Camila's hand gripped her hip tighter in her sleep, making her wince in pain. God fucking damn. She just couldn't escape this. She was meant to be happy now. She was meant to be happy that Camila liked her and she liked Camila and they were cuddling and they had mac and cheese for supper that night and it was really good but she couldn't. It just wasn't working. It was so frustrating, as well. The more she thought about, it the more she worked herself up. Everything was going right but she didn't feel like it was.
Her hips still burned from the lines that she made there when she let Camila get hit by the hockey ball. Her palms still stung from the crescents that she made there when she blurted the wrong answer out in psychology. Her thigh was still discoloured from the bruise she gave herself there when her mother called again.
She was sick. She was twisted.
And she couldn't stop.
She unwrapped herself from Camila and padded into the bathroom down the corridor. She couldn't go on a run because they actually set alarms on the ground floor between eleven at night and quarter past six in the morning. Maybe a windowsill would work or something. She opened the largest window with a small ledge outside in case she was stupid enough to fall.
Great. It was raining.
She couldn't sit on a window ledge and look at the stars with a dreamy look on her face like every depressed person in movies could. Damn. That really ruined her night.
Her phone vibrated in her hand.
Tay:
Mom told me not to text you but I miss you and so does Chris. I'm sorry we're falling apart.
She looked at her phone for a minute, contemplating whether or not to reply. She decided against it. She was best at running away from her problems after all.
It then occurred to her that she was standing in the middle of the hallway and she was freezing and she didn't want to talk about anything and she really wanted Camila. Turning back in the direction of her dorm, she tried her hardest to slip back into her bed and into her roommate's arms but ultimately ended up waking her up.
"Lo?"
"Sorry. I have to stop doing this."
"You okay?"
"I can't sleep."
"Then I'll stay up with you." She said it so lightly that Lauren barely heard it.
"You'll what? Don't be dumb." Lauren scoffed, hiding the fact that knowing Camila would do that for her was making her heart race.
"You know, when I was younger, I never used to eat foods mixed together."
"Huh?"
"I'm telling you a story. Shh. So, I hated it, right? And I was sitting at a lunch table with my friend and a boy I really liked, and she dared me to eat a bunch of my food mixed up. Like, my drink and pudding and everything, yeah? And I did it because I didn't want to seem like a wimp in front of the boy I liked, and guess what happened."
"You threw up?"
"All over the lunch table. Literally all over it." She was interrupted by Lauren laughing rather loudly, the sound bouncing through the room. "Shh, Lauren, you're gonna wake up the whole house." Her laugh was infectious, though, and before Camila knew it, she was laughing too.
They suddenly stopped, however, when Normani's roommate came in with an expression that could only be described as pure irritation.
"Do you idiots know what time it is?"
"Oh, hey Abby." Lauren managed to stutter out through giggles, which sent Camila off into another round herself.
"Don't 'hey' me! It's four in the morning! Shut the hell up!" With that, the blonde turned and stomped out the room, leaving two hysterical messes crying with silent laughter behind.
"Did- did you see her face?" Camila said, wiping away tears that were streaming down her face.
"Oh my god, I can't breathe." After another five minutes of them trying and mostly failing to calm down, they were worn out, stomachs aching.
"You're fucking hilarious." Lauren stated, pausing halfway through to yawn.
"Can you sleep now?"
"I can try."
"You're cute."
"Shut up and go to sleep."
A pause.
"You're cute too though."
---
Oh god, they shouldn't be doing this but- fuck, Lauren's lips felt so good on her own and the way her back slammed into the wall next to the door turned her on so much she could've sworn her knees went weak. She let out a breathy moan as her mouth clashed hard with the other girl's, hands going up to tangle and pull the mess of raven locks.
The older girl was gripping Camila's hips so tightly she could already envision the bruises that she would have there tomorrow, and her mouth was now travelling down her neck and oh holy god what was she doing with her tongue-
"HOLY SHIT GUYS!" They sprung apart, their moment ended by a yell sounding from Camila's bed.
"Mani? What the fuck?" Lauren spat, a mixture of furious that they had been caught (because she was really, really turned on) and confused at the fact that Normani was just chilling in Camila's bed. Embarrassment probably played a part as well.
The dark skinned girl sprung to her feet, eyes wide and movements clumsy as the full force of the situation hit her. "Shit, oh my god, I am so sorry, the fuse blew in my room and I needed a charger for my laptop and holy shit that was hot and I'm so sorry and-"
"Mani! Shut up!" Camila snapped. "You saw nothing. You don't tell anyone about this. Okay?" She took an intimidating step towards the girl who was standing like a rabbit in the headlights in front of Camila's bed, laptop and blanket bundled in her arms.
"I- okay, but- oh my god, are you guys... Um... Like..." Normani trailed off, gesturing wildly between the two and Lauren stepped forwards so she was the same distance away from Normani was.
"We're, um..." Lauren started, before realising she actually had no answer to the question.
"You're...?" The dark skinned girl prompted.
"Just fucking. We're hooking up." Camila butted in, filling Lauren with relief at not having to answer the question herself and hurt at the younger girl's emotionless words.
"Yeah. A girl has needs you know." Lauren chimed in, smirking at Camila to play her part convincingly. The brunette wasn't fooled though - having lived in the same room as the Cuban-American for a while, she knew what it looked like when she was in emotional pain.
"Oh. Oh, okay. I get it." Normani nodded enthusiastically and darted out of the room after apologising again.
The two girls fell into an uneasy silence. Lauren was thinking about what exactly the fuck they were. They liked each other, sure, but for Camila it might just be physical attraction. Lauren knew she was hot. She knew that 99% of the human population would jump at the chance to fuck her. She knew that. But she also knew that she felt something different for Camila and although she hated it and wished it wasn't there, it was. That little niggling feeling and the annoying voice in her head that told her that the beautiful brown-eyed girl was something more, something special. And they also hadn't done anything sexual yet. Sure, there was a lot of making out - like, a lot - and maybe some inappropriate groping here and there, but one of them had always stopped before it got any further. That had to mean something, right? If it was any other girl, Lauren would have humped and dumped a long time ago. Something was stopping them both from doing that and she didn't know why.
Camila was pondering the best was to go about talking to Lauren about what she just said. She knew one thing. That it was a complete lie. That they were most definitely not 'just fucking'. There was a beautiful relationship there and she didn't know what to do with it. She knew that there was a physical attraction - because come on, how could they not be physically attracted to each other - but they also couldn't go more than a couple hours without speaking or just being near each other. They craved each other. They loved the attention they got. They relied on it. Especially since the hockey incident - Camila's heart was still swollen with affection for Lauren when she found out how possessive and determined she got when she was hurt. It meant the world knowing that Lauren was the one to carry her all the way to the San and that Lauren was the one to stay by her bedside when she was still drowsy and that Lauren was the one who brought her meals upstairs and got her tablets from Matron.
Crap. Lauren was the one.
"Lauren, I-"
"Listen, Camila-"
They both stopped, cracking small smiles.
"Sorry, Lo, I need to go first. Hold that thought."
"No problem." Lauren was nervous - Camila could tell from the was her hands repeatedly played with the rest of her fingers, especially her rings.
"Okay so basically it was really fucking wrong of me to say that. We're not 'just fucking'. We're not even fucking in the first place. Not that I don't want to be, I mean-" she stopped to collect herself, a blush spreading across her cheeks. "No, okay, I meant to say that I really appreciate you being here for me 24/7. You took care of me after the hockey ball incident-"
"Camila, anyone with a heart would've done that."
"Not like you did. You stayed with me and did my prep for me and thank you, you have no idea how grateful I am. The second thing I wanted to say, or clear up, really, is what we are. We both know we can't date publicly because this school is bullshit and I hate it, but... You mean more to me than I thought and, now that I'm thinking about it, it's actually pretty scary how important you've become to me in such a short time."
Lauren's green eyes were vibrant and open wide in shock. "Wait, you mean... I mean... What do you mean?" She tripped over her words, too confused to get embarrassed.
"I'm taking you out on a date. It'll be like a normal Beans date but this time you know that when I hold your hand on the way back, it's because I want to. Not just because my hand is cold." She paused and thought for a bit. "Okay, maybe a little part of it will be because my hand is cold, but mostly because I like you and hand holding is what people do on dates." Camila concluded, smiling shyly.
"Have I ever told you that you're adorable?" Lauren said, in a slight daze as the blush on her cheeks (yet again) signalled that she didn't exactly mean to say that.
"Lauren!"
"What? I'm allowed to say that, aren't I? If we're dating?" Her eyes sparkled and her usual confidence was back at full force as she walked forwards and wrapped her arms around Camila.
"Okay, fine, but only if I can give you pet names like 'sweet cheeks' and 'babycakes'." Camila teased, and laughed when Lauren's expression contorted into one of shock and horror and she tried to unwrap her arms, pouting when Camila held her in place.
"Okay, no dates for you if that actually happens." The brunette just chuckled and kissed her lips.
"Well, with an ultimatum like that..."
---
A/N: shoutout to my babe Joia (laurenj4prez ) who always tells me funny stories when I'm feeling down and don't want to talk.
Anyway, maybe vote or comment or whatever. Christmas spirit and all. I hope it's been as calm as possible. Comment any funny shit that happened, that'd be nice.