It was a quiet walk back from the woods. It’s true that talking can be overrated at times, some moments are perfect, and you don’t even have to say a word.
I held onto Becky’s hand as we walked, and we ignored the splashes around us as the rain began. A light sprinkle at first, just enough to cool us off. Then it seemed all at once the floodgates opened and before we knew it our clothes were soaked and clinging to our skin. We didn’t quicken our pace though, if anything we slowed, just to prolong the moment.
I glanced at her as we made it to my yard, and we both smiled. Reading each other’s thoughts, we dropped our hands and started twirling in the rain, laughing at our childish antics. Turning my face up to the sky, I closed my eyes tightly and caught a few rain drops in my mouth. Not as good as snowflakes, but it is the middle of summer, and I’m not picky.
We twirled a few moments more before we pulled each other close and began spinning together. At first it was all a rush to see how fast we could go, and giggling as we tried not to slip on the wet grass. Then we gradually slowed, and while staring into her eyes, I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that we shouldn’t, not here. But I didn’t care. I placed my hands on either side of her face and pulled her to me. The sparks I feel each time we touch was ignited as her lips met mine. I could no longer taste the wine as my tongue massaged hers. Velvet against velvet, soft and slow as I continued exploring her delicious mouth.
All thought was lost as we held on to each other, her arms around me, and my hands stroking the wet hair from her face. Our teasing kiss seemed endless, grazing over teeth, nibbling on lips, enjoying the sensations. Not really trying to make it last, but just couldn’t pull away. And we didn’t want to.
We were oblivious to the world, lost in each other. Until the storm around us let off a loud blast of thunder that seemed to shake even the air. Instead of clinging this time, I screamed and ran for the cover and safety of my front porch. Grabbing hold on one of the posts with a tight grip, as if my life depended on it.
Becky, seeming unfazed by the sound, resumed her twirling dance in the rain. I couldn’t move, I didn’t want to, I just watched her. She is so beautiful. Lightening would strike and light up her features, it made her appear almost like she was glowing. I could still make out the color of her eyes, even in the dense light. Her green eyes always did shine bright. Her lips glistened, splashed with rain drops, and I watched as her tongue unconsciously licked the droplets away. The shirt she wore clung to her curves, and I followed it down to her flat belly. I thought about how just the week before we were shedding our clothes, tossing them in random directions, in an attempt to get closer. I moaned, thinking about how that one night was so unbelievably hot, in more ways than one.
My thoughts refused to be act innocent. I wanted to strip her wet clothes off and lay down with her on the wet grass. The rain pelting us from all angles, I bet we wouldn’t even notice the rain after a while. It would be just us, tangled together, our slippery bodies rolling around in the grass. Caressing, trailing fingers across soft skin, our lips having no boundaries, allowing us to feel all the pleasure we know we can bring each other.
The temptation was too much, but before I could say anything, my front door banged open behind me.
“Lisa, get inside,” my mom stood in the doorway, glaring down at the girl dancing on our front lawn.
And I watched as Becky stopped dancing, and quickly glanced down at her own feet. I wanted to go to her, but something in my mom’s voice told me she was upset. Angry at me for some reason, I wasn’t sure why. So I mumbled a goodnight, still staring at her, hoping to catch her eye. But she wouldn’t look up. I turned around and walked to the door, pushing past my mom as I went.
The front door was quickly snapped shut, and my mom whirled around to face me, “What do you think you’re doing with her?”
“With Becky? She’s my best friend you know that.” I wasn’t sure why she was acting this way, we’ve both known Becky since I started third grade. That was when her family moved in two houses down, our parents quickly got along. And we were thrown together for play dates. At first our friendship seemed forced, but it wasn’t long after that we realized that we became best friends.
“I think we both know she’s more than that. Tyler saw you kissing her! You better explain yourself.”
Tyler, my younger brother by three years, use to be my partner in crime. He changed shortly after our father left a year ago. Now he seems to always be keeping to himself, or locked up in his bedroom playing video games. I caught him on several occasions sneaking out of the house late at night, running off to play poker with some of his “friends”. There’d be days when our mom would ask where the cash from her purse kept disappearing to. I think she secretly knows, because after a while she stopped asking, but she ignores it.
We’ve all grown so far apart lately, that it didn’t surprise me that he let out my little secret. I knew showing Becky affection while we weren’t hidden away at one of our secret spots was a bad idea. But I couldn’t help myself. Now my family knows, and I’m sure that before long, she’ll be calling up Becky’s parents.
“Don’t try to deny it.”
“I wasn’t,” I mumbled as I walked to the staircase leading to my room. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself on my bed and hide out in my room for the next few days.
My path was blocked before I could even take the first step up, “Lisa! Would you take a moment to realize what’s going on here?”
“I know what’s going on, do you? I kissed another girl, and you can’t handle that. Well guess what mom, you don’t have to handle it, just ignore it like you do everything else.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“What do you think it means? If it doesn’t affect you personally then you tune it out, you’ve been like this since Dad left,” my voice shook as I fought to control my anger. “If you honestly knew what was going on, then maybe you would know where Tyler keeps sneaking off to late at night.”
“This has nothing to do with Tyler.”
“You’re right, it’s me, and I’m the problem child. What bothers you more? The fact that I’m kissing the girl next door. Or the thought that our neighbors might find out and throw you out of the country club? Do your friends even know that dad left over a year ago? Or do they still think he’s on some mission in Afghanistan?”
This statement clearly struck a nerve. She stared at me, shocked that I would bring up our father. We weren’t allowed to speak of him since up and left us. He walked out of our lives to meet up with a woman he met overseas. Apparently your husband leaving you for a younger woman left you feeling exiled in this neighborhood. That is of course, if the news ever got out. There’s nothing but secrets and lies all around us, and I learned from the best.
I took this chance to try and pass by her on the staircase. Hoping she would let the conversation end and ignore it like everything else. Maybe she’ll make up a story for this one too, something to tell herself to try and get her life back to perfect.
I had almost made it to the top landing, when she grabbed my arm and spun me around to face her. I stumbled back down a few steps, catching myself before I fell.
“This just isn’t right, a girl being with another girl."
“But she makes me happy.”
“You can find a nice guy to make you just as happy. What about that boy from…”
“Listen to yourself! Trying to set me up, are you? I am with Becky. I don’t care if you hate me for it. She’s the one I want, I love her!” It’s not the first time I confessed my love for her, but yelling it in my mom’s face surprised even me.
She struggled with her words for a moment, her mouth opening and closing a few times before saying, “What you’re doing is wrong!”
“No, mom, what you’re doing is wrong. You’re so closed minded. Can’t you even see how happy she makes me? Or is that not important to you?”
“It’s a sin. You’re just…” She trailed off in frustration.
“So I’m a sinner? Who isn’t? If I’m going to hell for this little sin, then I’m going with a smile on my face.”
“I forbid you to see her!” She screamed at me, with all the anger she could manage. I could swear that I felt the picture frames shake behind my head.
“You can’t do that.”
“I’m your mother, you’re only sixteen. If I say you can’t do something, then you will follow my rules.”
“Really? What’s next, are you going to forbid me to breathe too. I mean, if you say I can’t then I won’t do it, right?” My sarcasm was lost in the moment, as tears began to streak down my face.
I knew she wouldn't understand, but never did I dream that she would act this harsh if she ever found out. I thought maybe a scolding, a lecture, or even some counseling. I didn't imagine she would raise her voice at her little girl, call me a sinner to my face, and forbid me to see the one I love. If I would have known this would be her reaction, then I would have fought against my urges. Instead I gave in, to what I felt was such an innocent act. I now know how wrong I was.
“You’re grounded. You are not to leave this house for the rest of summer break. And you are most definitely not allowed to see her anymore.”
“And how are you going to keep me here? Lock and key? Shackles? Maybe tie me to a chair and black out all the windows, I mean you wouldn’t want the neighbors to see after all.”
“Honestly Lisa.”
“You can’t do this,” I tried to scream, but it only came out a whimper. The tears were cascading down my cheeks now. I couldn’t stop it if I tried. She can’t keep us apart, I know this. But then why do I feel so scared?
“I’m going to have a talk with that girl’s parents-“
“That girl, her name is Becky,” I interrupted, annoyed that she refuses to say my girlfriend’s name.
“And I will let them know that you’re not allowed to see her,” she finished. Turning on her heel, she walked the few steps back down to the first floor.
“There’s no reason to call them! You don’t want me to see her, fine. Then I’m grounded, for how long?” I asked, yelling after her.
“Let me make this call, and we’ll go from there,” she said, stopping before she entered the kitchen.
I knew she was going after the phone, and that I couldn’t stop her, but was she really going to call them right now? I couldn’t believe it, she wasn’t even giving herself time to calm down and think this through.
“This is for your own good, Lisa.”
“No mom, it’s for yours. If you cared about me, even just a little, you’d know this isn’t doing anyone any good!”
“I love you-”
“Then act like it,” I interrupted her, knowing she wasn’t doing this out of love. Maybe out of hatred, but definitely not love.
“Go to your room! You will not stand here and tell me that I don’t love you. You’re my only daughter, and I care about you more than the world. I am only doing what’s best for you!”
“You’re doing what’s best for you! You have no idea what’s best for me.” I lifted one of the photo frames from behind my head and threw it down the stairs. Watching as it shattered, and shards of glass flew in different directions.
“Lisa! You will clean that up right now!”
“I can’t, you demanded me to go to my room, so you clean it up.” And with that I stomped my way upstairs, not looking back. Reaching my room I slammed my door behind me. I know it’s childish, but I didn’t care anymore.
I ran over to my bed and picked up one of my pillows. Holding it tightly over my face, I screamed as loud as I could. Then I threw it back down and started punching it, grunting as I released my anger on something that couldn’t fight back. I repeatedly threw my fists into the soft cotton until I collapsed on the floor, bringing the pillow with me, hugging it to my chest. Strangled sobs escaped me, and I didn’t try to muffle them, there was no point.
Not bothering to climb into bed, I stretched out on the floor, and pulled my comforter down off the bed as I went. A pile of clothes tumbled down with it, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even give it a second glance before closing my eyes, waiting out the wave of tears.
I can’t remember when I’ve felt so bad, or the last time my mom has ever yelled at me. I didn’t know what to do, or what to say. If she thinks I’ll stay away from Becky, she’s wrong. She’s everything to me. And if I had to choose between the two, well I think that choice would be obvious.
And she was my only thought as I drifted off to sleep, a faint smile on my lips.
Sometime later, I realize that I must have fallen asleep, because through a sleep haze I can just make out a tapping sound from nearby. Tossing and turning, I fight the urge to tune it out. Sitting up, I get a little disoriented, forgetting that I was lying on the hard floor rather than my soft bed. But I quickly recover as the tapping begins again, more urgent. Slowly I get to my feet and crawl on top of my bed.
Looking around, I try to identify the noise that woke me, from my not so deep sleep. That’s when I see Becky standing on my balcony, waving at me from the other side of my window.
I leap off my bed and practically run to the other side of the room and push the window open. Crawling out as quickly as I can, I throw myself into her waiting arms. We held each other in tight embrace. Tears started to moisten my eyes, and I tried not to let them fall. I leaned back just enough to give her small kisses on her cheek, trailing down her neck and back up again.
Becky pulled away from me, to look into my wet eyes. Keeping me at arms length, she brought her one hand to my face. She wiped away a single tear that escaped, sliding her thumb under my eye.
I began to sob, letting more tears slip by, “Becky, I’m so sorry! If I had known, I would have never…”
“Shh, it’s OK,” she said as she placed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I don’t have much time, but I need you to meet me at Secret’s Bluff tomorrow night.”
“I’m not allowed to see you.”
“Well that’s why you’re going to sneak out, right? Tomorrow night, right as the sun goes down. Be there, please?” She asked, sounding unsure if I were willing to go against my mother’s rules.
“Of course, but we have to talk.”
“I know, but it has to wait. I snuck out while I was supposed to be going to the bathroom. My parents are keeping tabs on me. They’re demanding I go see a counselor friend of theirs tomorrow,” she sighed in hesitation, “there’s something else, but we’ll talk at the bluff, k?”
I couldn’t help the worried expression that appeared on my face at these works. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.
“It’s going to be ok, alright?” She leaned down, pressing her lips to mine, letting the kiss linger a moment before pulling away. “I love you, Lisa.”
“I love you too.”
Becky gave me a sad smile before lifting one leg over the railing, hooking her foot into the ladder on the other side. Then following with her other leg, I watched as she hurried down the ladder and ran across the lawn, towards her house.
My mind was reeling with possibilities of what she meant by “there’s something else” but she couldn’t tell me tonight. Thoughts of our parents putting bars on our windows came to mind. Or shipping us off to boarding school. That made me laugh, knowing it would never happen. Our parents sending us to an all girl school, they’d be too afraid to allow it.
What could she have meant then? Trying not to think on it too much, I crawled back through my open window. Not bothering to close it, I walked back to my bed, climbing back in. I leaned over the edge to pick my blanket and pillow off the floor, and tried to make myself comfortable.
More secrets and more lies, that’s what’s to come, I guess. Becky sneaking away from her parents to come see me tonight was risky, for both of us. And tomorrow night we’ll be risking it all again, just to be together. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through tomorrow during the day without her. I just hope it goes by fast. Maybe my mom will forget all this happened, and then we can go back to how it was earlier this summer.
With thoughts of Becky running through my mind, how can I not think that it’ll all be ok after all? Maybe. And with someone sweet to dream about, it doesn’t take long before I’m drifting back to sleep.