I open my diary.
It's been 4 weeks since I left Brendon. Time has dragged so much but I feel like I'm finally getting back into some sort of routine. I'm still definitely heartbroken but they say time heals all wounds...
"Saraaahhhhhh." I hear from the next room.
"Ruuuuuubyyyy." I respond.
"A letter for you my dear."
"Who from?"
"I don't know, it doesn't say but whoever wrote it has very scribbly handwriting, I'm surprised the mailman could read the address."
I take the envelope from her and freeze. Ruby looks at me, puzzled.
"Is it... is it from him?" She asks quietly.
I nod my head in response.
"Are you going to open it?"
"I... don't know if I can."
"Well, things were left on such bad terms, you both never really got to say goodbye and have a proper breakup so maybe this is just him saying goodbye." She blabs.
"You're right, I mean what is he going to tell me that I don't already know? I umm, think I'll open it."
"Okay, I'll leave you to that. Good luck."
"Thanks."
I hesitate for a moment, looking at the scribbly address written on the front. So many girls around the world would die for a hand written letter from him but I feel like I'm dying because I have it.
I finally break the seal.
Sarah.
I understand that you're hurting, and I promise you I'm hurting just as much. I know what you heard me say in my sleep and I can understand why you immediately doubted my love for you. It's okay if you never want to see me again, but I can't go on without telling you what Alyce is really about.
She's a singer in a band that we've done some small tours with a few years back. She is so much like you that it hurts to even see her now. I was romantically involved with her at one point but when our relationship ended it was the push I needed to write Sarah Smiles because I knew that while you both shared similar traits, that there is no one else in the world that will ever have my heart like you do. You always will. I'm sorry for not telling you about her. It will always be the biggest mistake I ever made.
Brendon.
I put the letter down on the table.
I can't do this. How could I have been so wrong?
I get up and run through the hallway.
"Hey Ruby, I'm going for a run."
"No worries, be safe please."
"Always."
I'm out the door. I'm running for my life.
I'm gone.
* * * * *
A weight is being lifted off my shoulders as the cool wind pelts me in the face.
What a beautiful sunset, I can't believe I've been missing them. There's so much relief, I feel like I'm leaving all that negativity behind. This is it, no more sulking over Brendon. The only way to heal is to get out and move on.
The sun sets below the horizon. The clouds become a deep shade of blue.
I take a sharp breath as I hit the ground.
My world goes black.