Joe wanted things to be like before, kind of like when they used to play cops and robbers. He had soothed Jamie in the middle of the night.
[Flashback]
Joe was sound asleep in his bed, happy to be home and safe, and very much alive. He was glad to be here with Jamie. Jamie was tossing and turning, moaning in his sleep. Joe heard sounds, but he really thought nothing of it until, "Noooo. Not Joe. Please.". Joe heard this and rushed out of bed and into Jamie's room.
When he got to Jamie's room, he saw him thrashing about, tangled in the sheets. Joe went over and shook him awake. "Jamie... Jamie wake up!" Joe said, trying to wake him up.
Jamie struggled and then finally after a few minutes woke up. He saw Joe and reached out, hugging him around the waist, and started to cry. "Don't leave me." Jamie said between hiccups and sobs.
Joe looked down at him and his heart broke. He felt his heart shatter and he knew he had really hurt Jamie bad. 'I did this. I made him have these nightmares, and this fear.' Joe thought. He rubbed Jamie's back and waited for him to settle and calm before asking questions. He looked terrible, Joe felt around for his pulse, and when he checked his wrist he found it to be elevated, mostly likely from a heart wrenching, horrific nightmare. He knew there was trauma, and that he had caused it. Jamie was shaking and he couldn't stop.
Joe had a few ideas about how to soothe him, but he went with the best one a story. "When you were about 4 or 5 years old, you used to have bad nightmares. You would come into my room with your bear Watson and you would ask to sleep with me. I always let you in and would rub your back and help you settle in and fall back asleep." Joe said. Jamie was surprised, that Joe could remember something like this. He was shocked and he felt oddly relieved that Joe was telling him a story. He felt less upset, because he knew that Joe was good at comforting him. He had to admit even if only to himself, that he forgot things, important things about Joe. He felt ashamed about that.
"I was always there for you, until I wasn't. I... I wasn't the source of your nightmares then, but I am now and it kills me." Joe admitted.
Jamie settled down after about 10 minutes, and Joe got curious. "Want to talk about it?" Joe asked.
Jamie nodded no, but Joe said "Talking about it might help."
Jamie thought about it for a moment, before finally speaking. "I saw all the dirty cops, the ones from the warrant squad, and they crowded around you and watched as you bled to death, begging for a bus." Jamie said.
Joe broke and let his own tears fall. "Oh Jamie.... I'm so sorry. That must have been so painful, so unbearable to see in your dreams." Joe tried to soothe him, and it seemed to work a little, but Jamie was still shaking.
"I can't...." Jamie made sobbing sounds. "I can't.... lose you. I need you Joe. Please don't leave me." Jamie begged and pleaded.
Joe hugged him close and rested his head on top of Jamie's. It was so hard to see him like this, but he knew this was his punishment for leaving. He had to see Jamie like this, so he could understand the extent of the damage he had caused. 'I ruined him, and it could take years to fix this.' Joe thought.
Joe had Jamie's head pressed to his chest and he had his arms wrapped around him, whispering soothing nothings in his ear. He eventually fell asleep in Joe's arms, with Joe maneuvering them into a laying down position, blankets on top of them.
[End flashback]
"Hey Jamie. How are you feeling this morning?" Joe inquired.
He set a cup of tea in front of him and smiled lovingly. "If we're being honest, like crap, but if we are being really really honest, a little better because I have you." Jamie replied.
That answer seemed to satisfy Joe's curiosity for the moment. "I can make some oatmeal. You used to love that with the brown sugar and walnuts. I know Mom's recipe by heart." Joe felt proud, that he could remember something like that all these years.
"That sounds really good. The chopped walnuts are in the freezer, the brown sugar with the tea, and the oatmeal with the cereal."
Jamie listed where everything was located and Joe got to work making Mom's oatmeal. "I bet you haven't had this in years." Joe said.
"I couldn't remember the recipe and at first, it always tasted funny. It was never the right amount of walnuts, or it was too much brown sugar. I gave up trying, because I didn't want to waste the ingredients." Jamie admitted.
Joe busied himself making breakfast on the stove and carefully made sure not burn the oatmeal. When it was all cooked, he added a half cup of chopped walnuts to the big pot of oatmeal and a third cup of brown sugar. He also added the secret ingredient, which was a few small pinches of cinnamon. 'Poor Jamie, he had the recipe right, he just didn't know about the cinnamon.' Joe thought to himself as he stirred the oatmeal until it was blended. "Do you want milk on yours?" Joe asked.
"Just a touch, I don't like when the milk cools it down really fast." Jamie replied.
Joe served the oatmeal and added the milk, before placing it in front of Jamie. Just then the door was pounded on. "Jamie open up." Danny said.
Joe panicked and hid behind the island away from the view of the front door. "Go answer it." Joe said.
Jamie answered the door and Danny came marching in in an angry huff. "Erin said I had to come here for some reason, but she wouldn't tell me. It felt like you two were keeping secrets again." Danny expressed in a frustrated voice.
"That's because they were keeping secrets. My secret to be exact." Joe said from behind the island.
Danny couldn't see him, but he recognized the voice anywhere. "Jamie this isn't funny. Playing a trick on me like this, and getting Erin in on it. Did you guys record Joe and plan to trick me years later. I'm hurt...." Danny trailed off in an angry tone.
Joe popped up and Danny nearly fell over. "Would you like some of Mom's oatmeal?" Joe asked walking into the kitchen.
"No I don't want oatmeal!" Danny started but then amended himself. "Wait did you say Mom's? Alright serve me some, but then I want some explaining." Danny commanded.
Danny was very upset as he sat across from Joe. He didn't understand anything, and nothing was explained yet. This felt like torture, and he couldn't wait until it was over. Danny ate the oatmeal and he almost lost all his anger in that moment. It was just the way Mom made it and he wondered if she was secretly alive too. Danny was smart though and he remembered watching Mom in the hospital. 'How could Joe do this to me. In one breathe he leaves me, and in the next he comes back and makes Mom's oatmeal like it's no big deal. I just don't get him. I want a thorough explanation.' Danny thought internally.
Joe sensed something was wrong, because Danny kept stabbing his spoon into his oatmeal. 'I think I broke him too. Sigh....' Joe thought. "So how is work?" Jamie asked Danny, trying to make small talk, anything to diffuse the growing anger.
"Work is fine. Busy as usual. Caught a big case." Danny replied.
"And how is Maria doing?" Jamie asked.
"What is this kid, 20 questions? Maria is fine, although she recently came down with a cold. She hasn't felt like herself, and she has been drinking all this strange herb tea. I have to order it for her when we are out driving." Danny commented.
'Sounds about right. Danny hasn't really changed, and I waltz back in and he is still the same towards me. He won't even talk to me. I really screwed up.' Joe thought.
"You haven't said a peep." Jamie said to Joe.
"It's always the same. Nothing's changed. He's mad at me and I can't even get my first apology out." Joe was frustrated, that Danny was just taking on a stance of anger, without an explanation.
"You want to get your apology out fine. It won't make a difference, because I will still be mad at you anyways. I wanted an explanation, not your poor ass excuses of apologies." Danny said.
"See you always take that tone with me. You fight with me and then we make up and everything is great for a while, until the next fight." Joe said.
"I don't know if we will make up this time. I'm pretty pissed off at you." Danny admitted.
It killed Jamie to see his brothers like this. He couldn't step in just yet, he had to let Joe explain, before he got in the middle.
Breakfast finished quickly and then the trio of brothers moved to the living room. Jamie sat on the window seat, leaving the only other option the couch. Joe and Danny sat on the couch rather reluctantly. "Explain yourself." Danny was really hurting and Jamie wanted to go hug him, but he was concerned he would be made fun of or teased for it.
"I was undercover." Joe started, but Danny cut him off. "Figures... all the best excuses start off that way." Danny muttered.
"Let him explain." Jamie said in a firm tone, that made Danny freeze up and stop his antics. 'Who knew the kid had it in him.' Danny thought to himself.
"As I was saying, I was in deep undercover work and they had to fake my death. I can tell you what I was doing. It might not make up for anything, but I am hoping you would be proud of me." Joe said.
Danny looked at Jamie and said "Can I speak ref?"
Jamie nodded but added, "Be civil."
"I was always proud of you. When you became a cop after me, I was so proud. When you made the warrant squad, I was proud then too." Danny said.
"I helped stop a terror plot in New York city. It took years to take it down and stop it, but if it had gone through, it would have been like 2001 all over again." Joe noted.
"A terror plot.... you helped stop a terror plot. I mean I'm proud of you but...." Danny was fumbling for his words. Jamie said be civil but he felt the anger rising.
"Tell me how you really feel. I want all your raw emotions." Joe expressed.
"You left, you really hurt me. I needed you, and I was struggling as a cop and a father. I needed you and you weren't there." Danny said, feeling angry and frustrated.
"Let it out. Let me have it, I deserve it for leaving you." Joe said.
"I just wanted my brother so bad, and Jamie was still young, and couldn't help me like you. When you died, you left a hole in my heart. Linda tried... Oh gosh she tried so hard to help me through it, and without her and the boys, I would have been so lost." Danny admitted.
"I can't live life over, but I can live now. I want to play cops and robbers, I want to go back to when we were happy, and we always had each others backs. Can we go back there, can you find it in yourself to forgive me?" Joe asked.
"Forgive you, I hate you for what you did. For leaving me, us, all of us." Danny screamed in anger.
Jamie finally stepped in. "Don't hate him, he had no choice. He came back to us, and he didn't even have to. He could have lived in the world, changed his name, and chosen to remain dead to us. He didn't and all we have is now. So please don't hate him." Jamie pleaded.
Danny was about to tease him, about being emotional when Joe said "Don't you even think about it, he's fragile right now. Save it for later when he is feeling more like himself."
Joe defended Jamie in front of Danny and Danny did something unexpected. He reached out and pulled Joe into a hug. "It's really you, and I get to have you back in my life. As much as I am angry and upset, I would never choose not to have you in my life. I missed you so much, and I want to make up for lost time." Danny said.
"I want to take you out for a couple of beers, I owe you that and so much more." Joe expressed, as Danny let go of him.
"Can we be the brothers three again?" Jamie asked hesitantly.
Danny ruffled his hair and replied "Of course kid. We're brothers for life, always and forever."
The three brothers spent the rest of the morning enjoying each others company, and catching up.