Binyamin
Hannah stood in the middle of the class suddenly quiet. It didn't help that Farrah was jabbing her arm. And that's when we realized that Hannah... had forgotten her part of the presentation.
After quickly picking up where she left off, she didn't talk at all after that. It wasn't our final project. But the monthly debates were not something she would usually back out on.
"What happened to you back there?" I heard Farrah whisper to Hannah as they sat down.
"I forgot my part." She replied. Well with a dead sister, and a father in the hospital, I wouldn't blame her. But still, it was different from how she usually acted.
"Well, if Binyamin wasn't so smart, we'd be screwed." She hissed. Hannah said nothing.
"I don't get it. What's wrong with her? You're her friend. Don't you know what happened to her?" I asked Yadirah as soon as I got home. Yadirah turned around with a puzzled look on her face.
"Who are we talking about again?" She asked.
"Hannah. She zoned out during the presentation even though the topic we chose was what she wanted." She stared at me for a moment.
"Are you worrying about... a girl?" She asked.
"Talking to you is useless. Tell you're friend to get her act together." I snapped, then walked out. She followed me into my room.
"Relax, I was just joking. I didn't see her for a couple of days. I usually only see her on Mondays and Thursdays. I didn't know something was wrong." She said quietly. "I'll talk to her tonight." She said. "Oh... and Saifullah called. He wanted to talk to you." She said, before leaving the room without looking back. It had been a very long time since Saifullah dropped by. Maybe two months at most. And usually he had started coming at least twice a month. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. He told me he was coming to the masjid and he wanted to meet me. I didn't know what it would be about. After Maghrib we met there, and on his face, he looked extremely happy to see me. When we sat down together, he started making small talk.
"Have you found any girl you want to marry yet?" He asked, hopefully. I stared at him for a moment and at that moment I realized the poor guy had waited long enough for my sister, and he was still ready to wait some more. I nodded.
"It's just a matter of time before everything is settled." I lied. There was no girl in the picture. It was only my sister's happiness conflicting with her stubbornness and persistence. And where was I going to even find a girl this quick? Should I have just said yes to one of the random girls my mom kept inviting over?
"That's great! I thought it might take even longer." He said. I smiled. What was I doing?
"Of course not." I replied. I always used to tell myself that marriage is no joke. But now I'm only certain that it will be. How am I ever going to find a girl in such a short time?
It's almost impossible. Or no, no it wasn't... There was still one girl who would be willing to go through with this. Laiba.
"To be honest when your sister came up with that condition, I was surprised and confused. I mean, I thought it was going to be really simple. I find the girl I want to marry, she says yes, and then we get married." He said.
"But nothing in life is that easy." I said. "It's always complicated. And the proposal and engagement are just the start of this complex phase called marriage."
"Exactly." He replied. "Especially the patience part. I'm not sure I've exactly gotten that down yet."
"Really? It sure looks like you have." I said. He shook his head.
"Sure I was surprised and confused when I heard of her condition, but mostly... I was disappointed." He said. From the look on his face, he didn't seem to even be wanting this conversation.
"It's understandable. I don't think Yadirah understands how hard it is for you. By putting down that condition, even I was surprised. To be honest... it sort of came as a burden to me. I mean, you can't just chose a random girl and allow her to become a part of your life without fully getting to know her, her interests, or anything."
"My parents did the same to me too. They had a feeling I was in need of a wife to keep me away from temptations... and my past. And I thought it was way too soon. I mean, I didn't even have a job, or an education. But when I saw your sister, I guess I knew she was the right one. Obviously I didn't know whether she was exactly going to accept the proposal or not. But it was a start..." He said a lot, but the only thing that made it to my brain was the mention of his past.
"Your past?" I asked, slowly. He gave me a nervous smile before saying anything.
"Not a very good one." He replied. He didn't seem to want to even touch the subject, so I let it go.
"It's alright. Every one's got one." I said.
"I guess the change came unexpectedly."
"The change?" I said, pressing for more.
"Well, yeah. I wasn't always like this." He said, slowly. "I was stubborn a few years back... or I still might be. Well a lot of things were different after my mother died. I guess I had a hard time accepting it. My dad did too, I guess. But he moved on a lot quicker than I did. It was only after high school that I realized, I couldn't stay the same." For some reason, I never for once thought that Saifullah's mother's death would be the cause of his rebellion.
"So I'm guessing you had quite the temper before?" I asked. He stared down, and shook his head.
"My temper was never my problem." He replied. He didn't want to bring up his past whatsoever. Not even a single thought about it. Maybe it was a good thing. He did say he changed. When I went home that night, while Yadirah was taking a shower, I went through her phone for Laiba's number. It felt wrong. But I couldn't let Yadirah figure it out.
"Hello?" I heard Laiba's voice over the line once I dialed her number. I didn't know what I was doing. Whether what I was doing was right or wrong, I didn't know. "Hello?" She said, again.
"Assalamu Alaikum..." I said, over the phone quietly.
"Wa Alaikumasalaam." She said in an unsure tone of voice. "Who is this?" She asked. I sighed.
"It's me." I replied. "Binyamin."
"Oh. Um, what can I help you with?" She asked awkwardly.
"That offer... is it still up?" I asked her. My heart was ready to pounce out of my chest. This was crazy. What am I even thinking?
"You mean... the whole marriage set up?" She asked. "It is. Are you agreeing to it?"
"On one condition." I said.
"Go on." She said.
"To you this might be a joke, but I plan on taking this seriously." She started laughing.
"Are you suggesting we might fall for each other?" She asked.
"I need this, Laiba. This is the only option I have left thanks to Yadirah putting that condition up for her fiance. And I never wanted to accept this type of proposal in the first place, knowing that our relationship would be a lie. For you, it might be a joke. But for me, it's as serious as it gets. What I'm saying is, you can get away from your parent's nagging, and I can get away from my sister's unreasonable condition without having extra pressure on me to get married. So, the question is, will you accept?" I asked her. She stayed quiet for a moment before sighing.
"Are you saying that we'll get married, and you're going to try to seduce me while we are?" She asked.
"If you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous." I said. What on earth am I signing up for?
"Okay fine. You're going to treat me like a wife, and I'm not going to give a care in the world. Is that right?" She asked.
"I guess it is... What I'm saying is, our intention shouldn't be to get married just to break up. It's wrong. Getting our nikha done is a religious commitment, and an act of worship."
"Woah, hold up. We haven't even tied the knot and you've already started lecturing me."
"But, don't you understand?" I asked.
"I do." She replied, suddenly serious. She sighed. "How about we get married and see if it works out or not?" She asked. That was the moment, my heart felt lighter than a feather.
"Exactly." I said. "Oh... and you're going to have to lie to Yadirah about how we both realized we're interested in each other or something."
"I can't do that. Not only is she my closest cousin, she's one of my best friends. You, out of every person should know that!" She said.
"Laiba, I can't have my sister thinking that I got married under her pressure! She would never forgive herself if she found out." My door burst open, and my mom stood in the doorway with Muhammad in her arms.
"You never told me you got home." She said. When she saw the phone to my ear, she stared at me amused. "When you're done, come outside. I need you to do something."
"Got it." I said. She smiled at me.
"It better not be a girl you're talking to." She said with gritted teeth. I laughed awkwardly.
"Mom, you know me better than that." I said. She stared at me approvingly before she left, closing my bedroom door behind her.
"Tough call." Laiba said, hearing every single word my mom said.
"Let's sort this all out tonight, Bill." I said, tiredly.
"Bill?" She asked. "Couldn't you come up with a better code name for me?" She asked, disappointed. "Fine, you could be Fatima."
"Bill is my best friend's name. Couldn't you come up with a better code name for me?" I asked, a little disappointed as well.
"Well, Fatimah is my best friend's name, so shut it." I rolled my eyes.
"Okay, Bill. This is what we do. I'll tell my parents tonight that I want to marry you, and you just sit there and wait for a call from your favorite aunt to announce that her son is head over heels in love with you. In the meanwhile, you can't tell a single soul about any of this."
"Bossy much?" She asked, lazily. "Alright. I'm waiting." She said, before we both decided to hang up. It was near 11pm when my dad finally got home. When he saw that I was awake unlike Yadirah, he greeted me.
"So what's wrong?" He asked, staring at me as we both sat down at the dining table.
"No food today?" My mom asked, sitting down at the dining table. My dad shook his head.
"Too tired for that." He replied. Then he turned to me again, waiting for me to answer.
"I need to talk to both of you about something." I said quietly. My dad furrowed his eyebrows. "I want to marry Laiba." I said, expressionless. My parents were both caught off guard. My dad turned towards my mom.
"I thought you said he didn't want to marry her." My dad said doubtfully to my mom.
"She wasn't lying back then." I said, turning his attention back on me. He stared at me confused. "But now I realized that... if I were to ever get married, I'd want to marry her."
"You guys... haven't been dating or anything have you?" My dad asked suspiciously.
"Dad! No! I'm not like that. You know that. I respect you both too much to even consider doing something like that behind your back. But most importantly, I know Allah's watching." My dad grinned.
"Don't worry, kid. We were your parents, of course you turned out great." He said. My mom rolled her eyes.
"Keep that pride. But you won't get into Jannah with it." She said, sternly. It was one thing having my dad suspect that I was dating a girl, and another thing having my mom suspect that I was talking to a girl. But in this case, my mom was the true winner.
"Right." My dad said, all of a sudden, gloomy. "Can't we be proud of our children?" He asked, giving a dull look at my mom.
"Of course we can. Just don't forget that Allah provides us with everything. Not you and nor do I." She said, smiling.
"Mom. Dad." I said, trying to get their attention back.
"First thing tomorrow morning, we're going to go visit your aunt and uncle." My mom said, making the decision without my dad's approval - though that's how it's usually done unless my dad said otherwise.
Hannah
"You should try thanking that Binyamin guy. He saved your butt back there, ya know?" Farrah said. I hated the feeling of being indebted to someone. And even worse when it came to men. But what I hated more was when Farrah was right.
"You talk a lot." I said, while developing another migraine. Not only have I been developing severe migraines, I've also been realizing that I have no right to be a jerk towards men and it's all his fault anyways. I don't exactly know if I'm glad we were doing this topic in the first place for a project. I thought everyone was going to reject it but I was surprised when no one did.
"Hannah, hating on men does not show that you're a hardcore feminist. It just shows that you hate men." My mom had once said, when she saw me glaring at every man that would pass by us. She sighed. "I don't know what's gotten into you." I was well over the age of twelve when the hate began to bubble inside me.
"I mean come on, sure you don't like men, but you should really get over it now. It's not healthy for you." Farrah said, biting into a banana. "There's the man. Now go say your awkward thanks to him. He's a good guy." She said, nudging me. I scowled at her. But I didn't have to walk up to his seat to tell him, because Binyamin was already walking over to ours.
"How about we meet next week for the project?" He asked. We would always keep a couple of days for meeting with the group every month. And today was one of the days where we were supposed to meet.
"Something come up?" Farrah asked. He nodded. "Family stuff." He replied.
"Alright then." She said. When he turned around to leave, Farrah nudged me even harder than the last time.
"Ouch!" I whispered hysterically.
"Go." She mouthed.
"H-Hey!" I said, loudly. Binyamin turned around.
"Yeah?" He asked, walking back.
"Thanks for covering for me... during the debate." I said, slowly.
"We are a group. That's what we're supposed to do for each other." He said, shrugging. Then walking away again.
"See? It wasn't that bad, was it?" She asked. It wasn't that bad? No it wasn't. It was terrible. Never had I ever had to say thanks to a guy, and here I was changing everything I believed in just because he walked into my life.
I only saw Yadirah for a bit that day before she too had to go home early with her brother.
When I walked into the MSA room, I saw Yaqub holding onto a huge box and trying to open the door for himself.
"Move." I said. When he saw me, he moved without saying anything. I opened the door wide open for him to go through. He gave me a weird look. "Stop wasting my time, and go." I said. I hate men, but that doesn't mean I'm a terrible human being... does it?
"That was nice of you to do." Amaal, one of the girls in the MSA said. She was standing by the door.
"Yeah? Well, hating takes a lot of energy, but doing good things for people I hate take even more." I replied.
Yaqub
"Did she just open the door for you?" My brother asked, staring at me calmly.
"Uh... yeah. I guess she did." I said.
"Yaqub, you two don't like each other do you? You're not dating are you?!" He asked, now panicking.
"You're scaring me! Stop it." I said, laughing. "I guess you were right though. She doesn't seem that bad." And she didn't. And the whole room was talking about it. I couldn't tell whether she had this massive, hidden crush on me, or she was just trying to change. I mean, I know I'm good looking but the possibilities are endless!
"Your friend didn't come today?" He asked.
"Binyamin?" I asked. "Yeah, he had to do something. Family stuff."
"Alright then. Oh, and don't get any funny ideas just 'cause Hannah opened the door for you. Sure it wasn't expected. But it's not a big deal."
"Oh come on. I'm not that conceited." I said, grinning at my older brother. He laughed.
"Don't you dare test my patience, Yaqub." When I looked over at Hannah, she was reading over some papers. She looked up and caught my gaze then turned back to reading the papers in her hands. I shrugged.
"I test your patience all the time." I replied, turning back to him.
"Ten minutes ago, she was the most scariest woman on campus to you. And now you think you've overcome your fear. Little bro, don't underestimate her." My brother said, teasingly.
So my fear of that girl is to be lighted like a fire again...
Yadirah
"What's going on? Why are we going to Laiba's house so suddenly. Mom never said anything about a family dinner either. Binyamin!" I said, getting annoyed. He wasn't replying.
"You'll figure it out when we get there." He kept saying.
"But why?! You tell me stuff all the time. Just tell me!" I said, through gritted teeth. He didn't budge. When he saw me glaring at him, he gave in lazily.
"Laiba and I are getting married or engaged I think. Well if her parents accept." He said, finally. "Well, that's what we both want now. But as of now, it's up to the parents."
"You're what?!" I screamed on the bus home. "But you said you wouldn't treat marriage like a joke. And when was this all even happening? Laiba's practically my best friend! She tells me literally everything." I said.
"Can you calm down?" He asked. "We'll talk about this after we get home from her house."
"Do you love her?" She asked quietly.
"Do you love Saifullah?" I asked her. She turned red in the face.
"You don't get to ask that question!" She said, annoyed. I smirked.
"And you do?" I asked.
"Okay fine. Does Laiba love you?" She asked me.
"Now that is something you could ask her." I said.
"She doesn't." She replied bluntly. Jeez, thanks for telling me that.... "She's in love with another guy whose also desperately in love with her. But she's scared of going in that direction." She said quietly. "Of course I should have cut my tongue off before ever telling you that. But you're marrying her... You're marrying a girl that might never love you." She said, frowning. I didn't know what to say. Did I really want this? Spend my entire life with a girl that might be hung up with a guy from her past? I don't know.
"Yadirah, do you trust me?" I asked her. She gave me a shocked look, then laughed at me mockingly.
"Oh my perfect brother, please don't get me wrong. But I have a billion reasons as to why some human beings can't even trust their own selves and here you are telling me to trust you. Do you trust yourself to get into this mess and out of it clean?" She asked.
If I get into this mess, I plan to stay in this mess until I have everything cleaned.
Though, then again, cleaning is definitely not my expertise.