(A/n: 125% of this chapter is utterly and completely true. Every single detail down to the tears I shed writing this. Also the picture is the new cover for my new book I'll be publishing instead of Part of Me. I really hope you enjoy this chapter And
Stay classy ;3)
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The best kind of relationships begin unexpectedly. When you get the astonished feeling and everything happens so suddenly. That's why you don't look for love. It comes to you just at the right time; the time you never thought it would have...
-Erens Pov-
I am dead. I have always been dead. I remember the day vividly, as if a dream, repeating in my mind endlessly. I am dead because of my own mistakes, and my choices led me to my ending. I liked to blame my death on the world around me, and the choices that they made on me. When in reality I was just fooling myself into believing my own lies. I wanted to live, and I wanted to grow up, and be like everyone else. I had a family, and I had friends. I had a boyfriend; if you would even call it that. We had been on a few dates in the time I was alive. We kissed a lot. I even lost my virginity to him. Shouldn't that mean him and I are boyfriends? I still don't know, because I can't find the answers when I am dead. Then again, I could never find the answers when I was alive.
When I killed myself... it felt so weird. A flurry of emotions filled up my body. Regret. Guilt. Shame. I regret when I had killed myself. I know I was sad, and I know I was going through a lot. I was so tired, so sick, so done. I was at the breaking point of my life. My timer was up.
Boom.
I wish I could change it. I wish I could change it all. If only I could...
-
"Oh come on Levi! It's Christmas! You can't be free on Christmas! Even so, it is your Birthday too!" I tugged on his arm, whining to him. We were both relaxing inside his house. It had a warm and cozy feeling to it. We were all having a small, pre-christmas party. Hanji was baking all of the sweets whilst Erwin was cooking up the dinner. When most movies, or books describe a party, they make it look or sound like this rager party with alcohol or people getting high off drugs. This party, unlike most, was a calm and peaceful party. We all were huddled in the house while the wind outside whipped around mercilessly.
Levi sighed, holding his drink with one hand, steam rising from his porcelain tea cup, holding the handle as he took a long and slow sip. It was the kind of sip where it made the loud slurping sound. It rang through my ears as I whined once more, pushing his arm with a pout. "Rude," I huffed, looking away, my arms crossing over my chest. Levi turned his head towards me, now fully facing me with his emotionless face. With slow movements, he put down his tea cup onto the Christmas themed coffee coasters. With his now free hand, he put it on the back of my neck, giving me his usual blank face as he leaned closer to my lips. His hand warm on my neck from the tea cup he had previously held. "Would a rude person, do this?" he asked, pushing his lips onto my own.
Petra was the first to notice from the small group of people that we had invited to the party. "Ooooo!" Petra gasped, winking at us as Levi and I kissed. "Oh ew! Get a room, sickos!" Chuckled Erwin as he joked along with everyone else. I just rolled my eyes in response, pulling myself closer to Levi. We had to pull away after a while due to other people being in the room with us shouting "Get a room!" A heavy blush blanketed over my cheeks as I looked away from Levi. "Is Levi... no way!" Hanji gasped, pointing at Levi with a wide and happy grin.
"Levi is blushing! Blushing I tell you!" Everyone else gasped, looking at Levi with wide eyes. I looked to my left, seeing Levi with a slightly redder face. A fraction more red than normal. "Shut up." He scowled at the group, looking away and towards the empty kitchen.
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Ah, it was the times and sweet everlasting memories like those that I miss the most. I remember the last words I said to my sister, Mikasa. In fact it was the exact day I had died. I knew that I was going to die that day. So I wanted my last words to stick with Mikasa.
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"Stay Classy." I whispered into her ear. Mikasa furrowed her eyebrows and placed the back of her hand onto my forehead. "Are you okay? Are you sick?" She asked, making me nod. I was lying to my own sister with just a nod. I gave her a wink. I told her to stay classy because it was our little code word she and I shared together. It didn't mean "Wear a dress and act proper!" No.. It meant something else;
be happy. It meant good luck. It meant I love you. It meant stay safe. It meant get well soon. It mean everything and anything.
-
I remember the last words I told Levi. Well, it was more of a small speech rather than a few words. "Levi, I love you. I know you don't feel the same. I know it takes time before you can just hop into a relationship.. or whatever it is that you and I share... Just know... Nothing's your fault. None of this is your fault. Please, just be my little cliche..." I remember the exact words I said to him. I remember the exact date, the exact hour I had died. I remember how I died. I remember...
How my sister was the one who found me...
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Mikasas Pov.
It was hard to breathe. It was hard to think. It was hard to understand. I just remember seeing my brother, in his room, dead.. On his room floor. Pills in hand. Scars on his wrists. The blood. The emptiness. I didn't sleep. I couldn't, knowing my brother wasn't with me. I didn't cry at the funeral. I lost all my tears from the days before. Dark bags hung under my blood-eyes. I just watched them lower their heads as he was lowered into the ground. Levi looked just like me, only his fists were bruised..
At the funeral house after the ceremony.. It was just Levi and I. "We should go soon.." I mumbled to Levi. he gave no response and only looked at the freshly packed ground. I looked up.. seeing the sky.
In most movies, when someone dies, the funeral has low hanging dark clouds, rain pouring down endlessly. At the funeral.. the sky was a pink. A pink fused together with a deep orange color. I felt a few left over tears escape my eyes as I smiled. I counted off the clouds in the sky as I tapped Levi's arm. "Look up." I said in a soft tone. Levi slowly looked up, his eyes widening a little. "When an artist dies... they get to paint the sky.." I whispered to myself, but I knew Levi heard me too.
I left soon after, leaving Eren and Levi to goodbye to one another. The rest of it.. wasn't easy. The next month was the worst. I would run into the house, throwing down my bag and running into his room, opening the door only to find it Eren-less... The next year I got home from school, seeing my father walking up to my brothers room. "HEY!" I screamed, chasing him. "Stop! That's my brothers room!!" I saw the packing boxes in his hands. "No no no! You can't clean it out!!" I shoved him away. "Get away from my brothers room!!" I screamed until my father walked away, not even wanting to listen to my words.
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Levis POV
I remember the day too clearly. I remember the sky, perfectly. After Mikasa left me, I sat on the ground in front of the packed down dirt. "That one!" I mumbled, pointing up into the air and towards a big cloud. "That one looks like you, Eren.." I smiled. I smiled wider as the tears, the hot and salty tears flowed down my cheek. "A-and that one looks like a bunny." I called, not caring to wipe away the tears; the pain. "Look at the clouds with me, Eren..." I whimpered gently.
"Tell me the story behind your cloud, Eren."
The months after that I pretended like I was at my best. I was denying the facts that laid right in front of me. I started re-playing the piano. One day I got a text message from an unknown number which I had suspected it was Mikasa because she started with "It's Mikasa." I knew she got my number from Erens phone.. "Don't do anything stupid, as you might regret it... I don't want to lose you too.." The test read. "I won't. I promise." I promised as I sent the text. From then on she continued to call me once a month to make sure if I was okay or at least alive. The times I spent with Eren, those were the times I felt most alive. Now I felt dead.. but I was alive.
Was I alive..?
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Erens pov.
I am dead. I have always been dead. I remember the day vividly, as if a dream, repeating in my mind endlessly. I am dead because of my own mistakes. I thought I wasn't loved. But I was wrong. Because...
Eventually we will understand what it means to truly be loved by what is on the inside....
-fin-