I slid into bed awkwardly that night, very aware of Jay's portentous figure watching me in the background. After my mum had come bustling into the house with armfuls of paperwork things had become slightly awkward. Jay kept sending emotional glances in my direction, while I scowled at my shoes and only spoke when necessary. It was cowardly, but I felt... weird being in the same room as Jay, who I had actually straddled just a few hours ago and not even being allowed to touch. I couldn't even supress a shiver when his hand innocently brushed my own as he handed me my last cup of sizzling tea that night.
I sat on the top end of the bed, legs crossed.
"Uh... Jay?" My words came out squeaky and I flushed with embarrassment. He nodded eagerly.
"Yeah?"
"Are you... like, coming to bed or what?"
He gulped his eyes wide in anticipation and longing. "Um, yeah."
I held my breath as he advanced towards the covers, eyeing his movements carefully. So much had changed in the few short hours since we'd... kissed. It still felt strange even thinking that. I'd kissed someone. I'd kissed a guy. I'd kissed Jay...
And I'd loved it.
Yet for the first time since he'd come to live with us, Jay tucked himself into the bottom end of the bed. I let out a small sigh of relief – God knows how awkward it would have been if he'd crept in beside me – but also a pang of disappointment. I mean, sure, he came onto me, but did he regret it? And I had been more than slightly forceful on him after, letting my emotions run completely wild as I devoured his lips, trying to squeeze every single flicker of emotion I'd ever felt for the guy into one little kiss.
In short, maybe I'd come on too strong, and Jay was too nice a guy to reject me. The thought alone caused an anxious fluttering in the pit of my stomach. I gulped, not sure if I even wanted to ask if he regretted it in case he did. On top of everything that day, I didn't think I could handle that.
"Ash? Um, what's up?"
"Eh?" I looked up from the covers, mildly confused. "Oh! Oh right... Uh, nothing. Doesn't matter. Go to sleep."
Yawning dramatically, I writhed inside the covers and pulled them tightly around my shoulders. Even with the duvet wrapped around my body I still felt cold without Jay's arms enveloping me. Was it pathetic how dependant I'd become on him?
Didn't stop me from lightly grazing my leg against his back though. Hey, it was a desperate bid for warmth, not comfort.
I couldn't even convince myself.
"Hey Ash?" Jay whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Did you... did you open that card your mum and dad got you?"
I lay there, completely perplexed for a moment or two, before images of the bright yellow envelope flashed before my eyes.
"Shit."
Jay emitted a small snort, before clamping a hand to his mouth in embarrassment. I simply rolled my eyes at him and blindly stumbled around the room until I found my jacket, the card still neatly nestled in the inside pocket.
"Hey Jay turn the light on, will you? Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually have super-vision."
Jay obediently reached over to my bedside lamp and flicked the switch, lighting up the room with a dim yellow glow. He sat up under the covers, his ruffled hair looking extremely good on him. I scowled. It wasn't ok to think things like that! Even if we did... kiss.
I sat down beside him, not too close, turning the envelope nervously in my hands. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to open it. The last time my parents had gotten me a card was my eleventh birthday. It was a flimsy thing, a last minute buy in the local supermarket with a primitive drawing of a smiling footballer on the front. I'd awkwardly thanked them and placed it gingerly on the mantelpiece, where it sat for three days before my dad decided it was ruining the effect of the fireplace and tossed it into the recycling.
So why had they gotten me card this year?
"Are... are you gonna open it?"
Jay sounded as breathless and nervous as I was. I was probably overreacting, after all most people were pelted with cards on a yearly basis. But I wasn't. I sure as hell wasn't.
"I'm kinda expecting some sort of jack in the box or something to pop out and yell 'fooled you!'," I admitted quietly. Jay flashed me a small sympathetic smile, before shuffling in the bed so that his knee brushed mine. Hesitantly, he reached out a hand and closed his fingers around mine.
"Ready?"
I swallowed dryly. "Yup."
And we tore the yellow flap open to reveal a bright present shaped card with a large sixteen emblazoned on the front. With shaking hands, I eased the card from the envelope, still unsure what to do next. Jay's warm hand was still clenched over mine and I smiled gratefully. He returned the grin.
A neat twenty had been tucked inside the card. Elegant writing said, 'Happy Sixteenth Ash!'. I couldn't help but smile. My mum had obviously written the card, and had scribbled the word 'dad' at the bottom of the paper in a cheap imitation of his outrageously messy scrawl. But I smiled anyway.
I placed the card on my bedside table next to the lamp, causing the room to dim a little and casting a blueish glare across the walls. I could faintly make out the words inside the card, along with the twenty still folded inside.
Still grinning obliviously, I lay back down on the pillows. Jay had let go of my hand, and tucked himself into the bottom end of the bed, lightly shivering against my legs. Could I...? Maybe... I stared at the dull white ceiling for a few moments, very aware of Jay's light frame huddled into a ball at the tail of the bed.
Cursing myself and my stupid loneliness, I flipped over on my stomach and stalked over to his end of the bed, my bizarre movements resembling that of a lizard. Jay straightened himself out to make room for me.
"Um, Ash? What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" I grumbled, wrestling myself into a position between the covers. Jay bit his soft pink lip.
"Um... newt impression?"
"Ha-ha. Now move your skinny ass so I can breathe dude."
He looked taken aback, but scuffled timidly to the edge of the bed, giving me well over half of the available space. I sighed. This was so embarrassing, but he didn't seem to take the lame hints I was giving him.
"Hey Jay?"
"Yeah?"
"I came up this end of the bed because the top end is pretty lonely. You're kind of defeating the whole purpose by moving away."
"Oh. Sor-"
"Dude don't apologize!" I snapped, all previous embarrassment completely overruled by frustration. I grabbed his wrist and jerked him towards me, folding his arms across my waist.
"There. Problem solved," I muttered, my face pressed against his chest. I could hear his muffled heartbeat increase in speed and it sent a small thrill through my body. Was it... because of me?
"Night Ash," Jay whispered, his lips brushing my ear. I frowned.
"Whatever. Go to sleep."
"Ok."
Obviously determined to embarrass me further, Jay placed a chaste gentle kiss on my lips, lingering there for a few moments before pulling away and sighing contently.
Long after he'd fallen asleep, I lay awake, my lips still burning.
My door burst open that morning with a fanfare and I shrieked, shoving myself out of the bed before anyone could see Jay and I's embarrassingly girly position. Thankfully my mum and dad didn't notice me sprawled on the floor, groaning in pain, and went straight to Jay's sleeping form.
"Jay! Jay! Wake up!" my dad commanded, shaking him roughly by the shoulders. Rubbing an eye sleepily, Jay sat up.
"Huh?"
His voice was fogged with sleep and I couldn't help but snicker. He shot me a playful glare, before turning his attention back to my dad.
"Jay lad! It's your first big track event today!"
I frowned. He didn't tell me that... But he never told me anything to do with track in the first place. Jay being Jay caught my foul expression and gave me an apologetic smile. And I couldn't help but grin in response.
Mum and dad prattled on and on about Jay, wishing him luck and telling him to eat a good breakfast and other such shit, while Jay blushed and mumbled an occasional response. It was kind of funny really, considering Jay had been living with us for six weeks today now, and he still wasn't comfortable around my mum and dad.
In fact, it kind of made me immensely happy to know that Jay had only opened up to me. It was selfish, but it was true.
"Now we'll leave you to get ready then Jay, ok?" My mum was beaming, happy that she finally had somebody to support in track meets. I felt slightly uncomfortable. I knew I was a total let down to my parents, even the job of ball boy being too much of an athletic stretch for me. I'd actually signed up for ball boy once too.
And then I'd been dropped for simply sitting on the side-lines, reading a book, making no movement to actually go and get the ball. Ever. Not my best experience.
So all in all, I was never at any track events. Neither were my parents because me not having any friends resulted in having no one to go and support. Now they were totally thrilled to have Jay, their perfect Godson, competing in God knows what event.
I scowled. "Can I come?"
Three pairs of eyes turned to face me, confused. They all tried to speak at once.
"But you don't like track."
"I though you hated sports, Ash."
"Um, yeah. Ok. Why not?"
Predictably, Jay was the one who agreed. Mum and dad shared a look, before nodding.
"Well, if Jay doesn't mind..."
"Gee, thanks mum," I snapped, scowling intently at the floor. Jay grimaced.
"Um, I'd like Ash to come," Jay mumbled quietly. Of course that immediately changed mum and dad's opinions and they rushed about, telling me of course I could come and reassuring Jay about how wonderful he was. I scowled until they left the room.
"D'you really want to come?" asked Jay the minute my mum slammed the door behind her. I frowned, surprised by the question.
"Uh, sure. Why not?"
Jay looked embarrassed, and avoided eye contact as he replied, "But you don't like sports."
"So?" I demanded, pulling on a rather worn out looking jumper. "Yeah, I hate running, jumping and whatever other shit you're gonna do at track, but..." The words caught in my throat. Squeezing my eyes tight shut, I took a deep breath and forced myself to continue.
"But I like you," I whispered, a furious blush ravaging my face. "Oh my God! I can't believe I just said that mushy shit! Gah!"
I face planted my pillow, hiding my intense embarrassment from the world. Even with the majority of my head buried in the pillow I could still make out Jay's muffled laughter, and groaned loudly. Oh Jesus...
A firm hand clamped around my shoulder and I stiffened suddenly.
"Hey Ash?"
"Fuck off."
I couldn't see anything with my face squashed against the fabric, but I could practically feel Jay roll his eyes at me.
"Ash," he said firmly, peeling me away from the pillow, much to my embarrassment. "Know what?"
We were face to face now, noses only a hairs width apart. I swallowed. "Yeah?"
"I like you too. A lot."
"Uh... cheers," I stammered, wondering if he could hear my heart battering against my ribcage, or if my pupils were as dilated as his.
And slowly, carefully, he placed his warm hand on my neck, pulling me closer, and gave me soft gentle kiss. My eyes closed the minute I felt a slight pressure on my lips. His tongue lightly brushed the surface of my lower lip and I opened my mouth in shock, letting him take dominance without a second thought. I felt my insides turn to goo and smiled against his mouth. He pulled away, a massive grin on his face, while I simply sat there, trying to get my breath back.
"I better, um, go get ready," he explained quickly. I just nodded. I was still blushing long after he'd left the room.
"Shit man," I hissed, resting my burning face in my hands. "I'm in way over my head."