My head knocked against the window again which woke me up - again. Maddy was sitting across the two seats with her legs laying flat across the seats and her back to the window. She looked over at me and smiled, "you fell asleep again. We're getting off in about 15 minutes."
I swallowed hard and rubbed my tired eyes. I had no idea what time it was but I knew we would be getting to the station soon. My hands went to my phone - but then stopped. What if I got another text from Elizabeth? Ignore it. That's what my gut told me to do but it did seem a little harsh. Nevertheless I did it anyway, my phone started powering on.
Just as I had feared, three texts.
Jamie had been trying to reach her? I looked at Maddy, she looked sort of happy for the first time in a while to be honest. I couldn't do that to her, give her another thing to be upset about or think about that might put her in a bad mood. I owed her that much, to keep her happy, I mean I didn't spend £40 on on train tickets to make her worried and sad. But jamie was trying get to her...
I reached into my pocket and found a five-pence coin, looked at its small silver structure and covered it with my fingers as it laid in my palm. I inhaled deeply and looked at it again.
Heads - I tell her, tales - I keep it to myself. I nodded and three it up into the hair, caught it and slapped it on my wrist. Heads, damnit. Well... Maybe just one more time to be sure... So I threw it up in the air, then caught it and slapped it on my wrist... Please please please I thought to myself. I slowly lifted my hand with my eyes closed, my hand was completely off my wrist, all I had to do was open my eyes... One and then my other to follow, opened and to my relief it was tales.
I looked at Maddy, she seemed uneasy about something. I shook my head and waved my hand to get her attention. She was biting her finger nails and when her eyes met mine, Maddy's hands lowered.
"Are you okay?" I asked her. Maddy's face relaxed and then her lips tightened. She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her lap again subtly. Something was wrong, I had no doubt in the world that it was to do with that Seth guy.
If I ever met him, I think I'd give him a good kick - up the arse. How could he do this to her? Why would he talk about another girl in front of Maddy when he probably knows she likes him? That's lower than low. He doesn't have a empathetic bone in his body. I swear i'll kick his arse some day, for Maddy. But she won't know before hand because she would probably try and stop me.
I looked up again at her, Maddy's eyes were blood shot and her eyes were just about to spill. Fucking hell, Seth. This is your fault.
She tried wiping them away before I noticed but I did, I saw right through Maddy. She probably didn't know that it effected me. I couldn't take to see people cry, especially her. It left me feeling helpless. She put her head against the window and closed her eyes. This boy must have meant a lot to her, I could see it in her eyes. What was I going to do? I didn't know what to do to make her feel better, I mean I knew taking her away from the city would help.
Without thinking a second more, I switched seats slowly, moved her shoes that she put on the seat beside her and sat next to her, she looked at me with tears glazing her eyes. I felt so badly for her.
My hand went between the seat and her back to put my arm around her shoulder and pull part of her on me, my other and went to meet with the hand around her. She slid her head on my chest with ease, I kept her close to my heart. Hoping and praying she would feel better, even though my attempts were feeble. What was a hug going to do anyway? I was hugging her for the most part so I wouldn't have to see her cry, even if I didn't see her tears, I still felt them on my shirt. Saw them slide right down her thick eyelashes and ran down her rosey cheeks slowly, it made her look quite pretty even though Maddy was utterly devastated.
Made me feel terrible, like I was the one causing her heartbreak and distress but I knew I wasn't, it was that stupid boy. She stayed like that on me 'till we left the train and took a bus to my uncles house. We got off the bus and didn't say a word to each other, it was only a ten minute walk from the bus stop to my uncles house. My uncles house was a sinful home and had a fence and gate that had vines that envelopes it all around, it made it look very mysterious yet elegant at the same time.
Maddy followed close behind me as I opened the gate and went to the front door, my uncle kept a spare key inside the garden gnome next to the door, we called him patches. Patches was given to us by my grandfather Reginald, he believed the clay decoration was good luck. I unlocked the door and let Maddy go in first.
She fixed some tea for the both of us and I made a fire. I felt the heat on my hands, it was chillier than London today, made it cozy. I preferred cozy-sit-by-the-fire weather better than stinking hot weather. My back was at a safe distance from the fire, and my back enjoyed the heat plastering my clothing and warming my muscles up.
Maddy came in with two mugs and set them in the coffee table.
"Are you sure we're allowed to be here?" She asked. I simpered and took a sip before answering.
"I'm sure, don't worry. Just relax." Maddy looked as if about 10 lbs lifted from the 100 lbs of stress she still had. Maddy stared deep in the fire and then shuddered.
"Are you cold?" I asked when she looked at me. She nodded coyly. My eyes scanned the room and then I got up to walk down the hall way. The linen closet was huge and had so many handmade blankets my aunt made before my uncle and aunt divorced. My uncle keeps them around because no matter what, he always misses her. My aunt Lucy fell in love with another man and before things became to advanced, they ended it. That didn't change my uncles feelings for Lucy. It's quite depressing because he still leaves the things she's left behind in the same spot like nothing ever happened. It's been 15 years.
Maddy sat close to the fire and I tossed the blanket beside her, she looked beside her and pulled it onto her bare shoulders. She still looked stressed out, even from behind. Her shoulders were square and her head fad down. She sunk her fingers nails into her skin and then made a fist.
I sat in front of her, leaning against the brick wall where the fire place was. Maddy didn't look at me even though I had my eyes glued on her. My arms folded tightly to my chest and my eyes just examined her, analyzing her to figure out what was appropriate to say. Hell, I don't think I could say much more. My foot tapped her to get her attention. Maddy's golden locks swooped up as her head rose.
"Do you want me to do it?" I asked. Her eyes because small because she was confused, I suppose I didn't give her enough to know what I was talking about. "To tell him what the deal is between you two," she nodded her head slowly and then as soon as she realized what she agreed to Maddy began to shake her head.
"I have to do it, thanks for the offer," Maddy signed. She looked out the window behind her then her eyes went back on mine which sent a jolt of electricity and landed on my stomach, it made me shiver, I didn't know why. It made me feel uncomfortable and I wanted it to stop. It wouldn't, the longer I looked at her the more uncomfortable I got but then when I looked away, my eyes glued back on her. She tucked her golden hair behind her ear and her eyes fixed on a part of the knitted blanket. Maddy was all of a sudden fascinating, the way she turned her head was captivating and I had no idea why. Maddy's head turned to look at me and I didn't know what to do, so my head shot past her like I was trying to pretend I wasn't looking at her, I couldn't help it, she was so interesting. Her gaze stuck on me and I suddenly didn't know where to look. She smirked and I could tell she was giggling because of the way she was moving her mouth and the way light and joy came to her face.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Maddy asked and colour came to her cheeks. "Like what?" I asked, playing dumb. She shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know, like.." She scanned the room frantically with her eyes. "Like that! Why are you looking at me?" I shrugged my shoulders and smirked.
"Because you're interesting, have you ever looked at yourself?" I asked moving closer to her. "Like really noticed yourself? Cause you're pretty amazing." Her cheeks coloured a bright pink colour. She didn't know what to say but Maddy shook her head as an immediate reaction. Maddy was too modest for my liking, she was an amazing her person and she was blind when it came to her talents.
"I'm not, I'm completely normal and dull," Maddy claimed. I shook my head. "You're anything but dull or normal. You're musical and creative and an unbelievably beautif-" I was halfway into that sign. Where the hell was this coming from? I felt someone punched me in the stomach. She was hanging on my last word, "beautiful..." I finished.
She shook her head, obviously not believing the cold hard truth. "if I'm all of those things, why doesn't Seth feel the same way about me as I do him?" Maddy questioned. "Cause he's thick. He doesn't see what I see." Her frown broke. It turned into a smile that could light up the whole damn world. "He's an idiot. You need to just forget about him and find another boy who loves every part of you, he doesn't deserve you. And you could do better frankly."
"But I don't want better, I want him." My heart broke for her. Fuck, Seth you're a dead man if I ever meet you. Her eyes became glossy again. "You may want him, but he's not what you need. He's killing off your happiness. Maddy make me a promise," Maddy nodded her head.
"Promise me you'll get over this Seth guy and i'll do anything you want." I could tell she was pondering my request.
"Anything?" Maddy asked not thinking I was serious. But I was.
"Anything."
She looked around again. She scratched her lip and then her eyes widened.
"Kiss me," those dangerous words left her lips and never looked back. "Maddy you know I can't do that. Elizabeth-" she pouted.
"please, it doesn't even have to be long. I need something else to focus on," she begged. "And you said anything." She was right and Elizabeth would never know...
"Maddy it's not that I don't want to kiss you-" what? Her eyes pried open so wide and her pink lips separated. "That's not what I meant. I can't kiss you, you're my best friend. And jamie would have my head on a plate and Elizabeth, she would never forgive me." I was tripping over my words and I didn't know what to say. Who am I kidding, I was making up feeble excuses.
"Aaron please," Maddy begged like her life depended on it. I did say anything, and Elizabeth would never know. That's the whole point of being in Oxford, to get away from everything that didn't matter.
"It doesn't even have to be on the lips, it could even be just on my hand and-" I cut her off and practically jumped on her lips. My hand fell loosely on her neck and my other hand went on Maddy's cheek, the flesh on her cheek felt like silk but her silky skin didn't even compare to her lips. They were soft, tender, sweet. They stayed in one place for a second then my lip slipped down to her lower lip, no one even pulled back. We just stayed like that for felt like minutes just kissing, and kissing, and kissing. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I couldn't let go of her. This couldn't be normal, how could I not feel bad about kissing my best friends girl? Kissing my best friend?
I wasn't kissing her because I liked her, I was kissing her to get Seth our of her mind, to replace Seth with anything. Just to help her out, but when I planned to pull back from her lips, I couldn't get myself to do it, just couldn't.
Shit, stop kissing her. Aaron, you need to control yourself. You're stronger than that.
I couldn't do it, she kept me captive. The way I was kissing her, did not even compare to how Elizabeth kissed me. With Elizabeth, it was rough and rocky. But Maddy...
It was finished, faster than I could process. She had let go of me long before I was ready to let go of her, I leaned my forehead against hers catching my breath. I didn't want it back. Her eyes were gorgeous in this light, this up close and before could realize what happened, she got up, looked at me and walked away. I watched her walk about of the room, slowly as if she was light headed.
Come back here. I thought to myself.
What happened? I kissed my best friend, and I didn't even feel guilty about it.
Hey guys, so yea... That happened, it felt right to me because I'm planning to have a lot of events branch out from "that". I'm still wondering if what I did was right but it's what my heart has been telling me. I've been in a lovey dovey mood because it's Valentine's Day and I thought it would be a little gift to you guys. So comment what you think...
Love, your Margaret AKA Margo