It had been a few days since the rogues attacked. Things had mostly calmed down, though Kylo was still on edge. With Snokes, General Hux, and Captain Phasma all breathing down his neck for something to be done in retaliation, and his own current battle still raging within himself that Snokes somehow hadn't sniffed out, Kylo was ready to blow like a volcano, singeing anyone in the path before him and his storm.
His wounds weren't as bad as before, thanks to the quick handywork of Maiya whom he still hadn't properly thanked. In fact, he'd only seen her once since then and it was a brief moment as he came to retrieve something. She was restless, and he could see the hurt written all over her face that he'd avoided her. She was just sure something had happened, and he was distancing himself before her execution.
But that wasn't the case. He was avoiding her to keep her safe. He knew very well he threw tantrums like a child; he had no emotional control. Something he could never get a firm grasp on, and sometimes he resented the things that stood in the way of his peace. He'd never have that, but it was far too late to change course. Besides, to change would be to give up such great power. And really, that's all he wanted... Wasn't it?
Kylo rubbed his eyes before putting his helmet back on and leaving the currently vacant security room. Soon enough a new Storm Trooper would be there to take over their job of security.
With a better sense of things, a grip on his emotions as best as he could have it, he knew it was time to return to his room, return to the emotionally wounded girl he'd rescued, who in turn had rescued him.
He took a deep breath and stepped inside of his room. He looked around, seeing no trace of her. Just as a form of panic gripped his chest, he noticed a bundle under the covers that seemed a little too peculiar for pillows. He carefully walked over and pulled the sheets back to reveal Maiya, curled up in a ball, eyes shut. Her long platinum hair was splattered around her, a tangle of curls and waves. Red dots scattered around her darkened eyes, a dark stain down her cheeks. She'd been crying. A lot, by the looks of it...
Her breathing shallow like that of someone in a deep sleep, guilt pierced Kylo for the first time. He hadn't stopped to think how his absence would affect her, despite the well intended reasoning. She was far more crippled in ways he hadn't stopped to consider, much like himself and more. How could he have left her alone without any word of why?
He quietly fell into the chair beside the bed as he took his helmet off and sat it down on the floor near the chair, a quiet thud echoing around the room. He pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes as exhaustion drained away what little life he had left, emotions begging to spew and rip the furniture in two.
But the sound of a quiet, solemn voice saying, "Kylo?" was enough to bring him back.
He slowly rubbed his hands down his face and looked over to his right at the bed where Maiya now sat up slightly.
His heart nearly broke at the clearer, broken sight before him. Her usually unnerving, gutwrenching cerulean blue eyes were now darker with shades of fear, worry, and distress; a shade of red filling the white around them. She had dark bags under her eyes, making her look like a shell of something once beautiful.
She was still beautiful, but now she looked as broken as she was. As he felt.
"Hey there, gorgeous," he whispered hoarsely, his voice cracking from the pain in his throat. His screaming fits of rage the past two and a half days hadn't done him too well.
She sat up fully, rubbing her eyes to adjust to the surrounds, and wipe the sleep away.
"Where were you?"
He sighed. "I was gone, to keep you safe."
She looked up at him and furrowed her brows. Normally she'd just choose to accept such an answer, because she'd never overly pushed him for much. But today that wouldn't fly with her.
"No, I want more of an answer than that Kylo. I deserve more than that."
He flinched at her raised voice. He didn't mean for this happen, for her to be upset with him like this. He just wanted her safe... From him.
"Maiya, please," he pleaded. "I'm sorry..."
She sat up and whacked his arm, and slapped his chest. Tears now poured down her cheeks. Kylo, for all his flaws and weakness, took her emotional breakdown well.
He never took his eyes off of her as she cried and hit him. She hit him for all he was worth and more, tired of feeling scared all the time that her life was on the line. That he may very well be playing a sick game and toying with her.
As her open hand collided with his cheek, his hand flew up across her hand to hold it in place. She opened her bleary eyes as the tears fell. They both sat still, staring at the other. Two broken kids, damaged in completely different ways and played in a game of politics and power. Neither making the best choices for their lives, neither knowing how to forgive or let go. Neither ever really knowing what it meant to be sorry, or to feel much else than pain.
Kylo reached across the span between them, and with his bare thumb opposite of what held her hand to his still stinging face, he wiped her tears away. She sniffled, her shoulders shaking as she took a deep breath and shuddered.
The truth was, he was just as scared as she was. He'd braved many things, though many viewed his bravery as cowardice not that they were completely wrong, though he was at war with himself, unsure of if he agreed with those sentiments or not.
But this, with Maiya, was a level of brave no one had ever trained or prepared him for. Love, for all of his family's tries and errors in the act of such emotion, wasn't one he'd ever been prepared to feel so deeply. One he'd ever thought he'd want to feel.
And here they sat, frozen in a moment as they stared at each other, her hand held to his now red cheek, and his hand held to her soaking wet one, they were figuring out their next move.
What was next for them- let go of it and set her free to wherever she wanted? If there was a moment to choose it, it was now when he was broken enough to truly see how wrong it was to keep a girl where she didn't belong.
Or would they pursue these evolving feelings between them, bridged by the connection that bound them so tightly together in a way they could never undo?
"What do you want, Maiya?" Kylo asked quietly in a roughened voice.
It wasn't the smooth as dark silk voice she'd grown accustomed to, the one she found as soothing to hear as the softest lullaby. But it was still the voice that sent goosebumps all over. It was her favorite sound, she'd realized.
"Do you want to go? I'll set you free if you wish."
Her eyes widened. Was he really offering to let her go? Freedom!
But she took a deep breath. What was that freedom, alone on Jakku worth, when she felt more at home here with Kylo than she ever did there in that sandy hell of a junkyard?
Her eyes searched his for some type of a giveaway. He was masking whatever he was feeling, so she forced herself to whisper, "What do you want?"
Kylo wanted desperately to demand she stay. The idea of her away from him made him sick. But he was in a rare inbetween, a place where he could decide to not be selfish. But he couldn't tell her to go, either. So he settled for the second best.
"I want you to be happy."
The most rare words to either set of ears. No one had ever stopped to ask what would make them happy. Things were just simply expected of them. His words brought a joy to her she'd never recounted knowing.
As tears filled her eyes, though none fell, she whispered back, "And that is what I want for you."
A standstill. No where to turn now, no one to say how it would be. Simply put, they must choose what it is that would make them happy.
"I'd be happy if you stayed," Kylo murmured, his eyes traveling across her face, landing on her lips for a pause before retreating back to those eyes that seemed to hold every secret in the galaxy.
A small smile crept across her face. No one had ever wanted her before. He offered her things she'd so long desired, things that meant more to her than freedom and gold. She gently stroked her thumb across his cheek, making his eyes widen slightly at the gesture of affection- something he'd long since forgotten in his early childhood.
"And I believe I'd be happy if I stayed, too." Her voice was soft and hushed, the warmth of her declaration filling every inch of Kylo. This was the first time he'd felt something as strong as the power of the darkness. The first time he'd been so pulled to something without a cause of power.
He carefully pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her as he cradled her against his chest where she buried her face. She'd long since forgotten what it felt to have a home, what life before Kylo had been like.
He'd become such a strong, dictation factor in her life for the past two or three weeks, that everything before that just seemed to wipe away and vanish. Kylo was her home now. And she smiled softly at the warm thought.
Though they each knew deep down that this decision to start something put them in a line of danger, made them bigger targets than what they were, it was something worth the risk and there was no way they'd deny themselves this one thing...
This one thing beckoning them both.
***
Wow a pretty decently long chapter!
I really hope you guys liked this, I really
enjoyed writing it!!
Well as I said in a post earlier, today I'm
officially 18! So maybe I can get another chapter
up for you guys, to celebrate that a little bit more. ;)
~Sigyn (<-- going back to signing with my original Wattpad name.)