A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for checking out the newest post of the week! Hope you enjoy it!
***
"I've left Mama messages. She can't say I haven't been keeping in touch," I told my sister on the phone as I hopped off the bus and started walking up the block to the townhouse.
"Yes—those weekly two-minute messages that sound like a school report," Josie said with a sigh. "You tell her the same thing—that you're healthy, you're getting good grades and that there's nothing to worry about. It's not really keeping in touch when you haven't actually talked to her in two months."
"I don't really know that we have a lot to talk about," I pointed out. "Besides, it's not my fault that she never picks up when I call."
"You call her at nine in the morning when you know she doesn't get up until well past two in the afternoon," Josie retorted, her exasperation clear. "Look, I don't have the time or energy to play shrink to the two of you. Just call her, Star, and talk to her. She becomes a blubbering, sobbing mess now every time she mentions you. She keeps saying you're now too good for us."
I didn't say anything.
I'd rather not when there wasn't a kind thing I could really say. I didn't talk to my family often and when I did, I preferred it to be short and free of drama.
But drama was one of the few inconvenient but consistent things in the Matthews household. With a mother like mine, it was unavoidable.
"You don't have to say anything for me to know that you agree with her." Josie's voice was flat. Resigned. She understood and always had, and she didn't care one whit about it. "I don't plan on nicking the bubble you now live in, sis. I just want to remind you that outside of the bubble is still the real world and it doesn't go away just because you chose to."
"I'll call her when I have a chance," I said, deciding it was easier to just agree with Josie now than to spend another ten minutes arguing further with her. I wasn't that far from the townhouse now. I wanted to leave my family issues behind before I step through the door. "How's Simon?"
"Needing new clothes again," Josie said, sounding fond and amused. "He's growing up so fast I swear he'll be six feet by the time he's twelve."
I smiled, remembering my six-year-old nephew's chubby face and gap-toothed grin. He was one of those rare, pure things in the Matthews family. My smile faded at the reminder that his bright-eyed innocence wouldn't last long. It never did in our family. "I'll see if I can visit on his birthday. Maybe take him out to a movie and pizza."
I could hear Josie smile—her real one which might be tired and faint but with more feeling than those siren-like ones she handed out like cookies on a bake sale. "He'll like that. Let me know if you can and I'll tell him."
"I will," I said just as I approached the townhouse. "I gotta go, Josie."
I cut the call before Josie could make a last-ditch effort at convincing me to call our mother. She would never press on her own but Darla Matthews was an earnest and dramatic crier. She would've made it big on the stage she'd once thought herself destined for. Josie and I had years of mastering indifference to it but it didn't mean we liked putting up with it. Josie probably just couldn't stand listening to her anymore.
Slipping my phone into the back pocket of my jeans, I stopped short when I heard the murmur of conversation coming from the townhouse.
Looking up, I instantly spotted Julian's disheveled brown hair as he stood there by the front porch, talking with a guy nearly as tall as he was who sported an auburn head. There was white smoke coming from just beside Julian who was wearing a black and white checkered apron, and it took a second for me to realize he was barbecuing something on the outdoor grill.
Suddenly, a pair of arms went around Julian's chest and he glanced over his shoulder just as a pretty girl with sleek, shoulder-length, platinum blonde hair came up from behind him with a big, sunny smile that chilled something in my stomach. Julian chuckled at something she said and the other guy just shook his head in wry amusement before tipping a bottle of beer into his mouth.
I couldn't recall how long I stood there at the end of the path, watching the merry barbecue party going on.
Then suddenly, the blonde shifted her gaze and spotted me, her eyes widening, the hand she still had on Julian's shoulder clutching him to attention.
Julian turned and saw me, his handsome face—obscured a little by the white haze of smoke that wafted in front of him with the slight breeze—breaking into a grin.
"Starlight! What are you gawking at?" he yelled at me with a laugh. "Come up here!"
I didn't respond to Starlight this time, no matter how many times he'd already called me that in the few days we've lived together, but there was no one else standing by the path that I couldn't pretend he was talking to someone else.
Time to face the music, Star. Put your face on.
I couldn't really fault him for it. Julian did give me fair warning that he occasionally had people over but that it wasn't going to be one of those loud and gregarious parties most college residences had in an ever-skyrocketing statistic. I just wished he'd given me some heads up because had I known there were going to be people here tonight, I would've avoided the place. It didn't matter that I had nowhere to go. I could think of more preferable things than socializing with strangers and being a spectator to Julian feasting on his flavor of the week.
I allowed a small, polite smile on my face as I moved my feet again toward the stairs leading up to the porch.
By the time I reached the top of the stairs, Julian was already there, grasping my elbow and pulling me to his side as his two guests stood next to each other, looking at me expectantly.
"Guys, this is Star Matthews," Julian introduced with surprising enthusiasm. "Star, these are two of my good friends—my best friend and former roommate, Christopher Miller, and Cammi Johnson."
"Call me, Kit," the guy said with a big, warm smile as he shook my hand. He was cute in that nice-guy kind of way. There was curiosity in his bright blue eyes but they didn't level on my boobs or flicker with inappropriate intimacy. His hand didn't linger on mine either. I liked him instantly. "It's nice to meet you, Star."
"Hi, Kit," I greeted back mildly, flashing him a smile, before turning to the blonde. "Hi, Cammi."
"I didn't know Julian's new roommate is a girl," she said with a light giggle but I didn't miss the anxiety that tensed her cheeks as she tried to hold her smile up. "After knowing him my whole life, I thought he couldn't surprise me anymore."
"I strive to be unpredictable," Julian intoned with mock seriousness.
I shot him a sideways glance, realizing that he was oblivious to Cammi's not-so-hidden feelings for him. Her distress about my presence was nearly as strong as her floral perfume. "And in doing so, you've become predictable."
Julian beamed down at me before grabbing the backpack hanging on my shoulder. "Come, on. Let's get you inside so you can get comfortable and meet the rest of the party. Don't worry, it's a small one. I didn't invite the whole school."
"No?" I asked with an exaggerated sigh. "How will my heart survive this crushing disappointment?"
"I have a feeling your heart's going to be just fine." Julian smirked at me and held the door open. He paused and glanced up at his two friends who were still watching us. "Kit, keep an eye on the steak or you won't have any if you burn it. We'll be right back."
The moment we stepped inside the house, I recognized the sounds of a video game and the groans and cheers coming from the living room where Julian proceeded to drag me into.
There was a girl in a bubble-gum pink dress shooting at spaceships on the screen next to a guy in a black shirt and jeans. They had their backs to us and Julian didn't announce our arrival until a buzz sounded off and the guy crumpled to his knees with a loud groan while the girl yelled happily, dropping her controller on the bean bag she had been jumping up and down on.
I smiled, amused by the girl specifically. Her black hair was daintily trimmed in a pixie cut, adorned with a red fabric rosette. Her caramel-colored skin contrasted beautifully with her pink outfit and her slender frame gave her the illusion of being taller and more graceful. She was lovely with features perfectly blended from her obvious mixed heritage, and probably well-off too if the quality of her clothes were to be judged. But she had that air of innocence and kindness about her that I found both endearing and tragic. She might the kind of girl who would hug children or burst into tears if she'd heard that a bunny got run over by a car.
"When will you learn, Matt?" Julian asked as he walked over to drop my backpack on the couch and and high-fived with the girl. "Even Kit doesn't play Galactic Glory with her anymore because she always kicks his ass."
Matt sighed and pulled himself up on his feet. "Well, I always kick Kit's ass in this game so his pathetic losing streak against his own girlfriend didn't really hold much weight for a warning."
"Trash Kit all you like but in the end you're no better than him at being a gracious loser," the girl chirped with a roll of her eyes before she turned and saw me standing there behind the couch. "Oh, goodness! Is this her? Are you Star? I'm Nisha! I'm so happy to meet you!"
Julian just snickered as Nisha climbed from the bean bag to the couch with her bare feet to extend her hand to me. "I heard you were beautiful and for once, Julian wasn't just gabbing on."
I noted the difference that Nisha knew about me but Cammi didn't. Maybe Julian wasn't that oblivious to Cammi's not-so-platonic interest, after all. I also didn't miss Julian's cheeks tinting a faint shade of pink when Nisha mentioned his comment about me being beautiful.
I couldn't help my grin as I shook Nisha's hand. "Glad he went with that one. I assure you he's got a slew of other adjectives for me and they're not that flattering."
"I can come up with a list and they'd all be flattering," Matt said as he got up and took his turn to shake my hand, his flirty smile practiced to perfection as he openly appraised me. "I mean, what's there to complain about?"
I raised my brows but before I could take him down a peg, Julian stepped forward and loosely slung an arm around my shoulders. "Star, this is Kit's younger brother, Matt, and if their mother is to be believed, she'd dropped him as a child a few times which explains his horrendous manners."
If Matt took that the wrong way, I couldn't tell because he just laughed and scratched his ear, reminding me very much of a little boy. While some of his features were similar to Kit, he looked a year or two younger and definitely acted like it. "A guy has to try, right? But seriously, I'm glad to meet you. I now feel better that you're the new roommate Julian picked over me. You definitely have some assets he can't appreciate in me."
"Ugh. You're just horrible," Nisha said with a face as she threw a cushion at Matt before giving me an apologetic smile. "Since Kit moved in with me six months ago, Matt's been trying to talk Julian into letting him take over the loft."
"And I've repeatedly declined," Julian added. "He made the mistake of staying over one weekend with us—a weekend of my life that I'll never get back now."
"I had a stomach bug!" Matt protested with much indignation that the rest of us burst out laughing.
With beet-red cheeks, Matt glanced at me sulkily. "You probably think I'm gross now so I'm not even going to bother asking you out."
Pressing my lips together so I didn't laugh more, I shook my head. "That's alright, Matt. I don't hold your stomach bug against you but you're right about not asking me out. I'm not doing the dating scene at all."
I didn't check Julian's face for his reaction on that but I could feel the infinitesimal change in the weight of the arm he still had around my shoulders.
"Not even casual, no-strings-attached kind of fun?" Matt asked with a slightly hopeful smile, earning him a smack from Nisha on the arm and a low growl from Julian who looked as grim as a bear about to lunge in attack.
"This is why you can't find a nice girl to date you, you idiot," Nisha said with a dramatic shake of her head as she climbed down the couch and slipped on her pink and gold strappy sandals. "Come on. Let's give Star a chance to freshen up while we get the rest of the food ready. Julian, you better not leave the steak with Kit for too long or we'd be eating leather for dinner."
"See you in a bit, Star!" Matt said with a wink before he leapt off the couch and followed Nisha's fading trail of vibrant pink.
"Don't mind Matt too much," Julian muttered as we were left alone in the living room, the stupid arcade-like sound from the video game still playing in the background. "He's a year ahead of you but he's still a brat."
I smiled a little. "You probably should repeat that to yourself in the next ten minutes because you're the one who looked like you were going to tear Matt limb to limb."
He sighed out loud, rotating his shoulders which were still muscular and mouth-watering under the sleeves of his white shirt. He was doing it to release some tension while it was building up for me in some parts. He looked disheveled and casually sexy and he smelled of masculinity and charcoal smoke.
"He's not the smoothest operator, alright? He was crude to you earlier."
I looked away from his shoulders before I could lean forward and sink my teeth in them. "You should probably take him with you as your wingman. He might learn all the necessary skills in smoothly gliding into a girl's bed. You're so smooth you're already gliding off to the next bed just as you're warming up the first one. The girls can't even catch you on your way out."
Julian and I were standing quite close that if I leaned forward an inch, the top of my head would graze his chin. I didn't move, waiting heartbeat after heartbeat as he lowered his head enough that his eyes were directly looking into mine.
"That's because I haven't planned on being caught yet." He gave me a small, devilish smile. "When it's time, I'll be perfectly still so it's clear that I'm not trying to get away."
Sighing dramatically, I touched the back of my hand to his forehead. "Well, you don't seem feverish so you're probably not just rambling nonsense. It might actually happen one day."
He grinned and grabbed my hand away from his forehead. "It will."
I noticed that he didn't let go of my hand. I fought back the urge to interlace my fingers through his as I pulled away and grabbed my backpack. Standing too close to Julian was distracting. I should get rid of this new habit. "I have to go change."
"Five minutes, okay?" he said as I walked toward the staircase. "You're not allowed to hole up in your room until dinner is over. I'll throw you over my shoulder and carry you down if I have to."
I was tempted to call his bluff but decided that Julian would probably prefer that I did if it gave him the perfect excuse to carry out his threat.
Pausing halfway up the stairs, I glanced at him over my shoulder, unable to resist a smile as I took in his domesticated appearance again. An apron on a man would make romantics swoon, which meant I was excluded, but it did look good on Julian's large, well-built frame.
"The steak better be good then." I winked at him, enjoying his slightly dazed expression, before continuing up to my bedroom, wondering if this barbecue dinner was going to turn out alright, after all.
While we waited for the food to finish cooking, the boys went to haul out a couple of large storage bins filled with Halloween decorations which they put up by the door and windows and out on the front yard. Apparently, it was an annual tradition because Julian welcomed trick-or-treaters, explaining that he used to do it all the time as a kid.
Cammi mentioned a Halloween party but Julian waved it off and reassured her that he'd have plenty of time to dole out candies because there weren't that many children living in the neighborhood.
He repeatedly asked my opinion about where the decorations went, insisting that because I lived there too, I got to have a say. It was easier to give in than to start a whole new debate with Julian.
Once all the plastic skulls and tombstones were laid out and the orange and purple lights were strung along the railing of the front porch, we all headed to the cozy, fenced backyard where the grill originated from.
The food was actually pretty good—the steak superbly juicy and flavorful, which Julian was pretty smug about, damn the man. The last time I had steak was, well, a time I decided not to think about while I sat there at the picnic table surrounded by all these nice, well-meaning people. The conversation never ran out during dinner, thanks to Julian's ease with everyone as if we'd all been old friends, Nisha's bubbly comments and even Matt's eye-roll-causing ones. Even the reserved Kit laughed and tossed in a few musings of his own. I'd caught his gaze occasionally flicking back and forth between me and Julian who'd taken the seat next to me. He was probably trying to figure out what was really going on and I didn't fault him for being concerned about his best friend. The only scrutiny I didn't appreciate as much was Cammi's. She wasn't subtle about it. She also often displayed small gestures of possessiveness over Julian like brushing away a bit of sauce from the corner of his mouth or laughing pointedly about something he said like a girlfriend would.
"They briefly dated during their high school senior year," Nisha said out of the blue as I helped her carry some of the dirty dishes back inside. "I don't think Julian has looked back much but I can't be sure about Cammi. They're still good friends but I don't think there's anything you should worry about."
I opened the dishwasher and started loading it while Nisha took out the peach cobbler she'd brought along for dessert. "This is going to sound cliche but Julian and I are not what you think we are."
Nisha raised a brow and smiled. "Oh? And what is that?"
I shook my head and laughed. "Now, you're making me say it. There's nothing going on between Julian and I. We're not dating, or finding true love, or even casually sleeping with each other. He just offered me free boarding for a couple of months until I'm able to transfer dorm rooms. It was really nice of him, I'll say that, but that's about where it ends."
Nisha pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Hmm. That's really interesting because I'm not sure Julian can say the same thing from his perspective."
While I still believed that Nisha was everything a sweet, nice and innocent girl should be, she was a lot more perceptive than I first gave her credit for. "I have all the required female parts so yes, Julian's probably thought about it. But it's not going to happen."
She frowned as she stacked a pile of small plates. "I know Julian has a reputation but he's not really all that bad."
I raised my brows. "Not you too, I hope."
Her eyes widened before she burst out laughing. "No, no! God! That would be so weird. Julian was and never will be my type. But he befriended me first so he could introduce Kit to me who'd apparently spent half the school year secretly crushing on me. Julian's a good friend and I know that the trail of one-night-stands he's left behind doesn't look good on him but he doesn't mess around with girls who'd want more." Nisha rolled her eyes. "Of course, from his perspective, it always seems clear but some girls still want more anyway."
I smiled and grabbed some forks. "I'm not sure if this is supposed to encourage or discourage me about Julian."
Nisha sighed and blew out a breath as we headed back outside. "I'm messing this up, aren't I? All I'm saying, Star, is that you're the first girl to be close like this to Julian, literally, and I'm hoping that despite all the stupid things he's done to deserve your doubts, you can appreciate him for the kind of guy he really is."
I didn't really know what to say to that. I didn't want to bluntly shut down Nisha's appeal when she was doing it with such heartfelt sincerity but I didn't want to encourage her, or myself, either. While this whole thing with Julian didn't really fit into my plan, I was making do until I could get back on track. The plan didn't go away just because I took a detour.
"You're really a good friend, Nisha," was all I managed to say, which to her might not mean much, but it did to me. Good friends were rare. I couldn't remember having a single one in the last nineteen years of my life.
Nisha beamed. "Well, I'm your friend now, too, so don't hesitate to call me if you need anything."
I swallowed with some difficulty and just nodded at her before pushing the patio door open. The guys cheered at the sight of dessert.
I helped Nisha distribute the plates and cutlery before sitting back down and waiting for my turn at dessert.
"Julian, I already got you a plate," Cammi said just as Julian started scooping some of the peach cobbler into a plate. "Don't worry about it."
"Oh, thanks," he said distractedly, picking up the bottle of whipped cream and spraying some on top of the streusel. "This piece is for Star."
I didn't miss the expression of dismay on Cammi's face as she watched Julian hand me the plate. I had to accept it if I didn't want to start a big fuss. I really didn't want to get between the two of them but Julian wasn't making it easy.
"Thank you," I mumbled to him as I picked up my fork.
"Next one's for Nisha and Cammi, of course," Julian announced in what turned out to be a not-so-subtle but good enough save of the awkward, telling moment. "The ladies all have to go first before the gents."
"I disagree," Matt complained. "It's right in front of me and you're telling me to wait?"
"If you'd like to be considered a gentleman, you would," Kit told him with a snort.
The rest of them started bantering again and I relaxed, enjoying my piece of the peach cobbler. Julian clearly wasn't oblivious to Cammi's feelings but he wasn't careful about them either.
I hung back by the doorway when the group headed out to leave a few hours later. It was a little past midnight and Julian insisted there wasn't much left to clean up so they didn't need to stick around.
Three out of our four guests enthusiastically waved goodbye at me as Julian shoved them out to the front yard. The moment Kit's car disappeared out of sight, I released a sigh of relief.
"You go on to bed. I'll finish up here," Julian said when he walked back in. "I know you get up early."
"There's just a couple of things left to wash. I can help you."
He followed me into the kitchen. "You sure? I know tonight wasn't exactly your idea. I kinda sprung it on you."
I turned the faucet on and started to wash the big platter we'd used for the kebabs earlier. "Is that why you moved the barbecue out to the front porch so you'd catch me coming in and give me no chance to turn around and run?"
His grin was guilty and crooked. "It was going to be a nice dinner. I didn't want you to miss out."
"Who said I'd be missing out?"
He stood next to me, drizzling dish soap on the barbecue tongs. "Are you really going to insist that you didn't have a good time just to prove me wrong?"
I shrugged. "No. I did have a good time. I just didn't require it."
He looked at me wryly. "Just like you didn't require friends, right?"
"I still don't."
He returned to his task and sighed. "Thought I'd at least give it a shot."
"Why? Were you trying to change my mind?" I asked with a small laugh. "Were you trying to redeem me or something?"
"No. I just wanted to make you happy."
I paused in the middle of brushing down the platter, all of my attention on him as my chest tightened with emotions I wanted far away from me right at this moment. But I couldn't help myself. "Why?"
Glancing sideways at me, those dark green eyes as candid as they'd been since day one, Julian gave me a wistful smile. "Because when I first met you, I thought you were the loneliest person in the world."
A strange prickling at the back of my eyes made me look away. I took a deep breath, trying to fill the sudden hollowness his words had carved out of me.
Lonely wasn't a word I often used.
It made me think dangerous thoughts.
"Loneliness is a choice," I muttered under my breath, resuming my rigorous brushing of the platter I thought the handle might break off. I tried to slow my hand down, to regain some calm, to tighten close all these rips he'd torn fresh open in me. "One I gladly made."
He took the brush and platter from me and set them down. Then he held my hands under the warm gushing water, his fingers gently rubbing the bumps and curves on them until all the soap was rinsed out. Grabbing a clean dish towel, he wrapped it around my hands but didn't let go of them. I watched, dazed and wordless, the way you'd observe a dream.
"Why?"
I looked up and met his eyes. "Why what?"
"Why did you make that choice?"
My throat was dry but I forced myself to swallow. I wanted to look away as I'd always done but his mossy green eyes held me in place. They were warm and gentle, almost like the soft, damp cloth wrapped around my hands, warmed by his own heat seeping through the fabric.
"When you're running all by yourself, you run faster and you never look back."
My words hung in the air—hushed, mysterious and very lonely indeed.
I pulled my hands away and backed up a step, breaking eye contact before I did something stupid like come closer and fill such a sad-sounding word like lonely with the smell and feel of him.
That wouldn't be dangerous. That would be disaster.
"If you don't mind, I think I'm going to hit the bed," I said.
I couldn't read the expression on his face as he briefly nodded. "Alright."
I didn't move an inch. "What?"
He didn't say anything which only annoyed me more.
"Spit it out, Wilde."
A smile ghosted his lips. "I'm not going to say anything more that will just make your run further and faster."
I titled up my chin. "I'm not running from you."
It was my silly pride that kept me rooted there when I should've backed the hell up the moment he moved closer to me.
"Not yet but I think you will," he murmured before brushing back a lock of my hair away from my cheek and dropping a kiss so light and fleeting on the crown of my head I wouldn't have felt it if not for his warm breath. "Goodnight, Starlight. Sweet dreams."
***
So, what do you guys think? I think in a lot of my stories, it's always the guy with the baggage. And Julian has some things haunting him, just like we all do. But in this story, Star is the one with a lot of demons. So we'll see how she handles them.
By the way, this February, I'll be participating in the Wattpad Block Party - Winter Edition II. I'll let you know the date but essentially, a full day's dedicated to an author. I have some bonus material about your favorite heroine of mine and I'll be on standby all day to reply to your guys' comments and questions. So make sure to check it out.
Hope you enjoyed it and till next week!
XOXO!
-Ninya
♪♪♪ Chapter Soundtrack: Wicked Game - Cover by London Grammar for Chris Isaak ♪♪♪
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.
No, I don't want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
With you, with you (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
What a wicked game you play to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you
And I wanna fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
No, I wanna fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
With you.