Even though it's March, it's really cold outside right now. Normally when I think of March I think of the sun finally coming back to reward us for being decent human beings during the harsh winter season, but maybe some of us sinned a little bit harder this year. I tell Reese this as he's driving out of the Starbucks parking lot heading to school, and he tells me I'm being silly. I call him cold-blooded and he gets a small chuckle at that theory.
We're not in a serious relationship of any kind, but it feels like we are in something. When I'm not with the gang or my family, I'm with Reese. Hell, he hang out with both of these groups sometimes. Though the introduction to my parents was a bit awkward, considering they caught us making out on the kitchen counter one Tuesday afternoon when everyone was out. At least they don't hate him after that.
There's something about him that I like a lot. He's not like Paul, or Craig for that matter, which I was scared of but now I like it. He's got little things that I like, and if we weren't going to be on polar opposite parts of the country this coming fall, maybe I would have made him my boyfriend.
My college letters are coming in like crazy. When one came in, they all came in basically, and with each one I had a mini freak out session with each letter I opened with my family. It was a good sign if the letter came in a bigger envelope, because that typically means you got in. And it turned out to be true most of the time.
I got into pretty much every school I applied to, INCLUDING NYU! The only school I didn't get into was a small school in Florida (and I realized like three weeks after I sent the application I didn't want to go there because the town is really homophobic, after asking my cousin about the area). I was pretty much on the same level with Jayna and Caroline, because they got rejected by one school each as well. Brad got waitlisted for one school and rejected from two (he also applied to like 13 schools for no reason).
Now it's time to decide where the hell we're all gonna go. For most schools (within the country) we have until Mid-May to give a decision to our destination. I don't think we're gonna pick schools based on our friendship, because we all agreed that would be a stupid choice. Jayna is definitely going to Europe for college, preferably England (all my crushes live there), but she definitely liked that school in Sweden a lot more. Caroline is staying in the area, so at least I know I'll have a friend when I come to see my family on breaks. Brad doesn't have a freaking clue where he wants to go, but he needs to make a choice sooner or later.
I haven't asked Paul about his acceptance to NYU yet. Ever since that conversation we had last January, I see him around sporadically. Either he's super busy with his new job or I'm busy doing homework and scholarship applications, but we basically haven't been making too much time for each other lately. I don't want to think he's staying away because of my fondness for Reese, but who knows. We do text more now, and from what I gather, he's in a decent spot in life.
We pull up to the school with ten minutes to spare before classes start. As I reach for the door to get out, Reese asks me to stop for a second.
"I have a proposition for you." He starts with. This better not be like that "proposition" he made last month when I had to buy him food/make out with him for a week after he tutored me for class (I didn't hate the second part, just the first part).
"Does it involve spending large quantities of cash?" I ask, a bit anxious.
"Not unless you want to" he flirtatiously says. "I know we go to school in August and we're not "super serious" or whatever, but like I wanna hold your hand and kiss you in public and all that stuff. Not really asking you to be my boyfriend, but I want all the boyfriend stuff." He finishes.
I'm thrown off for several reasons, the main one being that he has been thinking about taking it to a different level in the time that we've been hanging out and stuff and I didn't think he was at all. I'm confused because he wants all the things with being a boyfriend without actually being my boyfriend, and I'm not sure if he's doing that for me because I wasn't for a serious thing or if he's being a little shit and not wanting to do the work to have a relationship.
"What?" Is all I came seem to get out at that very moment. "Please explain this again because I'm lost." He huffs, which is a sign he's about to explain in very great detail (I really notice these things too well).
"I'm just gonna put it out there: I definitely like you, Mike. Like, more than the thing we have going on. And I know you don't want a boyfriend right now and we leave for school and all that stuff, but I want you. For the short time that we have left together, I want you. You don't have to label it as being my "boyfriend", but at least I would have all the things that a boyfriend would normally have, like hand holding in public, gifts on birthdays, romantic dates and all that cheesy stuff. There, I said it." And when he's done he looks at me with a hint of fear in his eyes and hopefulness.
I don't think I can agree to that kind of arrangement, not because I don't like him, but because the no label thing is part of why Paul and I went sour. He didn't put a label on anything until school started and I felt on edge before that, even though I never told him.
If he wants all this with me, he's gonna have to ask me to be his actual boyfriend. I know I've said it won't work, but Reese has a point. He knows we have a short time together, and I don't think it would be fair to not see where we go in the time that we have.
"Ask me." Is all I say.
"Ask you what?" he asks back, confused.
"To be yours."
"I thought you didn't want-"
"We owe it to each other to find out what happens with us. Plus you're okay to look at and have a good kissing technique, so it wouldn't hurt to get that in school and other places, AND get romantic dinners." I say flirtatiously. He gives me that funny smile that he always makes after he finds out he did good on a test or got a commission at the store he works at.
"Michael Reynolds of Pasadena, California (where I was born and he won't let it slide), will you do me the honor of being my make-out buddy outside of closed doors and being romantic with me? AKA be my boyfriend." He says in a cute and fake English accent.
"Why yes young suitor, I will do you the honor of being your make-out buddy outside of closed doors. AKA I will be your boy-"
________________________________________________________________
"BOYFRIEND?!?! WHAT?!" is all Caroline can say when I tell her the news about Reese asking me out, which get stares from almost all of the cafeteria, including Reese who was still on the lunch line.
"Care, you are making a scene!" I say quietly, but aggressively.
"I don't believe this, you swore off of dating the rest of the year." She says after she calmed down.
"I know, but I can't deny I like him Care. He's not like any of my exes, which is actually really refreshing." I say like I'm on cloud nine, which I guess I am in a lot of ways.
Jayna, Dennis, Brad, and Reese come by the table talking about some celebrity couple making headlines. Before they can even all get comfortable, Caroline goes and drops the relationship bomb on everyone.
"I totally called it" Dennis says over Brad and Jayna's shared shocked exclamations. Reese just chuckles in his seat next to me because I told them they were gonna flip out after I said yes.
"I honestly thought you were gonna be a hermit the rest of the year man, no offense." Said Brad.
"Gee thanks, your faith in me to get a date is really remarkable." I spat back.
"Always here to help out." He says, and I roll my eyes and put my head on Reese's shoulder, in which everyone at the table has a mini-heart attack about. I literally do that to him all the time, but I guess now that we're an item they find every gesture adorable.
The rest of the period is basically Jayna and Brad arguing about some episode of a hoarding show they were watching last night and who's obsession was more gross: the nineteen year old girl from Tennessee who collected spiders or the thirty year old man who collected his urine from the time he was fifteen (clearly urine-man wins).
As we left the cafeteria, Reese took his warm hand and put it in mine, and he walked me all the way to my class on the other side of the building, as everyone was watching our hands and we make stupid jokes to one another on the way. Just before I went into class I saw Paul, and he looked awful.
I mean awful as in his hair was all over the place, he looked really pale like he was sick, and he had this awful black eye that I had never even thought was possible for a boy like him. Reese turns to the same direction and takes a look at Paul and makes a sound with his teeth that is basically in agreement with my thoughts.
"You should see what happened to him, we can have hang out later on." He whispers to me before he leaves me for class. It should be pointed out that he is not threatened by Paul at all, even before when it was all casual. Most guys would be threatened by a potential lover's unresolved ex-lover, but not Reese. I kind of like that he's so sure of himself, it's hot. Before I get a boner thinking about it some more, I walk over to Paul's space to get a second with him.
"Paul, what happened to you?" And the second he registers that I'm speaking to him, his head snaps toward my face with the reddest undertone I have ever seen on him. Before I even have a second to put it all together, I feel my entire body jerk up, my cheek is on fire, and I'm against the lockers. I see a fist come toward my face and I can feel my entire life flash before my eyes. I never feel it make contact, and I think for a few seconds I was hit so hard my face went numb.
When I open my eyes I feel myself returning to the ground and I see Paul on the ground covering the side of his jaw. I'm looking around at the crowd that has built up from this fiasco and I see Brad and Reese on the other side of me; Caroline, Jayna, and Dennis are running down the hallway towards me.
Paul gets back up and tries to make his way toward me again, but Brad and Reese grab him by the arms and keep him where he is, while Caroline and Jayna come over to me to make sure I'm okay. I'm extremely frightened, confused, and worried. But physically, I am okay as one can be in this moment.
"LET ME AT HIM, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! ALL I EVER DID WAS WANT TO BE WITH YOU, BUT YOU MOVE ON LIKE THAT!" I hear him yell. Reese and Brad try to move him to the main office, which is difficult considering Paul is fuming with rage at me for some reason.
"I HATE YOU WITH EVERYTHING THAT I AM! I CANNOT BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE SPECIAL! YOU ARE HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!" And there is a lot more that he's saying to me, but I sort of just shut down and turn my ears off. I don't know what I did to this boy I was once in love with, but to hear him say what he's saying to me is making me mad myself.
I ball my fist up and charge my small body toward this massive entity that was my ex-lover. I put every ounce of strength I have into knocking him over, and I do just that. Brad and Reese are baffled that I was able to get him down, but I did. When he's on the ground I quickly roll off of him and start kicking him anywhere I can get my feet to go. He's groaning and trying to grab my feet, but I kick his arms away and continue to keep going until Reese pulls me away into another portion of the building.
As Reese is dragging me away I'm yelling at him "HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU! YOU WILL NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN! I DON'T CARE WHAT I HAVE TO DO, BUT I WILL DESTROY YOU WHEN I AM FREED! I WILL DESTROY YOU!" Clearly I didn't mean that, but I was so enraged I spit out any threatening sentence I could.
Once I'm somewhat calmed down, I look at Reese's face and he has a mark under his chin from when he was holding down Paul. I immediately massage it and ask if it hurts.
"Yeah it hurt, I didn't know you could hit that hard. I got a strong boyfriend." He says as I'm massaging.
"I did that to you!?" I ask shocked.
"Yeah, when I tried to pull you off him, you were squirming your arm and one got me under my chin." He says calmly.
"It's okay if you dump me, I'm an idiot for even fighting that asshole." It feels so weird cursing Paul out like that, but he is the worst person on the planet right now.
"As violent as it was, it was hot watching you take him down like that, even though you could have died and all." He chuckles.
"Good point." I say back. He gives me a hug and we walk toward the main office, where I'm sure more hell will be waiting.
The reason Paul was after my blood is actually really sad, but I still resent him so much for what happened yesterday. I refused to be in the same space as him (understandably so), so Caroline (because she was PISSED Paul put his hands on me) took my spot and sat in the meeting with him and the principal to get an understanding (and to yell at him a lot).
According to Caroline, Paul had kept a journal over the summer when he and Brad were hooking up. There were some entries about me in there, but they're not as important. Anyways, when his thirteen year old cousin (who is extremely homophobic btw) found said journal with all of the explicit things he and Brad were doing, he immediately showed it to his father, who showed to Paul's parents AND apparently their entire church.
Because Paul's parents feel humiliated and embarrassed about their sons "sins", they are moving. Like packing everything up and going away from this town, which I think is ridiculous but his parents are not the most rational people alive. In order to pay for that trip, they are using just about all of Paul's college money for it, and they apparently said he didn't deserve it because of the disgrace he was to the family.
Why he looked so bad was because the day before we fought, he got into a fight with his homophobic uncle in which he got knocked out cold after one hit to the eye. When he woke up, he was in a ditch somewhere in town, cold and afraid. He still came to school, he still went to class, he was still "normal". Then when he found out Reese and I were an item, that was apparently where his mood was at an all-time low, and I was the blood running through his veins.
I can't say I don't sympathize and feel bad about that entire situation, I really can't. I don't know if I can put it behind me either thought, being honest. I should be lenient about it considering his life is basically ruined, but I don't know.
Caroline thinks he should go and never come back because she's that enraged. Brad and Jayna are just as mad, but they also think I should talk to him (not an option at the moment). Reese thinks I should forgive him considering all that's happened to him. Even Steph thinks I should let it go, but something in me is holding on to something and I can't pinpoint what that is yet.
This whole day (because I got suspended for fighting him back, but Paul got suspended for like three days) my parents were reassuring and kept saying they would have never did what Paul's family did to him no matter what, which did make me feel a little better about humanity, but not too much. All my friends (Alice and Dennis included) and Reese came over and talked to me about the ordeal and how I felt and showed their support. And I thanked them all, because I needed it. I love them all for caring about my well-being.
But the question is who does Paul have now? He got his entire life taken from him in less than 72 hours. How is he going to keep going when the worst thing has happened to him? What does he have to change inside to survive?