My life is so odd right now, I thought as the hair and makeup staff attempted to make me look acceptable. Just in the past week, so much had changed.
I had thought I was off the show, but Adam brought me back. Then Peter had admitted he still had feelings for me, then he kissed me, but Adam kissed me too. Things were so confusing.
At the moment, though, my main concern was tonight. It was Tuesday night, which meant that we were being told who was moving on and who was leaving. After everything that had happened, I don’t think I’d be able to stand it if I left now. After all the trouble Adam had gone through to get me back, I couldn’t leave just yet. And I felt the need to sort things out with Peter before I left. If tonight was my last night, I may not ever get the chance to talk to him again.
There was also the fact that I did indeed have to sing tonight. Towards the end of the lives, they would pair up the remaining artists and have them do duets together. So, of course, I had gotten stuck with Peter. Great. And of course, we were doing one of my favorite songs, which I really didn’t want to sing with him. It was called If It Means alot to You, and considering the lyrics, singing it with Peter would be extremely, incredibly awkward.
When it was time for us to perform, I took my microphone and headed onstage. For the first verse and chorus, I would just have to awkwardly stand there, since I didn't come in until the second verse. I did have to look at Peter, though, for the sake of the performance. As if everything he was saying was true.
"And hey darling, I hope you're good tonight," Peter began when it was time. I wanted to puke, but I had to try my hardest to not look disgusted.
Somehow, I survived the first verse and chorus. Now it was my turn.
"And hey sweetie, well I need you here tonight. And I know that you don't wanna be leaving me. Yeah, you want it, but I can't help it. I just feel complete when you're by my side." That line took extra effort to get out.
If it was my choice, I would look at Adam, but since I was supposed to be acting like I liked Peter, I had to put on a fake smile and look right at him. This sucked so much.
“You know you can’t give me what I need. And even though you mean so much to me, I can’t wait through everything,” I started off the bridge, singing my portion of it.
The audience took a hint and joined in on the last part of, “La, la la la, la la la. Now everybody’s singing,” and we finished up the song.
That was not enjoyable, even though it was one of my favorite songs. I wish I hadn’t had to sing it with Peter, but at least it was done and over with now.
Now, I just had to worry about whether or not I was making it on to next week. Peter and I had been the first performance, so they hadn’t announced any names yet of the people who were moving on.
The remaining eight of us shuffled onstage, standing in a line. Carson was about to announce the first two people moving on.
“Now, saved from Team Usher-” he began. I tried my hardest not to scowl, knowing that there was a good chance this meant Peter was moving on. I waited a moment and he called the name. Yeah, I was right. The audience cheered as Carson announced that Peter was going to the Top 6.
I suppose I needed him to move on if I wanted to work things out with him, though. If he left, whether I stayed or not, we probably wouldn’t get a good chance to talk. Hopefully he would leave next week, though. If I continued on, I didn’t want to have to compete with him any longer.
“The next person saved is-” Carson began. Since he didn’t say a team name, that meant it would be from a team with only one member. Which meant that he was about to call either me, or the Team Shakira contestant.
“Rebekah Leigh!” Carson called. I let out a huge sigh of relief as I was assured that I was moving on to the Top 6. I looked over at Adam and saw him cheering.
He kissed me last night. The random thought suddenly popped into my head as I headed offstage, which got me smiling even more than I already was. FREAKIN ADAM LEVINE HAD KISSED ME! Life= complete. It would be even better if I made it past the Top 6.
I knew this meant that first thing tomorrow morning, Adam and I would get working on my performance for next week. Which would probably be awkward, as it would be the first time we spoke face to face since the whole Peter-and-Adam-both-kissed-me-in-one-night incident.
Suddenly, I realized that they would probably be filming our practice to show in the little clip they always had before each performance. Ooohhh, that was probably why Adam hadn’t mentioned anything about the fire in our last practice. We must’ve been being filmed and I forgot about it.
“Nice one, Beka,” Peter called from across the room when I headed backstage.
“What?” I demanded, walking over to him. I swear, if he tried to kiss me again, I would certainly punch him in the jaw.
“Nothing,” he replied when I came over, waving it off.
“Seriously, tell me,” I repeated, wanting to know.
“Nothing, just try to look a little less pained next time you have to sing with me, okay?” he sarcastically asked.
“What?!?!?!” Had I been that obvious? “I was smiling,” I told him warily.
He seemed to be able to tell that I was freaking out. Had everyone noticed how annoyed I was?
“Calm down, Beka,” he said, chuckling lightly. “It was just the look in your eyes that told me you really didn’t want to be there.”
I relaxed a bit. “Sorry.”
He shrugged. “It’s whatever.”
Not wanting to talk to him any longer, I headed to the dressing room, glad that he wasn’t following me this time. I sat down in front of the mirror, thankful that I could have a little peace and quiet.
Honestly, I was glad that I had already performed and had my name called, because now I could just sit back and relax for the rest of the show.
When it was time for me to go back to my room, I can say that I was much less tired than I had been the past few nights. It actually took me a while to go back to sleep, as there were so many thoughts swarming my head. It was as if I was trying to remember all the things I had to do.
1. I had to talk it out with Peter, and hopefully get to a point where we could be on good terms with one another, but not have to hang out.
2. I obviously had to work my butt off to move to the next round.
3. I had to try not to be awkward around Adam.
4. I had to figure out where the heck I was going to go after the show. If I didn’t win, then I wouldn’t have the money to get a place to live, in which case I would technically be homeless.
The fourth one sent an unpleasant feeling through me. I hadn’t even thought about what I was going to do if I didn’t win. Last night, they had announced the whole fund thing they were going to do to get me clothes, but that still didn’t settle the problem of where the heck I was going to live.
I tried to shake that one out of my mind; I needed to focus on the show for the time being. Dwelling on what would happen if I didn’t win would just lower my chances of actually winning if I put more thought into that than I did my performances.
I was still up for another hour or so before I fell asleep, though.
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The next day, I uncomfortably shuffled into practice, knowing that this would probably be one of the most awkward experiences of my whole existence. Sure enough, the cameras were already set up, filming the moment I entered the room. Great.
By the end of the practice, I felt good about the song choice, but incredibly awkward about the tension there had been in the room during the duration of the session. Hopefully I would never experience something like that ever again.
Back in my room, I practiced a bit longer, but also just got to chill out for a while. I got on my laptop, responding to some emails from my friends back in Indiana. Most of them seemed to know what had happened.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about my family. Not now, once you get off the show, I told myself. I couldn’t freak out during the show over something I couldn’t change, so I was postponing the majority of my mourning until after the show was over. But still, I couldn’t help but feel sad.
It was my fault. I could have prevented it. That was the thought that bothered me most. The fact that it really was my fault they were dead.
I tried to distract myself from those thoughts, slamming my laptop shut. How were my friends doing? I pondered.
Most of them, from what they said in their emails, seemed to be doing pretty good. They missed me, apparently, but I assured them that I would try to come back to Indiana sometime. But would I really go back there? I had no place to live there, and no family there anymore. Maybe I would just stay in L.A. But I knew that for the sake of my friends, I would have to at least visit Indiana.
I couldn’t help but be curious as to what the doctors thought about me going back on the show. That Dr. Vince guy or whatever was probably real pissed that Adam had let me come back. Well, I definitely wasn’t going back to that hospital now.
I decided to try watching some covers of the song I was singing on Youtube, to see if I could possibly catch some good techniques. Of course, I was strictly told to be original, and planned on being so, but I figured that watching some could at least get my brain working for good ideas.
More than Anyone Gavin Degraw Cover, I typed into the bar and hit search.
I sat there for about two hours watching various covers of the song. Some very good. Some...not so much. But at least they had the guts to post on Youtube.
I was suddenly reminded of the fact that I myself had a Youtube Channel, but hadn’t posted anything since right before I came on the show. My last video was labeled, “I GOT ON THE VOICE!!!!” It had tons of views now, as people actually knew who I was. In fact, most of my videos had a lot of views, since Voice fans must’ve been watching them.
I decided to make a quick update video to post on my channel. I opened up my webcam and talked for a few minutes about how things on the show were going, etc, etc. Once I had finished that up, I posted it and closed my computer once more. I actually had to practice now.
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It was the following Monday night, and I was confident about this performance. It wasn’t a spectacular song or anything like that, but I thought it worked pretty well with my voice. I was also pleased to be dressed in just a nice shirt and white jeans for this performance, as I had been in dresses for the past couple and they bothered me.
My performance was smack in the middle of the show, so I didn’t have a significant amount of time before or after I sang. Plus, when you were on this show, time flew by pretty fast. Before I knew it, I was heading onstage to sing.
“You need a friend, I’ll be around,” I began at the same time the pianist started playing. I couldn’t help but wish for a moment that Adam was the one playing piano this time, too.
“Don’t let this end before I see you again. What can I say to convince you to change your mind of me?” A strange image of Peter singing this song flashed in my mind. Ah, crap, now I felt bad. Nah, he was nothing but a manhoe. I couldn’t feel bad for him. It wasn’t my fault.
“I’m gonna love you more than anyone,” I started off the chorus. Before I knew it, the song was over and the audience was cheering.
As the judges talked, though, I was distracted with that Peter thought. Okay, maybe if he was a decent guy I should’ve felt bad for him. But he wasn’t all that nice, was he? Should I still feel bad for him? Was he really all that bad?
Great, as if I needed more to think about. I felt grumpy as I headed to the dressing room, but before I closed the door, I could’ve sworn I heard Peter call, “Nice song choice, Beka.”
“Go away Peter,” I muttered to myself.
[So, yeah. That's chapter 20 for you. Just a little note on updates: I'm leaving for a mission trip to Haiti on August 2nd, and I hope to finish this fanfic before then. There's one more week of performances and then the Finale, so there's not much longer to go! Thanks to everyone who has read this despite my crappy writing, I really appreciate it!
BreakingVanity- I do apologize for putting two of our ship songs in one chapter. I was very out of song ideas.]