dan
As lunch grows closer, so does Dan's dread.
Phil had told him that his group were going to be civil, and give him a chance, but Dan was still second guessing this whole thing.
He doesn't want more friends. But he does want to make Phil happy, so he'll try this. Dan taps his fingers on his desk as the seconds tick. Twenty seconds until lunch...
Dan glances out the window.
Fifteen seconds.
Dan glances forward and slightly left at the back of Pj's head.
Ten seconds.
Beside him at Joe.
Five seconds.
Dan closes his book.
The bell rings.
Dan waits back, slowly packing up his things to stall. He's the last one out of the classroom. Phil is waiting outside, much to his relief and dread. Phil being there means he won't have to walk there alone, which is good, but bad because he can't get out of it.
"How did you know my classroom?" Dan asks, narrowing his eyes at Phil, who laughs and raises his eyebrows.
"I'm a hardcore stalker," Phil replies seriously.
"And the funny thing is that I wouldn't doubt that," Dan says, leaning against the wall and laughing, "you can be pretty weird sometimes."
"You love the weirdness," Phil says.
"Hmm..."
"Come on, let's just get to lunch," Phil says, grabbing Dan by his wrist, as if he's read Dan's previous thoughts of running away.
"Wait, I uh, I need to go to my locker," Dan says.
"Fine," Phil sighs, "but you'd better be quick - and I'm coming."
Dan cringes but walks there anyway, Phil behind him. Dan unlocks his locker and pulls it open, staring into it. Dan never uses it, and he needs all the books in his bag, so he just states into the empty box.
"Dan, seriously, we walked all this way so you could stall going to lunch?" Phil complains as Dan shuts his locker again, "y'know there's other ways of stalling which require less walking."
Dan sighs, forcing out a small laughs.
"Sorry, I just- I don't," Dan stammers.
"You don't what Dan?" Phil asks, sadness and accusation laced in his tone, "you don't want to try?"
Dan sighs again, looking down at his shoes with guilt. "I'm sorry," Dan says quietly, "let's go sit with your friends."
"Thanks Dan," Phil says with a smile, taking Dan's wrist again and tugging him along behind.
"Hey guys, you remember how Dan was joining us," Phil says happily, shoving Dan towards the table.
They all turn to face Dan. He can tell that they're not all that entirely thrilled to see him, but he just hopes that their like for Phil keeps the battle at a ceasefire.
"Uh, hey," Dan says awkwardly as he slides onto the bench next to Phil - luckily no one is on his right as he's on the edge of the seat.
"Hi Dan," Pj says, eyeing Dan cautiously, "how are you?"
"Um, alright I guess," Dam replies, looking down and picking at his sandwich.
"I'm just gonna quickly duck to the toilet," Phil says, standing abruptly.
Dan's head whips around to face Phil, giving him the ultimate 'please don't leave me with your friends I beg you' face. But Phil ignores it and walks off, leaving Dan mentally cursing him.
"Look Dan, I know that we all don't like each other-" Joe starts as the whole group grows silent and faces Dan.
"I never said I didn't like you," Dan points out, interrupting him.
"I can tell you do," Joe says, like it's the most obvious, stupid thing ever, "so how about we just pretend for Phil's sake? I don't know what he sees in you anyway."
"Well now you've started to get me questioning what Phil sees in you," Dan counters, "he thinks that you are all supposed to be nice people. But I was right. You're just judgemental, self absorbed and obsessed with high school gossip."
"Look, whatever you're playing at with Phil - stop. He's a nice guy, and you're not," Pj says.
"What makes you think that?" Dan asks, his voice growing on edge, his anger rising and bubbling inside him like a boiling kettle.
"Because you take pleasure in other people's suffering, and don't deny it we've seen it," Pj says.
"Suffering? You have no fucking clue what suffering is. What's your biggest problem? Deciding what to wear every morning?" Dan asks angrily, "you know nothing about me."
"Well we would say the same for you. What's your biggest problem? Deciding who your next victim is?" Joe asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
Dan's eyes flick over to Louise for a second, who's staring at the ground looking guilty, as if she wants to say something but she can't.
"Well I know that you make bullshit, profound conclusions about everyone and their lives," Dan snaps, "and that's all I need to know."
"Phil's coming, better act nice Howell," Joe snaps, "but we don't believe your act. We see you for who you are. If you really do care about Phil though, you'd stay away from him, forever."
"You know, I always thought that you had a stab at being decent people," Dan says, standing up, "but I guess I was wrong. You're about as far from decent as you can get."
"Dan? What happened? Where are you going?" Phil asks when he arrives back and sees Dan standing with his backpack slung onto his back.
"I can't do this Phil," Dan says quietly, looking down guiltily, "I know how much it meant to you but - I can't."
Before Phil can say anything else, Dan has walked off.
Dan sighs. As much as he himself changes, he doesn't think he'll ever change in the minds of the people around him. He'll always be the closed off bad boy in their eyes, so maybe that's what he should be.
He should be rude, mean, cut off, isolated, heartless - because that's all he is to everyone else. He should take up the 'bad boy' role again, because that's what he's seen as.
And bad boys don't smile, or make friends with people like Phil Lester.
***
phil
"What was that about?" Phil asks, narrowing his eyes at his friends, "did you say something to him?"
"No," Joe snorts, "he started to insult us. Calling us all indecent humans as soon as you left. That's who he is Phil."
"What do you mean?" Phil asks with a frown of confusion.
"He said not to tell you..." Joe starts, glancing at Pj before back at Phil.
"Whatever relationship you think you have with Dan - it's a joke Phil. It was just to see how stupid and gullible you were," Joe says, "do you really think Dan Howell has a heart?"
"Yes, I do," Phil says, "you don't know him like I do."
"What makes you think you know Dan?" Pj asks.
Phil opens his mouth to argue, to protest, but he can't think of anything. Dan could've told him lies but he wouldn't - would he?
"He's just bad news Phil," Pj says.
"Do you believe this?" Phil asks, turning to Louise.
Louise only shrugs in response, but Phil can tell her mind is far from their current conversation. Phil turns and tries to spot Dan, but he's vanished.
Phil walks away from his friends, searching for Dan, to ask him is its true. Phil is just passing the science blocks when he smells something - cigarette smoke.
He quietly approaches the corner and peeks around to see Dan on the ground, his back against the wall. His eyes are closed and a cigarette balances between his fingers.
Smoke trails from his lips as he exhales. He looks like he doesn't have a care in the world. Phil feels anger and confusion curl in his stomach.
Dan left sitting with him to smoke? That didn't make sense. Phil thought he was giving it up, he thought he meant more to Dan, he thought he knew Dan.
But that all seems to be changing rapidly.
***
Phil frowns as he looks down at his phone.
Incoming call: :Dan
"Dan," Phil says, holding the phone up to his ear, "I have some things I want to say to you, and ask you."
"I have something to say first," Dan says, his voice quiet.
"Fine, but when you're done, you're going to listen to me," Phil says.
"Phil... I-" Dan stammers - his voice sounds like he's on the verge of tears, the verge of breaking apart.
"Dan, what's wrong?" Phil asks, worry etched into his voice and thoughts, dismissing his confusion and questions.
"I-After the project Phil, this isn't working. I'm bad for you," Dan says quietly, "I'm a mess you shouldn't have to deal with."
"Dan- No!" Phil tries to protest, tears blurring his vision - he can't believe this is happening.
"After the project - I'll stay away," Dan says, "people like me and you - it never works."
"Dan! No! Dan I-" Phil stammers, he's at the point of telling now, tears spilling out of his eyes and slipping down his cheeks.
beeeeeeep.
Dan hung up on Phil. Phil yells, throwing his phone onto his mattress as hard as he can before sinking to the ground. He's crying, sobs racking his body. Why couldn't Dan see how happy he makes Phil. Why the sudden change of heart?
The only explanation Phil can think of is that it was all a big joke. Everything. Maybe that's all he was to Dan - a joke. Although it didn't make sense, why would he tell Phil all his secrets - unless they weren't true. Maybe Joe and Pj were right.
Phil's thoughts aren't making any sense to him now. He sighs, wishing that Dan Howell had never rescued him from the alley that day, wishing it was someone - anyone - else.
But what he doesn't know is that Joe and Pj fed him lies about Dan. He doesn't know what they said to Dan. He doesn't know that the phone call tore Dan apart.
And he certainly doesn't know that across town, Dan is locked in his own room, one more blow from crumbling apart.
********
an// heyo hope you enjoyed! Sorry it's been a little while, I've been busy with work and actually going outside ^_^ please remember to vote and comment!
I have a new book up called heart of darkness it's a phan book and I hope you'll check it out!
I'll try to update within the week. Sorry for all the pheels in this chapter. And I'm sorry if it's sad... Oops lol ^_^