Kayla's POV
Everything was better.
That's what I remember most about that day. Everything was better. We were all feeling better, there were no mental or emotional breakdowns in a week, and we were all smiling again. Everything was better. Or, at least that's what I thought.
Cheyenne came over with Harry a little while after noon.
"Wanna play a game?" she asked laughing.
"What kind?" Niall asked.
"I dunno, any kind, I guess,"
I looked at Niall and he rolled his eyes. I jumped up and ran up the stairs. I got out Twister. Of course this was the game I was going to get.
"Don't forget Apples to Apples!" I heard Cheyenne yell.
I laughed and got Apples to Apples also.
We played for about three hours until we were laughing so hard our stomachs hurt, and they were complaining that they needed food.
"Okay, we need music," Cheyenne said and went through her phone.
"Oh, come on," I said, taking her phone from her. "You have bad music taste." I said laughing.
She stuck her tongue out at me. "I listen to the same stuff you do!" She said.
"Not exactly the same," I said, still laughing.
"Well, close enough..."
I laughed at her and we started on the food. Niall and I danced around the kitchen and...yep, Cheyenne was on the counter again. Seriously, Harry had a bad habit. But we laughed and had fun.
We watched TV until it was slightly dark outside.
"Wanna go out of the patio?" Cheyenne asked. She loved it outside at this time, apparently, Harry said.
I laughed. "Yeah, sure," I said, and we all got up and went out.
A few minutes into the conversation I started to get uncomfortable. I shifted a lot and I was suddenly tired, and then hyper, and then tired, and I wasn't quite sure what was going on, but I was irritable.
"What's wrong, Kayla?" Niall asked.
"Huh?" I looked at him. "Oh, nothing, my stomach's just upset," Well, it was true.
"Okay," he said, kissing me on the cheek.
I smiled and looked at Cheyenne, who was saying something....she was always saying something. I shifted again and rubbed my stomach.
"Are you sure you're okay, penguin?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine,"
"Why don't you do get a drink," Niall said.
"That sounds good," I said.
"I'll get it for you," He said, starting to get up.
I laughed. "No, I can get it." I said, standing up and moving towards the door.
"You sure?"
"Yeah," I nodded and walked into the kitchen.
I sighed and went to get my cup and get the sweet tea out of the fridge. My stomach cramped again and I moaned quietly. I hated having stomach aches.
I poured the tea and drank a bit, just standing there to get myself collected and calmed down. There it was again. That damn cramp. Except it hurt worse this time. And then again. Worse.
I gripped the counter with my right hand and my abdomen as I doubled over and realized what was most likely happening.
"No," I whispered as tears stung my eyes.
The cramp came again and my knees started to go week.
"Niall!" I called and pressed my back to the counter, sliding to the floor and curling my arms around my middle as I let a few little tears run down my cheeks.
Niall came running in with Cheyenne and Harry behind him. He slid to the floor next to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close.
"What is it Kayla?" He asked, "What's wrong?"
I couldn't talk I was already crying too much.
"What is it?" He whispered so quietly I could barely hear him. But I did hear the tears in his voice. He already knew.
"Niall...." I choked, "I....I think I lost the baby...."
He glanced down at the dark spot steadily growing bigger on my jeans and then kissed my cheek. "Yeah, princess, I think you did..." He whispered.
That triggered a waterfall of tears to come down as I clutched at his shirt and buried my head in his chest. I could feel him trying not to shake or cry or yell. He was soothingly petting my hair and talking quietly.
"Niall..." I heard Cheyenne said.
"No, get off," Niall mumbled.
"Niall, let me get her, she needs to get up stairs-"
"I can take care of her..."
"Niall...please...."
He didn't move.
"Come one mate," Harry said, "Come with me..."
I felt Niall hesitantly let me go and Cheyenne replace him. "Come on kid, can you stand?"
"I don't know...." I choked through tears.
"Come on, I've got you,"
She helped me up, and then the next moment, I was holding onto her back and she was carrying me upstairs. When I opened my eyes, I was curled up on my bed and I heard the bath running.
"Come on, kid," she said, "let's get you out of these clothes...."
She got me undressed and then led me into the bathroom and into the warm water in the bathtub. I rested my head on the little tub pillow thing that I had gotten myself, and let the tears flow down my cheeks. She disappeared for a second, and then came back in with some of my pajamas and my bathrobe.
She sat down on the step by the tub and petted my head as I just stared off into the distance.
"You okay?" She asked placing both of her hands under her chin and looking at me.
I shook my head. If it had been anyone else that had asked that, I would have bitten their head off in a second, but it was her way of saying "I'm here, you're safe, you can talk to me," and I was very comforted by it.
"I..." I moved my hand over my now very empty-feeling belly. "I'm so empty, Cheyenne." I said looking her in the eye. "She was there, and now she's gone, just like that, taken out of this would just....poof...And I couldn't do anything about it..."
She didn't say anything to try to make me feel better; she just waited for me to continue.
"I was so excited," I said, "Niall was too," I said, my lips stretching into a sad smile. "She moved yesterday morning...." I felt the tears coming steadier now. "He was so happy...."
I had called her about ten minutes after Andi had moved. We were all excited. But no one was as excited as her daddy. He was grinning the whole day....
"And now....we'll never feel her move again...."
I sighed and closed my eyes.
"I'll never carry her full term, I'll never hold her in my arms, or see Niall's eyes light up when he sees his little girl for the first time," I said, "She'll never grow up, and she'll never learn how to walk, talk, never meet her grandmothers, or grandfathers, or the greatest uncles and aunts in the world. Never go to school, never....never anything...." I said, "Because.....she.....died......"
I shook my head and looked at Cheyenne again.
"Everything was going so perfect, and within a matter of weeks - weeks - everything just went to shit. Everything fell apart, and now we have nothing. There is nothing left. I...I just...." I took a deep breath, "Why? Why does this happen?"
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "I can't tell you why or how everything in the world works, or why things happen when it seems the cruelest thing ever, but I can tell you that even how torn apart it is today or ever tomorrow or the day after that, it'll always be better. No, there may not be a silver lining," she smiled simply, "but sooner or later the sunshine will come out again. I can't do much now, I don't think I'll be able to help either, but someday, things will be better,"
I looked her straight in the eyes. She always said these things. I never believed them. But...what else did I have to believe this time? "Promise?"
"I promise."
I nodded and laid my head on the pillow thing again.
I just layed in the tub until it was kind of cold and then Cheyenne got me out and dressed.
"Want to go down stairs?" she asked.
I thought for a second. Niall was down there. I nodded.
"Okay,"
We went down stairs, and it wasn't exactly what I expected. I heard something crash before we reached the bottom step. I slowly walked into the living room to see Harry trying to get Niall to calm down.
"Niall! Please! Just listen to me!" Harry pleaded, but Niall just knocked over that already beat up coffee table.
"No! Harry, you don't understand!" Niall yelled. "It's not fair! She...I.....we were ready! We wanted her! And now....now she's just taken from us?!" He yelled. "Why? Why is it considered fair? Why? Because it's not!" He yelled throwing something again. He dropped down on the far couch and held his head in his hands. "We just started the nursery..." he said quietly. He looked up again and saw me standing just behind Harry. He got up and came to me quickly, holding me tightly while I held onto him, both allowing silent tears to stream down our cheeks.
Cheyenne went to stand next to Harry, and Niall looked at them.
"Stay tonight," he said, "Please?"
Harry nodded and Cheyenne went to go get some blankets for them on the couches.
My phone rang at that moment and I recognized it as Amber's ringtone. Oh, God, please no more bad news.
"Hello?" I said shakily.
"Sorry, did we wake you?" Amber asked.
"No...we?"
"Hi, aunt Kayla!"
I gasped. "Arianna!"
"Yeah, she just woke up, and the fever's gone," Amber said.
"Yes...." I said holding onto Niall. And then I realized something. "Wait today?"
"Yeah, just now,"
I took a deep breath and placed a shaky hand on my belly and started to silently cry again. "That's good..." I said, "really good..."
"Yeah, well, I have to go talk to the doctor now; so, I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Yeah, bye Amber..." I hung up and sunk onto the couch.
"What is it?" Cheyenne asked.
"You know that weird thing with Niall and Papaw Ron?" I asked.
"Yeah..." she said quietly.
"I think it happened again. But with Arianna....and Andi...."
Everyone was quiet, and then Niall came over and hugged me.
"I don't know which one I'd choose...." I whispered.
Niall sighed and kissed my cheek. "Let's go to bed," he said.
"Not yet," I looked at Cheyenne, "where'd you put her?"
She bit her lip and looked down. "I found a towel and wrapped her up in it. She's.....she's in her nursery....."
I nodded. "Logical," I stood up and took Niall's hand.
"You want to see her?" Niall whispered.
"It'll help me..."
Niall shook his head. "I can't...."
I smiled at him and nodded. I went over to Cheyenne and she walked with me up to the nursery. I stood by the door for a second, preparing myself.
"You wanna go in alone?" she asked.
I shook my head. "I don't know if I could take it alone..."
She nodded and opened the door slightly. I looked at the crack in the door and pushed it open, walking in and turning on the light.
There was a little bundle on the changing table in the corner, and I walked over to it.
"Why didn't you put her in the crib?" I asked.
Cheyenne looked at me weird. "Cause....that would have seemed cruel."
I shrugged. "Not really,"
She shrugged and looked at the towel. I could see a little bit of brown on the outside where the blood had dried. Shit...I turned away for a second and she put a hand on my arm. I took a deep breath and turned back around, reaching for the towel. I pushed it back slightly so that I could just see the little face.
Her eyes were closed, and everything about her was so....small. I looked at her for a second. Her petite nose was the exact replica of Niall's. I wondered if she would have had his eyes too....I shook my head and moved the towel back over her. I took a deep breath and laid a gentle hand on her for the last time.
"Goodbye, Andi," I said quietly. I felt a warm arm around my middle and I turned my head slightly to see Niall standing behind me, a tear slowly falling down his cheek. He reached out his hand and did the same thing I did.
"Bye, Andi," he said, choking on the words.
I took a deep breath and led him out of the room. "You okay?" I asked.
"I don't know..." he said quietly.
"I don't either..."
He looked me in the eyes and squeezed my hand. "Everything's going to be okay, Kayla," he said.
For some reason, that was the first comforting thing that had made me actually feel better all night. I mean, all of the other comforting words had dulled the pain a bit, but these actually made me feel better. I hoped he was right.
"I know," I said.
Cheyenne and Harry stayed over that night. I'm not sure if any of us got any sleep, I was still awake from when I had laid down when Niall got up and asked me if I wanted anything to eat. I moved my hand down to my stomach and I felt something clench around my heart.
"I'm not hungry..." I said.
I could see the immense worry in his eyes as soon as I said that. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Okay," he said quietly and went downstairs.
I laid there for a minute and then picked up my phone, dialing a number. "Yeah, hello, Dr. Brock?" I said, "Yeah, I need to talk to you as soon as possible.....three-thirty? Yeah, that's good......okay, see you there."
I lay in bed for a while until I felt my stomach rumble and though that I should get at least some toast in me. Maybe I wouldn't feel so empty if I ate.
Harry had made a great breakfast, and I ate a lot. I felt a little better, but it was NOT the same in the least.
Three-thirty rolled around and I found myself staring out the window at doctor Brock's office.
"Hello, Kayla," she said, "why are we here today?"
"Just me now," I said, "I miscarried last night...."
Doctor Brock became slightly somber, then nodded. "I'm sorry," she said, sitting down, "What can I do for you?"
"I was wondering if there was anything you could do to tell me why?" I asked.
She thought for a minute then looked at her papers. "Maybe,"
She did a couple of things and about thirty minutes later, she came back in with a new clipboard.
"You told me about that attempted rape crisis you had a few weeks ago last time you were in to see me, right?" She asked.
"Yeah...." I said quietly.
She sighed. "I'm sorry," she said, "the stress that your body has been going through from that ordeal and the stress put on the baby was too much. Neither of your weakening bodies could take it any longer. It wasn't just you, but it was her also."
I sat quietly and thought about that for a second. "So..." I said slowly, "The terror that had invaded my entire mind because of that also affected her?"
"Have you ever heard of the gut brain?"
"The what?"
"It's technically called the enteric nervous system," she said, "It's a complex system on nerves in your stomach area, acting on its own almost separate from your brain, like a second brain." She continued, "This is the system that reacts the most to feelings in the body. Ever felt nervous and your stomach tightened? Or you got really excited? It's these nerves in your stomach working. When you felt that terror, the nerve close to Andi transmitted those feelings to her and she could feel your unease. And...she did go through it with you, she was probably terrified herself."
I nodded. "So, it was him that did this to me...."
"If you want to look at it that way, I guess so,"
"So...in a way...he's committed murder,"
"Again, if you want to look at it that way, I guess so,"
I sighed. "Thanks doc," I said, "It helps, it may not seem like it, but at least I know it wasn't my fault..."
"No mother is ever at fault for a miscarriage unless it's an abortion pill, that's still abortion,"
I smiled. "I understand," I said and stood up. "Thank you again,"
I had to start again from scratch. Just last month everything was perfect, and within a couple of weeks, one dreadful man has taken everything from me. At least I don't have to see him again for a good long five fucking years. But after that....he might want to go back, because that jail cell is currently the only thing protecting him.