I looked up from my spot. In despair, and out of spite, I had stood up. I looked for one thing, one thing in particular.
...
Angelo's pistol. If he had even used it. I eventually found it on his kitchen floor, and saw more scattered things like silverware and pans.
I checked the clip, and the gun two bullets left. His glock seemed well kept. As if he was planning to shoot someone with it. I started to look at it with anxiety. Did he shoot an "aggressor" of some sort with it? I began to worry his well being. He wasn't here and nothing answered my question as to why he's gone.
I set the gun down on the kitchen counter, and for once, I actually sat down and contemplated my life. Why I even came to touch the gun. Why I even decided to try and beat up on Chad. Heck, I even reminded myself of the farther past.
But then I realized that it's not the past that matters, and that I need to know what's going on at my college, and how Daniel is doing.
It was an early morning, and I had gone to the main office of my college. The counselors were actually talking to Skylar! I came in without supervision and was going to ask what was up with Skylar but I heard what she was speaking so highly about.
"Are you kidding me? You're kicking out Austin but not Chad for this? They were both fighting and Chad was obviously the first aggressor!" argued Skylar.
Chad had it made for him. He was coming from a rich family. How did I know? I didn't have a definite answer by meeting his family. It's the way he talks, the way he walks, who he associates himself with, which at that point I knew which kind of dick head I was dealing with. He had these ways with his words, he formed them like douche-silky-velvet. He got pictures of girls in the college, of course, in the nude. He was able to pass into varsity sports even with shit grades. All whilst being a fucking idiot. He had a group of dumbasses who were by his side at all times. Without them, Daniel and I would have fucking kicked his ass.
"Yes but-- oh how formal of YOU to be joining us at such a time, Austin." exclaimed the counselor in surprise.
"What happened to Daniel? Where's Chad?"
"You don't need to worry about Mr. Xiao. He's doing fine and only had a minor injury," said the counselor.
I was already in an ample amount of relief.
"You also have no need to worry about Chad since he's on suspension." finished the counselor.
"And that last statement was the wrong thing to do!" said Skylar angrily.
"Could you two just explain what happened after the fight ended?" I'm sure that, that statement was in Daniel's mind too, since he was punked around as well.
"I... I was on the way to go and talk to you and Daniel, to hang out with you guys since everyone else was busy. Then I witness you guys fighting outside the building and I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and stopped Chad." explained Skylar.
"That's fucking crazy." I swore right in front of the counselor, but I wasn't the type to care at that moment of time.
"Yeah, you can marvel over how crazy it all is, but too bad you'll also have to deal with some other news too." stated the counselor.
"Yeah? Like what?" I directed my eye contact at the counselor.
"You're getting expelled from this college. But before you go crazy, you could've gone to jail for assault, so I suggest you tread carefully from now on young man." said the counselor in a near hiss towards the end of her statement.
I was about to go off regardless of her warning to be careful.
"Listen to me, you fucking boob job, dick sucking, bingo playing, '79 prom queen whore. Although I had a bit of blunt trauma last time I was conscious, I could clearly remember he was the one committing assault towards my friend and I. He pulled out a fucking pocket knife for fuck sakes!"
"Yeah, Austin's right, how could he be the one in the wrong for this?" asked Skylar.
"We don't have time for this. Both of you, leave my office or else the consequences will be dire." threatened the counselor.
"What do you mean they'll be dire?!"
"You're not supposed to be here, Austin. Leave." repeated the counselor.
"And CHAD didn't get dire consequences because...?"
"Leave, Austin." said the counselor.
"No. Tell me why and I'll leave."
Skylar sighed and looked at me from her seat, then stood up. Her eyes seemed to talk in their own ways, because when she looked at me in the eyes, I could sense her telling me to leave.
But then she retained such argument.
"Come on Austin... this is a waste of time." whispered Skylar.
I looked back and forth between both of them twice, but I couldn't be mad at Skylar. Never. She just vouched for me, even when I still fought back. I turned around and left the college grounds. I could tell that as I was leaving the office, Skylar was trying to follow me.
I thought she stopped but all the sudden.
"Hey..."
I turned around.
"Hey."
"I'm sorry that I couldn't convince her to soften anything up." Skylar said it in her usual innocent voice. But not the "usual-usual" one. Like the one you'd always use. She spoke in a tone I knew she'd only speak to me in.
"It's okay, Skylar. It's not your fault. I have a small temper. I understand that."
"Yeah but even then, she still had no reason to only give you the full on expulsion." whispered Skylar.
"I know. But I shouldn't have fought in the first place. Otherwise, I'd still be a student here."
"Chad is such an asshole." she says under her breath.
"I'm sure that's something we could all agree on, all is in everyone whose not his friend, honestly."
As we were talking I hadn't noticed that we had walked around the nearby park. We were almost halfway through. Both of us walking at the same pace. But this pace meant a lot to me. It didn't just mean we were at the same pace, but at the same level. We both understood eachother, regardless of gender, race, religion, opinions. Although we share the same race, and opinions, it's hard to contain a good friendship at that these days. Trent being a good example, from my past.
She chuckled "You always had a way to make me smile, even during the first day you came around, Austin."
"It's my pleasure to make people laugh."
"It comes to you so naturally, despite the circumstances. The boob job line at the office was kinda hilarious to hear after being so angry this morning. You refreshed my morning, Austin. I appreciate someone who can do that, since the girls at my dorm are usually being the female Chad." Skylar looked up at me, and I looked back at her. We both smiled and kept walking on, then turning our heads towards the direction we were walking, we kept speaking.
"What did Chad want, anyways?"
"Well he probably told you while trying to attack you guys. He usually gives away his plans, like a clumsy villain from a cartoon." Skylar looked down as she walked.
"He said something about you, being his. He seemed pretty delusional."
"That was his motive? I'm not surprised. He only says that because he thinks I like him... but I don't. I'm more interested in someone else." Skylar had said in a more shy tone.
That statement initially made me feel worried about our friendship since I was planning to evolve it into an actual relationship. I found that you could never be one-hundred percent "just friends" with a girl. Either it's that with a bit of flirting, or it's just straight up only friends. Even then... this is a thing for you and me, let's be honest, even with lady friends, you usually feel like fucking them. At least once. But really soon I had taken her shy tone as a way for me to stab her verbally, in a good way.
"If you don't mind me asking, who is in your interests, Skylar?"
"Um... I don't know how to say this..." Skylar whispered.
I felt like she was about to say Daniel or something, even in a situation where the odds were in my favor, in my past that's been proved to easily be turned around.
"You don't have to answer... I was just curious."
"No no, it's just hard to go out with it." Skylar said.
We were at the end gate of the park, and she stopped in her tracks so I naturally stopped with her at the end since we had the same pace the whole time.
"I'm interested in you Austin. That day when you showed your true colors." Skylar confessed.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You've managed to make me blush so much since then. Even thinking back on that day..." Skylar began blushing.
"You're so adorable when you can't even make up your thoughts to me. I'm not the best guy in the world. At all." I was extremely genuine about that statement, I meant it.
"Well maybe in my eyes you've carved yourself out for me perfectly." she sounded a bit more confident as she stared me in the eyes this time.
"Oh..."
"In these few days you've done a lot for me, Austin." Skylar's eye contact with me was undying.
"I'm glad I can make such an influence."
"Your influence is huge..." Skylar said.
"Thanks."
"No, thank you, Austin." she really focused her eyes onto me when she said that.
"Your welco--"
"Ugh just shut up and kiss me." she wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled me close as our lips touched.
Her lips were soft, and her skin was even softer. I wrapped my hands around her waist and we kept going at it.
"We should meet again soon enough, maybe sneak in my dorm room tomorrow or something..." she whispered into my ear as she stopped and walked back to the college.
"You're a good kisser."
"You too, Austin."
Whilst walking back she winked at me and I was on my way. Although holding Skylar close and kissing her had obviously raised some of my dopamine, it didn't last for long as I remembered everything in my life from start to now, that I had lost.
"Fuck... where could Angelo be!"
I was one of those people who even if they didn't have a lot to say, they had much more to think about deep inside of their mind.
I went to his apartment and the first thing on my mind was this, I tell you.
Gun.
Gun. I took Angelo's glock and stormed in a fast walking motion outside. I laid up against the apartment walls outside. My parents dying, my friends dying, Alison cheating on me, getting kicked from College. All of this began overwhelming my mind.
I couldn't think of anything else. I kept thinking of my failures. What I could've done, rather than what I could learn from each experience. I kept thinking I was always inperfect. Violent, rude, mean, offensive, and all these other things.
Maybe I was my own Trent and Chad combined. Maybe I was the one who was the actual douchebag.
This is when you came in, Houston.
"Oh come on man, you don't need to tell me this part, you told me everything else. You're fine now." Houston looked at me.
"Nah man, I need to remind myself of how fortunate I am to have you be there for me, even in the worst."
"I remember putting the glock in my mouth, and I was about to pull the trigger. But you came in and confronted me about it."
"Yeah. I did." said Houston.
Houston was the guy who had saved me. Right in the nick of time. He's like my guardian angel. I remember exactly how he said it.
"Hey!"
I pulled the glock out of my mouth and aimed at him as I stood up.
"Back the fuck off! Let me do what I've been wanting to do for a while!"
"You don't need to do this, man." said the guy.
"Yes I do! You don't know my story! You don't know who I am!"
"I may not, but I do know what it's like. What it's like to wanna end your own life, because you feel like there's no way out of all of it!" replied the man.
He was right. Houston was right. He knew what it felt like. He'd told me while I told him my stories about Angelo, and the others. He walked closer to me and I aimed the gun at his forehead.
"Back the fuck off! I have two bullets in this clip! I'll fucking kill both of us if I have to!" I yelled in pain.
"There's no need to do this. Everyone has eventually wanted to take this route. But trust me, I know there's always a better solution than-- than this!" the man said it so calmly to me. He wasn't harsh or loud.
He even kept going closer and closer to me.
"That's what everyone says! You're no different, you fuck! You don't truly care!"
"Riddle me this. If I didn't truly care about your well-being, then why would I keep persisting to the point where the barrel of your gun is making contact with my forehead?" asked the man.
I stared at him in silence and lowered the glock.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"Austin..."
"Well Austin, what brought you to this?" he asked.
"All this anger and pain from the past kept bundling up with in me. I couldn't handle it..."
I was calming down. Confessing to him felt more contagious than anyone else, besides Angelo.
"I feel that sensation sometimes too. As long as you always pour it out like this, you'll always be fine again. Time can heal your wounds, Austin." whispered the man.
"You're right..."
"Now do you want to continue this? If you do, I want you, to give me your gun. This is a form of trust, Austin. Do you trust me?" asked the man.
I hesitated and felt the urge to ask him why he wanted it, but instead I asked him something else after whilst giving him the gun.
"What's your name...?"
"Houston." said Houston.
"Nice to meet you, Houston."
"No problem man, let's sit down." negotiated Houston.
I sat down with him, our backs against the wall. My spine feeling a coolness crawling from the top to the bottom. I felt refreshed. I breathed the cold night air in and out.
"What's been up man?" Houston asked casually, as if I didn't just almost blast myself.
"Well... I was only five years old when it happened..."
I told Houston my whole life story, and now I'm here, in the present, with him. It's near morning now.
"You have an interesting life. That's all I can really say, man." Houston yawned.
"I know, I'm sorry if I rambled on so much at times. I tell my stories in my own way, you know?"
"Yeah man, so what do you plan to do now?"
I looked Houston in his brown eyes, and I literally have no idea what to tell him.
"I... I literally don't know."