The next day I found myself back by Phil's side. I wasn't complaining about that because quite honestly my favorite place to be is next to Phil, but I still wish he was awake.
"Oh my God, Phil!" I cried. "I saw the cutest thing the other day and it made me think of you. I was bored out of my mind so I started scrolling through Twitter and someone retweeted a video, I think it was a Vine, and it was a little raccoon and he dropped his candy floss in a puddle and I just wanted to hug him like in that movie Elf!"
I squeezed Phil's hand and sighed.
"Sometimes I really want to punch myself in the face, you know? What am I saying, you don't know! You're perfect."
I chewed on my lip nervously.
"Wake up, you jerk." I said. "This isn't funny anymore. It's been almost two months, Phil. I can't take being alone anymore!"
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Fucking hell, Phil!"
I shook my head.
"I'm sorry..." I said softly. "I just... I really need you, Phil. I can't deal with this. The longer it takes for you to wake up, the more my heart breaks. I'm not going to have a heart left soon. Everyone, myself included, jokes about me being a big, black abyss but if you don't wake up then that's exactly what I'll be!"
I groaned loudly and rubbed my face.
"I know I have other friends and all but I don't care about them." I paused. "I mean, I do, but I care about you the most. I didn't have anyone before you but once I got you everything got so much better and I want it to stay better. I need you around. I mean, I have to have someone to turn off all the lights at night, right?"
I laughed nervously.
"Dammit, Phil, I love you!" I cried. "You can't leave me alone! Please! Wake up and you can tell me all the stupid puns that you want! As many as your wonderful little heart desires."
I stood up again and pressed my lips to Dan's.
"I love you so much." I mumbled, tears falling down my face.
Phil's heart machine started going off and I jumped. Doctors rushed in and crowded the bed; one grabbed me and shoved me out of the room. I kept fighting against him, but a large male nurse grabbed me and held me tightly. Every time I struggled against him, he squeezed my arms tighter and crushed my shoulders. Eventually, I gave up the fight and he let me go. I tried to open Phil's door but it was locked.
I pounded on the door with my fist and the nurse glared at me. I sighed heavily, holding up my hands in defeat. I sulked into the waiting room and sat down, covering my face with my hands. I heard shuffling and looked up to see a little girl in pajamas and pigtails standing in front of me. She was clutching a little brown teddy bear and staring at me. Her bright blue eyes shined underneath the fluorescent hospital lights and made my heart ache as they reminded me so much of Phil's.
"You look sad." She said softly. "Are you sad?"
I forced a smile and looked back down at the floor.
"That's not a real smile, silly." She grinned. "You have to smile for real."
I laughed softly and looked back up at her.
"Hey!" she cried. "You have those things on your face, the little holes! I have those too. This boy Charlie at school likes to poke them all the time. Mummy said he likes me but I don't think he does. He pulls my pigtails sometimes too."
I sighed and she frowned, tilting her head to the side like a confused puppy.
"Why are you sad? Is your mummy here too?"
I shook my head.
"Daddy?"
I held back a laugh and shook my head.
"Who is it? Is it your grandmum? My grandmum was in the hospital last month and she got super sick and she didn't make it to Christmas."
My chest tightened and I swallowed hard.
"And then last week Mummy got super sick and she's been here ever since. My sissy keeps saying that she'll be fine but Daddy cries a lot at night so I don't know if she's telling the truth."
The little girl frowned.
"I know a lot of people try to protect me because I'm little but I'm getting big. I can understand."
I swallowed hard. This was all so much. This girl couldn't have been more than eight years old and she had already lost her grandmother and might be losing her mother. I could feel my eyes fill with tears and she took a step closer to me.
"Would you like to hold Winnie? He always makes me feel better."
She put her hand on top of mine and held her bear out to me. When I didn't take it, she set him in my lap and patted my knee.
"Who are you here to see?" she asked again.
"My best friend..." I said quietly.
"What's wrong?"
I inhaled softly.
"In um... November we were in a car crash and he um... he threw himself in front of me to protect me and he got hurt pretty badly."
I was shaking and could barely speak.
"He's been in a coma ever since..."
"Isn't that the thing that gets used in Language?" she asked.
I laughed softly.
"That's a comma, not a coma." I told her. "A coma is when someone is unconscious for a long time because of a bad injury."
"So he hit his head?"
"Sort of," I said. "When he threw himself in front of me and our taxi hit the other car, his head smashed against the backseat."
"So you haven't seen him for almost two months?"
"I've seen him because I've visited him, but he hasn't been able to talk to me."
"You should talk to him!"
"I have. I've been talking to him a lot."
"And nothing?"
I shook my head.
"Yesterday and today his heart machine has gone off but I don't know what's happened. That's why I'm here. I don't know whys going on and I'm so scared."
"Do you love him?"
I smiled slightly and nodded.
"I do, more than anything." I said softly.
She smiled.
"That's nice." She said softly. "My brother has a boyfriend. He's really nice! He makes good pancakes."
"So does Phil."
"What else do you love about him?"
"Everything." I replied. "He's sweet and he's kind and he's lame but he's funny and I've never met anyone like him."
"Then I'm sure he'll be okay." She said. "He wouldn't let go when he has someone like you who loves him."
I smiled.
"Thank you." I said quietly.
The little girl nodded.
"Does Phil love you too?" she asked.
"I'm not so sure."
"I hope he does!" she cried. "I hope he loves you because then he can wake up and confess his love for you and you guys can get married and live happily ever after."
I laughed softly.
"I would love that."
"Can I be your flower girl?" she grinned
"Sure."
Her face lit up.
"Really?"
I nodded.
"I don't see why not."
"Thank you!" she cried. "What's your name?"
"I'm Dan."
"I'm Lucy!"
"Well I'll be sure to tell Phil all about you." I said. "When we get married I'll make sure to call you so you can be our flower girl."
"Okay!" she grinned.
"Mr. Howell."
I looked up and saw a doctor standing there.
"Can we speak with you?" he asked. "Your friend is awake."
"See!" Lucy cried. "I told you."
She grinned and I held her teddy bear out.
"He'll keep you safe again now." I said softly.
She nodded and reached out to give me a hug. I patted her back softly and stood up.
"Bye, Dan."
"Bye, Lucy."
I followed the doctor and we stopped outside of Phil's door.
"Mr. Lester is awake," the doctor said. "But like I told you yesterday he hit his head hard. That being said he could suffer from memory loss. We aren't sure how much yet, we just wanted to inform you to prevent you from being so shocked when he didn't remember you."
"When?" I asked. "We've been friends for seven years; you really think he won't remember me at all?"
"We aren't sure." The doctor said. "It's all hard to tell since he's been in the coma for so long."
He smacked my back and I shoved his hand off.
"I just wanted you to be prepared for the worst.
I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever."
I reached for Phil's door, taking a deep breath before opening it and walking in. Phil was sitting up right, sipping a glass of water. My eyes filled with tears and I ran over to his bed.
"Oh thank God!" I sobbed. "Phil! You're awake!"
I hugged him tightly, pulling away when he didn't hug me back.
"Phil..." I said wearily.
He tilted his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows.
"I'm sorry..." he said softly. "But who are you?"