[ xlii. a win today ]
june 23rd, 2011
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ASTRID LANCASTER LEANED WEARILY against the cold cell wall, her eyes fixed upon Hershel's chest as it labored. The fragile thread that kept him connected to this life was both her salvation and her torment. He was alive, his chest rising, falling, and then repeating the agonizing cycle. Yet, in the last hour, they had been dealt another merciless blow—they were now entirely devoid of necessities to save him. Once pristine towels were now grotesque tapestries of blood, hanging in a grim corner of the room. Bed sheets, already thoroughly soaked, clung desperately to his injured leg as a means to clog the endless bleeding.
Time had become elusive. The world outside their desperate enclave had faded away. Where were Daryl and the others right now? Astrid's heart ached for their presence, yet her faith remained steadfast. She would not worry about them. They were survivors, and they knew how to handle outside threats. They could weather this storm without her.
A creaking door shattered the silence, and Astrid's senses snapped to attention. Her gaze darted towards the entrance, anticipation coiled within her chest like a spring wound too tight. She yearned for Daryl's rugged form to appear, his steady stride. But it was not his silhouette that greeted her; it was young Carl, bearing a burden far weightier than the duffle bag slung over his shoulder.
Glenn's confusion mirrored Astrid's own. "I thought you were organizing the food?" He questioned.
Carl's lips curled into a triumphant smirk, yet his eyes glinted with a maturity beyond his years. "Even better. Check it out," He said as he discarded the duffle bag at their feet. As the zipper whispered open, it revealed a trove of medical supplies—gauze bandages, vials of antibiotics, and bottles of painkillers nestled within.
Astrid's breath caught in her throat, her hands trembling as she reached out to touch the lifesaving bounty. The bandages felt like strands of hope beneath her fingertips. She tore her gaze from the supplies, turning to Carl with incredulous awe. "Where did you find this?" She asked, amazed.
Carl's chest seemed to swell with pride. "Found the infirmary," He announced. "There wasn't much left, but I cleared it out."
"Good work, kid," Astrid said. Beside her, Carol's eyes were shining with gratitude as she, too, moved forward to begin the delicate process of rebandaging Hershel's damaged leg.
However, the elation was quickly broken by Lori's festering anger that hung heavy in the air. At Astrid's praise, her glare fixed briefly upon the Lancaster woman with a blaze. Then she looked to her son. "You went alone?" She exclaimed. Carl's firm nod only seemed to stoke Lori's inner fire. "Are you crazy?" She continued, her voice crackling with maternal worry—and rage.
"It was no big deal," Carl retorted, his initial resolve now a fit of spiteful anger that matched his mother's intensity. "I killed two walkers."
Lori had grown so furious that her words fought to escape. "Carl, do you see this?" She demanded, her arm sweeping towards Hershel's prone figure. "This was with the whole group!"
"We needed supplies, so I got them."
"And I appreciate that, but—"
"Then get off my back!" Carl shouted, getting right in Lori's face.
"Carl!" Beth gasped, her stern voice cutting through the argument, causing the rampaging boy to freeze in his tracks. His gaze descended to the blonde figure on her knees beside the medical supplies, the one who had shown them all kindness and strength in the passing months. "She's your mother. You can't talk to her like that."
Carl's scoff and eye roll were a flicker of rebellion. With a surge of indignation and frustration, he fled the tiny cell, his exit a turbulent departure that left the room echoing with the reverberations of their clash. Meanwhile, Lori's face crumpled, her hands burying her face in an act of surrender. With only a few words, she had further strained her relationship with her young son—one which had already been dangerously on the rocks. "Dammit," The woman muttered.
Astrid did not say anything in response. There was nothing to say. Instead, she stood as an anchor of empathy, her grip on Lori's shoulder a reassurance in the midst of such stressful hardship. As they turned back to the urgent task at hand, Astrid felt the echo of their conflict ripple through the air. But they could only move forward now.
Carol's diligent hands worked with meticulous care, the gauze dampening red as it swept across the massive wound. "These bandages should help stop the spread of infection," She remarked. Then, a moment later, Carol rose, and with a glance that spoke of unspoken responsibilities, she crossed over to Glenn. "I need your help with something. It's important."
Glenn's instinctual protest was already forming on his lips, a defense of his rightful place. Yet, before his words could find their footing, Astrid intervened. "Don't worry," She assured. "Go on. We got it."
Glenn reluctantly departed with Carol out of the cell block completely, leaving the remaining occupants in a shared silence. Astrid's hands moved in an almost mechanical rhythm as she wiped them clean of blood for the millionth time that day. Her body sagged under the weight of exhaustion, and her eyelids drooped. But she would force them to stay open. She had to put Hershel before herself.
Somewhere behind her, Maggie approached and gently squeezed the Lancaster woman's shoulders. "Why don't you go lay down, Astrid?" She offered. "I can see you and Lori are exhausted. Beth and I can keep an eye on him for a little while."
The protest swelled within Astrid's chest, a reflexive defiance that yearned to shoulder the burden herself. Yet Lori's grip on her arm yanked her from the precipice of self-sacrifice. "They're right," She affirmed. "We can check on him again in a little while."
Astrid's nod was a concession to the wisdom of rest, an acknowledgment that her weary body demanded it. She trailed behind Lori as the latter navigated the row of cells, likely searching for Carl. Lori's steps were measured, purposeful, but Astrid could almost sense the weight of the world pressing down on her shoulders. The absentminded gesture of rubbing her stomach carried an undercurrent of concern, a reminder of the impending arrival that loomed dangerously close.
Days ticked away like the grains of sand in an hourglass, the countdown to a birth that held both promise and peril. They were not ready. Astrid's heart clenched at the thought, of the possibility that the role of delivering Lori's child could fall to her. How was she supposed to deliver an infant? How was she supposed to be responsible for ensuring both the mother and the baby survived?
Abruptly, Lori vanished into the shadows of a nearby cell, leaving Astrid to sink down against the wall behind her. The cool surface offered a brief solace, a temporary escape. Her eyes closed, shutting out the world and its relentless demands for a mere precious moment.
In the shadows of her closed eyelids, memories flickered like the fleeting flames of a candle. She missed Daryl. She missed the strength of his arms and the reassurance of his touch. The separation, though measured in mere hours, felt more like a year. The door leading to the tombs loomed large, as if it, too, were waiting for Daryl and the others to walk through it safe and sound. But no one ever came. Astrid waited and waited, but her hunter never came through that door.
In the quiet of her vigil, exhaustion finally claimed Astrid, tugging her into the realm of slumber. One moment she was propped against the wall, and the next she found herself sprawled on the ground.
Suddenly, a scream pierced through the layers of her unconsciousness. Astrid's senses snapped to attention, the remnants of sleep dissipating like morning mist. Her body surged to its feet, propelled by an instinctual urgency that superseded weariness, and she rushed towards Hershel's cell. Beth's anguished voice echoed in the small, shadowy space. "Somebody help!" She cried as she shook her father's frail chest. "He's not breathing! Astrid, help!"
With determined force, Astrid cleared a path through the clustered forms of Beth and Maggie, her eyes trained upon the stillness of Hershel's body. Her heart pounded in her chest as she leaned over him, her ears straining for the faintest whisper of life. Silence clung to the air, a heavy shroud that hung over the scene like a foreboding omen.
And then, Astrid sprang into action. CPR became her anthem, each compression of her hands a testament to her unwavering will. Her voice was a whispered prayer. "Come on, Hershel," She implored, her voice a fragile thread of hope that wove through the tense air. Her breaths became a lifeline all their own, filling Hershel's lungs. "You don't get to die on us. Come on, Hershel!"
Just as her breath was poised to rekindle the embers of life, Hershel's body reacted with a jolt. His hand gripped her hair with unexpected force, a reaction that sent shockwaves through Astrid's being. Instinct kicked in, and she shoved Hershel away from her, propelled by fear. The room erupted into chaos as the sight of Hershel's revival triggered a cascade of reactions. Lori's arms enveloped Astrid, while Carl, poised with gun in hand, struggled to decipher the scene before him. Reality clashed with anticipation, and relief warred with the lingering taste of dread.
Hershel's breath returned to him, yet his eyes remained closed, a tantalizing bridge between the realms of consciousness and slumber. He slumped back into the mattress as if nothing had ever happened. Meanwhile, Astrid's cheeks were wet with tears, her body trembling as Maggie held tightly onto her arm. "Are you okay?" The latter demanded.
Astrid settled shakily onto a stool beside Hershel's bed. "I'm fine," She breathed, her fingers brushing aside strands of hair that clung to her dampened cheeks. "He's alive and responding. That's all that matters right now."
Beth hugged her tightly from behind. "Thank you," She said, wiping away her own tears. "You saved his life. T-Thank you so much, Astrid."
Astrid leaned back into the young girl. The room then settled into a heavy silence again. Time seemed to stretch as they all huddled in the cell, balancing the uncertainty and the line between life and the unknown. Glenn and Carol's return soon punctuated the quiet, but it was quickly decided beforehand that they would not share the fact that Hershel's heart had nearly given out nor that he had seemingly almost attacked Astrid. Instead, all they chose to say was that he seemed to be approving. Technically, he had moved, at least.
A short while later, voices in the distance heralded the arrival of familiar faces. Glenn peeked outside the cell, and Astrid watched as a smile grew on his lips. "You're back," He breathed.
Rick, T-Dog, and Daryl entered the small cell, and Astrid, driven by a mixture of relief and elation, rose from her seat. The space between her and her hunter immediately dissolved, and she fell into Daryl's embrace. Nestled in the haven of his arms, she felt his rough lips graze her shoulder.
Somewhere behind them, Carl began to address his father. "Hershel stopped breathing," He recounted. "But Astrid saved him."
Rick's gaze briefly found Astrid's, and she offered a feeble nod. "Still no fever, and he's becoming more responsive," She informed. "I think cutting off his leg saved him from the bite."
Daryl's grip on the hem of her shirt tightened, and she leaned further into him, allowing her eyes to droop just the slightest. Then, like a stirring echo of life's reawakening, a gasp of breath shattered the stillness. Astrid's green eyes snapped open again and became fixed on Hershel's barely moving lips. The entire group seemed to collectively lean in, and gradually, Hershel's eyes slowly pulled open, revealing orbs of deep blue that radiated a profound clarity and strength.
A triumphant smile began to curl its way onto Astrid's own lips.
Maggie and Beth, their expressions aglow with undiluted joy, approached their father's side. "Daddy," The younger sister murmured as the eldest held her tight, smiling on proudly.
Rick quickly freed Hershel from his captive restraints, and then their hands met in a reverent clasp. Astrid's vision blurred as tears as she watched a grin spread over Hershel's pale lips. He did it. He was alive. He was going to make it. Astrid was sure of it now.
A swell of pride seemed to emanate from Rick as he looked from Lori, Carol, and, finally, to Astrid. A momentary pause, a silent exchange, and then Rick's hand found Beth's, seamlessly transferring the mantle of connection to the Greene patriarch. Beth's small sobs of joy echoed in the space as she squeezed her father's hand and leaned in close to hug him. Then, in a solemn exit, Rick soon left the cell, his footsteps unaccompanied by words, Lori following in his wake.
As the crowded room began to empty, Astrid found herself leaving, too. She barely made it five steps into the larger cell block before her body found the support of the wall. Beside her, Daryl stood, seemingly prepared to catch her if she stumbled. But she would not fall just yet. "Hershel pulled through," She breathed, mostly to herself. "He did it."
Daryl sent her a tender glance. "You did it," He reminded her.
In response, Astrid offered a weak smile, a whispered acknowledgment. "So, how'd it go today?" She inquired, her arms crossing loosely over her chest. "Did the prisoners get their own cell block?"
Daryl nodded. "Well, two of 'em did," He revealed, and as her brow furrowed, he continued. "Three of 'em didn't make it. But don't worry—the ones we would'a had to worry about are all dead. The other two ain't that bad."
Astrid rolled her eyes. "That's reassuring," She muttered.
Daryl shifted his attention toward the staircase to the catwalk behind them. "C'mon, let's get some rest," He decided. "It's been a long day."
Amidst the respite of their shared weariness, a flicker of determination ignited within Astrid. Her gaze turned toward the upper floor, toward her mattress to lay her head, but her mind seemed to wander elsewhere. "You know," She mused, "I think I want to clean up a bit. Take a bath, maybe."
Daryl's eyebrows knitted together, his expression a mix of amusement and skepticism. "A bath?" He echoed, a hint of a smirk now tugging at the corners of his lips. "We ain't got water to spare for that luxury in this place."
"I'll head back to the creek outside the prison," She proposed. "It was only a mile or so down the main road. Plenty of water there."
"Astrid, goin' outside ain't safe."
"Couldn't be worse than what's in here. I can handle it. Besides, I could use a moment alone."
Daryl's stern eyes nearly sliced her in two. "Nah, I ain't lettin' you go alone," He declared, his tone final.
Astrid's lips curved into a soft smile. "You don't have to worry about me," She assured him.
Her hunter did not budge. "I know," He replied gruffly. "But I ain't takin' no chances."
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(warning: sexual content)
THE BABBLING OF THE creek and the rustling of leaves created a soothing symphony that enveloped Astrid and Daryl as they sat at the water's edge. The soft sunlight filtered through the trees, casting dappled patterns on the ground. The moment of tranquility was a rare gift.
Side by side, Astrid and Daryl had stripped down to their undergarments, the air cool against their damp skin. They had finally scrubbed away the grime, and sweat, and blood that had accumulated over days of hardship, the cleansing water offering a sense of renewal.
After they finished their impromptu washing, they now sat together on a woolen blanket, their clothes spread out nearby in hopes that the sun peeking through overhead would dry them. Being it was still late June, the shared warmth of their bodies and the gentle breeze from the creek created a comfortable cocoon of relaxation.
Astrid let out a contented sigh as she leaned back on her hands, her eyes closed as she absorbed the peaceful ambiance. "It's been so long since we've had a moment like this," She remarked quietly.
Daryl nodded in agreement, his fingers idly tracing patterns in the dirt beside him. "Yeah," He murmured. "Feels like forever since we had a breather."
Astrid opened her eyes. The sun's descent had begun to paint the sky in hues of warm orange and deepening blue, casting long shadows that stretched around them. Neither Astrid nor Daryl seemed eager to break away from their secluded spot by the creek. Even the dead were not bothering them here.
Astrid's gaze shifted over to her hunter, her curiosity piqued as she noticed him pulling on his poncho despite the lingering warmth of the summer day. She took a deep breath, her gaze lingering on his tanned, muscular back, the fabric of the poncho hiding what lay beneath. Memories of those early months on the bitter road resurfaced, memories of sharing small spaces, of bandaging wounds, and swapping clothing. The long, jagged scars she had noticed on Daryl's back during those times had never been spoken of, a topic left untouched.
Astrid had often wondered about them, about the stories etched into his skin that he had not chosen to share. She respected his silence, recognizing that some wounds ran too deep to be easily spoken of. Yet, a naive part of her could not help but hope that those scars were not the result of some kind of abuse. That, perhaps, he had only been in one too many motorcycle accidents.
But she knew—even to herself—that was a lie.
Astrid shifted closer to Daryl, her gaze returning to the creek. The water's surface shimmered as the last rays of sunlight danced upon it. She took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts before speaking softly, "Daryl, I want you to know that you don't have to hide from me." Daryl's eyes remained fixed ahead, his brows furrowing slightly. He did not respond immediately this time, the tension in his body suggesting that her words had struck a chord within him. "I've noticed those scars before. I've never asked about them," Astrid continued, her voice gentle. "I figured you'd tell me if you wanted me to know."
Daryl's jaw clenched. "Ain't a story I'm big on tellin'," He finally replied, his voice low.
Astrid nodded, respecting his boundaries. "I get that," She said. "Just know that if you ever do want to talk about it, I'm here. No judgments, no prying."
Daryl's fingers began to fidget again with a pebble in the dirt. He seemed torn between the desire to open up and the deeply ingrained instinct to keep his guard up. After a prolonged silence, he finally spoke, his voice carrying a touch of frustration. But not for her. "Ain't that simple, Astrid."
Astrid turned to face him fully, her expression earnest. "I get that it's not simple. But I also know that carrying something heavy all on your own isn't easy either."
Daryl's gaze met hers, his blue eyes reflecting a storm. "I ain't used to . . . sharin' like that," He admitted. "Ain't ever been good with words. Ain't ever been good with . . . lettin' people in."
Astrid nodded understandingly, her hand reaching out to rest on his forearm. "Daryl, you don't have to be perfect with words. You don't have to have it all figured out," She told him. "But you also don't have to carry everything alone."
Daryl's gaze dropped to where her hand rested on his arm. Long, long, months ago, he would have pushed her away. But not anymore. Not her. "I ain't tryin' to hide from you," He said quietly. "It's just . . . I don't know how to not hide."
Astrid only squeezed his arm tighter. "You don't have to figure it all out right now. Just know that I'm here whenever you're ready, whenever you need to talk or even just be." Daryl's gaze met hers once more, and for a moment, she saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes. The vulnerability he allowed her to see was a testament to the trust they had built between them.
Her hunter's expression was intense, filled with a mixture of longing and uncertainty. Briefly, his icy eyes dipped, his gaze lingering for a heartbeat on Astrid's lips, and then lower, to her bare collarbone and to further exposed skin. Astrid's heart skipped as she recognized her own desire mirrored in his unguarded stare. She held her breath, a rush of heat flushing her cheeks as his eyes traveled across the rest of her body.
Suddenly, Daryl's gaze shot back up to meet hers, his brows furrowing slightly, almost as if he was embarrassed by his own curiosity. Astrid's lips curved. Deep down, she wanted him to look. She was his to look at, and she wanted to let him know that she welcomed his gaze, his attention. It had been so long since it was only the two of them together—with nothing else in their way.
In that moment, the Lancaster woman made a choice. Without hesitation, she leaned in, closing the distance between them. The touch of their lips was soft. But the fire that had been simmering long beneath the surface could not be contained for much longer.
Their lips moved together in a dance of desire and longing, each kiss more fervent than the last. Daryl's strong hands wrapped tentatively around her waist, pulling her closer. The initial innocence of the kiss gave way to hunger, and in a surge of boldness, Astrid shifted, moving to straddle Daryl's lap without breaking their embrace. His hands tightened around her hips, holding her flush to him as the intensity grew.
As their lips finally parted, they were left breathless and holding each other's eyes. Astrid's fingers brushed against Daryl's cheek, a wordless acknowledgment of the uncharted territory they had just ventured into. And she wanted to keep going.
The world around them ceased to exist entirely as their passion ignited into an inferno, consuming all rational thoughts and reservations. Without breaking their intense gaze, Daryl carefully lowered Astrid back onto the blanket, his movements deliberate and full of intent. Astrid's heart pounded in her chest as she surrendered to the sensation of his touch, her body responding to his every move.
Their lips found each other once again. Astrid's bare legs instinctively curled around Daryl's waist, drawing him closer, their bodies pressed tightly against each other.
Daryl's lips trailed from Astrid's mouth to her neck, leaving a trail of searing kisses in their wake, and she tilted her head back further to provide him more room, exposing her throat. Her breath hitched as his teeth grazed her skin, leaving marks, a sensation that both left her dizzy and urged her on, emboldened by what burned between them.
Astrid's fingers drifted to the edges of Daryl's poncho, her touch careful yet filled with a quiet yearning. For a brief moment, uncertainty lingered between them. But as their lips parted and their gazes locked once more, Astrid's eyes softened. "Tell me what to do," She whispered, her voice a gentle caress. "I see you, Daryl. All of you. You don't have to hide from me."
His breath caught at her words. Then, with a deep exhale, Daryl nodded. Slowly, he began to undo the ties of his poncho. Astrid's heart swelled as she watched him, her eyes never leaving his as he let the material slide from his shoulders. As Daryl pressed closer to her, she leaned up slightly, allowing him to place the poncho behind her head, a makeshift cushion against the rough ground below. Then their lips roughly met again, a continuation of their previous exchange, but now there was a deeper intimacy that enveloped them, a profound connection that went beyond the physical.
Astrid let out a breath she did not realize she had been holding as his fingers worked beneath her, undoing the clasps of her bra one by one. As the fabric fell away, revealing her bare skin, Astrid felt a rush of anticipation. Daryl's careful eyes met hers, a silent question lingering in their depths. With a genuine nod, Astrid reassured him, giving him permission to explore her body and her heart.
Soon, there was no clothing left between them at all. Astrid arched into Daryl's touch, her own hands tracing the contours of his bare back, memorizing the shape of his scars and the tautness of his form. But her fingers did not linger there, and instead went back to his shoulders to pull him even closer into her, needing the closeness as much as he did.
And then, as their bodies finally melded as one in a rush of shared need, they found a new level of high. Their rugged exhales of breaths mingled, foreheads touching, and as they moved together, the pace quickened, deepened. Astrid's nails sunk into Daryl's burning skin every time his hips met hers, and his powerful arms moved to either side of her head, holding her in a cage of his own making.
The pulsing heat in her stomach spread quickly, and Astrid's eyes squeezed shut as she finally succumbed to the beauty of it, a wave of raw pleasure washing over her. Feeling Astrid's shudders against him, Daryl's own control seemed to waver. He held her tightly against him, his own desire reaching a breaking point. He followed Astrid into the depths of ecstasy, a primal growl escaping his lips.
The quietness of the approaching evening wrapped around them again. As Astrid and Daryl's heavy breathing gradually slowed, they stayed wrapped in each other's arms, basking in what they had just shared.
For a while, they remained still by the creek bed, looking skyward. But then, as if sensing she would need to be the first to speak, Astrid let out a soft chuckle, breaking the silence. "Well," She began. "I guess I'll need to clean up again." She cast a mischievous glance at her hunter.
Daryl's lips quirked up in a half-smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Yeah, I'd say we both do," He replied.
Astrid propped herself up on her elbows. "Come on," She said. They rose from the blanket, their clothes still nearby. Together, they made their way back to the dark water's edge, their fingers brushing against each other's as they walked. As they waded in, Astrid glanced around at her woodland surroundings in the dying light. "I really like this spot," She admitted. Then she playfully bumped her shoulder against Daryl's. "Maybe we should claim it as ours," She suggested with a twinkle in her eye. "Our secret hideaway."
"Ain't a bad idea."
"Besides—this might be the only place we can have some fun and get dirty without walkers or people trying to kill us."
Daryl's cheeks flushed a deep shade of red, and he let out a scoff. "Don't got to put it like that," He muttered.
His reaction only fueled Astrid's playfulness. "Oh, come on, Daryl," She teased, nudging him again. "Don't tell me you're shy now."
Daryl shot her a mock glare. "Ain't shy," He grumbled, his ears tinged pink.
Astrid's smirk remained. "I like making you blush," She said with a wink.
Daryl shook his head, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah, well, you're good at it."
Astrid's laughter rang out, obnoxious and victorious. But before she could react, he swiftly grabbed her around the waist, a mischievous glint in his eyes. With a teasing yelp, they tumbled together into the shallow waters of the creek.
As they resurfaced, gasping for breath and still laughing, Astrid looked at her hunter, bewildered. "Oh, you're going to pay for that!" She threatened.
Daryl splashed water toward her. "Bring it on," He challenged with a grin.
And just like that, in the midst of the fading sunlight and the gentle embrace of the creek, of their space, Astrid and Daryl engaged in a spirited water fight like little children, forgetting the imminent dangers that awaited them beyond their brief moment of escape.
Because while they had won today, nothing could ever prepare them for the loss of tomorrow.
After all, Astrid Lancaster should have known that nothing perfect lasts for long in a world that belonged to the dead.
~~~~~~~~~~
kinda happy about this chapter, kinda not happy about this chapter? wanted to give astrid and daryl this big moment. be mindful, at this point they have been intertwined in their relationship for seven months now so it's not really coming out of nowhere. its also been naturally building for a while? or maybe that's just me who feels that? plus they're adults. they're stressed and they're hot and they're horny. i also just wanted to give a bare moment for astrid and daryl to just be human and explore each other, and not be just soldiers, and not always in pain, and just to have a moment of happiness and be able to have fun with each other as a literal couple. it'll be the last good moment for a while. also, i'm terrified of writing intimate sexy scenes, so don't come at me if you wanted more. i felt like it was good without being over the top. if you did enjoy this chapter, however, please let me know. i'd really like to know to ease my own anxiety!