That night, the once peaceful and silent camp was interrupted by an ear-splitting screech. Every cat in camp immediately woke up and covered their ears at the impossibly loud shriek.
A kitting queen lay heaving in her mossy nest, hyperventilating and shrieking with foam coming from her mouth. She was practically having a seizure as she ripped her own nest to shreds, and then began destroying another queen's nest when hers had been reduced to a pile of dust.
"Tell her to SHUT UP!!!" A nearby elder shouted, shoving her head under her moss pillow in an attempt to block out the queen's deafening shrieks of pain. "Get the damn doctor or something!!!"
"I'm coming!" The medicine cat, Insertplantnamehereleaf, yelled who was holding a leaf bundle in her jaws, but was still somehow able to speak. Maybe she had two mouths or something, who knows.
Anyways, Insertplantnamehereleaf rushed into the nursery and gave the queen a stick that hadn't been there before. "Bite that whenever the pain comes." She advised cheerfully.
The queen immediately screamed in pain again and bit the stick in half as she as three kits came out, two toms and a she-kit. She immediately started purring, completely forgetting her pain as she stared down at the beautiful kits.
The biggest tom was a dark gray tom that she had decided to name Smokekit.
The other tom was a black tom that she called Blackkit.
She looked at the runt, a she-kit, and gasped.
It was the definition of pure beauty. It had beautiful shiny long white fur. The moon decided to light up that nursery. The moon light shining on her fur made it shimmer every color. She opened her enormous anime eyes to reveal beautiful purple eyes with green specks outlined with amber that had red specks, and her pupils were pink with yellow and blue specks.
She looked up at her mothers. "Salutations mother." She said, already knowing all 1,025,109 words of the English language. "I am elated to be acquainted with you. And you too Insertplantnamehereleaf ." She nodded to the medicine cat.
Insertplantnamehereleaf beamed at the newborn kit. "Wow! What a smart kit!" She exclaimed. "What're you going to name it?" She asked the queen.
The queen furrowed her nonexistent eyebrows as she thought up a name that would suite her daughter. Then she gasped.
"Eclipsekit!" She shouted. "It's perfect!"
Insertplantnamehereleaf tilted her head in confusion. "What's an eclipse?"
"There are two different types of eclipses." Eclipsekit explained. "A lunar eclipse is when the Earth is positioned between the moon and the sun, causing the Earth to cast a shadow on the moon. A solar eclipse is when the moon is between the Earth and the sun, and it casts a shadow of Earth."
Insertplantnamehereleaf flipped through the pages of Eclipse. "But according to this book, cats have no idea what eclipses are. They thought that Sol had taken the sun."
"Remember that this is What NOT To Do In A Warrior Cats Fanfiction, meaning that the author is telling the readers not to give their cats names that are unrealistic, or that don't make sense." Eclipsekit said.
Insertplantnamehereleaf stared at the tiny kit. "Aren't you a little young to know the entire English language, know the exact definition of an eclipse, and have the ability to break the fourth wall?" She questioned.
Eclipsekit tilted her head in thought. "Yeah. Good point. I'll be a regular but perfect Mary Sue kit now."
Meanwhile...
A bunch of glowing white cats stood around a pool, where they could see Eclipsekit doing backflips in her sleep.
"YAY!" A random tom yelled. "Now that Eclipsekit has a name, we can come up with the prophecy!"
An older tom smacked him on the head. "Don't say that! The readers are watching!" He hissed, making gestures at the screen.
"Meh. What's done is done." A she-cat said, shrugging even though it's actually impossible for a cat to shrug, but it's not like we care. "Let's just come up with a prophecy now that she has a name."
"How about 'An Eclipse will save Thunderclan from the Villain." A young tom suggested.
"Nah, that's stupid and obvious!" A she-cat said. Then she looked at the word count. "Whoa! 668 words?! Never mind! We're sticking with the stupid obvious one!"
The tom who had suggested the prophecy started doing a little victory dance.
"C'mon! We gotta give the prophecy to Insertplantnamehereleaf and end this prologue! It's already too long!" Another tom yelled.
"Fine." A she-cat said, snapping her paw-fingers. Insertplantnamehereleaf magically appeared.
"Whoa! I don't remember going to sleep!" She exclaimed.
All the Starclan cats quickly got into position for the dramatic dream.
"Insertplantnamehereleaf..." A tom said spookily.
Insertplantnamehereleaf looked up to see the Starclan cats surrounding her. "Oh. There's gonna be a prophecy."
Starclan facepawed as the medicine cat ruined the dramatic moment.
"So... What is it?" Insertplantnamehereleaf asked.
The tom who had come up with the prophecy said in a deep, spooky voice, "An Eclipse will save Thunderclan from the Villain."
An older tom smacked him over the head. "We're done with the spooky part." He growled.
Insertplantnamehereleaf looked thoughtful. "Whelp. I have absolutely no idea what that means. Can you maybe explain?"
All the Starclan cats looked at each other before they all burst out laughing.
Insertplantnamehereleaf shrugged, before running off to another dream.
Meanwhile, in Thunderclan...
When Starclan made Insertplantnamehereleaf appear in Starclan, it meant that she had passed out wherever she was when Starclan summoned her.
That's how Eclipsekit spent the first night of her life trapped under a medicine cat that had decided to faint while she was standing over the kit.
So... yeh. This is the chaos you should expect for every chapter. Every chapter will have a different lesson of what not to do. I will write what the lesson was on the message at the end of each chapter.
The lesson for this chapter is to not make cats with unrealistic looks and retarded names like Insertplantnamehereleaf.