One Shots 3.0 [boyxboy]

Schoolboy Crush

The best part of my day is walking to and from school. Because for twenty precious minutes each way, I get to be around Doyle Wilson.

Doyle lives a block away from me, and our parents are friends. We grew up having play dates a couple of times a month and going to each others' family parties, so even though we're not terribly close I like to think that we're pretty old friends. Well. As old a friend as you can have at sixteen.

Doyle goes to the local public school for our district and I go the private one three blocks down on scholarship. So even though we don't have any classes together, or get to hang out during lunch, we do walk with one another most mornings.

Typically I leave my house at seven-thirty and pick him up outside his five minutes later; then we walk into town and along Main Street, up Willow Hill and across the bridge to Willow Hill High, then I continue alone to Dalton Academy even though my classes start a half hour earlier than his do.

This started last year when for a couple of weeks I happened to be passing his house at the same time as he was leaving. He had a bunch of projects due that he was behind on, and wanted to get to school early to work on them. After a month of this I laughingly asked him how many projects exactly his teachers thought their students were capable of and, looking surprised, he said, 'Oh, no, I finished those weeks ago. I just prefer walking in with you than alone.'

This made me happier than it should have and I took a few days to reflect on that, coming out the other side with the troubling realisation that I was developing feelings for him. This was kind of jarring because I was also just coming to terms with the possibility that I liked boys, and so to have an actual human to focus these feelings on shook me a bit.

Still, I kept quiet about it and made sure not to act any differently around him, keeping any emotions or daydreams I had about him well in check. It wasn't just that he was physically attractive and fit pretty firmly into what it became clear my "type" was - athletic, slim, dark featured - he was also funny, and charming, and kind, and intelligent, and entertaining, and engaging, and I wasn't about to fuck up the good fortune of being his friend just because of some pesky romantic urges knocking around in the back of my brain.

It wasn't until close to the end of our junior year that Doyle and I began hanging out more than just on these walks to school, and it started on a Friday. It was late April and the weather was just nice enough that we didn't have to wear our jackets every day; weak, watery sunshine broke through the gaps in the leafy trees as we approached the bottom of Willow Hill. I got a text.

'What's up?' Doyle asked, glancing over at me casually as I let out a small noise of surprise.

'It's from the office at school,' I told him; the text alert system was relatively new and I was still surprised every time I got one reminding me about sports events or assemblies. 'My first class is cancelled.'

'Sick,' he said appreciatively as we climbed the hill. Cars belonging to the wealthy students at my school passed us as we struggled on the steep incline, a couple honking and laughing as I tried not to sweat through my uniform. I'm pretty invisible when I'm at school, like the other scholarship students, but when they see me walking anywhere in my uniform instead of driving there in a goddamn Lexus they know I'm poor. Fortunately or unfortunately, both Doyle and I are used to this by now and it's since faded to background noise. 'Will you have to do independent study or something instead?'

I shook my head. 'Just have the time free, I think.'

'Oh, cool!' he exclaimed, as we finally broke the top of the hill and strolled more easily across the bridge. 'You should come meet some of my friends then. You can hang out until we start class.'

I looked down at my blazer with the Dalton Academy crest on the lapel dubiously. 'Is that a good idea?' I hedged. 'Couldn't I get in trouble for being on the grounds?'

Doyle shrugged. 'Nah. That kind of elitism only exists at your school.'

I made a face and elbowed him, but followed him through the gates of his school trying desperately not to stand out - pretty impossible considering what I was wearing, when everyone else was in street clothes.

We rounded a corner and I saw some picnic benches by the edge of a green area where a group of kids were playing soccer, using bunched up jackets as goal posts. Doyle raised a hand over his head and some of the people on the benches waved back, beckoning him over.

They exchanged greetings and then Doyle gestured to me. 'This is Adam,' he said. 'Adam, this is everyone.'

They smiled and said hi and took turns introducing themselves; Melanie, Jason, Imran, Trevor, Jessica, Becky. I immediately forgot which name belonged to who and hoped it wouldn't come up.

'So you're Doyle's fancy private school friend,' one of them said cheerfully.

Doyle emitted a tsk of impatience. 'He lives on my street,' he said. 'He's not that fancy.'

'I'm really not,' I confirmed.

'Sure you are. That blazer is working it's ass off for you,' one of the girls joked, grinning. 'Why are you slumming it with us public school plebs today?'

'One of my morning classes got cancelled,' I explained. 'So I thought I'd run a quick anthropological study on the early morning behaviour of working class youths in their natural environment before reporting back to the Academy with my preliminary findings.'

Seven pairs of eyes stared back at me while I waited for the joke to land; after a couple of seconds the girl who'd mentioned my blazer, Becky I think, let out a sharp breath of amusement and soon they were all laughing.

'You're such a freak, Adam,' Doyle muttered, rolling his eyes.

I sat and chatted easily with them for a few minutes until some of the kids playing soccer noticed Doyle had arrived and started shouting at him to join them; he jogged over and I felt a moment of discomfort that he'd abandoned me with strangers but then I heard him calling my name.

'We need one more,' he explained from fifteen feet away. 'You in?'

I glanced quickly at the time; I could play for a few minutes before I had to leave in order to make it to school for my second class. I nodded, standing up and shrugging off my blazer, folding it carefully while Doyle's friends jeered at me, but I would be in more trouble than was worth it if I turned up at Dalton with it wrinkled or dirty.

I followed him to where he was standing with a group of the other boys, loosening my school tie and undoing the top couple of buttons on my shirt as I went. He didn't do much other than to point out which goal I was scoring in, leaving it to me to figure out who else was on my team. He and another boy shuffled the ball back and forth between them a couple of times before he tried to dance past me with it but, light on my feet, I stole it and dribbled it around the edge of what I perceived to be the sidelines before pausing to glance around and then shooting for the goal. The kid who'd been standing there watching me dived for it but missed and it sailed past him easily.

I was accosted by a couple of the others, laughing and messing up my hair, and Doyle's friends on the picnic benches cheered, half making fun of me.

We continued to play for fifteen minutes until the bell rang signalling they had to get to class and I really needed to go to make it to school on time as well.

Doyle sidled up to me as we made our way back to his friends and slung an arm around my shoulders. 'I thought you were on an academic scholarship, not an athletic one,' he joked, and I laughed.

'I am, I'm just really good at everything,' I told him, and he shoved me off, laughing.

I pulled my blazer back on as he and his friends gathered their things and they all uttered goodbyes and nice-to-meet-yous.

'See you this evening?' he checked as I was about to leave, and I felt that warm flush in my tummy that I always do when he makes or confirms plans with me. Keeping my face carefully neutral, I smiled and nodded.

I suppose one of the other reasons I zeroed in on Doyle with all of my stupid feelings is because he makes up about seventy percent of my social interaction. I'm not terribly bad at communication or social situations in general, and I have a few casual friends at Dalton, but nobody I'm super close to. Even though we all wear the same uniform, I stand out there with my $10 haircut and my second-hand textbooks. I sit with the other scholarship students at lunch and get on with them okay, but we don't spend a lot of time together outside of school.

I'm pretty much okay with this. I straddle the line pretty evenly between introvert and extrovert; I like spending time with other people and I would't say no to a group of friends, but I'm also not sitting at home every night crying into my pillow that nobody likes me. I fill my weekends with homework and study, I watch TV and read a lot, I hang out with my older sister.

Which was why I was kind of surprised when Doyle fell into step beside me that evening as we walked home and grinned broadly at me, asking me what my plans were for the following day - Saturday.

'Uh,' I mumbled, trying to think of a harmless but interesting lie to tell but coming up blank. 'Not much. Why?'

'You were kind of a hit with my friends, they wanted to know if you'd come hang with us at the park.'

'Oh,' I said stupidly. 'Yeah, okay. Sounds good.'

He kept grinning at me and I shot him a look.

'What?' I asked flatly. 'I feel like you're tricking me or something.'

'I'm not tricking you,' he assured me, laughing and holding up his hands innocently. 'You were especially a hit with one of the girls, is all.'

Great. 'Oh,' I said stupidly, again. Then, because it seemed like what a straight person would say, 'Which one?'

'I can't tell you that dude, come on. Anyway she asked me if you were seeing somebody and I realised I had no idea. You're not, right? I feel like it would have come up if you were.'

The idea that I might have managed to score a date with anybody that went to my school was laughable, but I tried not to let him see that. 'I'm not,' I confirmed, before mentally kicking myself as I realised that I should have said I was. Now I was going to have to come up with some other reason why I couldn't date his friend.

Or.

I could just... Do it. Date her. A world of possibilities filled with friendship and social engagement opened up in front of me before I quickly shut it again, inwardly rolling my eyes. That was stupid. I was full of stupid today.

'Come round mine at, let's say midday. We can walk together,' Doyle was saying as we descended Willow Hill, and I found myself agreeing.

Duly, I rocked up at his at the appointed time; he was leaning against the wall that enclosed his tiny garden and messing on his phone, looking up when I approached and seeming surprised.

'What?' I asked, and he grinned.

'Nothing. Sorry. I'm just not used to seeing you out of that uniform. I was half expecting you to be wearing it.'

I looked down at what I was wearing - soft grey sweater over some black jeans and my sneakers - kind of dubiously before giving him the once over. He had on a similar outfit to mine and I decided I hadn't committed any faux pas yet.

'Come on,' he said, slipping his phone into his pocket and pushing himself off the wall. 'Can't keep your date waiting.'

'Fucking hell, Doyle,' I muttered. 'Pushy much?'

He laughed. 'I'm just messing with you. I won't say anything, I promise. Nobody will make anything awkward. Everyone just wants to hang out with you again.'

When we got to the park most of Doyle's friends were already there, and they brightened when they saw us coming, calling our names. I wondered that I could be so popular with his friends already and still not have any of my own.

We settled ourselves on the grass with them; they were sitting by the fountain and it was another sunny, trying-to-be-warm, late-April day. The water gurgled as little kids played and screamed and birds hopped from branch to branch in the trees above us.

Doyle and the others started talking about their classes, complaining about homework and pop quizzes and the end-of-years exams they had coming up, and I tried to figure out which of his friends was into me so I could then begin work on figuring out what to do about it.

It soon became evident that it was probably Becky. She made more of an effort than the others, including Doyle, to make sure I was included in the conversation and didn't feel left out; she made a lot of eye contact with me; whenever anybody said anything funny she looked at me to check that I was laughing too.

This was frustrating because I appreciated her efforts at inclusiveness; because she was funny and obviously clever; and because objectively speaking she was super hot, just... Not my type.

We hung out there for a few hours, until the sun started to set and it became too cold for us to be outside.

'Let's get some food,' Doyle suggested. 'I haven't eaten since breakfast.'

'Yeah,' Jessica joked, poking him in his flat tummy. 'Except you probably had two bowls of Cheerios, one of Lucky Charms, four slices of toast with a fried egg and three pieces of bacon, two cups of milky, sugary coffee, and a Hershey bar.'

The others were laughing as Doyle tried to remain dignified. 'I am a growing boy,' he defended himself, leading us out of the park through the dimming light towards a McDonald's. We all squeezed into one booth while Doyle and Jessica went to order for everyone, and I found myself, by destiny or design, next to Becky.

'So what's it like going to Dalton?' she asked conversationally.

I shrugged. 'I guess it's kind of intense. All excellence, all the time.'

'I'm not sure how I'd feel having to wear a uniform everyday,' Melanie mused from across the booth. 'But I sure like looking at the boys who do.'

'You and me both,' Becky agreed, laughing.

'There's just something about a boy in a blazer. I don't know what it is.'

'If we talked about girls in uniform like this, you guys would shut that shit down so fast,' Trevor muttered, shaking his head.

'Yeah,' Imran agreed. 'Plus, he's sitting right here,' he gestured emphatically at me. 'And he's not a piece of meat!'

'You're just jealous we don't talk about you like that,' Melanie teased him.

'I just feel really objectified right now,' Imran stated, pretending to be uncomfortable and making everyone laugh as Doyle and Jessica returned carrying trays of fries and burgers.

'Oh, hey, Adam,' Doyle said, leaning around the others to look at me and making my heart jump. 'I meant to tell you, the jocks were pretty into your mad soccer skills.' I knew he was making fun of me, so I just made a face at him and he laughed. 'No but seriously, you should come play with us sometime.'

I shrugged one shoulder easily. 'Okay,' I said. 'Sure.'

'Oh!' Becky exclaimed, grabbing everyone's attention. 'Yeah, you should come hang out at our school in the mornings!'

'I dunno, dude,' Doyle said doubtfully. 'We'd all have to get up like an hour earlier.'

'Okay,' Becky conceded, seeing the negative facial expressions. 'But at least a couple of times a week.'

This went across a lot better and they looked to me for confirmation; once again I shrugged and agreed.

'Let's call it Thursdays and Fridays,' Doyle said. 'I'm not getting up that early at the beginning of the week.'

Which was how I found myself falling out of bed at six every Thursday and Friday morning for the next several weeks, stumbling around in the early morning sunshine with sleep still blurring my vision, trying to get dressed and make sure I had all the books I needed for the day even though my brain was fogged with exhaustion.

It was worth it though and I never complained; as soon as I saw Doyle sitting blearily on the stone wall outside his house looking as tired as I felt, I brightened and the ropes of fatigue fell away.

'You and Becky better end up married,' he muttered to me one morning. 'I've never put this much effort into a relationship before and I'm not even in it.'

My mouth went dry as, not for the first time, I tried to ignore the sensations of guilt and discomfort that coiled in my stomach every time he commented on Becky and I like that. She hadn't made a move, or been overly attentive, or done anything to make me uncomfortable - she was just friendly and sweet and liked having me around. But everyone knew at this point that she had a thing for me and it would almost have been easier if she had said something so I could have shut it down. Although - and this was the dark, fucked up part of me - a little voice told me that as soon as that happened I would lose out on these early morning meetings, lose out on these budding friendships, and possibly even lose out on Doyle.

'You never told me whether you were seeing anyone,' I said now, deflecting like I always did when he brought up Becky. I was sure he noticed but he never pushed it.

He shrugged. 'I'm not.'

'Not Jessica?' I asked, looking at him sideways and trying to come across like I was making fun of him and that I didn't really care.

He shrugged again. 'We hook up sometimes. It's really fucking stupid because if it ever went south it would be nuclear for all our friends. But I don't think either of us is in any danger of catching the feels.'

'Why not?'

Another shrug. 'I'm just not into her like that. She says she's not into me like that either and I trust that she's telling the truth.'

I dropped it, not wanting to be sneaky and try to get more details for my own sick reasons, and also because their obvious open communication was making me feel even more guilty about stringing Becky along.

When we arrived at Willow Hill High and made our way to our usual picnic bench I decided, with my heart in my mouth, that today was the day. It was Friday, so even if it went poorly I'd have the weekend to recover.

She and the others brightened when they saw us coming and Doyle sat heavily between Imran and Melanie, but I remained standing over Becky and she looked up at me curiously.

'Hey,' I said, trying and doing a pretty good job of not sounding anxious.

'Hey,' she replied, smiling.

'Can I talk to you for a minute?'

Her smile became a little nervous at that but she nodded and stood up, leading me away from her friends while they jeered and catcalled at us suggestively.

'Ignore them,' she counselled me, and we sat under an oak tree at the edge of the school grounds, away from any of the other students who'd turned up this early. 'What's up?'

I felt pretty out of my depth, I'd never had to do anything like this before, but I figured if either one of us had the right to feel uncomfortable here it was her so I tried my best to stay calm and normal. At the very least if this was the end of my brief experiment with friendship I wanted to go out with dignity.

'Okay,' I said, gathering my thoughts. 'So I don't want to be presumptuous here or seem like I'm all about myself but I kind of feel like... I mean, you're... Into me, right?'

'Oh,' Becky said, surprised and embarrassed. I think she'd known this was where the conversation was going but I don't think she'd expected me to be so blunt about it. 'Um. Yeah. I guess I am.'

'Right,' I said, doing my best not to seem awkward. 'So here's the thing. I really like you and I think you're great and I've really been having a good time getting to know you but I'm kind of not... Available.'

'Oh,' she said again, even more surprised and frowning now. 'I didn't know you were seeing somebody. I'm really sorry Adam, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.'

'You didn't,' I said quickly. 'Really you didn't, I wouldn't have known at all if Doyle hadn't mentioned it. He didn't rat you out,' I assured her. 'He just said there was someone.'

'Okay,' she said haltingly, looking down at her hands, but then back up at me. 'So who's the girl then, how come you've never mentioned her?'

I took a deep breath. I'd expected coming into this that I may have to tell her the truth, or part of it anyway, but that didn't make it any easier. 'There isn't a girl,' I said. 'I'm not seeing anybody. I'm just not... Available. To you.'

I waited for a minute and then Becky's eyes widened as she caught my meaning. 'Oh my god,' she gasped. 'You're...?'

I nodded.

'Oh my god,' she said again. 'Why didn't Doyle tell me to back off?'

I just looked at her, waiting.

'Oh!' She lowered her voice even further, even though there was nobody near enough to hear us. 'He doesn't know?'

I shook my head.

'Does anybody know?'

'My family knows. That's it.'

'I'm the first person outside of your family that you're telling?!' she asked in a shocked whisper.

I shrugged uncomfortably. 'I don't mean to burden you with it,' I told her. 'I just wanted to be honest. I do think you're really great and I mean, if I was straight...' I trailed off. 'I just didn't want you to think it was because there was something wrong with you.'

'Oh, Adam,' she said, leaning forward and taking my hands in hers. 'It's not a burden. And I won't tell anybody, so don't worry about that, okay?'

'Thanks,' I said. 'I really appreciate that. Are you okay? I didn't want to make you feel bad.'

'Oh, don't worry about that,' she said, smiling and looking down. 'I'm obviously mortified but I'll get over it.'

'Oh, don't be,' I said evenly. 'It's completely understandable that you'd be into me, I'm more surprised when people aren't.'

Becky shook her head and laughed. 'Shut up,' she instructed me. 'So, as soon as you leave they're going to ask me how it went and whether we're going on a date or getting together. Is it chill with you if I just tell them you're not available?'

I shrugged. 'Sure. And hey, if you don't want me coming down here in the mornings anymore or hanging with you guys on the weekend I understand,' I added awkwardly.

'Oh my god, Adam, shut up,' she said again. 'I'm not that petty or ridiculous.'

We made our way back over to the others and I left, saying quick goodbyes and confirming with Doyle that I'd meet him after school, pretending not to notice their curious expressions and how they dived on Becky as soon as I was out of earshot.

When Doyle fell into step with me that evening as I passed Willow Hill High, he shouldered me roughly and I tripped to the side, making a face at him.

'What was that for?' I demanded, righting myself.

'Lying,' he said archly, as we made our way across the bridge. 'You told me you weren't seeing anybody. So either you lied to me, or you lied to Becky this morning. Either way, you're a liar.'

'I'm not a liar. I'm not seeing anybody. Becky knows I'm not.'

'Then what does "unavailable" mean?' he asked, frustrated.

'Just... Unavailable. Not on the market.'

He narrowed his eyes at me. 'You like somebody else,' he deduced shrewdly as we tripped down Willow Hill.

'Okay,' I settled for saying, because I didn't want to confirm or deny.

'Who is it? Melanie?' He squinted at me. 'Jessica? Is that why you were asking about her this morning?'

I shot him a look, annoyed. 'I wouldn't,' I told him. 'It's not either of them.'

Losing interest when he figured it wasn't somebody he knew, Doyle's attention wandered away from me and my love life and he changed the subject to our weekend plans. I left him at his house with a promise to pick him up there again the following afternoon and made my way home, letting myself in and shouting a greeting to my sister, who was the only other person home this early.

I found her in the kitchen getting started on dinner and dropped my backpack by the window, shrugging off my blazer and loosening my tie before taking over chopping board duty while she kept vigil over the stove.

'You seem a lot happier lately,' she said carefully after we'd chatted for a few minutes, and I could tell that this was something she'd been thinking about broaching for a while. I wasn't sure how to respond to this so I just shrugged. 'You've been spending a lot of time with Doyle?'

'Yeah,' I said flatly, knowing where this going. 'And his friends. All of them. Together. At the same time.'

Megan tried to hide her smile, knowing that I was deflecting. 'Just be careful,' she said after a moment. 'Don't go putting that heart of yours in unnecessary danger.'

It was quite a bit too late for that though, and as May transitioned slowly into June and our exams approached, I found my schoolboy crush on Doyle was rapidly turning into something else.

One Thursday as we all settled into our usual seats at the picnic table the conversation turned to their junior prom, who they were taking and what they were going to wear.

'Sneakers,' Jessica said seriously. 'I want to dance all night, and I can't do that in heels.'

'Faulty woman,' Trevor accused her jokingly. 'That ability should be inherent.'

Jessica made a face at him as Melanie groaned quietly. 'I can't dance in heels either. I can't even dance. Please let's not talk about dancing.'

The others grinned and Jason asked, 'Your mom still isn't letting up with the first dance thing, then?'

'No, and even if I could afford lessons there isn't any time, what with all the studying I have to do this month. I've been trying to learn from YouTube videos but trying to waltz alone in my room is ridiculous.'

'I'm missing something,' I piped up, and Melanie turned to me, sighing.

'Well you know how my mom is getting married in July?' I nodded. 'She wants to do the first dance thing, but she wants me and Lewis to dance at the same time.' Lewis was Melanie's mom's fiance's twelve year old son. 'Except I can't dance and Lewis refuses to practice with me.'

'I can give you some tips if you like,' I offered, which caused a bigger reaction than I was expecting. The others all looked at me in surprise.

'Oh my god,' Becky said, realisation hitting her. 'Don't tell me they teach you guys how to ballroom dance at that fancy school of yours.'

I turned to her, pretending to be shocked. 'Of course they do,' I said deadpan. 'How else is everybody going to get ready for cotillion?'

This caused everybody to laugh until half of them were crying.

'We had to take a few classes during gym,' I explained, once they began to quieten down. 'Which was ridiculous, because we were all in our sweats. But I can show you the basics, if you like,' I added to Melanie.

'Please,' she stated emphatically. I took a quick look at the time; I had about twenty minutes before I had to leave so I stood up and went around the table to where she was sitting, bending at the waist to offer her my hand and, beaming, she put her fingers on mine and I pulled her up. 'I'm going to be terrible,' she warned me, as I positioned her body correctly in front of mine and took one of her hands, directing the other to my shoulder.

'Can you count to three and move your feet from left to right?' I asked.

'Yes...' she responded cagily.

'Then you'll be fine. Okay, here we go. Count with me, okay?' I started counting in sets of three and she joined in as I gently steered her this way and that. 'Don't look down. Keep looking at me. Imagine we're moving inside a square,' I suggested, as she tried not to trip over my feet. 'From one corner to another and then across it diagonally. Like this.' I demonstrated. 'See?' It didn't take long before she started to get it and soon she laughing and marvelling that she'd managed to learn it at all.

'This is amazing,' she gushed. 'When do I get to learn the complicated stuff?'

'Complicated stuff?' I asked, laughing. 'You mean like twirling and dipping and all that?'

'Yeah!' She spun around slowly with her hands out, pretending she was wearing a ballgown and holding her head stiffly.

'That might be a bit too complicated for the next...' I looked at the time. 'Seven minutes. Come here.' She came back to stand in front of me happily and I took her by the hand and waist again. 'Close your eyes,' I suggested, figuring if she kept them open she'd get dizzy or look down at her feet and trip. She did as I said and I started spinning us slowly, getting faster and faster as she laughed and the others did too until I eventually slipped the hand on her waist around to her lower back and dipped her.

'Oh my god!' she exclaimed once I set her upright again. 'That was incredible!' She started fanning herself with one hand; she was red in the face from exertion but similarly flushed with happiness.

'There might be something to this fancy private school business after all,' Trevor joked, as he and the others all looked at us. I glanced quickly at Doyle; he was looking at me with slightly narrowed eyes. 'If it turns girls into that.'

'We can practice again in the morning if you like,' I told Melanie as I gathered my things, in a rush now to make it to class on time.

'Oh, yes please, that would be so great,' she agreed, still grinning broadly. 'Maybe on Saturday too?'

'Can't,' I said, shrugging apologetically. 'I have a school thing.'

'What kind of school thing happens on a Saturday?' Jessica wondered.

'Just a thing. See you later?' I asked, turning to Doyle, who was still looking at me suspiciously.

'Sure.'

When I met him later he shouldered me again.

'What did I do this time?' I asked sullenly, rubbing my upper arm as we started across the bridge.

'Still lying,' he replied. 'You said you weren't into Melanie, but I think you are.'

I laughed incredulously. 'I swear I'm not,' I told him. 'I'm not into any of your friends, I promise.'

Doyle scowled at me, and I'm not sure he believed me, but seemed to let it go.

'Why do you keep calling them my friends?' he asked, mercifully changing the subject.

'Are they not your friends?' I asked jokingly.

He shrugged. 'Yeah. But they're your friends too.'

I tried not to let my reaction to this show on the outside but I hadn't been expecting it and couldn't stop the slight choking sound that happened in my windpipe. I knew he'd noticed when he slid his glance over to me sideways, looking suspicious.

'Oh my god,' he said slowly, then loudly, accusingly, 'You don't have any friends!' I didn't say anything and didn't look at him, and he punched me hard on the arm.

'Ow!' I snapped, rubbing my arm again. 'Stop hitting me!'

'You're such an idiot, Adam,' he said sourly. 'You still wouldn't have any friends if your class hadn't gotten cancelled that day. Or if Becky didn't have a crush on you, even. Why didn't you tell me?'

'Tell you what? That I don't have friends?'

'Yeah.'

'Because that would be a really weird and awkward thing to say? I wasn't expecting you to fix it.'

Doyle kept looking at me with a sour expression on his face for a couple of seconds but then, as is his wont, he swiftly changed the subject.

'So what's your thing on Saturday anyway? You never said anything about not being able to hang out.'

'Just a school thing. It'll take most of the afternoon but I could probably chill on Sunday if you want.'

'You're being real fucking cagey about whatever you're doing on Saturday,' he said, ignoring my deflection. 'Is it really a school thing or are you doing something with the girl you like from your school?'

'It's really a school thing,' I promised. 'Just something I have to do for my scholarship. It's not a big deal.'

'What is it?'

There wasn't really any deflecting I could do from there, so I sighed and said, 'Just a competition thing. Like a decathlon but within the group of private schools Dalton is a member of.'

'This feels like it might be a big deal but you're downplaying it,' Doyle accused me.

'It's really not.'

'Except that it's at the end of the year, which means it's the end of the competition, which means it has to be the final. And Dalton is an elite school in a group of elite schools, so to get to the final must be really hard.' He stopped walking and punched me on the arm again.

I rounded on him furiously. 'Doyle, I swear to god!' I shouted, grabbing at my bicep and rubbing it, but he was ignoring me.

'It is a big deal,' he said archly. 'You're going to win an elite academic competition tomorrow and you didn't want any of us to know.'

I glowered at him but started walking again, and so did he.

'You didn't want us to come and watch,' he went on.

'Of course I didn't,' I snapped. 'You'd be bored out of your mind.'

'Why? Because we wouldn't be able to understand anything that was going on because we're all dumber than you?'

I scowled at him. 'Where did that come from? I've never said anything like that.'

Doyle tsked impatiently but apologised. 'Sorry. I'm just annoyed at you. You're being very annoying today.'

'I'm not the only one,' I muttered, rubbing my arm pointedly. 'Just don't tell the others, okay? I really don't want to make a big deal out of it. It really is just something I have to do for my scholarship, I'm not emotionally invested.'

Doyle looked like he wanted to argue but eventually shrugged and acquiesced. 'Fine. I won't say anything. Even though they're your friends and they care about you and they would want to support you. But it's up to you. I won't tell them.'

'Thank you,' I muttered as we drew level with his house, not taking his bait. 'See you tomorrow.'

I hadn't exactly being lying when I'd told him I wasn't emotionally invested in the competition - I cared obviously, but it wasn't exactly something I was passionate about - but that didn't mean I hadn't been spending every spare moment studying for it. I wasn't the only one with my head almost perpetually stuffed in a book however; we all had exams coming up and when Doyle and I arrived at his school early the following morning Jason and Imran were working on sociology while Jessica poured over her French book and Trevor groaned quietly into his algebra notes.

I sat down next to him while I waited for Melanie, and he slowly dropped his head onto his binder in defeat.

'Useless,' he muttered. 'This is useless. I'm never going to get this.'

'Can I see?' I asked, and he lifted his head as I scooted closer to tilt my head and look at his notes. 'These are all over the place,' I told him. 'No wonder you don't get it. Here, this is all wrong.' I took his pencil and tore a clean page from his binder, rewriting everything he had written in the correct order and explaining it as I went. 'Get it?' I asked when I was finished.

Trevor looked pretty astonished. 'I think I actually do,' he said cautiously.

'Are you having trouble with any of the rest of it?'

'Try all of it,' he muttered. 'My teacher sucks, he spent a week on this stuff and you just explained it to me in five minutes.'

'When's your exam? I can talk you through the rest of it at some point if you like.'

'Next week,' he said. 'Are you serious? I mean,' he shifted uncomfortably. 'I can't pay you or anything.'

'I couldn't possibly deny the world my talents by charging for them,' I told him soberly. 'You can come round mine for a few hours on Sunday if you like,' I told him as Melanie finally appeared and dropped her bag, standing brightly to attention and waiting for me to get up.

'You're a lifesaver,' Trevor said gratefully as I stood and glanced briefly at Doyle; he had that suspicious look on his face again and I was worried he was going to use this as an opportunity to tell them about my competition but he saw me looking and sucked his lips into his mouth exaggeratedly.

'Ready?' I asked Melanie, turning away from him, and she nodded excitedly. She'd remembered everything pretty well from the previous day so I had her practice leading with Becky, since Lewis probably wouldn't be able to, and they both eventually collapsed in laughter by the time I had to leave.

'I don't know how you managed to make this fun,' Melanie said, shaking her head. 'But you are a lifesaver, thank you.'

'Don't mention it,' I said, heaving my backpack onto my shoulder and turning to leave.

'See you later,' Doyle called after me, and there was something in his voice I couldn't quite identify.

'I'm not into Trevor,' I pre-empted him later as he joined me outside his school gates, and he looked at me in surprise.

'What?'

I shrugged, regretting my impulsive decision to lampshade my situation, but then he grinned, getting it.

'Oh,' he said, and rolled his eyes. 'Hilarious. To be fair, you had your hands all over Melanie yesterday. It was a rational assumption.'

I didn't bother to fight him on it.

'You all ready for tomorrow?' he asked conversationally.

I shrugged. 'Sure. I'm not worried about it, at any rate.'

'I wonder what it must be like to be so good at everything,' Doyle mused, and I couldn't tell if he was making fun of me or being nasty.

'There are things I suck at,' I assured him quietly. 'I didn't have any friends until a month ago, remember?'

He glanced over at me sideways and I wasn't sure how he was going to react, but eventually he smiled. 'You do suck at that,' he said. 'Considering you won't even tell them about your competition. But don't worry,' he went on, slinging an arm across my shoulders cheerfully and causing my heart to jump. 'You can learn from me. I am an excellent friend.'

'Yeah, you are,' I said softly before I could stop myself, but he chose not to jump on it and just smiled at me.

I woke early the following morning and spent it studying before making my way to school in the afternoon. As I passed Doyle's house, he was leaning against the wall.

'Hey,' I said when I saw him. 'What are you doing out here?'

'Waiting for you, obviously,' he said, pushing himself upright and falling into step with me.

'Right,' I said tersely. 'So my fine for not telling the others is that you're going to come and watch the whole thing.'

'Exactly. Consider it a lesson,' he added lightly. 'In friendship.'

'Hm,' I said, stuffing my hands in my pockets and trying to tell my heart to slow down. 'Okay. But if you get bored you can leave. I won't be offended or anything.'

'I promise to remain autonomous,' he swore.

We got there a little early, since I had some prep to do with my teammates, and Doyle sat in a chair in the audience messing on his phone, waving my parents and sister over to join him when they arrived. They looked surprised but happy to see him and spent some time catching up, but I didn't miss the wide-eyed look my sister shot me, pointing at Doyle exaggeratedly while he was looking in the other direction at my dad. I burned red and made a swiping motion across my throat to get her to stop.

The other school participating in the final was Hopkins Prep and their team was captained by my nemesis, Ashton Milton. Which is to say, we hooked up once after a meet and texted a bit, but when he found out that I was both on scholarship and didn't really care about winning that much he lost interest. It wasn't exactly heartbreaking for me; I wasn't crushing on him (I had Doyle for that) but Ashton made a point of shitting on me every time he saw me since then. My sister called it "sexual tension".

The competition got started and lasted for three hours, moving through sections on math, literature, politics, and music. The final round, in which each team selected their best member to face off against one another in a rapid-fire round of general knowledge questions saw me squaring up against Ashton on either side of a single podium and I was kind of starting to see what my sister meant. Ashton was attractive, and had that slim, dark-featured thing going on that I liked. I wasn't likely to ever make the mistake of hooking up with him again but his frustration at my competency in the face of my apathy kind of amused me and it was all I could do not to laugh as he glared at me from two feet away.

In the end we won and I glanced down to where my family was sitting to see if Doyle had stayed and he had; he was grinning up at me and clapping over his head with the others.

'I took some pictures,' he said as we walked home later; my family had ducked out as soon as it was over but he'd declined their offer of a ride and waited around for me to be finished. 'Am I allowed to do that or is it like Cirque du Soleil? Anyway, it's too late, I already took them.'

'Are you talking about the competition?' I asked. 'You took pictures of me?'

'Yeah, of course. Look.' He showed me his phone and he had indeed taken a dozen photos; a couple of the regular rounds, a few more of Ashton and I facing off, and some of us receiving our trophy. 'In case you wanted to show the others at some point,' he explained.

'Oh. Yeah, maybe. Thanks.'

'So...' he said pointedly, putting his phone away. 'You and that Hopkins kid. The captain. Ashley or something.'

'Ashton,' I corrected him.

'Right.'

'What about us?' I asked, when he didn't say anything else.

'Seemed intense, is all.'

'He's not my biggest fan,' I confided.

'You sure about that?' Doyle asked, looking at me sideways, and I felt my heart jump again, my pulse start racing. I swallowed, trying to stay calm and not get caught.

'Pretty sure,' I said, and quickly changed the subject. 'Thanks for coming today. You didn't have to.'

'I know I didn't have to!' he said, laughing. 'I practically had to fight you to let me!'

We arrived at his house and he paused before heading inside, turning to pull me into a hug. This was the first time this had happened and I felt my heart jump into my mouth and my body stiffen before reminding myself that a normal person wouldn't react like that. Carefully, I let myself relax into him and hugged him back, trying to notice that his body was all pushed up against mine.

'Congratulations,' he said, smiling and releasing me. 'You were awesome.'

'Thanks,' I managed to choke, stuffing my hands back into my pockets as he disappeared into his house and I made my way towards mine.

Trevor turned up in the early afternoon the following day as planned, and he looked around curiously as I led him to my room. My parents were off work for the weekend and Megan was hanging around somewhere too, so we couldn't use the living room.

'What?' I asked, laughing, when he couldn't stop checking the place out.

'Sorry,' he said, returning his attention to me as we settled at my desk and grinning. 'I was expecting like a mansion.'

I laughed again. 'You know I'm on scholarship,' I reminded him. 'Doyle lives around the corner.'

'No, I know. I've just seen you in that uniform so often it's difficult to make the connection.'

'Don't worry about it. You ready?'

'Yeah,' he said, unzipping his backpack and taking out his notes and textbook. We settled in for a couple of hours, and I untaught him everything his teacher had spent the year trying to drill into him, showing him easier and more accessible ways of doing all of the different problems. 'This is nuts,' he said after a while, shaking his head. 'I've spent three years thinking I suck at math but actually it's just the way Mr Flint teaches. The education system is a joke. I don't suck that bad.'

'You don't suck at all,' I mused, looking over some of the problems I'd had him solve. 'You nailed all of these,' I concluded, passing the paper back to him. 'Let's take break. I'm gonna go make a sandwich, you want one?'

'Sure,' he said, starting to get up.

'You stay,' I told him. 'I'll be right back.' When I returned with the food and a couple of cans of Coke he was sitting where I'd left him, swinging idly in his chair and doing something on his phone.

'Thanks,' he said, taking one of the plates. 'That was Doyle,' he added, waving his phone at me, which was open to his messages. 'He said to let him know when we're finished, he wants to come over. Is that okay?'

I shrugged. 'Sure.'

We spent another couple of hours working through the things he found most difficult until I was confident he could pass his exam that week and declared him competent.

'You're a wizard,' he accused me as I stood up to gather the plates and empty cans to take them downstairs to the trash.

'It's not a big deal,' I assured him. 'You can text Doyle now, if you want.'

He arrived within ten minutes and Megan must have let him in because we looked up from where we'd moved to sit on my bed in surprise when he walked in without knocking.

'Hey losers,' he said after taking a second to look at us.

'Hey,' I said, beckoning him over and moving to make room. 'Come in. We were gonna watch a movie.'

He climbed on the bed and pushed himself in between Trevor and I, looking left and right between us for a minute. 'Cool,' he said eventually. 'What movie?'

We decided on one of the newer Marvel releases and settled back to watch it, sharing a bowl of popcorn and spending as much time talking as watching the film. By the time it was over it had gotten dark out and the boys started making noises about leaving.

'You can stay if you like,' I suggested distractedly as I turned off the TV and picked up the detritus we'd created while watching it; the popcorn bowl and half a dozen empty Coke cans.

'I'm down,' Doyle agreed. 'We'll have to stop by my place in the morning to get my books though.'

'Can't,' Trevor muttered regretfully. 'I live on the other side of town, I wouldn't have time to get my things for school.'

'Are you sure?' I asked. 'Megan could drive you to get your things now and bring you right back. She won't mind.'

'Nah, that's okay,' he assured me as he finished gathering his books and pulled on his jacket. 'See you tomorrow?' he said to Doyle, who nodded.

I walked him to the door and down to the end of the garden path, and he turned before leaving to hug me as well. Two hugs in as many days when I wasn't used to being this close to anybody other than family, but this one felt a lot more familial than when Doyle had done it.

'Thanks, Adam,' Trevor said, pulling away and grinning at me. 'You're a good friend.' I stared after him as he began the long walk home, before turning to make my way back inside. For whatever reason, I glanced up and saw Doyle standing in my bedroom window, looking down at me.

'There's something shady about you,' he said the second I appeared back in my room, closing the door behind me.

'What?' I asked, shaken by his accusatory tone.

'You,' he said, standing at the opposite side of the room and folding his arms over his chest. 'You're shady. You're shady as all hell. There's something you're not telling me. Or anybody. You never answer a question directly and you're the master of deflection. I thought I had it figured out with the the competition thing, but that's not it. There something else.'

I considered denying it but the idea that this kind of behaviour was somehow shady and not just me, you know, maintaining my privacy, made me feel slimy and guilty so I just looked at him and said evenly, 'Yeah. There is.'

'Well?' he demanded. 'Out with it.'

I looked down at the ground, sighing in resignation, before returning my gaze to him and giving a small shrug. 'I'm gay.'

Doyle blinked at me. 'What?'

I made a face at him. 'I know you heard me,' I snapped. 'You already made me say it once.'

He kind of deflated slightly, unfolding his arms and running a hand through his dark hair. 'Shit, Adam,' he said, taking a step towards me and then stopping. 'Now I feel like an asshole. That's not...' He trailed off, then tried again. 'I didn't...'

I shrugged again and went to sit on my bed. 'It's okay,' I said, because I couldn't think of anything else to say.

'No, it's not,' he said, coming to sit beside me. 'I'm really sorry. That was so shitty of me.'

'What did you think I was going to say?' I asked, looking up at him curiously.

He shrugged. 'I dunno. I just figured it must have been something bad if you were going to that much trouble to hide it. I didn't think. Am I the first person you've told?'

I shook my head. 'My family knows. And Becky.'

'You told Becky?'

'Why else do you think she wasn't mad that I didn't want to date her?'

'Right.' He shifted slightly. 'I can't believe you told Becky before you told me,' he said accusingly, but he was grinning and I knew he was just trying for levity.

'I'm so sorry,' I said sarcastically.

'Hey,' he said, nudging me. 'I really am sorry. For making you say it. It should have been something you wanted to tell me when you were ready. But for what it's worth, it doesn't change anything and I won't tell anyone.'

'Thanks,' I mumbled. 'It's okay. Friendship, right? I should trust you with this stuff.'

'Right,' he confirmed. 'Is it okay if I ask you some stuff?'

I shifted uncomfortably but eventually nodded. 'Okay. I retain the right to plead the fifth, though.'

'Understood. So you and that Ashley guy...'

'Ashton,' I corrected him again.

'Right. You guys are a thing?'

'God, no. We hooked up once. He's kind of an ass.'

'I think he still has the hots for you.'

'Who doesn't?'

Doyle laughed, before starting again, 'And...'

'Spit it out,' I told him, even though I was nervous because I had no idea what it was going to be and I felt kind of like I was trying to climb down wet stairs in the dark.

'You and Trevor...'

I let out a sharp breath of surprise and disbelief. 'Are you kidding? We did math together. That's all.'

'Right,' Doyle agreed, nodding.

'I haven't been lying to you about that,' I reminded him. 'I'm not into any of your friends. Our friends,' I corrected myself quickly.

'There you go,' he said, nudging me. 'You're learning.'

Things relaxed after that and we chilled and watched another movie for a couple of hours until it was definitely time for bed, and I wondered awkwardly what I should do. On one hand I didn't want to make it weird by offering to sleep on the couch but on the other I felt kind of slimy just passively letting him sleep in my bed when it meant something different for me than it did for him.

'I know what you're thinking,' he said flatly, as he moved around the room getting ready for bed and I sat on it, chewing my lip anxiously. 'And don't be ridiculous. I know that just because you're gay it doesn't mean that you're into me. Although,' he added musingly, joking, 'that Ashley dude looks a bit like me.' I made a face at him and he grinned, continuing, 'Anyway, I don't think you're going to suddenly turn into a sexual predator in the night. I have no issue sharing the bed if you don't.'

'Okay,' I agreed, not wanting to press it. 'If you're sure.'

'Of course I'm sure. Considering how awful I've been to you tonight, I'm not about to top it off with some homophobic bullshit.'

'You haven't been awful,' I told him. 'I mean, I was putting off telling you. But it's kind of a relief to have it off my chest.'

'Why were you putting off telling me, anyway? Did you think I'd be shit about it?'

'No,' I said, shaking my head. 'Just wasn't ready, I guess.'

Doyle nodded. 'That's fair enough. But for future reference, you can tell me anything.'

Nothing remarkable happened that night; we didn't wake up in the morning having somehow worked our sleeping bodies into a pretzel, though it was weird and lovely to wake up a few moments before him and see his sleeping face pressed adorably into the pillow, his long lashes brushing off his cheeks and his lips swollen from sleep.

We walked to school as usual, stopping by his place for him to quickly change his clothes and grabs his things, and nothing was different until that Friday when we rocked up to Willow Hill High and settled around the picnic table for the final time that year; it was the last day of exams and all that was left was their Junior Prom the following weekend.

As time approached for me to leave and make my way to Dalton I psyched myself up; I didn't want to chicken out and run out of time.

'So I wanted to talk to you guys about something,' I finally managed to say during a lull in conversation, and they all looked at me expectantly. I glanced at Doyle, who seemed to have figured out what I was about to do, and looked surprised but smiled encouragingly at me. Becky, who was sitting beside me, squeezed my knee under the table for a second. 'I'm not sure if Doyle told you guys, I'm not exactly popular at my school and I didn't really have any friends before you all decided to adopt me, for whatever reason. Anyway, he keeps telling me I suck at friendship and I should trust you guys more, so there are a couple of things I think I should probably come clean about.'

They were all giving me their undivided attention now, and rarely for them nobody was making fun or laughing.

'So first, I guess, is I won a competition at my school last week.' Doyle was already scrolling through his phone and placed it in the centre of the table with one of the pictures of my team with the trophy on the screen; none of us had been looking in his direction but we'd all been grinning and I guess it was a kind of nice picture. They poured over it for a few moments before Imran looked up at Doyle.

'You were there?'

'Of course I was there,' he scoffed. 'He can hide things from you guys but he can't hide them from me. We have a connection.' I knew he was joking but that didn't stop the warm flush in my tummy.

'And the other thing,' I went on, knowing I had to say it now or I'd lose my nerve, 'is kind of harder to talk about but...' I took a deep breath and finally let it out, 'I like boys.'

They stared at me for a moment, and then Jessica said, 'So that's the reason you wouldn't date Becky. I couldn't figure it out. You guys get on so well.'

'Pretty much,' I confirmed.

'"Unavailable",' Jason mused, grinning. 'I get it now.'

'Nice employment of semantics there,' Jessica commented, grinning. 'I take it he told you?' she asked, looking at Becky,

'It might have come up,' she said offhandedly, still not breaking the confidence.

'And he told me,' Doyle butted in. 'I also knew before all of you. Just saying.' Becky elbowed him, since I couldn't.

'I also have something to say,' Imran declared, clearing his throat. We turned to look at him and he took a deep breath, then admitted faux-sheepishly, 'I'm a Muslim.'

This caused everyone to laugh and shove him, until Becky said, 'In all seriousness, I also wanted to tell you guys something. I know this might come as a shock but... I'm black.' Which made everyone start laughing all over again.

Once it started dying down their attention returned to me and Melanie sighed, dropping her chin into her hands. 'I should have known no straight boy could dance like that.'

'Thanks for telling us, dude,' Trevor said.

'It's not a big deal though,' Jessica added. She reached out and put a finger on Doyle's phone, where the picture of me and my team from the competition was still on the screen. 'Stuff like this is a lot more important to us.'

'Yeah, we're a lot more interested in how your hard work and intelligence can benefit us than who you date,' Trevor interjected, waving his algebra binder at me.

'Thanks, I think,' I muttered, starting to get up and reaching for my backpack. 'I gotta go. See you guys this weekend?'

'Count on it.'

I started making my way across the grounds towards the gate but stopped when I heard somebody jogging to catch up with me and Doyle calling, 'Adam!'

'Hm?' I turned around.

He drew level with me and grinned broadly, putting his hands on my shoulders. 'I'm really proud of you,' he said, and, wonderfully, hugged me again. This time I didn't let it faze me. I leaned into it naturally and relished it, without letting myself enjoy it too much. You know. In a weird way. He pulled back and smiled at me again. 'See you after school? Last time until next September.'

I smiled back even though I felt kind of empty at the prospect; even though I knew I'd be seeing a lot more of him this summer than those before, the walk to and from school every morning with him was a ritual I loved.

'Of course.'

When I arrived back at Willow Hill High that evening he was waiting for me, and once again fell into step with me as we made our way towards the bridge.

'So what were they all saying about me after I left?' I asked, looking at him sideways and grinning.

'Absolutely nothing,' he said. 'Out of sight, out of mind.'

'That bad, huh?'

He laughed. 'Just that they never would have expected it. That was quite a bomb you dropped.'

'I dunno,' I said thoughtfully. 'I was pretty shocked to find out that Becky is black.'

He laughed and nudged me with his shoulder.

'So I guess I really do have to stop accusing you of being into my friends now,' he said thoughtfully. 'Our friends,' he amended quickly. 'I was right before though, wasn't I? There is somebody you're into.'

'There is,' I confirmed.

'And it's not Ashley?'

'It's not Ashton.'

'And it's not Trevor?'

'It's not Trevor. It's not Imran, and it's not Jason,' I went on, before he could ask, and he laughed.

'I wasn't going to suggest them,' he confided. 'They're not your type.'

I snorted. 'What do you know about my type?'

'Like that Ashley dude,' he said, as we reached the bottom of Willow Hill and started making our way through town. 'Tall, skinny, dark featured. Like me.'

My stomach clenched painfully as my heart jumped, but I furiously instructed my body not to react on the outside, stay calm, stay collected, don't give anything away.

'Hello?' Doyle was saying, elbowing me. 'Earth to Adam. I'm right, aren't I? About your type?'

I managed to shrug noncommittally. 'I guess.'

'It's okay if you don't want to tell me,' he went on. 'Who it is, I mean. That you like. But you can't stop me from trying to figure it out.'

Incredibly, he seemed to have completely missed the fact that he'd already figured it out, and was moving us both away from dangerous waters slowly.

'Go right ahead,' I told him, feeling my breathing start to return to normal.

'It must be really embarrassing,' he was saying, trying to goad me. 'Like a real loser, or some fancy toff from your school with an accent and a trust fund.'

'Not quite.'

'Oh shit,' Doyle said, snapping his fingers. 'Is it because he's straight?'

I glanced up at him, but then nodded. 'He's straight,' I confirmed.

'Shit dude, that blows,' he sympathised, making a face.

'Yeah,' I agreed.

'Whatever,' he went on, losing interest like he does once he's said all he can think of to say. 'His loss. You're coming round tomorrow right?' he double-checked as we reached his house.

I nodded again.

'Cool. The others will be here around one, but come over before that if you're bored.'

'Okay.'

I shouldn't have, but I took advantage of the offer and turned up at Doyle's an hour early the following day. He answered the door wearing the sweats he'd slept in and not much else, and I furiously instructed myself to look at his face and only his face. Except that his abs were right there.

'I can come back,' I offered dubiously, but he yawned and shook his head.

'Come on in. I swear I've been up for an hour, I just didn't have a chance to get dressed.'

'That happens to me too,' I confided, following him up the stairs to his room. 'Some days I get up and I'm just so busy I completely forget about pants.'

'Shut up,' Doyle muttered, rolling his eyes. 'I'm wearing pants.'

I settled on his bed as he rummaged around in his wardrobe and pulled on a tank; then, smirking at me, he climbed on the bed beside me and pulled his open laptop towards him, showing me the screen. I frowned in confusion when I realised he was looking at the Dalton Academy face book.

'Some borderline creepy research on the people in your class so I can figure out who the boy is,' he said. 'I've been narrowing down my suspects.'

I turned to look at him, feeling uncomfortable and slightly violated, despite the fact that he wasn't likely to find his own face there. 'Why do you care so much?' I asked, and he looked back at me, surprised.

'Sorry, dude,' he said, closing the tab. 'It was just a joke. I literally opened it after you knocked, before I let you in. I saw it was you from the window. I thought it would be funny.' He paused, clearly uncomfortable now as well. 'Sorry,' he repeated.

This explanation left me feeling like I'd overreacted and like kind of an idiot.

'It's okay,' I mumbled. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you.'

'It was a shitty joke,' he said. 'I'll stop pushing. You don't have to tell me.'

This just made me feel worse; like he thought I couldn't trust him with the name, since as far as he knew it was the name of a complete stranger that he'd never meet.

'Now you're making me feel guilty,' I muttered, leaning back on his pillows in defeat.

He shrugged. 'So just tell me then.'

'Can't,' I told him honestly.

He tsked, impatient now. 'Why not?'

I was starting to feel kind of wretched; we'd just had a whole breakthrough with me not avoiding questions and deflecting but now here I was, trying to answer honestly without telling the whole truth, and he knew it too.

'You know him,' I eventually settled on.

'So he's not one of our friends,' Doyle surmised, 'but I do know him.'

'He's not one of your friends,' I corrected.

He tsked again. 'We've been through this, they're your friends too.'

'That's not...' I took a breath. 'He's not one of your friends. He is one of my friends.'

'But you don't have any friends aside from us, you told us that.'

I stayed silent, waiting for the ball to drop, feeling cornered and frustrated and nervous. He stared back at me, waiting for some kind of explanation, and I just raised my eyebrows at him. When he still didn't seem to be getting it I laughed impatiently and said, 'Come on, Doyle!' and raised my eyebrows further.

Bingo.

Doyle frowned in confusion. 'Me?'

'You.'

'Oh.' He paused. 'Shit. Fuck. I did it again.'

'Yeah.'

'I'm not...' he trailed off. 'I mean, I'm not... I like girls.'

'I know that, you idiot. I already told you I know that, remember? This isn't like some declaration. I'm not telling you this with any expectation of reciprocity. I'm literally only telling you because you made me. It doesn't change anything. I've never made it obvious, have I? I've never been inappropriate, or made you uncomfortable, have I?' He shook his head slowly. 'Right. So, this doesn't really change anything on my end. I'm not really planning on changing my behaviour. You have to decide how you want to deal with it. We can stay friends or I can fuck off. It's up to you.'

He scowled at me. 'I obviously don't want you to fuck off.'

'Obviously,' I agreed dryly, since it wasn't obvious at all. We stared at one another for a few moments, at an impasse, until I eventually sighed. 'Okay. So. We set up some ground rules. Right?'

He nodded, seemingly at a loss and willing to let me lead the discussion.

'Right. So for one, we don't have to be alone together, ever. We only hang out when the others are around. That way I can't do anything inappropriate, and you can't misconstrue anything as inappropriate.'

Doyle looked uncomfortable but didn't argue, so I carried on.

'We can review that one when school starts again and figure out whether we're still walking together. Two, we don't get ourselves into any weird ambiguous, compromising situations. We don't sleep in the same room, or eat together, you don't come to any of my academic events, or do anything that could be deemed "romantic". Okay?'

He still looked uncomfortable, and still didn't argue.

'And we don't talk about it,' I stipulated. 'The elephant will remain in the room un-inspected. No more joking, no more pushing, no more discussion.'

Doyle looked down at his hands now but nodded. 'I should have learned that lesson the first time,' he muttered.

I stayed silent for a moment, then said, 'I know you're probably really angry with me right now and I get that, I obviously fucked up, but it's not like I was ever planning on it coming out. I've worked really hard at making sure I only ever treated you like a friend and I think I did a pretty good job of it. So, I'm sorry it happened. But I'm not sorry you know.'

Doyle looked up with an expression I couldn't read on his face, and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could there was a knock on his front door and he clamped his mouth shut. I glanced out the window.

'It's Jason and Melanie,' I said. 'As soon as you let them in the rules are in place so if there's something you wanted to say, say it.'

He continued to look at me for a few seconds but then Jason knocked again and he shook his head, standing up to go let them in. I let out a heavy breath once he'd left to room and rubbed my face with my hands, feeling numb. That was a secret I'd carried for a long time, and unlike when I'd told everyone that I was gay, I didn't feel any better for having ridded myself of it. Instead I just felt like I'd lost something.

Doyle brought the others into his room and I lifted my head quickly, but not before he saw what I'd been doing. I plastered on as bright a smile as I could and Melanie beamed when she saw me.

'Adam, you're here already!' she exclaimed. 'Excellent. Do you think we could practice that dancing again a few times before my mom's wedding? It's only like two weeks away and I'm still nervous I'm gonna fuck it up somehow.'

'Sure,' I said easily. 'I'm at your disposal.'

'You're the best,' she grinned and stood there in the middle of the room while Doyle and Jason made their way to the bed, waiting.

'Oh, now?' I asked in surprise.

'Yes, please.'

I managed a laugh, hauling myself to my feet and going to stand in front of her. 'Are you leading, or do you want me to?' I asked.

'You do it, it's more fun that way.'

'Okay,' I agreed. 'But this isn't going to help you much if Lewis doesn't learn how to dance.'

'Well, let's do it both ways. Then I'll be ready in any case.'

I took her hand and put my other on her waist, smiling down at her. 'Eyes up at me, remember,' I instructed, and she looked up from her feet.

'Right. Sorry.'

'Do you wanna watch a movie or something?' I heard Doyle muttering to Jason, reaching for his laptop again, but Jason shushed him.

'No way dude, this is so entertaining to watch. Hey Adam, you should teach all of us in time for Prom.'

'There isn't any waltzing at Prom,' Doyle snapped at him.

'Yeah, but there should be,' Jason told him as Melanie and I moved around the room. 'Can you show me after?' he asked, directing the latter to me.

'Sure,' I said agreeably. 'But I really do doubt they'll play any music suitable for waltzing at your Prom.'

'That's okay. I think it's probably a good idea to know how to do this basic shit anyway, for weddings and stuff.'

There was another knock at the door then, and Doyle got up, slipping past us to go let the others in.

'Okay, okay,' Melanie gasped, once they'd all arrived and were sitting on Doyle's bed, everybody except the latter watching us contentedly. 'I need a break. Jason, you're up.'

'Okay,' I said to him, once he was standing in front of me. 'It's going to be a bit different because you'll be leading.'

'I feel like I'm being kind of homophobic asking you to be the girl,' he mused, as he took one of my hands and put the other on my waist.

'I'm gonna call GLAAD as soon as I get home and have them put you on a watch list,' I told him. 'Okay. Like this.'

I walked him through the basics until he had a pretty firm handle on them, then worked my way through most of the others as Doyle sat on his bed, silently fuming and barely looking at us.

Eventually he was the only one left. 'Your turn,' Becky told him, poking him, but I collapsed on the only available space left on the bed.

'Can't,' I said. 'I'm exhausted. You've all worn me out. I won't even be able to walk for several days.'

'Oh, come on!' Becky insisted. 'You've got five more minutes in you.'

'I really don't,' I told her.

'What's up with you guys?' Imran asked, looking between Doyle and I through narrowed eyes. 'You've been weird with each other all day.'

'My fault,' I said easily. 'I turned up early and woke him. I'll be sticking strictly to the schedule from now on, I promise.'

There was silence as they tried to decide whether or not they believed me.

'Doyle?' Imran asked, looking at him, and Doyle's eyes flashed to me for a second before he nodded.

'I'm just tired. I'll loosen up once I eat something, sorry guys.'

'Of course you will,' Jessica joked. 'Gotta get that eight-thousand calorie breakfast in.'

'It's almost four,' Trevor pointed out. 'Bit late for breakfast.'

'No wonder he's in such a bad mood then,' Jessica countered. 'How about we order some pizza and watch a movie?'

The others made noises of acquiescence, but I got to my feet and started shrugging on my jacket.

'No can do,' I said apologetically. 'I gotta get home. Promised my sister I'd help her with dinner.'

This was met with a wall of disappointment, but I needed to get out of there - it was the only way to get Doyle out of his mood and I didn't want the others to start questioning us again.

I said my goodbyes and left, taking my time on the way back to my house. Halfway there I got a text and opened it to see it was from Doyle.

You didn't have to leave.

Doyle Wilson, 16:03

I hesitated over responding, but eventually sent:

Yes I did.

Adam Pickles, 16:06

I was supposed to see everyone again the following day; it being the first weekend of summer everybody wanted to make the best of the freedom, the newness of not having to study, and the good weather. I debated over whether to cancel, give Doyle a few days at least to come to terms with what he'd found out, but I woke up that morning to a message from him that read:

You better not not come today.

Doyle Wilson, 8:16

So, as instructed, I met everyone at the park later that day, arriving fifteen minutes late just to be sure I wouldn't run into Doyle on the way, or end up being there alone with him as we waited for the others.

I thought you weren't going to show.

Doyle Wilson, 13:11

Never.

Adam Pickles, 13:12

I'm sorry I was such a shit yesterday.

Doyle Wilson, 13:15

Don't worry about it. I get it.

Adam Pickles, 13:15

Thanks for covering for me.

Doyle Wilson, 13:16

Thanks for not outing me.

Adam Pickles, 13:17

Never.

Doyle Wilson, 13:17

There was something about the covert texting while we were surrounded by our friends that made me simultaneously uncomfortable and excited. Like we were already finding loopholes in the rules we'd set out.

We continued texting for most of the afternoon. We shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. I should have shut it down, pointed out that the rules were useless if we found ways around them, but I didn't want to.

When it came time to walk home though I stuck to my plan and instead of breaking off from the others with Doyle on the way back to our neighbourhood, I ducked into the supermarket, explaining that I needed to pick some things up for my mom and to go ahead without me. He didn't say anything, but a few minutes later texted me:

This is stupid.

Doyle Wilson, 18:56

I didn't really have a response for that, so I didn't reply.

The whole group hung out a couple of more times that week and I practiced waltzing with Melanie for a half hour on each of those days, to the delight of almost everyone except Doyle, who busied himself with his phone for the duration. When questioned, he shrugged and said dancing wasn't his thing.

The Willow Hill High students had their Junior Prom that Saturday night (the Dalton one had happened the previous weekend and I had elected not to go) and on Friday as we lazed around at Jessica's they were all talking about it excitedly.

'Ugh, I wish we'd met you before I told Vinnie I'd go with him,' Melanie was grumbling to me. 'I would have brought you as my plus-one.'

'Yeah, it totally blows that you can't come with us,' Trevor agreed. 'It's gonna feel like you're missing.'

'You're going stag, aren't you Jessica?' Becky asked.

'Yeah, but I sold my plus-one to a sophomore for a one hundred percent mark-up,' she informed us apologetically.

'What about you Doyle? You have a free plus-one, don't you?'

Doyle looked up, glancing at me quickly before looking away and choking on a response, but I interrupted, laughing.

'It's okay guys, really. If I wanted to go to Prom I could have gone to my own. You guys will have just as much fun without me. Well. Almost.'

This was met with some more grumbling but the conversation soon returned to other topics and I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket.

You're too good at this.

Doyle Wilson, 17:33

You know me. Consummate liar.

Adam Pickles, 17:34

I left shortly after that; making it a point now to leave before Doyle did so we couldn't get stuck walking home together. I'd been sitting on my bed reading for about a half hour when there was knock on the door, but Megan must have been walking past it or something because by the time I knelt up to peer out the window and see who it was, they had already come inside.

I returned to my sitting position with my book, jumping when the door to my room opened, not having expected the visitor to be for me.

'Hey,' Doyle said, closing the door behind him but then just standing there, seemingly unsure of what to do next.

'Hey,' I said carefully, putting down my book and standing up. 'What's up?'

He took a deep breath and came a few steps further into the room. 'Come to Prom with me.'

'What?'

'Come to Prom with me,' he repeated.

'Like your... Date?'

'Yeah.'

I regarded him carefully. 'Even though that breaks every single rule we agreed on and is really unfair on me.'

He flinched at that but didn't back down. 'Yeah.'

I breathed in slowly and then let it out. 'Okay.'

He seemed surprised. 'Really?'

'Yeah. What time should I come over?'

'It starts at eight. So seven-thirty?'

'Okay.'

'Do you have something to wear?'

'I go to Dalton.'

'Right,' he said, shaking his head. 'Okay. Well. See you tomorrow.'

'See you tomorrow.' I stood and watched as he hesitated before turning and leaving, then sat heavily on my bed.

'That boy is really doing a number on you,' Megan told me the following evening, leaning against the doorjamb in the bathroom as I stood over the sink, shaving.

'Yes,' I agreed, but she pushed herself away from the wall and went back downstairs, leaving me to get ready.

'Damn, boy,' she said appreciatively an hour later when I made my way down to the living room. 'You clean up well.'

I looked down at myself. 'Really?'

'Yeah. You might just turn him.'

I made a face at her and she laughed.

'Seriously,' she said. 'You look good.'

'Thanks.'

'Have fun, okay? Try not to let him mess you around too much.'

I left and made my way down the block to Doyle's place; as usual he was leaning on the wall outside his house waiting for me. I tried not to look him over too much; he looked heart-meltingly hot in his tux.

'Hey,' he said, pushing himself away from the wall when he saw me coming.

'Hey.'

He paused and gave me a once-over. Twice-over. 'You look good.'

'You too.' Understatement.

'You ready?'

'Sure.' I fell into step beside him and we made our way towards town; I'd been expecting it to be awkward, and not to be able to think of anything to say, but I was instead surprised that it wasn't.

'So we're gonna meet the others there,' Doyle said conversationally. 'And spend a couple of hours at the dance itself. Maybe more if it's not totally crap. Then we're gonna go back to Jessica's place for kind of an after party. Her parents bought her some booze and made themselves scarce for the weekend with the understanding that she does't burn the house down or get pregnant.'

'Nice of them,' I commented dryly, and he laughed.

'They're thirty-two,' he confided, meaning they'd had her when they were our age. 'So I think they remember. But like, also really don't want her to get pregnant.'

'They were teen parents and they're still together?' I asked, surprised.

'I know. It's like a miracle. You should see them though; they're all over each other all the time. Jessica acts like she hates it but she doesn't.'

'I guess it's kind of sweet.'

We were at the bottom of Willow Hill now and began climbing to the top slowly, not wanting to sweat and ruin our suits.

'It's gonna be weird not doing this walk every day,' Doyle remarked. 'It was kinda the highlight of my day.'

I glanced at him without turning my head, trying not to feel the warm flush in my tummy when he said that.

'Nobody is stopping you,' I said evenly. 'You can still do it every day.'

He turned and made a face at me. 'Don't be mean.'

I bit my tongue on a response; I was pretty sure I wasn't the one being mean.

We made our way onto the school grounds and the others waved at us when they saw us coming.

'You're here!' Becky exclaimed delightedly, hugging me. I glanced at Doyle again; clearly he hadn't told them I'd be coming.

'Damn, boy,' Melanie said, looking me up and down exaggeratedly. 'You look even better in a suit than you do in a blazer.'

'You should see me in a onesie,' I told her, and everybody laughed.

'Come on, let's go in,' Jason suggested. 'I think we're still early enough to get a table.'

I hung back awkwardly as the others all showed their tickets to the person at the door, stepping forward to get my hand stamped when Doyle beckoned me. Melanie nabbed us the last free table, which had six chairs, so she sat on Trevor's lap and Becky sat on Jessica's.

'What have you guys done with your dates?' I asked.

'Ditched 'em,' Melanie said offhandedly, then laughed. 'Vinnie's not here yet. And I'm only gonna dance with him like, three or four times. I'm not super into him.'

'And we coupled up,' Becky explained, pointing to Imran.

'And as soon as Heidi gets here you won't see me for dust,' Jason added, with a look on his face that can only be described as lascivious.

'Still don't know how you got her to agree to be your date,' Jessica told him, laughing.

'Like, is it really so hard to believe that she might just like me?'

'Yes!' a handful of them chorused, and he scowled at them.

'I'm gonna go grab a couple of plates of finger food,' Becky announced, standing up. 'Any requests?'

I stood as well. 'I'll help,' I offered, following her towards the buffet and grabbing a couple of paper plates, piling them high with wedges, onion rings, and chicken nuggets.

'So Doyle asked you to be his date, huh?' Becky asked innocently as we made our way from one end of the table to the other. I could see a smile playing around her lips though.

'I suppose,' I said amicably.

'You have a thing for him, don't you?' she asked. 'You don't have to tell me,' she said quickly. 'But I'm pretty sure that's why you guys have been so goddamn weird with one another over the last week. I'm glad to see you've finally resolved it.'

'I wouldn't say that,' I muttered.

We carried the food back to the table and set the plates in the centre so everybody could help themselves, and chatted and laughed for a while until it was all eaten and Vinnie and Heidi had turned up to claim their dates for a dance. Doyle moved his chair so it was closer to mine and leaned in to me.

'You having fun?' he asked over the music, smiling.

I nodded, smiling back.

'You wanna dance?'

I looked at him carefully, not letting my surprise show on my face. 'Okay,' I said evenly, getting up and following him to the dancefloor, which was filling up pretty rapidly now as the night wore on.

'No waltzing,' he warned me severely as he turned to face me and I couldn't help it; I laughed.

'No waltzing,' I promised, and he put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer; I raised mine to put my forearms on his shoulders as we swayed gently. Doyle kept up a steady stream of easy conversation as we danced, and I found myself laughing at half of the things he was saying.

'You guys look like you're having fun!' Becky teased as she and Imran danced up to us; that seemed to be the cue and within minutes the whole group had assembled with their dates and we weren't dancing as couples anymore, we'd formed a circle and were dancing as a group. Melanie was half ignoring Vinnie, who didn't seem to mind as he chatted to Trevor about football statistics, and for all the mocking he'd endured Jason was pretty firmly the centre of Heidi's attention.

We stayed on the dancefloor for a while like that until the girls started complaining about their feet and everybody decided they were thirsty and started making their way back to the table.

'I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick,' I told Doyle, leaving the gym for the mens' room across the hall and returning, with a jolt of frustration at myself for not having thought of it, to find that there were no available seats and half of my friends were already being sat on by their dates and each other.

'There you are,' Doyle said, looking up at me. 'I got you a drink.' He gestured to a plastic cup on the table. 'Here.' He reached out his hand to me and, my heart thumping hard, I took it, not sure what was happening until he tugged on it and I ended up sitting on his lap, trying not to let what I was feeling about that show on my face. He slid one arm around my waist and I swallowed, completely unprepared for and unused to this much physical contact with him. I took the drink and threw half of it back quickly, trying to get a grip on myself.

It had been almost three hours since we'd arrived and Jessica brought up the booze she had back at her place, which was just about all anybody needed to hear before they got up and started gathering their jackets and bags, heading out into the darkness to get to the afterparty.

I walked happily enough with Doyle, Becky, and Imran, all of us keeping up a steady stream of conversation and jokes, until we got to Jessica's and she made a point of filling enough cups for all of us with not insignificant measures of whiskey.

'I brought this,' Heidi offered sheepishly, reaching into her bag to produce an unopened handle of vodka.

'See?' Jessica said to the rest of us. 'This is how a good guest behaves. Take notes.' Heidi grinned, settling on the couch next to Jason and leaning into him. We sat around in her living room for a while getting tipsy, and eventually the conversations splintered off into sub groups and I needed to use the bathroom again.

'Broke the seal,' I joked to Becky and I squeezed past her, going upstairs to where Jessica had told me the bathroom was. I peed quickly and washed my hands, looking at myself in the mirror for a few seconds to reflect that even though I'd been drinking and dancing for a good portion of the night, I still did look pretty good. When I opened the door I jumped in surprise; Doyle was leaning again the wall opposite, and looked up, smiling, when I appeared. 'Sorry,' I said. 'Didn't realise you were waiting.' I moved out of the way so he could go in, but he just smiled wider.

'I was waiting for you, dummy,' he said. 'Come on.' He moved down the hall away from the stairs, towards the bedrooms, and opened the door of one, ushering me inside.

'Whose room is this?' I asked, as he went to sit on the bed and turn on the lamp.

'Guest room,' he assured me. 'Don't worry, nobody's privacy is in jeopardy.'

'Hard to believe that when you're around,' I muttered, and he flinched. 'Sorry. That was meant to be a joke.'

He beckoned me over and I went to sit beside him.

'What's up?'

'I guess I was just kind of wondering where your head is right now,' he said.

'Well,' I answered carefully. 'I guess I have to decide whether I'm going to try and bury this cruel thing you've done and try not to think about it, which I'll fail at because I'm crazy about you and won't be able to stop thinking about it for months, or whether I'll have the self-respect to recognise this cruel thing you've done for what it is - a cruel thing - and stop being friends with you entirely, even though I'm crazy about you and the last three months have been the best of my life. So. That's where my head is,' I finished, having powered through despite the fact that he looked kind of sick. 'What about you?'

'I wasn't trying to be cruel,' he said hoarsely.

'I know. But that doesn't really change anything. You know it was cruel to do this to me.'

He nodded, looking down. 'I guess I do.'

'So,' I pressed. 'What about you?'

'Honestly?'

'That's your jam, not mine,' I reminded him. 'But yeah, sure. Honestly.'

'I want to kiss you.'

I looked at him impassively, even though that warm tummy flush I'd been battling all night was making a strong comeback. 'Well, you know where I stand on that,' I said evenly. 'I'm not exactly going to stop you.'

Doyle sighed and looked back down again. 'I'm dealing with some new and scary feelings here, Adam,' he mumbled. 'You could be a bit more helpful.'

'Why do you want to kiss me?' I asked. 'Is it because you're curious? Is it because you're guilty? Is it because you've been drinking?'

He shook his head. 'I've wanted to kiss you all week. I felt jealous when you were dancing with the others. I felt empty walking home alone. I was so annoyed with you because of your stupid rules. I want to be alone with you. I want to be in compromising situations with you. I want to kiss you,' he said simply.

'So do it then,' I challenged him, sure that he wouldn't, couldn't, that he was fooling himself.

'You don't think I can,' he said quietly.

'I'm willing to find out,' I replied.

Doyle looked up and moved closer to me on the bed, lifting one had to the side of my face nervously. 'I kind of feel like you don't want this,' he whispered.

'I don't, if it's fake,' I told him.

'I don't know how to convince you it's not.'

'Yes you do.'

I guess that gave him the confidence boost he needed because he didn't say anything else; just pulled me closer with the hand on my face and pushed his lips up against mine, kissing me. I don't know if I'd ever thought about what it might be like, kissing Doyle, because I'd been so determined not to be a shit friend, so I was wholly unprepared for the reality. The warm flush in my tummy swooped in with a force I hadn't experienced before and my heart started to race; he wasn't even moving his mouth and I could feel myself starting to run out of breath.

And then he was moving his mouth, slipping the hand on my face around to the back of my neck to kiss me deeper and I let go of the stubborn insistence that I was being used or tricked and melted into it, my whole body relaxing and I felt him smile against my mouth as his other hand reached for my waist.

'So?' he asked, breathless, pulling back. 'Is it real?'

Entirely unable to speak, I nodded dumbly, and he flushed, smiling.

'I still don't understand,' I mumbled after a minute.

'I don't either,' he admitted. 'I guess I was kind of hoping we could figure it out together.' He paused, but I didn't interrupt, sensing there was more. 'All I know is that all of a sudden, I'm into you. Hardcore. Like crazy. And I kind of want to run with it, if that's okay with you.'

I cleared my throat, suddenly having trouble with basic bodily functions. 'Well,' I started. 'You know where I stand on that. I'm not exactly going to stop you.'

He grinned. 'Cool. Because I wanna do it again.' And so, obviously, we did it again.

When we finally made our way back downstairs a half hour later I knew we looked like we'd been up to what we'd been up to; my hair was a mess, my lips were swollen, my shirt was all twisted and wrinkled and my tie was loose. Doyle looked exactly the same. Which was why it wasn't entirely surprising that we were met with a chorus of jeering, cheering, and whistling as we emerged in the living room, even though it was still pretty embarrassing.

'Finally,' Melanie groaned. 'We thought you two would never get your shit worked out.'

'You owe me ten bucks,' Trevor called across the room to Jessica. 'I told you it would happen tonight.'

'And you owe me fifteen,' Becky told Imran. 'I knew last week that Doyle would bring him as his date tonight.'

We had managed to squeeze back onto the couch but as they kept talking I slid further down in embarrassment.

'Don't be embarrassed,' Becky instructed me, laughing and patting me on the leg. 'We're just making fun.'

'Yeah,' Doyle said, pretending to be offended. 'What's embarrassing about hooking up with me, anyway?'

'Everything,' Jessica muttered, and he made a face at her.

'That's not true,' he snapped at her, then glanced down at me. 'Is it?'

I shook my head, not really trusting myself to speak.

'See?' he said triumphantly.

Fortunately the others began to return to their conversations after that and we stopped being the centre of attention; Doyle wriggled down so his head was level with mine even though it meant we were both at slightly weird angles on the couch.

'How's the weather down here?' he asked cheerfully.

'Blue skies,' I told him, and he smiled, moving his head closer to mine even though we were already squeezed together pretty close by the volume of people on the couch. My heart rate picked up again.

'You kept saying you were crazy about me. Before. Upstairs.'

'I remember,' I said, trying to regulate my body but then giving up and letting myself feel what I was feeling. I'd been reigning that shit in for a year and I figured I was finally allowed to relish it. I met his eyes and embraced the warm flush.

'I think I'm crazy about you too. I really felt like I was losing my mind all week. It was really confusing and the only person I wanted to talk to about it was you. You make me crazy.'

'Good,' I said firmly. 'I like you crazy.'

Doyle looked surprised for a second but then a slow smile spread across his face. 'That was pretty hot, Adam,' he said quietly, and leaned in to kiss me. Nobody noticed for a few seconds but then somebody did and laughingly pointed it out and the others started jeering at us and we were laughing against one another's lips.

'God, you're adorable,' Melanie groaned, throwing a cushion at us. 'Stop it immediately.'

'Don't think they can turn it off,' Jessica observed as Doyle pulled away from me and laid his head on my shoulder contentedly.

'Jealousy,' Doyle muttered. 'Every single one of you wanted him and I got him.'

'Despite yourself,' Imran pointed out dryly.

We continued drinking and chatting and laughing and kissing for a few more hours until, as the sun broke the horizon and the birds in Jessica's front garden started to sing, one by one we started passing out on various couches and armchairs. Doyle stretched out on the couch we were on, his back pressed pressed again the backrest, and I laid facing him, our heads close together and whispering so as not to wake anyone, until eventually we drifted off to sleep as well. If there had been a tiny voice in the back of my head warning me that things wouldn't be like this when we woke up, that they'd be awkward and weird and he'd think differently about everything in the cold light of day, reality proved it wrong and I woke up in the mid afternoon to him mumbling sleepily at me and wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me closer.

'Morning,' he said, without opening his eyes.

'Morning,' I replied, letting my eyes roam over his face in a way I hadn't allowed them to before. 'You're so pretty,' I blurted before I could stop myself, instantly cringing and wishing I could take it back as his eyes fluttered open in surprise, but he smiled.

'Haven't heard that one before,' he told me. 'You're pretty too.'

'I don't know why I said that. I feel like an idiot.'

'You saying it's not true?' he asked, lifting his hand from my waist to put it on my reddening cheek instead, trying not to laugh.

'Shut up,' I instructed him.

Doyle smirked at me. 'Make me.'

So I did.