1993. Eddie hates middle school. Rose, four years older, was her protection for her first few years of elementary school, and when she graduated to middle school, she always met her on the way home. But now, Rose is in high school. Eddie has to fend for herself. And it is not going well.
Her teachers try to engage her, hoping that keeping her busy will keep the other girls from picking on her. She is an awkward child, her messy black hair always tied back in a bun, her clothes dated. It is not that she doesn't have the means to go shopping, but rather that she is infinitely practical. Rose has clothes she can no longer wear, therefore there is no need to go buy new things. And she hates trying on clothes. But even the efforts of her teachers fall short. When they read about steam engines, she is fascinated. She seeks out new books on the subject and is often caught reading her library books instead of her classroom assignments. She explains, in great detail, the importance of this technology in her book report on a technical manual for a steam powered train. This becomes the fuel for teasing. But Eddie does not want to only read about steam powered things, she wants to build them. When she tells Thomas this, he takes her to the basement to a watchmaker's cabinet, a tool box, and a black lacquered trunk marked "Enola" that contains the most fascinating things made of turning cogs and gears that Eddie has ever seen. She is even more in awe of them when he lets slip that he made them.
But the fact that she has no friends and her closest living companions are her family members adds to her problems at school. There is another girl in her grade who believes in ghosts. She finds this out during English class when her classmate blurts out that maybe the ghosts in their stories aren't metaphors, maybe they are just ghosts. She becomes a target- the vicious nature of some of the other girls shines as they taunt her, their bullying escalating. Eddie thinks she may be able to reach her, and so, when she thinks it is safe, she confides in her that she, too, believes in ghosts. But her plan backfires. Soon she is the new favourite victim, the other girl spared by her willingness to turn on Eddie.
She knows her presentation on steam engines will only make things worse, but it is her approved science fair project and she cannot change it. She has rebuilt Thomas' miniature mining machine and, when she stokes the little firebox, the boiler puffs to life and it chugs along, moving the sand she has placed it in. She wins the fair, and carefully packs it in its box and hands it over to her teacher for safekeeping until Daisy can pick it up. On her way home, her tormentors knock her books from her hands, steal her backpack, empty it on the sidewalk, tear her sketchbook of steam powered machines, and beat her up. The principal happens to glance out his window at just the right time. He makes a list of names as he runs out the door. There will be some suspensions. Perhaps a few expulsions, if he can convince the school board.
They see him coming and they run. Eddie sits up and huddles against the fence, crying. Her sketchbook pages flutter by her.
"My god, Edith, are you OK?"
"No."
"What happened?"
"I'm the weird kid, that's what."
"Have they done this before? You act like you expect this." He starts picking up her pages.
"Not this bad, but yeah. It's not like this is the first time."
"Why didn't you tell me? I can't do something about it if you never say anything."
"Don't. It'll just make it worse. Then I'll be Eddie the crazy girl and a crybaby."
"This isn't how things should be."
"Well it's how they are. Nobody likes me. Can I go check on my steam engine? I want to make sure they didn't get it somehow. It was my great great grandma's- her friend made it."
"I'm calling someone to come pick you up. You're not walking home after this."
"I'll be OK, I promise." She tries to stand and falls back down, wincing, "OK, maybe not."
He helps her up and she tests her knee again. With a stabbing pain, it goes out from under her. He sits her back down. He gathers the rest of the papers and tucks them back in the backpack. He picks her up and carries her to the office, then he calls Daisy.
After a conference between her principal and her mother, Eddie is ready to crawl into a hole. She doesn't want anyone to talk to the kids who beat her up. She doesn't want it to get worse because she told. And she doesn't want the parents she knows will be angry at her for getting their kids suspended to glower at her when she sees them in the store. When she gets home, she closes herself in her room and cries into her pillow.
"Eddie? What happened?" Thomas sits beside her and gently strokes her back as he has done every time someone has tormented her at school.
"Nothing."
"You are lying."
"Go away."
"Despite my great respect for your requests, this is one I will not honour."
"I don't want to talk about it, OK? I screwed up by being nice to someone."
"How is that possible? Is it not ideal to be kind?"
"Only if other people don't beat you up for it."
"Eddie, you are going to have to explain- until now, all their taunting has been with words. I cannot be in all places and did not see. I had to keep track of Rose today- she was teasing boys."
"This girl said she believed in ghosts. She got bullied for it. So when we were alone, I told her I did, too. She told everybody and it all got worse for me. Nobody likes me anyway. What kid likes all this steam engine stuff? Today they beat me up and tore up my sketchbook."
He sighs, "I have few other children to compare you to. You are bright, you are kind, what more could one be? But I do know that others will be cruel to those they do not understand."
"I don't want to go to school anymore. It'll just get worse. You're lucky to be dead. Nobody makes fun of you."
"Eddie..." He wraps his arms around her.
"What's it like, being dead?"
Everything about the conversation raises alarms in Thomas' mind, "Why do you ask?"
"I dunno. I just want to know."
"Are you thinking...are you thinking of hurting yourself?" She does not answer. "You are far too young to join the dead, dear girl. Please, consider that this, too, will pass." She slips from his arms and leaves the room. Thomas fades out and watches her from a distance. She does her homework. She eats supper with the family. She goes to bed. Thomas does not let her out of his sight. He thinks that perhaps he should talk to Daisy, but this would mean taking his eyes off her. Once she is asleep, he considers it safe.
He appears in the kitchen where Daisy is sipping coffee and reading, "We need to talk."
"Good evening to you, too, Thomas."
"I spent a considerable amount of time talking to Eddie."
"She's had a rough day."
"It's not just today. This has been happening for longer. And she has said some things that concern me."
"Oh?" She sets down her cup.
"She asked me what it was like to be dead after she told me I was lucky to be so."
"Give her time. She's pretty shaky. The attack was vicious."
"They ripped her sketchbook?"
"I think that might have hurt even more than getting beat up."
He sighs, "I have a bad feeling, Daisy. I do not want to have to announce the death of another young person. I died far too early- there were so many things I could have done. But since, I have seen so many children die. Infants. Little people on toddling legs. Children at war. It has been heartbreaking. And I fear she is considering harming herself."
She studies his face, "You really think this, don't you?"
"Yes."
"What do I need to do?"
"Make sure this ends at school. She cannot keep feeling like this."
"I don't know how I'm going to convince her to go back."
"You can find a different school, can you not?"
"Yes. We can consider that."
"Do. Look at all the options. It may be the only way we avoid a tragedy."
"You've always been protective of us. I guess I should believe you. I don't want to, though."
"I need to return to her. She is so fragile."
"I know. I worry about her. I've never met a kid who was so interested in the stuff she likes."
Thomas smiles, "I have. Me."
"I know- she took your steam engine to school. It's back in the trunk. I picked it up when I went to get her."
"Given the damage to it from all its years of disuse, it was as much hers as mine. I told her nothing of its construction. She figured it out on her own."
"She's a brilliant kid- I just drew the thing. She made it tick."
"That she is. And bright minds feel the slights all the more deeply as they ponder what they did to deserve them."
"I'll be in a minute. Check on her, please?"
He nods and returns to her room. When he arrives, she is not in her bed. Worried, he checks the bathroom. But she is not there, either, nor is she with Rose. He finds her when he returns to her room- she is in her room, sitting in the corner, hidden by the furniture and the shadows. She has a pink plastic razor in her hands.
"Eddie?"
"Go away. You're glowing and messing up my focus."
"No." He sits beside her, wedged by the desk, "Talk to me."
"No."
"What are you doing with that?"
"Nothing."
"You can either speak to me or to your mother when she checks in on you in a few minutes."
"Oh god, not Mom."
"Then I suggest you speak to me."
"I can't go back to school."
"And so..."
"So I'm trying to figure out how to pry the blades out of this thing without cutting my fingers all up. Not that it'll matter much if I get them out, but it would make it really hard to hold the razor, you know?"
"Oh, Eddie..."
"Don't try to stop me."
"No, I know that isn't very realistic. If I do, you will simply continue when I cannot intervene. But I can tell you this...there are far too many things in this world that you will miss. Things I cannot do or have. The touch of a friend's hand warm against yours. The splendour of sunlight. The feeling of soft skin caressed by someone who truly, deeply, loves you- something you have not yet felt. Something I only was allowed once. Eddie, please. My heart breaks for what you would miss. For the beautiful feelings you have not yet had, for the touch of lovers you will never experience. For the brightness of your mind that this world will will be changed by as you think wonderful things into existence. I know you do not wish to hear any of this, but trust me, as one whose life was stolen far too young- and long before I died- there are things that will fill your heart, that will break it in two, that will change everything you know about being human, that you simply must experience."
She sets the razor down, "Really?"
"Yes. Really. You must trust me when I say that even the worst of us falls away when in the arms of someone who truly loves everything about you for the first time. In my case, for the only time. You know so little of my life...but if anyone should have died to end a childhood of suffering, it was I. And I nearly did."
"How?"
"My father. When you are older, ask your mother for my diary. It will explain everything."
"Oh. But did things turn out OK?"
He smiles, "In a strange sort of way...yes."
Eddie flicks the razor under the dresser, "Don't tell Mom, OK?"
"I won't. Unless I need to reveal it to keep you safe."
"Well, duh."
"My articulate little girl."
There is a knock on the door, "Eddie, are you asleep?"
"No."
"Can I come in?"
"Sure."
Daisy enters and finds them sitting in the corner, "Well that's not your bed."
"I know. But I was hiding."
"Gotcha. You need to come up and get some rest. We've got some big decisions tomorrow."
"I'm not going to school."
"I'll let you skip tomorrow."
"Ever."
"Well that's not really an option. But we'll talk about what we can do in the morning. Right now, you need to sleep."
Thomas rises and Eddie crawls to her feet. She gives him a hug and falls into her bed, exhausted. She is snoring within minutes after her mother kisses her goodnight. They step into the hall.
"What did she say?"
"She is deeply struggling with the idea of returning to school."
"That's all you're going to give me, isn't it?"
"Yes."
Daisy sighs, "You'd have been a good dad. You've always been a good listener. And no one keeps secrets like the dead, right?"
"Indeed."
"At least she's asleep."
He does not tell her that he thought she was before, too, "You must rest as well, dear Daisy. Tomorrow will be a long day for you as well, and you cannot simply power yourself with coffee."
"I sure can try, though."
"Go to bed. You will think more clearly. I will keep vigil."
"Always taking care of someone. Someday, I'm going to figure out who you were. You're pretty remarkable, even as a dead guy." She retrieves her book from the kitchen table and goes to the room she shares with Nellie. Thomas, invisible, returns to Eddie's room. As he has done since she was a child, waking with frequent nightmares, he lays down on top of her covers beside her and she curls against him. He does not sleep- that is not the way of ghost- but he closes his eyes and reminds himself just how little she still is- eleven, yes, but only eleven.