*Justin*
Next Day
4:32 PM
"Because she has no right telling me what to fucking do." I said to Hunter, shooting the basketball up in the net.
"She cares about you, and you really don't let her in. Sure she knows about your family, and she knows other things, but if you have something on your mind that's bothering you, you should talk to her."
"And dump my problems on her? No."
"If she was upset about something and had a bad day, wouldn't you want her to talk to you? You wouldn't want her crying because something was wrong and have her refuse to tell you."
"But she doesn't, she's called me."
"Exactly, yet you don't talk to her about that stuff. She wants to listen to you."
"The reason why I was upset was because you killed someone!"
"No Justin! We killed someone! Just because you didn't pull the trigger doesn't make it any different, you were still there! I did what I had to do to keep my own ass alive! I get that you don't like it and don't want to do it, you think I do?! Of course I don't! But somebody out there killed my fiance! I know he's not fucking dead, and half of my god damn brain tells me it's someone working for Manny. Anytime I pull that trigger he could be gone, so yes I'm going to do it!"
"You think you're the only one out here that has lost loved ones?! That's what I don't fucking want! You're not the only one that has ever been in love Hunter! You're the one that told me to keep my mouth shut, and that's what I'm doing! Yes Manny killed her! You're the only one still in denial about it! You honestly think that was an accident? I'm not letting that happen to Bella! I'm not letting her into that part of my life! I'm not going to be the reason she's fucking dead!"
"Oh? You're saying it's my fault?! It's my fault Grace is dead!"
"She followed you! You made a fucking choice to get in of this business and you knew it would be hard to get out!"
"I was trying! I was almost out!"
"You know why you didn't get out? Because of him! Because Manny didn't want you out! And he knew that if she was gone you weren't leaving! He killed her Hunter!"
"You don't think I don't have to live with this every day of my life?! You don't think it's hard waking up every morning, praying to see her face beside me and she's not there?! You don't think this is fucking hard?!"
"I never said that it wasn't hard, I know that! But now you're telling me to tell her!? Now I'm supposed to tell what's going on?! That's practically handing her over to him! I'm not putting the girl I love out there like that! She won't die from my mistakes!"
"Ha! You said it! You said you loved her?"
"That's not what we're talking about." I muttered, throwing the basketball to the other side of the court.
"But it is. What I said was wrong, that's how I lost Grace. If you tell her she's not going to go searching for answers on her own Justin! She won't be at the wrong place at the wrong time and end up like Grace. I should have been open with her about it, everything. She'd still be here. You love Bella? Then tell her what's going on, how you're feeling. Have you even told her you love her?"
"No," I sighed, shoving my hands in my pockets. "If I don't even let her in like that...how is that proof that I love her? How can I tell her that this," I motioned to myself, pulling at the ends of my hair. "This thing that I've become over the past few years loves her? I'm the god damn beast and she's the beauty. If she knew what I did...If she saw me...I don't want her to see me blown up and angry I don't want to be that guy. I didn't used to be." I sat down, resting my elbows on my knees and looked forward. "She's the only thing that makes me happy these days, no offense."
"You're not a beast," He sighed, sitting down beside me. "I feel like it sometimes too, but we aren't. We're just trying to survive."
"We're stuck."
"We won't be forever."
"I shouldn't have brought her into this."
"Man, you already told me you love her. I know she cares about her, what are you really afraid of?"
"Losing her." I admitted, still looking forward. I couldn't look at him. "Not being loved back."
"You aren't ever going to know if you don't try. Think about it. If you tell her first, she's not going to go snooping around for answers she already has."
"How do I tell her what I do? How to I tell her that I take care of all of Manny's dirty work."
"Just say it like that...you know it's too late to let go of her...especially if you really love her. You can't tell me that you honestly think she doesn't feel the same way. I see how you both look at each other. There isn't any denying that."
"What if Manny finds out that she knows? How do I...How do I tell her I hurt people?"
"I don't know, maybe you start out small, or maybe you just start by telling her what's wrong instead of nothing."
"I guess so."
"I'm just telling you, she's going to get to the point real soon where she's going to go hunting for herself. She's a lot more...impatient then Grace was."
"I'm sorry about what I said, it wasn't your fault. Manny killed her, not you."
"I should have taken her away while I still could have - I should have told her. Just...keep Bella really close Justin."
"I do - I will."
"Have you even thought of telling her you loved her?"
"That was the first time I admitted it to myself - that I loved her."
"Well I think that you should talk to her..."
"Maybe if it comes up."
"Bro," He chuckled, grabbing onto my shoulder. "She is not going to bring it up. She's a girl."
"Maybe I will then in the spur of them moment or something. I don't know."
"Plan a nice dinner or something, show up at night without telling her, girls like surprises, the nice ones anyway."
I just smirked, playfully shoving him away and went over to the basketball, shooting it from the other end of the court.
"Enough talk about girls. Let's finish the game.
_________________________________________________________
*Bella*
Tuesday
6:24 PM
Hopping out of the shower, I hugged my towel around me, the crisp March air causing chills to crawl up my spine.
Something caught my eye at the window, what seemed to be a note taped outside, and I went over to the door, opening it enough to stick my arm out and get it, then shut it again quickly so my room didn't turn into an ice box.
Didn't want to wake you up, but I wanted to be the reason you smiled first today. Have a nice day buttercup. - Justin
"Awww," I smiled, then stuck the note to my mirror, pulling the curtain to the balcony just in case and put my clothes.
Well he was definitely the reason I smiled first.
Ever since I had talked to Hunter...I felt a little guilty I guess, maybe I should have talked to Justin first, but I wasn't going to try and squeeze everything out of him, and yet he hasn't told me on my own.
I know how he got sometimes, he made it very clear the first time I met him - while he was yelling at Bradley.
By now I knew he was short tempered...just not towards me...yet.
Sure he didn't know I had gone and talked to Hunter, but if he found out? Would he be mad at me? It's not like I had actually found out anything else, that just he didn't want me to get hurt, and that he cared about me, that Hunter could tell that he was falling in love with me.
And Jaxon has said the same thing, but I haven't heard it, he didn't tell me what was going on...
"He's just trying to be careful Bella, after what happened with Grace...he's lost his family, but now he has you. He doesn't want to risk that. He's never been with a girl more than once, but you? The fact that he hasn't even tried to get in your pants is a miracle. That's because he respects you. What he does, what Mike and I do, it's not normal. We could get in trouble, so much trouble. I shouldn't even be saying that, but just know that he's not telling you so you stay safe. You being around alone makes his day better, and trust me, you don't want to hear something that you can't unhear. Keep doing what you're doing, because whatever it is, it's working."
I bit down on my lip, shaking my head to myself as I went into my bathroom and started blow drying my hair.
I loved that I made him happy, I did, but...why drugs and alcohol instead of me? Why wouldn't he tell me about that?
You think by now he would know I cared about him enough, that I would listen if he was upset.
I found a red bandana, using it as a headband, doing my makeup before I left the bathroom and picked up my phone, calling Justin before I went to school.
"I got your note." Saying that alone made me smile, staring back at where it sat with the other one he had left a few weeks ago.
"Did it work?"
"Yes," I laughed, making my way to the kitchen and pulled down a bowl for cereal. "What are you doing up so early?
"Grant, Hunter's Uncle, asked me to come in a little early today to help him with a paint job, so I thought why not. You're so cute sleeping."
"I would have killed you if you came inside."
"Which is why I didn't. I know you would have, and I wasn't going to scare you."
"It was very sweet, thank you."
"You're welcome...did you want to come over tonight?"
"Yeah, sure. I'll make up something to tell my dad. I'm here at work though until 5:30, I'm getting paid over this morning though, so it's worth it. Want to come over about six?"
"Yup, that sounds good."
"Ok, I gotta go, I'm here now. I'll see you tonight."
"Ok, have a nice day."
"Yeah, you too."
We both hung up, and I poured my cereal, leaning over the counter as I ate.
If I felt guilty now, who knows how I'd feel tonight.
_______________________________
6:09 PM
"Did you have a good day?" Justin asked me, hugging my waist in his arms.
"Yes, I did actually. I put your note on my mirror."
"What if your brother sees it? Or your dad?"
"Good point." I frowned, sliding my hands off his neck down to the top of his chest. "I'll move it when I get home, anyway how was your day? Did you make some cars all pretty?"
"Yeah, I did."
"I want to come see once. Maybe if I have off one day and your working there, I can come and bring you lunch, like in those movies when the hot boyfriend rolls out from under the car and you're covered in a little grease, but strangley enough it's attractive."
"Lucky for you I took a shower before you got here."
"That's why you smell so nice."
"Yes, that's why I smell so nice." And with that he captured my lips, a fresh smile curling on my lips as I leaned back slightly, forcing him to lean in more just so the kiss wouldn't break.
I pulled back, biting down on my lip as he shook his head, pressing me back on the wall with one hand on my neck, squeezing my hip in the other.
"I think somebody missed me." I mumbled against his lips, watching his eyes flutter open.
"Maybe, maybe not."
"You did." I pouted, sticking out my bottom lip.
"Yes I did, it's been a couple of days."
"I missed you too." But then I shivered, kinda killing the moment - which wasn't odd for me.
"You're cold?"
"I'm a weird blooded animal," I mumbled, letting go of him to cross my arms over my chest.
"Stay here, I'll get you something."
"Ok."
It wasn't cold out early, it was getting to the point where it was only cold sometimes, cool during the day, so I had only worn a jacket to school, but I got hot in the car, and of course left it there.
"Here, you can keep this. It's just my old basketball sweatshirt."
"It says Bieber on the back." I grinned, pulling it on over my head.
"At least it fits you, it's just a little too small for me now."
"Thank you, I'm good now, it was just a shivrer."
"Good...I was actually hoping to talk to you about something, while you were here in person tonight anyways."
"Ok..." I traced patterns on his chest slowly, hoping he wouldn't notice, but then again I didn't really care if he did. "What is it?"
"I-I um, it's just that with my other job...I think it migh be better if I tell you some stuff, instead of just keeping it all secret."
"Oh...like what?"
"Well, for starters, you already have seen the stuff with Bradley, but that's not all I do. Manny kind of has me do his dirty work for him. Somebody doesn't pay him? I take care of it. They break rules? I take care of it. If you knew what I did really you wouldn't want anything to do with me."
"You don't even know if that's true. What do you mean you take care of it?"
"You know how in movies where there are the two people in the room, one is in the chair and the other is kind of pacing, asking the questions and stuff?"
"Yeah?"
"That's me, me and Hunter anyway. Or I go with him and Manny to take care of other things, like people trying to run, or that never made their payment. You know, that kind of thing."
"So like..interegation?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"...Why are you telling me? If it's dangerous for me to know?"
"Because I don't want you to go searching for answers. Like I said...with Grace...I'm not going to let that happen."
"Oh..." I looked down then, guilt brewing in my stomach.
I had gone to Hunter, I had already been searching for answers, I had already gotten more answers from Hunter pretty much than Justin...I didn't know Justin would tell me though.
"Why? I thought you would want to know..."
"I do," I nodding, shaking myself out of it. I had to tell him, or I'd keep feeling awful. He'd find out eventually. "It's just that...I kinda went to Hunter yesterday after school...I talked to him and asked him questions about it, he told me that he did more than you did, that it was dangerous, and you were right when you told me that it was hard to get out of...I just wanted to know what was wrong the other night."
"Wait a minute, you went - to talk to Hunter - about the job I told you I'm not allowed to speak about - behind my back?"
"No, it wasn't like that. I just...you know I don't like it when you're upset, you said so yourself you didn't let anybody understand, so if you weren't going to let me I thought Hunter could at least tell me something."
"That would be behind me back Bella." He let go of me then, crossing his arms over his chest.
"It's not like that."
"Where were you?! Talking to him? Were you out in public?"
"I went to the shop, the car shop. He gave me directions..."
"He helped you get there?!"
"Justin, calm down."
"No I'm not going to fucking calm down! Do you have any idea what could have happened?! That's our cover up job! Anybody could have been watching the both of you! Why would he do that!?"
"He was trying to help me."
"Did anybody follow you home? Were you right outside? How long were you there?!"
"Damn Justin, no, he took me into his Uncle's office, and no. No one followed me home."
"That you know of!"
"I didn't think you were going to tell me anything! You barely have Justin!"
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" He threw his hands up in the air, letting out what seemed to be a laugh as he shook his head. "I told you, you can't go prying into work or specific things I do!"
"When you're in trouble of course I'm worried about you! Or if you've had a bad day! You'd be doing the same thing if it was me!"
"But it's not Bella! It's fucking not you!"
"Oh?! So of course if it would be me it would be different! You can care but I can't?!"
"That is not what we're talking about!"
"That isn't fair! I don't want us to keep secrets! I hate knowing that you go to that stupid job, you mess up, and you come home hurt, or you come to me like last time! I think about it every day! Then you tell me you've had a bad day and I don't know why, that I don't understand - but you aren't letting me!"
"What do you think I'm trying to do?! You could have been hurt Bella! They could have been watching you and followed you home to see where you lived, they could have taken you after you left and I wouldn't have known what happened!"
"But I'm fine!"
"That's nott the point Bella! The point is I told you to stay out of my god damn business so you wouldn't get hurt!"
"I-I- I don't want you to just not call me one day, I don't want them to hurt you so bad you can't- Justin-"
"Bella, I have been doing this for five years. Five fucking years. I can take care of myself."
He had the same eyes he did the first day I met him...the ones that left me as still as a stone, the ones that made me stutter, the other side of him I had rarely seen.
"Then take care of yourself. Whatever." I left where I stood then, walking to his door and pulled it open, shutting it behind me and then took off down the hall - Justin already calling after me as I flew down the stairs.
But I was out the doors, wanting to get away from him, wanting to runaway before he could catch up to me and just clear my head.
When I was gone another block, I stopped running, catching my breath and held my hands up to my head, closing my eyes for a moment.
I shouldn't have done it, I should have just kept my mouth shut.
I love how everybody else kept telling me they loved me- everyone but him.
First Jaxon, now Hunter - but that?
I looked around me then, not seeing anyone in sight, looking around at the buildings around me, and realized I was close to the park.
That's where I would go.
____________________________
*Justin*
6:52 PM
"Bella!" I called out, looking around frantically in all directions, my throat tight, my eyes burning.
I had been looking for her for twenty minutes, she wasn't in a single shop I passed - and even though it hadn't been that long, it was too long for me.
What if they had her? What if they saw her walking the streets herself? It would be my fault, it is my fault. She was out here somewhere all alone with Manny's people wandering the streets, she wasn't with me, she couldn't protect herself. What if they thought she knew things? Would they take her? Hide her? Hurt her?
I had to find her.
"Bella!" I called out again, running down the street against the corner, past the basketball court down another block.
I was going to give myself whiplash.
I stopped at the park, letting out all the air I had been holding when I saw her, feeling a certain pain in my chest as I stood across the street from her. I knew she hadn't even heard me, or saw me. She was crying.
And the reason was because of me.
I made my way across the street, her eyes closed, letting tears fall off her lashes onto her cheeks.
It was killing me.
Then her eyes opened, jumping slightly as she saw me, then kept blinking, wiping her eyes when she saw I was really there.
I sat down on the swing, kicking at the rubber mulch, letting out another deep breath.
You're such a fucking idiot.
"Bella, I'm sorry, but you know how I feel about that." I managed, wanting to touch her, to wipe her eyes and pull her close to me...but I was afraid of her pushing me away.
She didn't respond - she simply wiped her eyes again, looking down at the mulch like I had been.
"I tell you what I can..."
"No you don't, you never tell me anything by yourself, and when you tell me it's because I've gotten it out of you - until today."
"Not everything is safe for you to know."
"I never said it was."
"I don't know what else you want me to say."
"Then why did you come out here?" She stood up, hugging my sweatshirt to her body. "Why even come after me?"
"Because..."
"Because what?! What?! Because I'm here knowing that I love you and afraid to say it with everybody else around me telling me that you love me, but I haven't heard it once! Did you want to hear it from me first? Is that it?! Because I love you! I don't care if it's traditional for the boy to say it first or any of that shit because I can't help how I feel. I'm sorry I was snooping but I don't want anything to happen to you, then only reason I did it was because I care, and I love you, so I'm sorry, I'm sorry if that-"
I cut her off then, pulling her body as close to mine as I could while I kissed her, holding onto the base of her neck, my eyebrows frowed together.
She loved me. She said it first...not me.
"I wanted to say it first." I laughed, catching my breath as I rested my forehead on hers. "I just wanted to figure out how- you know, the right way."
"There is no right way," She laughed with me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Trust me, if there was a right way, it wouldn't have been like that."
"You took the words out of my mouth." I let out a light chuckle, bending myself down enough to kiss her again, wiping the reminance of her tears with my thumb.
"Obviously." She let out a small laugh, playfully rolling her eyes.
"Sorry, I love you too."
Then she smiled, tucking her head under my chin with it buried into my chest, my reaction to instinctively wrap my arms around her, afraid Manny's people really were watching, ready to take her at any moment, but not with me here.
They couldn't have her, ever.
"Nervous?" She laughed, somehow mangaing to snuggle herself deeper.
"A little I guess, I've only said that to family, and even with that it's been a long time."
"That's ok," She pulled back, brushing my now dry, wind blown hair to the side. "I like the sound of it."
"Does that mean you want me to say it again?" I laughed, wearing one of those really wide smiles that made my cheeks hurt. "Because I will."
"Do you want to?"
"I love you," I laughed again, cooled down from how I was just a half hour ago, nestling my lips in the top of her hair. "My Bella."
"I love you too."
"No more crying, ok? I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm really sorry."
"It's ok, don't worry about it. Just forget it happened, I won't snoop anymore, I shouldn't have, I just don't want anything to happen to you."
"I know, but I'm alright."
"No," She shook her head, cupping my face in her hands. "You can't tell me you're ok when you come over all cut up like you do. What if something happens? I-I just-"
"Bella, I'm used to that."
"You shouldn't be, that's my point. What happened to you? Jaxon always talks about that night, the one night..."
"I don't like talking about that, maybe another time."
"Ok, that's fine."
"Can we go back home, please? I can make us dinner, and then I have something to show you."
"Alright."
_________________
8:43 PM
I moved my hand down Bella's side, pulling her leg around me, the kiss intensifying with every second that passed, driving me mentally insane.
"I'm not having sex with you." She mumbled between kisses, her hands rested on the top of my chest underneath me.
"I got that, it's fine." I mumbled back, moving my hand under her shirt to her bare skin, feeling the vibration of her laughter against my lips.
"That tickles."
"You have soft skin."
"Thank you, I think."
"Come on," I smiled, pecking her cheek, and then her neck a final time. "I want to show you that thing now."
"What is it?"
"You'll see, come on." I got up off of her, taking her hands as helped her off of the couch.
"Does it require driving, because I have to be home by ten. My father will call."
"You'll be home by then." I went over to the kitchen, opening up a drawer and got a certain pair of keys, going over to the door and held out my hand. "I promise."
She smiled, letting out a dramatic sigh, then placed her hand in mine, letting me pull her out of my apartment to the end of the hall, unlocking the door and let it shut behind us.
"Justin..."
"What?"
"Are we even allowed to be going up here?"
"Don't you trust me?"
"Yes."
"I wouldn't have a key if I wasn't allowed to come up here."
We walked up the rest of the stairs, and I pushed the door open to the roof, smiling up at the sky above me.
"This is amazing."
"When it gets warmer they'll out all these plants up here. It smells wonderful, but on clear nights like this, it's a nice spot."
"It's beautiful, the stars are just- wow."
"You're beautiful, and you're my star." I wrapped my arms around her waist, nuzzling my nose into her hair, smelling the scent of coconut instantly.
"Aw, that's cute."
"Thanks."
She took my hands, pulling them farther around her, resting her head back on my shoulder.
"Do you have to go to work tomorrow? You know...Manny's."
"Yeah," I nodded, kissing the side of her head. "Don't worry, I'll be ok."
"I will worry as much as I want to mister."
I just chuckled, looking up at the sky and pressed my lips to her cheek.
What a night.
_______________
Author's note:
I updated AGAIN today! Ahh! My #Jella feels right now :)))))
Twitter: @lostinstereoWP
Character Twitters:
@Bella_Knowle
@Justin_Tempted
@Jackie_Tempted
@Hunter_Tempted
@Josh_Tempted
@Jaxon_Tempted
We still need a Mike...and a Troy *cough cough*