Harry sat in his office on Monday with his index finger and thumb across his chin and he was staring into space. He couldn't stop thinking about how terrible the weekend had gone. Aside from his kiss with Zayn, that is.
After his talk with Yvette when they were on their way home that night, he did have this sneaky suspicion that Zayn may have felt something for him. After they held hands and walked the boardwalk, he knew he felt something for him. But after the kiss, it was confirmed. And to Harry, confirming it turned out to be the worst thing that could have ever happened.
When Harry went for his second kiss with Zayn, it ended up lasting longer than he thought it would. There was just endless kisses and he never felt more alive or more satisfied with being this close to his best friend. One thing that blew his mind was the way Zayn kissed him. Because he didn't kiss him like he was a bit afraid, or like he was being cautious about finding out what Harry liked. He kissed him like he'd been doing it for months. And somehow this man hit everything spot on, as if he already knew how Harry liked to be kissed.
Apparently Zayn put such an impression on him and captured his attention so much, that Harry didn't even want to go home. So he ended up staying there with Zayn, eating dinner with him and sleeping in his bed. He completely forgot he had someone waiting at home for him.
When he woke up on Sunday morning and checked his phone, he had six missed calls and three voice mails from Yvette. They were three very panicky voice mails. When he heard them, he felt so terrible and he hopped in his truck and rushed home. He knew that Zayn would probably be somewhat disappointed when he finally awakened and realized that he wasn't there. But right now Yvette, who as still his girlfriend, was most important.
He would never forget when he opened the door and came into the house to find Yvette looking drained and awful.
"Where have you been?! She had screamed at him through heavy tears and she ran up to him. He didn't get angry. Nor did he tell her where he went. "You didn't answer my calls or return them! I thought something horrible happened to you! Don't do that to me, Harry!"
He felt so terrible, as he watched her scream some other things at him and she even punched at his chest three times. But then after she finished screaming, she kissed him so passionately. And he kissed back feeling a bit of relief that he was doing the right thing for a change.
When they were done, he led her upstairs and they laid down for a nap. He didn't go to sleep since he hadn't too long awakened but Yvette didn't sleep at all during the night-- more like didn't even attempt to lie down in the bed without knowing Harry was okay-- and he figured she would sleep better knowing he was there by her side. He was right. She fell asleep in a matter of seconds.
He stayed up just thinking about everything. He stayed up thinking of all the things Zayn had told him and wondered how true they were. Even though Zayn never went into details and told him exactly what she said, he didn't want to say he was lying, especially after seeing that she called him. But he also couldn't fathom his sweet girlfriend ever saying 'horrible' things to his best friend. That just didn't seem possible.
Now that today was Monday, he was still thinking about all those things. He hadn't spoken to Zayn since they went to bed together on Saturday and he hadn't seen him since he woke up on Sunday morning. But he was dying to talk to him. He wanted to know what Zayn was thinking.
He knew that Zayn was at work and probably couldn't get to his phone right now. But he still sent him a text.
Hey, are you on your lunch break yet?
He waited and ten minutes later, he got a reply.
Yes, I just got on it. Why?
Harry didn't waste any time replying.
I want to talk to you. Can you call me?
This time he only waited a couple more minutes and his phone was ringing. He answered it.
"Hey, Zayn."
"What's up?"
"Are you eating?"
"No."
"Well, I don't want to stop you. You can eat while we talk."
"Harry, I'm in the bathroom with the door locked and I'm sitting on the toilet. There is no way I'm eating in here."
"What about the kids? You're supposed to be watching them."
"They're at the lunch table with their real teacher. I'm just the assistant, remember?"
Harry nodded even though he couldn't see it. "Yeah."
"So why did you want me to call? What did you want to talk about?" He did detect how quiet Zayn's voice had become and it was evident that he was dreading what he was going to say. But he knew there was nothing for him to dread.
"Saturday was pretty amazing, huh?"
"If I say so myself."
"It was. You never told me you could kiss like that."
"Of course not. Kissing is not something I go around bragging about."
"I know that, but still... it was nice."
Zayn chuckled into the phone and that caused Harry to chuckle too. "Guess what I found out?"
"What?"
"It was a bad idea to stay overnight with you."
"Why?"
"Because Yvette was pretty hysterical when I got home. I felt so bad for her."
Zayn didn't say anything but "Oh."
"She hadn't gotten any sleep and I had three voice messages on my phone. She was crying on two of them."
"Did she know that you were... with me?"
"No, because I left without telling her where I was going. She thought I had gotten in a terrible car accident and died or something."
"That's horrible. Why didn't you tell her where you were going?"
"I wanted a break. I told you that." But that was just a lie. It was the same reason he didn't want her to hear his phone call. Because she was skeptical of Zayn ever since they went to dinner at his condo and he didn't want to make her angry.
"Is she okay?"
"Yeah. She's fine. She just needed to calm down. She caught up on sleep as well."
"Well good."
They were quiet for a moment.
"So about us... because that's really what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Us... what about us?"
"I don't wanna pretend like it didn't happen."
"Me either."
"But I'm also with Yvette."
"So what are you saying?"
Harry huffed, then leaned on his elbow. "I really don't know. I want two people, but I want one more and I don't want to hurt the one I want less."
"Which one of us do you want more?"
He didn't need a moment to think about it, but he still paused a little before he said it, to keep from feeling bad. "You."
He wished he knew what Zayn's reaction was. All he knew was that Zayn's voice was still very quiet and conserved. "So what are you going to do then?"
"I need to figure out a way to break it off with Yvette. Honestly after talking with you, I'm not sure if she truly loves me or not. So I'm sort of confused by just how hurt she will actually be. Because what if she's not faking? What if... she was going to tell me that all along but then you came along as a threat and she felt she needed to say it right away before you had a chance to swoop in? See what I'm saying?"
"Yeah."
Harry switched the phone from one ear to the other and then leaned on his other elbow. "I need some time to think and to make sure I say the right things. So I'm just going to wait until she gets back from visiting her mother. You think that's a great idea?"
"Harry, it's up to you and honestly, I'm not particularly comfortable with discussing with you about how to break up with your girlfriend. Even if I don't like her."
"Sorry. I just-- I wasn't thinking... But you know what?"
"What?"
"I think its cute that you are jealous of my girlfriend."
"Harry, I'm not jealous."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"But you want what's hers."
"And you want what's not yours."
"Hmm." Harry hummed. Zayn was right. Technically, Zayn wasn't his because they hadn't really established anything yet. He heard Zayn chuckling into the phone. "Are you laughing at me?"
"No. I'm not. Now run along." But he sounded like he was talking to someone else.
"Z."
"Huh?"
"Were you laughing at me?"
"No. Some little kid just came in on me and saw me sitting on the toilet and he asked me if I was taking a number two."
Harry laughed out loud. "What? I thought you locked the door."
"I thought I did too. I guess I didn't turn it all the way. Either way, kids have no shame."
Harry shook his head and immediately thought back to the kissing, conversation and dinner they shared. He wanted that again. "I think you should come over after work tomorrow or something."
"And do what?"
"Chill on the couch."
"Chill on the couch." He repeated.
"Yes. Watch a little TV, I don't know. We'll wing it."
Zayn huffed. "Sure but I'm going back home before the night ends. I have to be at work the next day."
"Okay. That's fine. As long as you come."
"As long as you cum?... Whoa, is that phone sex I'm hearing? I'm telling the principal."
Harry looked toward his door to see Liam entering his office with a troublesome grin on his face. "I have to go. Unfortunately you aren't the only one to have a child walk in on you today."
"Okay." Zayn replied. "Bye, Harry. I'll see to you tomorrow."
"Yeah. Bye." He hung up the phone and gave Liam a chiding look. "I see we have yet to grow up."
"Harry, we discussed that I was eighteen the first time we met. I'm already grown."
"Yes. But I don't think your brain has caught up to that age yet."
He poked out his tongue. "Ha ha. So hilarious."
"What did you want?"
"Can I skip class?"
"No. I already told you you need to go to your classes. Why would you ask me something you already know the answer to?"
"Because it's too late to say no."
"Why is it too late to say no?"
"Because I skipped it this morning."
Harry sighed. "What happened to doing things to help your mother move on? Did you not come to me and ask me what you needed to do to help your mother? Well I told you and you aren't listening. This is telling me you really don't listen to my advice when you ask for it."
"I do listen. I just didn't want to follow it today."
"Well, you know what? If you want to graduate, you better start following it everyday. School gets out on May 25th. That's a Wednesday. Today is the 18th of April and that means you have a little over a month. Actually, not even that long, because the 23rd, 24th and 25th are exam days. And if you take out the weekends when you don't go to school, it's even less time."
"Okay Harry, okay. I get it." Liam growled and he plopped down in one of the chairs that was facing Harry's desk.
"I don't think you do. The things I am telling you are for your own benefit. I told you at the beginning of the year. I'm not going to sweet talk your teachers just to help you graduate. I want you to apply yourself and do it on your own. I'm going to tell you a secret that I picked up from going in and out of the teacher's lounge for lunch everyday. A lot of people here don't believe that you'll graduate this year.
"They don't believe in you because of how you behave sometimes and because of how you got all those suspensions and stuff. But I'm not like them. I do believe in you and I know what you can do. I've seen you work hard for something and I've seen you put in your mind what you want to do and you do it. So I know you're capable. I don't have any doubt whatsoever."
"Yeah, but there's always a reward when I do stuff."
"Your reward is that you graduate and get a diploma."
"Exactly. But everyone is getting that."
Harry thought for a moment, knowing Liam was looking at things from a childish point of view. "I'll tell you what. I'll make a deal. If you graduate this year and get your diploma, you can come over my house and do the one thing I would have never thought I'd let you do and that's spend the night. Zayn will come over too and he'll bring the Xbox for us so we can play all the games you like. And it'll be just us guys."
Liam pouted some. "So Yvette won't be there to cook her delicious food, like last time?"
He paused. "I don't think so Liam. It's just for guys. We'll order some takeout or something. Whatever we're in the mood for."
He smiled. "All that, if I graduate?"
"Yes, and only if you graduate. Because I'd never allow a student I'm working with to spend the night at my house. I don't care how old you are. But if you graduate, you are no longer a student. You are a friend."
"I thought I was always a friend. I consider you a friend."
"Liam, you are a friend. But you were a student before you were a friend. And as a twenty seven year old adult, I want to keep that in mind and keep things professional."
"Ah, but phone sex at work is totally okay and professional?"
"That wasn't phone sex. Will you stop it?"
But Harry turned embarrassingly red and Liam couldn't help but laugh.
"If your only question was about skipping classes, you are dismissed."
"Can I stay here with you for the rest of the day?"
"No. Go to class and tomorrow you better be here on time for Andrea. You were late last week. Yes, she tells me when you're late and not cooperating."
"Man." He said and he looked like he wanted to say something. It was probably another joke since he had not wiped the smile from his face yet. But he got up without another word and went out of his office.
→→→→→
Zayn was peering out of the window in Harry's living room when Harry stood next to him.
"Will you eat dinner here before you leave for home?" He asked.
"Maybe. Depends on how late you make it, I guess."
"Sometime within an hour."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Oh... Maybe."
He looked down at Zayn with an eyebrow raised. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, I don't think. I've just been thinking about Perrie and something she said to me when I saw her."
Harry furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"
"She told me that I didn't seem to view my family as important when we were together. I want to say she's wrong, so badly. But I've only seen them on Christmas for the past few years. So she isn't wrong."
Harry didn't say anything because he didn't feel it was his place to agree or disagree.
"I tried calling my father last month but... when he answered, I didn't know what to say. I was just sitting there holding the phone. I was so embarrassed that I haven't called back since. But now that I've talked to her, I'm seeing just how bad it really is." He faced Harry with such a sad and torn expression on his face. "I'm such a horrible son."
"Okay, so maybe you haven't seen your parents in such a long time. But that doesn't make you a horrible son."
"Yes it does. It also makes me very ungrateful. My parents did so much for me and my sisters have always been there. I'm supposed to be there for them too. What kind of brother and son does that make me, if I'm not?"
Harry wished he could understand but he occasionally saw Gemma and he always spoke to Anne and Robin. So he couldn't. "Well I don't have a place to tell you what you need to do. But if it were me and if I felt some kind of guilt or regret, I'd go see them. I wouldn't pick up the phone and call, because that's not the same. I'd face the past right in the face, try to get through it and look forward to a better future. That's what I would do."
Zayn carefully thought about his words. "I'd have to gear myself up to go there. It's going to be hard to face them."
"Then I'll go with you." Harry offered.
Zayn cracked a little smile, thinking about all the times he traveled with Veronica because he wanted to protect her. At first she thought he was overprotective but now he was willing to welcome it. "You will?"
"Yes. If you really need me to be there, I will."
He nodded. "Not so much as a need. But I do want you there."
"Then tell me when you decide to go, and I will. I'll be there. You have my word."
Zayn couldn't contain the happiness and satisfaction he received from those words and he leaned up to kiss Harry's cheek softly. "Thanks."
Harry wore a smug look, as he lazily draped an arm around Zayn's shoulder. He pulled him closer to his side and pressed his lips firmly against his cheek, but not kissing him in return. "You're welcome."
*
*
*
Later on that night after dinner, instead of chilling on the couch as Harry had suggested, they ended up in Harry's room, just to watch a little bit of TV. Harry hardly ever watched the TV in his room but tonight he wanted to so it would be easier for them to lie next to each other.
Zayn really didn't find much of what Harry watched to be entertaining, so he spent a lot of that time balled up next to him, playing games on his phone or occasionally peppering kisses all over Harry's neck and his jawline. Even though Harry said he thought he was better, Zayn didn't like that he compared him to Yvette as far as intimacy went. But aside from that, he appreciated that Harry wasn't uncomfortable with it or thought he was moving too fast. At least, he didn't appear to be.
"I really need to go home." Zayn finally said after they had been cuddling in bed for an hour. And he stood up out of the bed.
"You don't want to stay over?"
"No. I told you yesterday that I was going home."
"There's room in this bed for two, you know."
He ignored his mild sarcasm. "Yes. I know that. And if we were at my place, then okay. But I can't stay here if you're still with Yvette. In case you haven't noticed, you're cheating on your girlfriend who at anytime can just show up over here. And I really don't want to be here when she does."
"She won't."
"And how do you know that? You don't."
Harry sat up in the bed now. "Z. She just stayed here for four straight days. I think she's done for a while."
Zayn thought back to when she said she'd be coming over more often. "Harry, I can't trust your judgment in that and I have my reasons. I'm sorry."
"Why not? I'm telling you her life is too busy to stay any longer than that. She's always been too busy to come stay. That's why she doesn't come often."
Zayn folded his arms and turned his head sideways. "Too busy for you? Yet, she can leave and go four days on vacation?"
"Relax. She's going to see her mother. And her mother only lives about fifty minutes from here. So it's not really a vacation. She goes from time to time."
"Wait. She goes from time to time and that's fifty minutes away but you're right here in the city with her and she hardly comes to see you? I think she's going where she wants to go and it doesn't seem like she appreciates you very much. Even still, she hasn't left to see her mother yet and I don't want to take any chances. So I'm leaving. I'll stay over when she's no longer your girlfriend. Until then, I'm not doing it."
"Alright then. Goodnight."
He lay back on the bed and looked at the TV and Zayn had to admit that even though he was adamant about leaving, it still hurt him a little that Harry didn't seem to put up much of a real fight about him going. "Goodnight Harry."
He went downstairs to the living room and right over to where he had taken off his shoes earlier so he could put them back on. But they weren't there. He thought that he was mistaken. Maybe he didn't take them off there. So he went and checked the kitchen. Still there was no sign of his shoes. Just to be thorough, he went to check the hallway in case Harry put them by the door. But he had not. And he started to get an idea about what happened to his shoes. It was also probably why Harry didn't seem to be bothered about him threatening to leave.
Zayn went right back upstairs to confront Harry about it. Evidently, Harry heard him coming, because he was smiling in his direction when he walked in the door.
"You hid my shoes, didn't you?" Zayn questioned and he looked to be only a little upset.
"What? No."
"You're lying. I know I took them off in the living room and they're not there. Where did you put them?"
"I didn't put them anywhere."
But Zayn wasn't buying it. "This isn't funny. Those are my work shoes. They have a special cushion in the bottom and I need them since I'm usually on my feet most of the day. Please tell me where they are."
"I still don't know what you're talking about." Harry persisted.
Zayn walked over to the bed. "If this is some stupid game in order to get me to stay, it won't work. I have other pairs of shoes in my room in case you forgot. So either you tell me where you hid them or I leave with another pair of shoes on. Your choice."
"Why are you being like this?" Harry asked but didn't make an effort to move. However, when he saw Zayn was still staring down at him with a serious expression on his face, he pulled him down on him and wrapped two arms around him tightly so that he couldn't move or try to do anything.
Zayn really didn't want to, but he ended up laughing anyway. "Harry, why?"
"Because I can."
"No, why did you hide my shoes? It was to trick me into staying, wasn't it?"
"Are you staying?"
"I shouldn't."
"But are you?"
"I don't know."
"So you're thinking about it, now. That's a start."
Zayn huffed and buried his face into Harry's neck. His skin was so warm and inviting. "I should not have to think about it if I'm kissing you and doing all this other stuff with you. Ugh. I feel like such a side chick."
"You are a side chick."
"Don't make me go home."
"Ah, that means you're staying then."
"Maybe. If you tell me where my shoes are."
"When we're in our pajamas first. Cause then I'll know you're not leaving anytime soon."
"Ugh. I'm not leaving."
"Pajamas first."
"Fine." He reached up and lightly brushed his hands over Harry's hair. He closed his eyes and nudged even further into his neck. "This isn't weird for you, right? Am I too much to get used to or... am I overwhelming you at all?"
"No."
Zayn sat up though, causing Harry's hands to finally drop from around his back to his waist. He wanted to see his face to make sure he wasn't lying or just saying that to keep from hurting his feelings. "Are you lying? Because I know that maybe I could be moving too fast. Maybe I should go slower, you think? I don't know. I just don't want all this to happen just for you to not be ready. Especially since this is new and you probably weren't expecting me to actually want this."
Harry frowned. "Are you crazy? If you were overwhelming me, I wouldn't be asking you to stay. Sure, I'm a little bit lost for words that you're kissing me and sitting in my lap right now. But I can't even begin to explain how much I'm enjoying the attention from you. I haven't had this in a while and I'm going to be honest, Z. I'm actually thrilled that it's you who's giving it to me."
"Thrilled?" Zayn smiled.
Harry lifted his hand to Zayn's face and purposely rubbed his thumb across against his pink lips. "So thrilled."
Zayn consciously licked his lips where Harry's hand had been, then fell out sideways on the bed next to him. They weren't even officially dating each other yet and he already didn't want him to leave.
Of course he had already known how Harry would react and he knew about his feelings and how long they had been lasting, but it still felt good to have Harry treating him the same way he treated Veronica. And it felt good to be wanted in at least a few of the ways he wanted her. He just hoped that since they were in a sense, about to start all over again, that Harry could find a way love him the same way he fell in love with Veronica too.