upset and worried.
"Kate, good to see you. Who's this?" He greets in his typical firm voice as he approaches us. I stand from my seat and so does Harry.
"This is Harry. The one I told you about on the phone." I answer, glancing up at Jeff with a slight scowl. He knows exactly why he's here. He came to Chicago specifically for this meeting and now he's acting clueless.
"Right, Harry. You two follow me." He leads us back into the room he came out of and I immediately feel intimidated.
Surrounding us is an extremely official conference room that's bland colors frighten me more than anything. Jeff takes a seat in the chair across the table while Harry and I sit down side by side across from him.
A half hour passes of him asking me simple questions about my life in Chicago, stating its mandatory for him to check up on me while he's in town. I feel slightly embarrassed for Harry to be sitting in on a meeting with my parole officer and having to hear every minuscule detail about the regulations put on my life due to a crime I didn't commit. He's comforting though and seems to know exactly the times when to hold my hand under the table, and also when to look away to pretend like he can't hear every time I stutter with my answers due to Jeff's emotionless personality that oddly frightens me.
When it finally comes time for us to discuss the entire reason we arranged the meeting, I sit back and keep my head down for most of the time. Harry does a majority of the talking and makes his intelligence known in the room with every word he speaks. I'm more thankful than ever for his professional personality when he presents the idea to Jeff that since I can't go back to Florida for the holiday, the alternative would be to visit elsewhere. As soon as the proposal is laid out on the table, I notice the shift in Jeff's mood. He's gone from his typical hard-surfaced self to somehow even more strict.
As soon as Jeff speaks the dreadful words, my mind has shifted from listening occasionally to blocking out every word he says. I'm slumped back in my seat analyzing each second of the conversation leading up to him to rejecting my proposal to escape with Harry for the holiday. Harry continues to converse with him with I stay silent and ignore every second of the painful moments passing leading up to us being excused from the meeting.
On the way back to the dorms, Harry stays silent and allows me my peace. I sit in the passenger seat with my head pressed to the cold glass of the window and my eyes closed to block out all of my surroundings. My emotions aren't uprooted from not being able to go to France with Harry. It's the unexplainable feeling of having no freedom or control of my life because of someone else who screwed me over and now rules my every move.
"Are you awake?" At some point I feel a soft nudge against my shoulder and finally snap out of my trance to look up at Harry. Darkness is surrounding us completely, but I can tell we're in the campus parking lot near the dorms.
"Yeah, sorta." I mumble back. He cracks a small smile and nods understandingly while staring at me.
"You okay?" He asks after a moment. His hand moves up from his side to tuck some hair behind my ear while we continue to stare at each other.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just feel bad that you put off planning your entire trip for me and I can't go with you."
"Don't feel bad. It's not your fault and neither of us could have changed the outcome. Plus, I'm not even sure if I'll go now. It's probably better that I haven't booked the plane ticket so that I can still change my mind." He unbuckles his seatbelt to lean in closer to me while my brows furrow together.
"You're not canceling your trip because of me. You need to go home and see your family while you have the opportunity." I press my hands against his chest to stop him as he moves in with his lips puckered. I successfully stop the kiss long enough for him to glance up at me through his long lashes.
"This isn't the last time I'll ever have the chance to go home. And, if I had to choose between going home and being alone with my family for a week or staying here and having you sleep over at my apartment for a week, which do you think is the obvious choice? The last thing I'm going to do is leave you here all alone on Christmas." I feel his hands move down to caress my hips and I turn further in the seat to face him. Our faces are inches apart, but I like the close proximity. It's intimate and our low voices are the exact comfort I need.
"I don't think you understand what I would sacrifice just to have the opportunity to fly home and see my family for one hour. I know it's unreasonable for me to compare our situations, but I don't think it's right for you to skip seeing your family for me."
"You're putting far too much thought into this, babe. I'm not making some grand sacrifice. My parents are probably equally as happy to mail me a Christmas card as they would be to fly me home and have me in their hair for a week. I know it seems stupid since you can't decide whether or not you want to go home, but it's not a big deal to me either way. Now can we please stop talking about me? We could make out in the back of the car like teens before I walk you back to your dorm. You can't tell me that doesn't sound like fun." He nudges me playfully and I finally manage to giggle along with him.
"Fine. We'll discuss this more tomorrow though, okay?" I eye him in return and he nods in agreement.
✺
Authors note: I know that some of you will prob be disappointed that Kate can't go to France but I'm trying not to make this story all rainbows and butterflies and perfect all the time
But because of that tbh something even better happens for Harry and Kate in the upcoming chapters :-)))