2 more days. 2 more days until German would be married.
He'd bought me the tickets.
I'd packed my bags.
I could go if it was what I desired.
Just the thought of seeing German was enough to encourage me to leap on a plane this very instant. The thought of his touch, his strong arms embracing me, his presence commanding my attention. I craved the feeling of his lips on mine, his strong but gentle touch.
But I was also terrified to see him after all these years. What if he's changed? What if he no longer feels the same? What will I do if I go? What if I let him in again? What if he breaks me again?
A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts. I stood up from the sofa and headed over to the door, pulling it open.
"Angie."
I stood speechless, staring at him. His tall figure intimidating me once again. His arms crossed across his chest as they always were. His brown eyes as deep as they always had been.
I stood speechless, staring at German.
+++
I blinked.
"Angie?"
His voice said my name for the third time.
I finally spoke.
"German? What are you doing here?"
It was the first thing I thought of, the first thing that came to mind.
"Why would you come here?"
"Please come to the wedding."
I sighed.
"I can't German. I need to stay here."
As I spoke, my eyes darted to Gabi's closed bedroom door, where she was hopefully still sleeping peacefully.
"Please Angie, I need you to be there, I need you."
He spoke as though it was so simple, yet he had no idea how much it was tearing me apart inside.
"I need you to be there with me."
It was breaking me.
"You need me to be with you while you marry another woman?" I hissed, worried that if I spoke louder than a whisper, I would wake my daughter.
"No, I just need you with me."
Those words were supposed to make me happy, they weren't supposed to drain me of all the hope I had left.
"I can't, I'm sorry."
His face dropped.
"Please can you leave?" I said after minutes of silence.
He remained where he was.
"I said please can you leave?"
The change in tone of my voice prompted him to head for the door.
"Violetta really wanted you there." He added before closing the door and leaving me to stand alone in my living room, tears streaming down my face.
I don't know how long I was stood there, but eventually I ran out of tears to cry.
I need you there with me.
Did he mean it?
Of course not.
If he meant it, I wouldn't feel so empty right now.
I love you.
I want to be with you.
We could be a family.
He meant none of it. Not a word of it was true.
I tried as hard as I could to cry, hoping the tears would rinse out all the hurt and anger, but all I got was one tear. It ran slowly down my cheek.
Everything that just happened, it took all I had not to forgive him, but it's what I have to do be a mother. A price I, and German, must pay for what we did.