They never told anyone.
Since the rumors of Ryden sprouted somewhere along the Panic! fandom, Brendon and Ryan would just laugh when asked questions, but the fans could see something more.
How Ryan would look at Brendon's lips when he spoke, how Brendon and Ryan would constantly eyefuck each other on stage, how the two shared clothes and shared harmonies in love songs.
The two were terrible at hiding it, but they insisted that the Ryden rumors, were simply just funny fan ideas. Little did the fans that gave up on this Ryden theory know,
That Ryden existed 150%.
Then the day of July 1th, 2009 came.
"Brendon babe!" Ryan shouted from the back of the bus, Spencer sat leisurely on the couch, while Jon was fidgeting around with a guitar in the bunks.
Brendon soon showed up into the main cabin on the tour bus,
Ryan and him extended their arms to each other, capturing each other's braise for a minute. Brendon pulled back, clearly leaving Ryan wanting more, he then sat down on the couch and patted the stop next to him for Ryan. The skinny boy placed himself delicately onto the couch, leaving no space between him and Brendon (As usual). Brendon shifted a bit, but Ryan didn't care.
"What's up Ryo?" Brendon cocked his head to the side, Ryan snuck in a kiss on the love of his life's lips.
"Nothing, just wanted to see your face." He smiled sweetly, Brendon gave him a weaker grin in return. Brendon looked down at the floor, not looking at his secret lover. Only Spencer, Jon, the bus driver, and Zack know about Ryden being real. Sure the two had Audrey and Jac for a bit, but the two used to the girls as a cover up for the relationship blossoming between Ryan and Brendon without the girls knowing. Ryan noticed the sad look in Brendon's eye, how he didn't interact with anyone, and how he seemed distant and not very energetic as usual.
"Brendon babe, what's up?" Ryan asked, rubbing the small of Brendon's back. Brendon looked up at him with his soul melting chocolate eyes, and gave him the best smile he could muster up.
"Nothing Ryan, I'm just a bit tired that's all." He gave him a kiss on the cheek and layed back on the couch, Ryan begun to worry more.
"Brendon, I know when you say you're tired, that means theres something on your mind. What's wrong babe? You can tell me, remember, we're in this together." By now, both boys had forgotten the world surrounding them, Spencer and Jon were no longer there, it was just the two of them together.
"Ryan, you know how much we both like this" Brendon started, pointing at Ryan's arm around him. "But the rumors, There's a lot of suspicion, maybe a bit too much." His voice fell to a soft whisper, Ryan gave him a confused look.
"The rumors? Of what?"
He took a deep breath, "Us Ryan. Us two being together, Ryden. Ryan, we can't have that get out, we'll lose so much. The fans, the respect, the shows, everything." Ryan shook his head,
"Brendon. That wouldn't ever happen, we've been so careful, we're doing great.-"
"But that's it Ryan." He cut him off, his voice was growing harsher with every word. "No we haven't, we've done a terrible job of hiding it. The fans know! They've suspected it for three years now! They know that we're hiding something, and if word gets out, we're screwed man." A slight tear builds in Brendon's eyes. Ryan placed his head on his shoulder, his voice lowered to a sweet whisper,
"Brendon honey, it'll be fine. If word was to get out, nothing bad will happen, We'll still be the same band, we'll still have fans. We'll be fine, we've gotta-"
"Ryan no!" Brendon shot up out his seat, leaving his lover shocked. "It won't be the same though! We'll have people constantly trying to peek in on us, we wouldn't be able to have the same relationship like we do now. We get bombarded with questions! We'll be known as the closet gay couple, and all our homophobic fans will leaves us. We'll get bad publicity, bad reps, it'll bring the state of the band down so much!" Brendon's voice was full and loud, slightly echoing through the open bus windows.
Ryan stood up, "Then let it happen godammit! Let the fans that don't truly love us drop! Let our rep be bad for a while, let us get the questions! Brendon, it doesn't matter if we drop in popularity, we're at an amazing time in our career with two successful albums, our faces in magazines and newspaper articles, we're doing fine! Every band has some big shocker happen to them, this'll be ours! The amount of fans we have shouldn't affect whether or not we express our affection with each other in public, that's insane if that's determines it! We should be able to go out and say we're fine with us two being together, and if the fans don't like it? Hell, let them not like it, and let them leave, then we'll know who are true fans are!" His voice went from loud to shouting in an instant, you could almost see the steam coming from his ears.
Brendon looked down at the floor not looking at Ryan, "But this is all I've cared about. All I've worked for, and you're saying I should let it die off?" He growled,
"What?" Ryan asks through minorly clenched teeth,
"I said, how am I suppose to let the fans go Ryan? The music and the fans, it's all I care about. I don't wanna see that be destroyed," This made the fire in Ryan's eyes ignite.
"What!? You're saying that you only cared about the music? And the fans! What about me Brendon! What about us? What about the last three years of us being together? Did that mean absolutely shit to you!?"
Brendon went from steamed to guilty within a split second, "Wait no Ryan, no baby that's not how I meant it to come across, I-"
"Yes it is you asshole! You meant it that way! This whole thing between us means absolutely nothing to you! It's simply just a chance to say you've kissed a fucking guy!"
Brendon's voice was calm, but shaky. "Ryan babe, please, don't do this, you know that's not how I see it."
"Then how do you see it?" Ryan quickly asked,
"Ryan." Brendon began, "You're my green gentlemen Ryan. You make my world go round, you're the joy in my life, Ryan you make be a better person. You're the one who I think about when I'm singing Mad As Rabbits or Northern Downpour," He walks over to Ryan and places his hands on his hips,
"I'd be nothing without you Ryan, I love you." He whispers.
Ryan stared into Brendon's eyes, trying so hard not to give in to his puppy dog eyes, his face was ridden with pain, but Ryan kept a straight face.
"Then why can't we let the world know that?" He asks coldly, "I don't want it to be some dirty little secret anymore, I want the people to know, is that too much to ask?"
Brendon shed a slight tear, by now, Spencer and Jon had given up on what they were doing and listened in on Ryan and Brendon.
"Alright," Spencer stepped in. "Let's not get into this okay? Ryan, he loves you, and Brendon, Ryan loves you. You two should just compromise, let the whole 'Ryden'-placing air quotes around the name- be kept a secret and let the rest of your family know. We shouldn't need to fight about this."
Jon then stands up and butts in, "I don't mean to be the one that screws shit up but, I don't think they shouldn't have to compromise. Love is love, they should be able to let it be shown whether or not the reaction."
Ryan shook his head, "Thank you Jon. See? I've already given up enough for this band, I'm done with feeling like I'm not being heard,-"
"What the fuck?" Brendon interrupts, "You don't feel like you're listened to enough? Are you kidding me? All we do is play what you say to play and what you write! We never get a say in anything we play, it's always just 'Follow what Ross says' and I'm tired of it!"
Spencer attempts to settle Brendon down, but Jon hold them back,
"Let them work through it," He whispers.
"You don't enough say in things!?" Ryan yells, "You get plenty of say! I didn't get a say when you were voted lead singer! I didn't get a say in where we perform, what we look like, what the album names are, I got nothing! I never got anything satisfying in life, but now I have you Brendon! You're my rock, but it seems like you don't like the fact that you mean so much to me! You're my Monkey Brendon! I love you way to fucking much!" Ryan stays stern, even though his words read sorrow and passion.
"If you care so much about me, then why don't you just stay hidden where we can have a beautiful relationship!? We'll be better off if we don't tell the press!"
Ryan's face burns with anger though the tears began streaming down his face, "Because I love you too fucking much to do that! Now I have to be the bad guy and play the 'I'm not doing this anymore' card because you refuse to let anyone know about us!" Brendon's face goes pale white, shock stricken.
"What?" He freezes, "You're, you're saying you're done with us?"
Ryan sniffles, his breath shaky, trying to keep his composure and anger.
"I'm done with more than just us Brendon Boyd Urie." Ryan only used full names when he was serious,
"We're through. And so is my career with Panic!" Ryan drops his Panic! guitar pick out of his hands and walks off the bus. Brendon stays frozen in time, staring at where Ryan was standing moments ago, his face awe stricken.
"Brendon?" Spencer aks delicatly. Brendon turns to the two remaining boys, He pushes back the tears, he pulls in a breath and face them.
"I guess it's just us three then."
Jon sighs, "I'm sorry Brendon, but I can't let Ryan go by himself," He drops the guitar on the couch, "I'm resigning from Panic! too." Jon leaves the bus and runs after Ryan. Spencer's mouth hangs agap, while Brendon falls to his knees, that's when the bawling began.
Brendon sat in a puddle of despair, wailing and crying, screaming for Ryan and Jon to come back, repeating "I'm sorry Ryan!" At the top of his lungs, just hoping for his one true love to hear his cries.
But the bus door never opens, and Spencer stays wrapping Brendon in a hug for an hour while Brendon cried his heart out.
Ryan was gone.
His one love.
His one true love.
Gone.
~~~Time lapse: July 6th, 2009~~~
It was the day they finaly announced the split.
Ryan placed his guitar down onto his king sized bed in his room, he was back at his mansion with the moat around it. He looked at his nightstand and saw the picture of him and Brendon, they two looked so happy. They were sitting close together, Brendon giving a goofy smile, the two placing their hands under each other's chins. He grabbed the photo and stared at it for a bit,
Until he snapped it in half and threw it out the window.
That night, Ryan stayed awake, crying for seven hours of the night, wailing about Brendon, and how he missed him, he would scream to himself,
"I regret letting you slip away!"
The same night, Brendon lie awake for the sixth night in a row, his apartment cold and lonely. He was still speaking out for his love he missed. Everynight he played guitar, singing Northern Downpour, reminding him of his past love Ryan.
"Hey moon, don't you go down." He sang with, his tears making his voice crack and give out.
The two said in the interviews that it was musical differences, but the whole band, current and ex-members all agree to have the reality of Ryden kept to sworn secrecy.
And the rumors were never confirmed.
Ryden exsisted.
But no one ever knew.
And yet, there's still so much more to know...