WARNING:
There's some references to some "explicit" content. Probably swearing. Like the f-bomb. Oh yeah, and I talk about wanting to have sex with my boyfriend too.
Just thought I'd let y'all know...
You've been warned.
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I've never been REJECTED...
Like I basically was last night by *Danny--of all people.
We've talked about having sex--especially lately--then last night, in a joking manner, I said that I didn't wanna pressure him 'cause he was supposed to be the one pressuring me into having sex. Then, for some reason he brought up the fact that he doesn't want to have sex with me because we're moving too fast. I just don't think Danny could ever understand exactly how...humiliated and rejected his words made me feel.
Whether or not he wants to wait to do the nasty, or never do it at all doesn't matter to me. At the moment, they mean the same thing. When he told me he wanted to wait, and that he felt we were moving too fast, in my mind it translated to this:
Hey I like you, I just don't ever want to have sex. I'll kiss you and touch you, but I just don't ever want my penis in you. I'll talk about how much I wanna get with you, but in reality, I don't want that. I don't want you.
Now I just feel stupid and ridiculous for ALWAYS bringing it up. The whole time I thought Danny and I felt the same way, and were on the same page. I was under the impression that he wanted sex.
When he told me things were moving too fast, my thoughts automatically turned fuckin psycho on me.
Am I not pretty enough for him? Does he even think I'm pretty? What the fuck's wrong with me? Too fat/not skinny enough for him? Is it because of my inexperience relating to guys? Is that the reason? Is it 'cause I can't give bj's and hand-jobs? WHAT'S. WRONG. WITH. ME.?!?!?
I hate overreacting. I mean, that is what I'm doing, right? It's just me being crazy again.
Psych ward, I'm almost ready to be placed into the comfort of your padded room. Be ready for me.
-Kate ♥
July 24th
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So..that was the second post. I think there's only a few more before I'm caught up and up to date.
*Names have been changed
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