Dear Nobody,
Grey is acting weird. I don't know what's up with him but ever since Wednesday two days ago when he tried to hit on me again, we haven't really spoken that much. It really sucks because he's one of my best friends and he's really fun to talk to but yesterday, he didn't go to school and I had to work until close at the library so I didn't meet them at the Ronlux to hang out. I don't know if he's avoiding me now, but he didn't go to school today either. Whatever his deal is, he needs to figure it out because he's throwing his hissy fit about me cutting off our sexual relationship and it's getting ridiculous and annoying.
Today, I don't have work so once I finish writing this, I'm going to meet my friends over in the Ronlux. Everybody else had to work today though, so I'm wasting some time until my friends get off of work and we can hang out together. Cece just texted me, telling me that she's off of work and once she stops by the Walmart to pick up Tasha, they'll both be over to hang out while we wait for everybody else to get off.
I also got a text from Danni reminding me to fill out that application that she'd given me for the college in Iowa that she wants me to apply to because she has connections with the admissions guy. I didn't respond to her because although I don't want to apply to the school, it would make Danni happy so I guess that it wouldn't absolutely kill me to give her the complete application. After I exploded on her for the New Year party incident, things have been kind of tense between us so maybe everything will iron out if I just fill out the stupid application.
I just don't want to get my hopes up for something that I know that I don't have a shot for. I've had enough disappointment in my life, I don't need to ask for more.
Picture included: on my way home today
Sincerely
Luna Rose
I stuff the letter where it goes under my bed and head toward the Ronlux with a stash of weed tucked into the small pocket of my bag because today just feels like a great time to utilize my small stash of weed. Jules might have some but I don't want to take any chances—I need to get high right now, it's the only way that I'll really be able to calm down from all of the stress that I've been feeling.
In the living room, Nathan is sitting on the couch with Frosty and I just keep walking through the room, ignoring them and they ignore me as well which is how we've been functioning ever since the party where he hit me. Well, that's really how we've always functioned but I feel like now, things are even more tense than they used to be and I feel a lot more anxious when we're in the same room together, afraid that he's had too much to smoke and that he'll lash out at me again for absolutely no reason at all.
"Where are you headed?" Frosty asks me, breaking our golden rule of not speaking to each other under any circumstance.
I turn to glance at him, surprised that he even said anything to me after three weeks of being able to avoid each other just fine. I don't say anything to him in fear of upsetting Nathan, because he's so terrifying but he doesn't even turn to look at me, keeping his eyes on the TV as if I'm not even standing behind him.
Apparently able to sense my discomfort, Frosty just laughs and nudges Nathan with his shoulder, who still doesn't budge. "Don't worry about this guy, he's a teddy bear. Come hang out."
"Fuck off," I mumble irritably as I swing open the front door to leave the apartment and go next door to the abandoned building where Cece and Tasha are probably waiting for me.
Once I get to the Ronlux, I get into the lobby area and, like many times before, I see a hobo laying on the receptionist desk. He may be too intoxicated to move, he may be sleeping, he might even be dead. Instead of trying to wake up the lump of dirty ratted hair, I just tip toe past the desk and into the basement so that I don't disturb his rest. Most of the homeless people that I've met in this building have been kind enough meaning that they leave me and my friends alone. Some, however, get violent. They want my bag or my shoes or my jacket and that's when they get dangerous. I don't need to find out what kind of homeless man this guy is.
In the basement, Cece and Tasha are already there like I expected them to be and when I get down there, they look up at me and offer me welcoming smiles.
"We have the good stuff," Cece tells me with a grin as she pulls out a small rolled up bag. I can't tell what's inside but I can tell by the excited look on her face that it's LSD, and I couldn't be more excited about that.
"That's the best idea that I've ever heard," I sigh, sitting down on the dirty ground beside Tasha and Cece. "When will Jules and Faith get off?"
"Soon," She responds. "Jules will be here in half an hour, Faith in an hour. Grey at about ten probably, even though you didn't really ask about him."
"I just assumed that he wasn't coming," I explain with a roll of my eyes just thinking about how bratty he's been lately.
"Well, he is," Cece confirms with a nod.
"You two should probably get over whatever it is that's been going on," Tasha suggests. "Because I don't want things to get awkward between you two just because you broke up."
"I'm not upset with Grey, I don't have anything to get over. He's just been acting weird since we stopped fucking and I don't know why," I explain with a shrug. "So if anything is awkward, it's because of Grey acting like a bitch."
"I know why," Tasha pipes. "Let me get a piece of paper."
Cece tears a blank sheet of paper from her sketchbook and hands it to Tasha along with a pencil. Tasha then puts the paper on the cement ground and starts drawing. When she's done with her drawing, she holds it up to me and when Cece sees what the picture is, she starts giggling like an idiot.
On the paper, there's two stick figures, one with long hair and one that's bald, with an arrow pointing at each of the figures, one named Grey and one named Luna. The bald one named Grey has three hearts coming out of his head with an arrow pointed toward the one with hair named Luna, who looks to be smoking a cigarette and looking the other direction.
"He totally heart, heart, hearts you," Cece agrees with Tasha's drawing and I just roll my eyes at both of them. I guess that I can't blame them for thinking that because of how weird he's been acting lately but I don't think that Grey is capable of loving anybody like that, or even liking somebody like that. He's not very affectionate.
"I'm tired of the heart, heart, hearts in this friendship," I decide with a groan as I pull out my own stash of weed from my bag along with a lighter. "I think that we all need to get over our hormones and move on with our goddamn lives."
"Amen," Cece sighs. "But in reality, the world just wouldn't turn without love coming in and fucking everything up."
"Amen," I echo.
"Whoa, what's going on down here?" Jules' voice reverberates between the hard basement walls which kind of makes me jump because Cece said that he wasn't going to be here for another half an hour.
"Nothing," Cece says quickly, afraid to spoil her cover with Jules. "Just about how Grey and Luna aren't getting along right now."
"I'm not the problem here," I reiterate. "It's Grey that's being a jerk. Anyway, I'm going to text Faith and Grey to see when they're going to get here because I'm ready to forget about this planet for a good few hours."
"They're still working?" He wonders.
"Yeah, but they need to get here fast," I mumble irritably as I put my lit joint to my lips to at least get a little high while I wait for my other friends to get here. It's one of our unspoken rules that we don't really go crazy until everybody is present, or who plans on being present, which means that we can't use the LSD that Cece brought until both Faith and Grey arrive, and I'm getting restless already.
"Somebody's very grumpy," Jules notices out loud.
"I have a lot going on," I explain after the smoke leaves between my lips.
"Well, get comfy because we probably have a while until Grey gets off of work," Cece sighs as she dives back into her sketchbook and I decide to get some work done too, since nothing else can be done until Faith and Grey get here.
Pulling a wrinkled up folder out of my bag with the college application that Danni had basically forced upon me at the library and a pencil with a chewed up eraser that I always keep in the small pocket of my school bag.
"What's that?" Tasha asks me as I'm filling out the easiest part of the application- my full name. I can do that much, right?
"It's nothing," I say but when I look up and realize that I've caught the attention of everybody else in the basement. "Alright, it's a college application. I most likely won't actually go through with it but Danni wants me to fill it out so I'm entertaining her."
"College, really?" Jules raises his eyebrows at me.
"Yeah, but like I said, it isn't a real thing. Just something to pass the time until Faith and Grey get here, I guess," I shrug at him, taking another drag from the joint before I pinch it between my fingers and use that same hand to hold the folder and paper as I write with my right hand. My first, middle, and last name and then my address which is another easy one.
By the time that I'm filling out my social security number at the bottom of the first page, Faith has showed up and she's taken charge of playing music so she turns on the stereo and starts blasting some old rock music so I'm tapping my foot to the beat of the loud music as I flip the page and start on the second page, starting with the name of my high school and my intended major (that space, I leave blank and move on).
"What's the college?" Cece walks over to me, sitting by my side as she leans over my shoulder to read the application. I hand her the finished first page for her to look at so that she can see it better.
"Luther College. It's in Iowa," I explain as she looks over the page that I've given to her. "It's so stupid though. Now it's asking about my mom's information? I'm eighteen so it's not like I need her permission. Her information doesn't define me. I'm just not going to fill that part out."
"Do you think that your friend could get me an application?" She wonders, seemingly hesitant to ask and even though I'm very surprised that she's asking. I don't know why, I just didn't expect any of my friends to want to go to college.
"Really?"
"I want to go to college," She blurts out quickly as if she's the subject of an intervention and she's admitting that she has a drug problem. "I don't want to be stuck in this city for my whole life. And Iowa? I could do Iowa, I guess."
"I'll ask Danni to get you an application," I confirm with a nod as Faith notices what's going on and then turns down the music and again, all eyes are on me and Cece.
"What's going on?" Faith wonders curiously.
"I want to go to college," Cece repeats louder now that everybody can hear her admit what she's acting like is a huge secret.
"You're going to turn into a nerd now, Ce?" She asks with a teasing laugh as she scoots closer to Cece and I to look at the application too.
"No, I just... I don't want to become just another rotting victim of this stupid city. I want to get out. We all want to get out and this is the easiest way to do that," Cece explains to Faith, also looking at Jules and Tasha to explain her random interest in the idea of college.
"I think that you're making a great point there, Cece," Jules comments with a thoughtful nod as he's itching one of the old tattoos on his arm. "I think that we could do it, you know. We could get out of here. We all have money saved up from working since freshman year or sooner. We could really do it."
"Guys, this is just a small college in Iowa, it's not like, a real ting that I'm considering," I tell them with a small little chuckle. "If you guys really want to go to college, probably go to a big state university. They're cheap, you can't get denied, and there's a shit ton of scholarships. My boss at the library has been shoving them down my throat for months now."
"Okay..." Faith trails off, seemingly unsure of this whole 'college' thing. "I think that it seems like a lot of effort, just to come out on the other end with thousands of dollars of debt and a shit ton of working your ass off for four years."
"I know that it's a lot of work, but I'm starting to think that it wouldn't completely hurt to fill out a few applications either," I defend Cece's optimism about a further education. "Mostly because I'm terrified of this place."
"What?"
"I'm so afraid of what we're going to become," I repeat quietly, deciding that I'm feeling a little high now and I'm not going to be able to fill out any more of this application so I take the first page away from Cece and stuff it into the folder and then into my bag. "We're going to fucking rot."
"Like a bunch of forgotten tomatoes," Cece adds with a sad sigh. "And it makes me feel sick."
"You guys are really depressing down here," Grey makes himself present as he comes down the stairs and I nearly pounce on Cece to grab the small plastic bag but before I can actually grab it, she's already digging into the bag.
"Yeah, not anymore though," I pipe excitedly. "We're going to get incredibly fucked up."
And that's what we do. Grey stays away from me for the most part but it doesn't really bother me that much because I spend a good half an hour just dancing with Cece, Faith, and Tasha as we wait for the LSD to set in and to mess up our perception of reality.
Swinging our hips to the beat of the blasting rock music, I start to hear the colors singing to me with the songs, and I continue to dance to their voices. I forget about how Grey is being a bitch. I forget about Danni being so stubborn and ridiculous. I forget about Nathan. I forget about the future. Everything.
I hear the low voice of the gray basement walls, I sing along to the harmonic voice of Tasha's yellow sweater, and I dance to the beat of Jules' brown jacket. I dance in the feelings that are coming to life inside of me with the effects of acid hitting my brain.
Everything is moving around me at a rapid pace and yet, it's moving so slow at the same time and I have no idea what's going on, and it feels incredible. I have no responsibilities in the world, I have nothing to care about, nothing to worry about, to stress about. I am nothing, I am invisible.
In the end, I have no idea how it happens, but we end up in my apartment by two in the morning. Nobody else is home, which is fortunate. I find myself crammed into my bathtub with Faith and Cece, the tub full of water, and Faith is completely naked except for a cowboy hat on her head. Cece and I are in our underwear and we're all giggling over nothing, splashing each other with the bath water that we're sitting in.
"Did we have sex?" Faith asks with a sloppily worried frown, even though my sober self knows that if she really did hook up with one of us, she wouldn't really care. It's not the first time that she's had sex with a girl.
"Yes," Cece confirms with a nod.
"You mean no," I giggle loudly. "We didn't have sex."
"Oh yeah, she's right. I mean no," She pipes, laughing at her ridiculous mistake. "We didn't have sex. But if you wanted to, we could totally have a lesbian threesome. I'd totally be up for that."
"We couldn't do that without Tasha. It would have to be a lesbian foursome," I remind her.
"I don't think that she'd be up for it though," Faith mentions with a pouty look. "So please can it be a threesome?"
"Okay, if we ever hypothetically hooked up, it would be a threesome," I agree with a nod as I adjust myself in the tub full of water. We're all cramped in my tiny bathtub so if I wasn't still fading on acid, my knees would be aching by now.
"What's going on right now?" Jules and Grey walk into the small bathroom with curious looks on their faces.
"We're talking about having a lesbian threesome," Faith fills the guys in.
"Right now?" Grey wonders with raised eyebrows.
"Hypothetically," I add.
"Okay but Faith, why are you naked?" Jules wonders, trying his best to look away from Faith's boobs.
"Because she wants to be!" I say way louder than necessary. "Free the nipple!"
"FREE THE NIPPLE!" Cece and Faith both shout in response and they both punch their fists into the air, causing a minor splash in the tub water as they do so.
"Okay, I'm assuming that you guys aren't really sober yet," Jules observes.
"That'd be correct, partna," Faith giggles, tipping her cowboy hat to the two confused guys standing near the toilet. "You guys are sober? Fucking losers."
"Fucking losers," Cece repeats as she stands up from the bathtub and steps out, leaving Faith and I alone in the cold bath water. She steps closer to the guys and we all are watching her, curious to see what she's doing.
She then steps even closer to Grey and she wraps her arms around his neck, pushing her bra clad chest into his dry t-shirt. She then leaves a little farther toward into Gray and sloppily kisses his cheek. "I'm madly in love with you," She mumbles as her blonde hair is dripping down her back and forming a puddle on the tile by her feet.
"Um..." Grey trails off, looking very unsure of how to respond to the situation.
"Wait," Cece says loudly and very abruptly as she steps away from Grey and pushes away so that her hands are gripping his shoulders with her arms fully extended. "Who are you?"
"I'm Grey, Cece," He informs her slowly.
"Oh. Well then never mind. You're a good friend, buddy," She assures him, patting Grey on the top of his dark-haired head.
She then backs up and turns to the tub but instead of just stepping back into the tub, she dramatically falls over the edge with a large splash, on top of both me and Faith. Going under water momentarily, she resurfaces and we all start laughing. Except for Grey and Jules, because they're sober and grumpy and probably a little bit turned on.
"You can't just tell people that you're in love with them," Faith says with a loud laugh. "You're such a fucking nerd, Ce."
"No, I'm brave. And I'm a little horny so I was hoping that it would lead to something," She explains with a wide, unforgiving grin. "But I didn't mean to hit on Grey, so sorry about that, Luna."
"Oh, that's alright," I assure her. "I'm not in love with Grey like you are apparently."
She splashes me and then lets out a loud laugh. "Fucking shut up, you know that I'm not in love with Grey."
"I think that we need to get you guys out of the tub," Jules announces as he steps closer to the tub, probably in an attempt to either drain the tub or to help us get out.
"But do we really?" Grey asks his less morally corrupt friend.
"Yeah. Really," He confirms with a nod, extending his hand as he grabs Faith's hand and pulls her to her feet in the tub. She's completely unaffected that she's completely naked in front of four other people. "Come on, Grey and I are sober so we'll get Luna to bed and then take you guys home."
"I don't need to go to bed," I protest, sinking deeper into the tub water so that my chin is dipping into the cold water.
"Yeah, come on, Lune, we want to go home and we can't do that if you aren't in bed because you might drown and die," Grey mutters, stepping over to the edge of the tub where I'm giving him a wide grin from the tub.
"No," I snap at him, splashing him with the biggest splash that I can muster and although he jumps back, I still get his jeans a little wet and for some reason, that makes me burst out laughing, and Cece joins me as Faith is being helped out of the tub by Jules and then he kindly wraps a towel around her chest that drapes down to her thick thighs.
"Okay, yeah, let's go," Grey is obviously very unhappy with me now and he leans toward the tub to grab me out. I feel so tempted to grab his arm and pull him into the tub with me and Cece, which I'm sure is a wet dream of his but he looks grumpy, so I don't do that.
"Can we stay if I start making out with Cece?" I try to bargain with him instead and my proposition makes him pause.
"I'll even touch her boob," Cece agrees with me, draping herself over my shoulder in the clear water. "Please let us stay."
Grey leans back, glancing between Cece and me with a pensive look on his face as if he's thinking about our proposal so that we can stay in the tub and have fun.
"No," Jules says in place of Grey after he gets Faith situated with the towel in the corner of the small bathroom. "Man, just no. Come on, Luna, you've got to get out."
"Okay, Jules, let's give this some more thought," Grey says quickly.
As if to help convince Jules to let us stay in the bathtub, Cece leans farther into me and I turn toward her, preparing for the make out session of a life time. Jules seems to be hesitating now, so I think that we've won him over.
"Wait. No. No, get out," Jules finally breaks out of the short daze that we'd put him in just before my lips touch Cece's, and then he's pulling Cece away from me and then out of the tub.
"Dude," Grey whines. "We will never get that opportunity again."
"Don't think I won't regret it," Jules mumbles. "I'm just being a good person. You should try it sometime maybe."
"Yeah, whatever," He groans in response as he grabs my hand and pulls me out of the tub. He also leans over and flips the metallic switch that unplugs the drain, causing the tub to gurgle and then the water starts to drain at a rapid pace.
"Get her to bed, I'll get these two dressed," Jules instructs Grey. "And I swear to god, Grey, keep your hands off of her."
Grey picks me up in his arms almost effortlessly. "Sure, yeah, you're no fun."
"Whatever, munchkin," Jules chuckles at his friend as they both maneuver around the bathroom so that Grey can get out of the small bathroom to carry me to my room and Jules can get Cece and Faith dressed.
"Are you gonna have your way with me?" I sing to Grey once we're alone in my room and then he tries his best to gently rest me on the bed but he really just ends up tossing me onto the mattress with a quiet creak.
"Nope. I'm going to be a good person," He mutters with a gruff curse under his breath. This might be the hardest thing that he's ever had to do considering I'm already in my underwear and I'm hardly even lucid. "Do you want clothes or are you good like that?"
"It'd be way too ironic for me."
"What?"
"You, Greyson Douglas, putting my clothes on and not taking them off," I say with a grin as he pulls the covers over me and I rest my heavy head on my crummy pillow.
"Don't call me that," He says with a hard voice.
"I know that it hurts your feelings, I'm sorry," I sigh dramatically. "I'm just really high right now, you know. Thanks for not fucking me."
"You're welcome."
"I love you," I grumble as my eyelids start to fall and I'm feeling myself get tired at a rapid pace now that I'm in this cozy bed and the comforting song of Grey's deep voice is singing me to sleep.
He leans down toward me and I think that he's going to kiss my lips, one last shot at seduction, but he just kisses my forehead and then stands up and starts to leave. "I love you too, Luna."