Falling Darkness: The Aftermath
I looked at him and smiled. I finally chose, I finally knew who I could spend the rest of my life with. And, granted, it wasn’t who I’d thought it would be, but it didn’t matter because I loved him through and through. Passion and love rolled up into a ball and it was all of that. I guess it had to happen this way because I had actually decided long ago that he was the one, that moment at the creek.
Rave’s POV
Chapter 1: Oblivion
Do you know what oblivion feels like? Probably not, but I know I do. It feels really good because all your problems just float away and you don’t think about anything. I mean you barely even act. I know that it kinda sucks because it’s really hard to remember anything or speak or even have a coherent thought because nothing sticks. Every thought is fleeting. But you can still see although there’s this thin film on everything like everything’s behind a screen and it all has this dreamy-like quality. So yeah, I saw everything that happened to me and recognized it too. But I couldn’t bring great thoughts to mind, you know. Like, for instance when I saw Bill, all I could do was say Rex’s name, but I couldn’t say something like, “Look Rex, here’s your daddy.” Let’s be real it doesn’t work like that, although the whole baby daddy drama was taken care of for me. So yeah, I saw the guy that came and dragged me off to that godforsaken warehouse where that poor little boy still sat rocking and sucking on his thumb.
Another thing that’s cool about it too is that you can sense other people that are in oblivion just like you. So imagine my excitement when I realize that Rex is feeling the same thing I was and then my confusion when he suddenly stopped feeling it. Then my distrust when I see him walk through the doorway not that long afterwards with his daddy not far behind. Also try to imagine how I felt when I realized that I could choose to either remain in oblivion or return back to my problems and coherent thought. So, yeah, it was pretty hard to decide and I knew that they were waiting on my answer.
It was like yes and no. Yes I do want to remain in oblivion, but no I don’t want to remain in oblivion. Yes I do want coherent thought back, but no I don’t want coherent thought back. My thought processes kept churning. I would start reaching for oblivion, but then I’d see Doc’s hopeful face and realize that I couldn’t do that to him. So I tussled back in forth, realizing that suddenly I could think and I didn’t really like it, but what choice did I have?
Finally I decided when Rex grew weak on his feet and slumped over me in exhaustion and Doc slumped into a chair in sleep. I opened my eyes to a clear world, one I barely remembered and placed my fingers in Rex’s soft hair unaware of Bill’s somber eyes gazing at me. And that morning I made everyone breakfast all smiles and laughter. Doc broke his face in half in a big ol’ grin and Rex hugged me tighter than he ever did before and I kissed him. How long had it been since I had kissed him? It felt like years.
“I’m so sorry Rave,” he cried, a tear slipping from his eye. “I caused you to break. If only I hadn’t…”
“All water under the bridge,” I interrupted him, going on my tiptoes to kiss him again.
I don’t know when I had forgiven him, but it didn’t take a second thought. I didn’t blame anyone for my implode anymore and as I served them eggs, bacon, and pancakes, I knew that I had made the right choice.
Chapter 2: When I Pulled the Trigger
When Rufus came down the steps sad and depressed, I ran to him with joy. I picked him up and hugged him tight and twirled him around. He barked and licked my face greedily, telling me how much he missed me with his tongue.
“I love you so much Rufus,” I cried, hugging him tighter then setting him down.
At this loud exclamation, Tank came running down the stairs eyes brimming with tears. “Rave?” he asked tentatively, touching my skin.
“The one and only!” I smiled fully and squeezed him in a tight hug which he gratefully squeezed back.
But he held onto me too long and suddenly I remembered that I hadn’t chosen. Well in my mind I had, but it was a choice made in anger and haste and one I immediately dismissed. I broke the hug embarrassed and finally turned my attention to Bill. I cleared my throat and blushed.
“Bi…err…Mr. Hamburger,” I cleared my throat. “How…how are you?”
In Doc’s eyes I saw his heart tremble over Bill’s name then turn stony. I saw how Bill had been acting lately.
He didn’t answer me, he just kept on staring and I felt the old Rave flare up. “Well? Are you just gonna sit there like stupidity or are you gonna answer me?”
He snorted and got out of his seat, slowly approaching me. He towered over me and I shrank back from his intimidating height. Then he suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace. I hugged him back but it was weird, like hugging a frozen pole. He let me go silently and turned back to his seat while all of us had little “o’s” on our lips. Doc paled and I’m sure that during the hug, I had too.
“Well now that all that’s outta the way,” I began, breaking the silence, “we should get to work. There are thousands of insane people in that warehouse.”
Doc stood up thoughtfully. “We need a distribution method and we need more bat blood.”
“I’m already on it,” Bill replied, whipping out his cell phone.
He got up and went outside where we could see him gesticulating angrily and hissing into his phone. Doc watched intently, trying to see his former lover in the movements. Tank stared at me, moving himself closer and closer. And, surprisingly, Rex just smiled and smiled, his happiness filling the room. So, I went sit on Rex’s lap and cuddled into his arms. He started to kiss me all over my face and I laughed happily although I knew that Tank was hurt by it. I couldn’t stop myself. That’s one thing about the oblivion; there was no kind of action involved in it.
Rufus puffed himself up at my feet, proud that he was so near me. Stupid dog, I smiled. This was the best mood I had been in my life and I wished others could feel it. I was in a sort of all-time high and it felt so good.
Suddenly Bill reentered with the phone closed in his hand. “I got it.” he said. “I have people that will set up shop all over the world and deliver bat blood to this location.
“Great, now the distribution method.” Doc replied thoughtfully.
“We can’t just pop it in guns and go around town blasting people?” I replied all excitedly. “Yeah just like a Halo video game, pop it in and start blasting like this pew pew pew pew pew!”
“No, Rave.” Tank’s voice was serious. “Things like this require a little more class.” Then quieter. “And a little more seriousness if you don’t mind.”
And just then my high disappeared. It didn’t have time to dissipate because it just vanished into Tank’s solemn words and immediately the old cold, cynical Rave arrived; the Rave that would kick Rufus and drink until she passed out just to feel the pain in the morning and eat it for breakfast with the nausea.
“I need a drink.” I whispered getting off of Rex’s lap and Rex’s face dropped because he heard the change in my voice, the subtle shift to something more hard, hardened by dark words.
All the refrigerator held was a half pint of apple juice, milk, water, vials of blood, and a mostly empty plastic gallon of orange juice. Since I needed something stronger and I wasn’t a vampire or in the mood for orange juice, it was time to get out of the house. I quickly traveled the steps, remembering the man that had dragged me through that small glass window only to bring me inside of cold inescapable walls where white powder was the barrier to the outside world that gingerly passed with a quickened step and wary eyes. So I grabbed Pop’s old pistol and fingered the solid metallic icy coldness that protruded from its unused barrel. After concealing the weapon I went back down the staircase to meet the glistening thoughtful eyes downstairs.
“I’m going out,” it was a statement, irrefutable, irrevocable.
“Do you really think this is a good time?” Tank was irritated by my suggestion.
“How about I go with you?” Rex asked, his eyes desperate to leave.
“That’s actually a good idea, why don’t we all go get some air?” Doc tried to straighten the situation.
“No, none of you are coming. I’m going out alone. Don’t follow me, don’t call me, and don’t wait up for me.” I hissed back, forcing my words to be biting and harsh.
“You can’t go out there alone.” Bill Hamburger replied softly, his words seeming immovable and forever effaced in the air around me.
“Says who? You aren’t my father so you have no control of me. None of you do, so you are all going to watch me walk out of that door and you’re not going to do a damn thing about it.” I roared, marching out of the front door and slamming it behind me.
I went immediately to the first bar I saw without realizing that my previous state would obviously draw attention. The people in the bar, most of them drunk or on their way to be, crowded around me with something bordering contempt. Their hands touched my skin, their eyes searched mine, their breath rolled onto my clothes, and I almost couldn’t get away, but I ran out of the bar. I stood outside trying to catch my breath.
After that I realized that I would rather be ostracized so I decided to drink alone in a spot isolated to others. I went to the Walgreens nearby and bought some hard drinks like vodka and a cup.
“I.D. ma’am.” Her voice was indifferent and indifference was good. She must’ve been new in town.
I slid my I.D. to her. She checked it then slid the scanner over the barcodes of the drinks and handed me back my I.D. which I replaced with cash. When I left Walgreens I was ready to drink myself into something powerful. I went to that old abandoned swimming pool that Rex had brought me to on a date. It was covered with a black tarp and was as quiet as I needed it to be. I removed my shoes and moved part of the tarp with my feet and put my feet in the warm water. As I began to pour myself a cup of vodka, I noticed someone stirring near the gate and I put my hand on my gun ready to pull and shoot like Pop had once taught me. Surprisingly it was no threat, it was just Rex.
“Nobody should be forced to drink alone,” he smiled, shaking his glass at me. “I couldn’t stay in that house anymore. I’ve been trapped in my own mind for so long… I need space, air. So, when you said you were leaving and I saw that fire in you, well I had to sneak out and have a repeat of our first date.”
I smiled back relieved that he came. “Vodka?” I asked, offering him the bottle.
He took it silently and poured himself a drink then raised his glass. “To wide open spaces and to my beautiful girlfriend.”
As we clinked glasses, I was reminded why I didn’t want him here in the first place. I was still unsure who to choose. Tank was mean, rude, hurt. He was the bad boy, the guy in the movie that the hero eventually kills. But, Rex was so different; he was so sweet, innocent, naïve even. He was the hero that eventually kills Tank. They both had different types of allures. Tank’s allure was derived from his bad boy nature, his boy-next-door routine, and his familiarity. But Rex was the safe one, the one whose allure came from his relaxed perfect boyfriend stats and easygoing, slightly overprotective ways.
They were complete opposites and took both sides of my heart. Tank took up the dark side of Rave, the side that I was trying to indulge in with Rex. Rex was in love with the side of me that was sweet and nice and pretty much, well, lovable. I downed the vodka to that, trying to forget my problems and the man sitting beside me. I kicked my legs back and forth while I poured myself another glass.
“Whoa, slow down, I haven’t finished my first glass!” Rex smiled.
His voice tried to cut through the fog settling in my mind but it was only a dim flashlight. It did nearly no good to me and I continued to down drinks and become more and more wasted. I could feel my problems slipping away and this apathy reaching in, this numbness that I so desperately needed. I tried to stand and return to the apartment with the bottle of alcohol in one hand and the glass in the other, but I began to tip over saved only by Rex’s strong arms and the even stronger arms of blackness.
In the morning I felt the searing pain a hangover usually brings and I rushed to the toilet to puke. My stomach felt like it was doing flip flops and clenching inside of me. The more I puked, the more I began to laugh until I was roaring with laughter which was only interrupted by my waves of puking. My migraine increased with my amusement and my laughter became harsh and detached.
They all entered in, confused and afraid of a lapse, but it only made me laugh harder which made the nausea go away. I wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet then stood up, brushed my teeth, and pushed my way through them. Tank grinned at me; this was the Rave that he loved.
I could see Rex’s scowl and his fingers pressing against his temples. He must have a hangover too, I thought. I smiled then went into my room and put on tight fitting skinny jeans with a shirt that showed cleavage and was even tighter. Tank came in and leaned on the door frame, grinning. I pushed him out of the way on my way to the bathroom where everyone else was frozen in disbelief. I let my hair down and combed it and brushed it into straight flowing lengths. I pushed past them again. Grabbing my pistol, I got ready to leave the apartment again. Only then did they start to move, running down the stairs in alarm. I smiled as I slammed the door behind me heading to the bar I had headed to yesterday with a vicious smile and black Converse on my feet.
Entering the bar, I saw a man seated at a small round table, his head folded over in drowsiness. I sat down in front of him, smiling devilishly at his surprise. He wiped his mouth in fear of dried drool and sat up taller. He hadn’t shaved in awhile, and his eyes showed the dimness of lost hope. He licked his teeth then sat forward.
“What is it?” his voice was gruff and sounded like sleep.
“You look like you need a good time.”
He wiped his face with his hand. “Girl, I’m probably old enough to be your father.”
“Mmm, what a turn on, a convo about age,” I smiled then dumped his drink on his lap.
He stood up and wiped his lap off in surprise and frustration. “What the hell?!” he roared.
He slammed down the money for the drink and walked to the door to go outside. I followed him with a smile, it had been so long since I had played this routine.
“Whatcha’ following me for?” he hissed as soon as they stepped outside.
“Well I got you out of that bar didn’t I? A bar that you probably haven’t left for weeks judging on your smell, a bar that you use as your comfort zone, judging by your eyes and a bar that no longer requires your income, but that you require. Am I right?” I smiled.
“Who are you?” he asked, turning towards me in disbelief.
“A friend who has just as much problems as you.”
Suddenly he smiled. “I know who you are. You’re just another one of those women from Cara aren’t you? She doesn’t know how to let shit go. Tell her I said…”
“I don’t know Cara and I don’t know you. But, I’m ready to have a night out on the town so to speak. How ‘bout you?” I interrupted his monologue.
He hesitated thinking about everything that could go wrong. “Why the hell not? Cara already divorced me; I’ll never see my kid again and I lost my job. Jail seems to be a welcome bottom to a bottomless pit. So yes, Jailbait, I’ll take your offer.”
“Perfect,” I smiled and took his hand, leading him behind me like a dog on a leash.
We started at the park, the busiest place in town where people pushed their children on swings and exchanged kisses under branches littered with bright colored balloons. The air was scented with dogs, sweat, and pleasure. But that wasn’t necessarily what I was looking for. I stepped onto the lawn, walking up to a little boy with his hat turned backwards. As soon as I touched his face with my hand, his mother came and when she recognized me she screamed. That’s when the whole park turned my way and began to scream and run, leaving their food in picnic baskets on the soft grass, their blankets, their balloons, their love in the air.
“Well you sure do know how to clear a room.” The man laughed.
We sat on a couples’ blanket and ate their food, munching on their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and biting into their apples, drinking their ale.
“So what did you do?”
“What do you mean?” I replied, my head shooting up.
“I mean did you murder somebody and escape from prison or what?”
“Nah, I just went insane.”
“You don’t seem too insane to me, Jailbait.”
“Nor do you, Cupcake.”
We both laughed. His laugh was sultry, different from any man’s laugh I had ever heard.
“So what’s your story?” I asked him, taking another bite out of the apple.
“Well, I had a great life. A wife that loved me, a baby boy named Jessie, and the best job a man could have. But the job that I worked at had a big party and I brought my wife, Cara. We got separated and when I found her she was talking to my boss Phil, laughing and blushing. A year after that party, Cara told me that she had fallen in love with someone else and she wanted a divorce from me. I was so angry, I punched a hole in the wall and I said ‘who is it? Who’d you fall in love with?’ and she just smiled and shook her head. I slept on the couch that night and the next day when I went to work I was told to report to Phil’s office and through the window I saw him kiss Cara.” Here he had to pause for awhile so that his voice wouldn’t break. “So I entered and Phil turned smiling to me and handed me my last check with a wink. ‘Thanks for your wife’ he said and I just lost it. I punched him and I pushed her into a wall. As I walked out security grabbed me and I ended up in jail. Phil bailed me out and he didn’t press charges then a month later he convinced Cara to file for complete custody for Jessie. She hired a good lawyer and met me in court. All the lawyer did was bring up the past, my record, and how I had been arrested for assault. It was all legal enough and I tried to plead my defense, but I had started drinking during that time period and that was another thing Cara’s lawyer slapped on me. The judge had a clear disdain, probably hired by Phil, and he ruled in Cara’s favor, who then got a restraining order on me. I cried there after the judge said his decision and when I saw his eyes they looked like they realized they had just made a mistake. So I started going into a downward spiral drinking and listening to loud rock until I passed out. Then Cara called my cell phone one day crying and hysterical saying that Phil had beat her and that Jessie had disappeared and that she wanted me back, but I reminded her of the restraining order, and said that wasn’t my life anymore. She started crying again and I hung up on her. Then she showed up at the bar and tried to talk me into going home with her. She started criticizing me for drinking and tried to make me feel guilty by bringing up Jessie. Then I looked up at her and I said ‘You’re dead to me.’ She started to cry and replied what about ‘Jessie.’ So I looked at her again and I said ‘he’s not my son anymore, remember? You took care of that with your new love and your lawyer and shenanigans.’ After that I never left the bar except sometimes to take a shower, eat and come back. She kept sending women to try to get me back to her or at least to leave the bar, but they kept failing, I kept turning them away, then you came.”
“So you don’t know whether your son is alive or dead?” I asked softly.
“No, nor my ex-wife Cara.” He wiped a tear from his face. “So here I am jobless, wifeless, and childless. People see right through me and women avoid me like a bad joke.”
“Huh, no kidding. Obviously I can relate.” Then I launched into my story, smirking when I came up to the part about meeting him.
“So you’re real name’s Rave, huh? I think I’ll just stick to Jailbait.”
“You never mentioned you’re name, Cupcake.”
“My name’s Henry.”
“I like the name Henry, it’s so…normal.”
“Well, if that’s not the truth I don’t know what is.”
“That’s it, we’re gonna find your wife and Jessie.”
“It’s been years, Jailbait. I doubt I’ll even recognize him, or her, for that matter.”
“How many years?”
“Six years.”
I smiled at him. “He’s only going to be six.”
“Plus the restraining order…”
“But she wants you there, doesn’t she? What if Phil is hurting Jessie?”
Henry sat straight up. “You’re right, we gotta find them.”
“Do you need a place to crash? We gotta get you off the alcohol.”
“Yeah, I do.” He said absentmindedly, watching something in back of me.
“What is it?” I asked turning around to come face to face with the man that had placed me in the warehouse.
This all happened so fast, that looking back I realized that it was like a reflex. I pulled out my pistol and aimed it at him, not high enough to kill, not low enough to just sting. I shot. The bullet whistled through the air and hit his chest the blood spraying on my face. He was so close to me. He fell backwards and hit the ground hard. I could still hear the gunshot echoing everywhere in the world. Henry ran to the man to make sure he was still alive which, of course, he was.
I walked towards the man and from my point of view, standing over him, the man looked shriveled, small, meek. I put the gun to the man’s head who was breathing hard and looked into his eyes. One of his eyes had the milky glazed over look of one that’s insane, but the other was completely clear and wet. I spoke to the clear eye only.
“You brought me to that godforsaken warehouse the other day.” I pressed the gun harder into his flesh so he could feel my anger in the barrel. “They want me dead, you want me dead. But I won’t stand for it and if I have to, I’ll kill everyone in this town. You hear me? Everyone.”
The man coughed and sighed. “I do not want you dead. I am just the disposer. It is better than going into a furnace, which is what they used to do to us.”
“Don’t say ‘us’ like you’re one of us.”
“Well technically I am. I am halfway insane. They experimented on me and now I am pretty much normal. I am just more unstable and more apathetic than I used to be.”
“And you work for them!” I roared.
“Only because if I did not I would be dead; I do not have any choice.”
At this point, I pulled my gun away from his head. “I’m sure we can both relate to that,” I said looking at Henry. “Look, let me help you get better from this gunshot wound.”
We lifted him up and started towards my apartment where we laid him on the table for Doc to examine him. Doc didn’t ask questions as he pulled the bullet out of the man’s chest and patched him up. Bill oversaw the operation and every now and then glanced curiously at Henry then suspiciously at me.
“Is this another one of your boyfriends?” Doc spat at me, his irritation bristling after the man I had shot was sleeping. Without giving me a chance to reply he went up to his room and I could see in Bill’s eyes that they had been fighting while I was gone.
“Henry’s gonna crash here,” I said.
Bill nodded and went up to bed. I made up the sofa for Henry and tied the man I shot to the table. I didn’t want him to go anywhere, not yet. “Guard him,” I hissed to Rufus, giving him my most clear no-nonsense voice.
Then I retired myself. But all night all I could think about and later dream about was when I pulled the trigger and the look on the man’s face, the look that was ready for death.
Chapter 3: Animal
I
Animals are different to humans in more ways than one. I mean the walking on all fours, the growling, the wildness, but in so many ways we are the same, we are one. Inside all of us we have this animal, these animal instincts. You peel back our skin and we have the same looking veins, the same looking meaty stuff. I’ve found the animal in me. Can I let it take over?
I woke up in the morning with a lot on my mind. But there was only one thought pushing to the front; I had to get away. When I got dressed and what not, I went downstairs to find the man I shot untied and eating breakfast. I gave Rufus the kick of his life; he flew to the other side of the room. Henry was eating breakfast too and Tank was glaring at him, too busy doing so to notice that I had entered the room. I poured cereal in a bowl and sat down across from Tank and Henry to eat.
“My name is Iridescent; that is what they call me.” The man I shot said softly to me.
“Nice to meet you, Iridescent.”
That was all the conversation that passed between any of us until Rex came down the stairs. He took a look at the two men he didn’t recognize and looked in alarm at Tank who nodded towards Henry and shrugged his shoulders at Iridescent. Rex stood above Henry with his hands clenched on attack mode. It was actually extremely attractive.
“I don’t know who you are or where you come from sir, but if you touch my girlfriend, I will politely kill you.” He hissed at Henry.
“What is it with you people and always trying to kill someone?” Iridescent said in alarm.
“He doesn’t mean it,” I said in a clear monotone.
“Yes, I do,” Rex said, turning on me. “What’s going on with you? I…I don’t know this side of you.”
“I do,” Tank sniggered.
I looked at Henry and rolled my eyes. “Henry is just a friend of mine,” I sighed.
“Then why is he here, what’s going on? Why are you…?”
“I lost my appetite,” I interrupted him coldly, pushing away from the table and grabbing my mostly empty bowl and slamming it in the kitchen.
I brushed past Rex and went up to my room and began to pack. I had to leave as soon as possible. I packed all my things except for the stuff in the bathroom; I would leave tonight. I stuffed the suitcase under my bed and walked back downstairs where Henry sat gazing at the television set where some Jersey Shore type show played. I whispered in his ear, I didn’t want others to hear. “We leave tonight.”
When they all went to bed I grabbed a dosage of the anecdote for Iridescent. Then, I told him and Henry to wait outside for me; I had to say my goodbyes. First I went to Tank’s room who snored softly clutching his pillow in both hands. I kissed him softly on the cheek and wrote him a quick note. “You know how I am and you know who I am. Don’t follow me and don’t remember me. You were right; perhaps your Shayla is alive. You just gotta realize that she ain’t me. I love Rex, but I love you too and I realize that you could never love me that way. Goodbye, Tank.” Next I went to Rex’s room were I left a two-page note that had taken me all day to write. I kissed him on the lips and passed my hand through his hair one more time before leaving through his door for the last time. Next I went to Doc’s room, where I left a note similar to Tank’s one that was regretful, but no longer looking back and telling him to do the same. Bill’s I entered last. I hadn’t really prepared a note or thought out my goodbye to him. He was a strange man, a man that I had never entirely connected with, but held in high esteem. I wrote on some stationary. “Well, this is it, old man. We’re never going to see each other again. Take care of my men for me will you?” I just hoped he could read between the lines on that one.
Finally I picked up my items from the bathroom, kissed a drowsy Rufus on the nose and left, locking the door behind me. I didn’t look back.
Henry said that he had a car at his old place so that’s where we were headed for now. Iridescent grew wary, complaining that he would be missed and that they wouldn’t take his story about what happened. Already he was on probation for my escape. Luckily Henry only lived a few blocks away at a place where the paint was peeling and the grass was overgrown and choking with weeds. He had a black truck, one that was cleaner than I expected it to be. When we entered his rent house, mice scurried from end to end. He walked in unafraid and stuffed some things into a bag. He grabbed the keys for his truck and his laptop and soon we were on the road. I began searching on the laptop for his wife Cara.
“What’s her last name?” I asked, looking at all the pictures of different Cara’s.
Henry shook his head. “Let’s just drive for now; we’ll worry about that later.”
I smiled in agreement and shut his laptop. Iridescent faked sleep while I leaned my head on Henry’s shoulder, closing my eyes. I knew that soon my friends would be waking up and reading their letters and reacting, probably jumping in the Hummer and trying to scour the town for me before it was too late. But it was too late, probably years too late.
Rex woke up first stretching and smiling as he remembered the kiss Rave had planted on his lips last night as he feigned sleep. Now that he was awake, he touched his lips and turned to put on his lamp. When he clicked it on he saw, sitting like a coiled snake, two pages filled with Rave’s curling script. He read and he read, his eyes brimming with tears, his heart breaking. Then, when he read the last line, “I will love you forever, but I can’t stay cooped up in a place where my heart doesn’t belong,” he tore out a roar of pain and anguish and fell to the floor in fetal position, paralyzed in pain and helpless sorrow.
Next Tank woke up in response to Rex’s roar and sobs and banged on the wall in frustration only to see something fall out of the corner of his eye. He picked up the sheet of paper and read Rave’s note. “You know how I am and you know who I am. Don’t follow me and don’t remember me. You were right; perhaps your Shayla is alive. You just gotta realize that she ain’t me. I love Rex, but I love you too and I realize that you could never love me that way. Goodbye, Tank.” Then he ran out of his room, ran out of the apartment searching desperately for Rave.
Now Doc awoke, startled both by a door being banged open and Rex’s mournful cries increasing in volume. Doc got up to see what was wrong, but as he passed his end table, he too knocked down Rave’s note and he turned to pick it up, reading it as he stood back straight. He sat back down on his bed and cried softly, his old heart breaking into pieces.
Bill listened to the sound of chaos going on outside of his door, unwilling to face what had now come up. Would he walk out to see Doc dead on the floor? He was such a sensitive man with such strong emotions. But he turned his head and saw Rave’s fateful script on his stationary and could not stop himself from reading it. As he read, he became numb. So numb that he could no longer move or take his eyes away from the stationary.
Everyone in the apartment mourned the loss of Rave and blamed themselves for her leaving them. Tank ran blindly, running until his feet hurt, until he could no longer hear the whooshing in his ears or feel the tears wet his face. It was like he was dying, dying to still hear Rave’s voice, dying for her to tell him that she was just joking, that it was all a lie. But she wasn’t there, so he was dying for nothing at all.
II
We stopped at a motel, the rent was cheap and the clerk behind the desk seemed that much cheaper. Henry paid for one room; he explained that he didn’t have enough cash to splurge too much since most of it went to paying for a child he couldn’t even see. So we all piled up in one room with our bags. As soon as we got in, I called the couch and laid Iridescent down on the bed and injected the anecdote. Afterwards I went take my shower while Henry unpacked and noodled on his laptop.
When I was finished and making up the sofa Henry was searching for his ex-wife on the internet, his forefinger placed against his temple. One could practically see his mind churning with memories and I could tell that they were bursting within him.
“Spill,” I said without turning around.
“I’m just remembering her in general, you know? She had this way of knowing what was on my mind and she could just…” he trailed off, cracking his knuckles in sudden frustration.
“You love her.” I said, my voice knowing, understanding.
“LOVED her, past tense. I could care less about her; I just want to find my son.” He wiped his face with his hand again then passed that same hand through his dirty hair.
“Don’t lie to yourself,” I smiled at him. “You still love her, just as much as you still love Jessie.”
“I don’t,” he said, his voice breaking.
“You don’t have to be tough with me, Henry as long as I don’t have to be tough with you,” my voice was soft.
“I don’t love her, do you hear me? I don’t.” But his voice was soft and I could tell he was warring with himself. “Kiss me.”
My head shot up. “What?!”
“Kiss me, Jailbait.”
“I…can’t. I already have enough boy problems and I…”
“First of all, I’m a man. Secondly, it’s just… I have to know…I have to know for sure whether I still love her or not.”
I couldn’t resist that voice, that broken voice. So, indeed I moved closer to him, putting my face just inches from his.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, my voice trembling and melting into his dingy face.
Instead of replying, he mashed his lips onto mine roughly and pushed his tongue inside of my mouth. It reminded me of Tank and it made my heart hurt, but I kissed him back, pretending to have the same roughness and mustering up some sort of tongue action. He pressed his hand firmly against the back of my head, leaving me no room for escape, but then he suddenly broke the kiss off breathing hard. I was hardly breathing at all.
“I don’t love her.” His voice was shaky, unbelieving.
I couldn’t answer to that. I put my hand on my heart which felt feeble compared to the pounding of his which I could swear was making the floor tremble. He couldn’t look at me; his eyes were like marbles, hard and smooth. He started clicking away at his laptop again; his eyes unfocused and his back slumped over.
“Aren’t you going to take a shower?” my voice sounded strange, detached.
He nodded and grabbed his bag on the way to the bathroom, wordlessly. When he was gone I checked on his laptop and in the search bar I didn’t see Cara’s name or Jessie’s. He had searched “torture methods.” I swallowed hard backing away from the screen and taking a quick glance at the bathroom door. For the first time I realized that I had no idea who this man was, no money, and nearly no way of escape. Just what the fuck did I get myself into?
The night was lumpy and scratchy, but the morning was worse. The morning came with unforeseen doubts and fresh fears of a man I had not long ago kissed. He slept unshaved but clean, curled in a protective ball his laptop shut on the bedside table. But Iridescent was awake and silent, staring at a rocky ceiling that dripped with wooly spider webs. I didn’t let him see that I was awake and I watched Henry who seemed harmless enough in sleep. Remembering my pistol, I reached for it, reassuring my safety then, with the metallic steel in hand; I traveled the space between the sofa and the bed.
“Wake up!” I nudged Henry into alertness, pointing my gun between his eyes.
“Why did you search torture methods?” I spat at him. “Just what did you plan on doing with that info?”
“You think I searched that for you? If Phil’s there…” he said wiping the sleep from his eyes and trailing off. His eyes grew soft. “Rave, I don’t wanna hurt you.”
Once again he seemed harmless and I was falling into that softness. “But, Phil…”
“Will be DOA,” he replied, voice just as soft. “It’s actually a good thing we’re all awake because we better get going again.”
It was silent in Henry’s truck except for the invisible things. Henry’s quick breathing and twitching eyelids, Iridescent’s sudden calmness, and my thoughts which were raving all filled the truck and scrunched up between us. My mind kept flickering back to Tank and that wild, passionate kiss we shared. But then it would continue through to the ensuing fight and Tank’s hateful approach towards me. It made me flare up in anger then sigh in wistfulness.
There wasn’t much landscape to stare at. The leafy branches of the strong oak trees transformed into a dusty plain. The plain rolled into tight balls and drifted on a wind that shook the truck and vibrated under our seats. The windows grew dusty fast and our lungs filled with the land. The sun, hot and unforgiving, reflected off of every piece of metal or filled the truck with an uncomfortable heat that made everyone fidget in awkwardness. Even when Henry pressed on the radio, the silence didn’t lift it was only fogged in by terrible country singers whose falsified twang wasn’t worth the awful dust that lifted in time to it. Eventually he simply switched it back off and we dwelled in our own silence, staring monotonously at the never-ending road and the few cars we did pass.
In desperation I tried to imagine what Cara looked like. She had blond hair and big blue eyes. Her hair flowed down her back and framed her heart-shaped, pixie-like face. She had a tiny pointed nose and equally small even white teeth, teeth that had once been framed by braces. She was beautiful and had feathers dangling from her earlobes pointing at her dimples. She wore light, blue eyeliner complete with eye shadow and plenty of makeup caked on to make her look like a Barbie doll. She was gorgeous and she was also a heartless, backstabbing bimbo with little brains and even less emotion. That’s when her eyes paled for me and I imagined Jessie trying to hang onto her leg as she pushed him off. The only thing right in her life with a head full of blond hair and perfect even teeth, but tiny brown eyes like his dad. I could see his tiny fingers reaching for her, one hand in his mouth the other suspended in air. He would wear a shirt that said “ladies’ man” and tiny white shorts to match his Converse.
Then Phil came into my mind. An office man with a potbelly hanging over his mud brown slacks. He had a dazzling smile and an even more dazzling charm, but a bum in the head, he couldn’t get any further than hello with intelligent women and he couldn’t get to the door with classy ones. Since Cara appeared to be neither, I imagined him swaggering up to her, smiling widely and stretching out a beefy hand, pretending to be interested in something other than what was swimming in her underwear. Then he realized that the woman he had just been flirting with was Henry’s wife, a man he spent plenty talks with over the water cooler about the weather and cutting the grass. A man who drew his envy from day one, when he saw him gain women’s attention without even realizing it. Phil realized that Henry had too many things that he hadn’t: real charm, intelligence, and a good life going for him. So he decided to take away the biggest part of those choices, Henry’s good life. I imagined him meeting Cara in Academy, catching her alone and distracted, playing up to her emotions, mentioning things that Henry wasn’t doing that he should be. I could see her buying into it and unknowingly giving him an opening by telling him that she needed the bathroom. He tells her that there isn’t one in Academy, which there is, and offers to drive her to his place which isn’t that far away. At first she declines, but finally after persuasion, she accepts and he drives her car over to his place and if looks isn’t enough, he lets her use his toilet, undressing in the process. So when she comes out he forces himself upon her, he doesn’t rape her; he just eagerly suggests that she let him solve her problems. Eventually she goes for it and wham she falls in love, but Phil’s not done. He begins to ruin Henry’s life all the more by firing him and feeding Cara hateful advice and lies. Then suddenly out the blue, he gets sick of her lack of intelligence and beats her, beats Jessie, rapes her in front of him and leaves. Jessie runs away too confused with his view of his mother and the father that he has known for so long to stand being cramped into that awful space.
Although I think all of this, I still blame Cara, whose tanned breasts were popping out of her dress at the party and her lack of intelligence brought both her life and Henry’s life crashing down upon their heads. A woman who should have spent her life working at Hooters, giving people drinks and putting up with civilized harassment. A woman who usually would have nothing going for her save that which was between her legs and arms. A woman who, when her luster dimmed and her skin sagged, would have to give up on life. And yet somehow she encounters Henry, a well-to-do businessman with intelligence, charm, and money and he just so happens to fall for her empty head and popping breasts. I can see Henry’s tears, his heart bursting from his chest. I can see him hitting the bottle, wasting his money and life on booze. I can see Cara trying hard to get her husband back, realizing she made a major mistake.
“I don’t love Cara.”
“What?” I murmured, breaking out of my reverie.
“I don’t love her. I’m just going for my son.”
I sighed and turned to look out the window in disinterest. “That’s what you say, but your heart says different.”
“When I kissed you my heart jumped,” he hissed glancing at me. “I don’t love Cara.”
I couldn’t respond to that. What would I have said? While you were kissing me I was thinking about someone else? Then I would sound like Cara with her blond hair, wide blue eyes, and empty skull. But the silence that escaped from my mouth didn’t do much better. I could see Henry’s eyes glistening as he gripped the wheel harder, his ears picking up on the things I didn’t say.
“That does not mean you do not love her,” Iridescent said, breaking the silence with his robotic voice. “It only means you are human.”
Henry grit his teeth. “I don’t love Cara.”
“Alas, but your actions speak otherwise.”
Henry skidded to the side of the road and faced Iridescent with a fierce look. Eyes glowing with anger and sweat beading on his forehead, he leaned towards him and spoke in a low menacing voice. “I…don’t…love…her. Do you understand that? If you say one more word against that, I swear to God, I’ll…” he paused, letting our imaginations do the work. “I’ll finish what Jailbait started.”
The next few weeks happened to be road, motels, diners, and old gas stations with clerks whose eyes lit up when they saw my foreign hair and smooth skin. I’m sure that they never got any action around there. It seemed like years before we reached skyscrapers, buzzing streets, and corporate business suits and even when we did, we were still covered in dirt and grime. Henry called in some favors and we stayed in a penthouse on the top floor of Bourbon Hotel. The shower water was clean and the floor free of stains, mice, and roaches. It seemed like heaven compared to what we had endured. I washed my hair for hours delighting in the smell of real soap and clean towels.
When I was finished and looked out of the window though, I realized why people chose those dirt towns over cities. Traffic was bumper to bumper below and looming dark alleys had men in snug black caps walking inside with hands stuffed in pockets. The sun was actually the false gaudy lights of street signs and street lights.
“Welcome home,” Henry murmured, gazing out the window.
“So, we’re finally here?” I asked without turning around. “When did you move from this place anyway?”
“After I lost my kid.” Henry answered softly. “I figured there was nothing left for me here so I left. Went back to where my gramps used to live; figured that it was as good a place as any.”
Iridescent came out of the bathroom wiping his face with the towel on his neck and plopping down on the sofa bed contentedly. I went to the other bedroom, ready for sleep to envelope me. But that night I didn’t go to sleep at all because as soon as I folded myself into the soft silken sheets, Henry came into my room and closed the separating door behind him. He didn’t have to say a word. I knew what he wanted and for some reason, I was inclined to give it to him. I didn’t even love him, not really with his long wavy hair and soft beard.
“Let me make love to you.” Henry whispered it so softly, so sweetly that I could taste his breath in my mouth like peanut butter cups.
It wasn’t the only thing I tasted that night. He entered me for the first time and my virginity slipped away.
We were animals that night. Animals caught in a foreign, forest heat masked by some unknown lust. I wanted to let my animal overcome me, so I did.
Chapter 4: Cara
We woke up in each other’s arms, naked and shivering beneath expensive cloth. His chest touched mine and I could feel his heart beat, warm and natural underneath my fingertips. He got up first, rushing to get dressed before Iridescent woke up, although I’m sure Iridescent already knew. I got up after he left the room, slowly putting on the clothes I wanted to wear and fixing my hair and make up. It was like I couldn’t move slowly enough.
Then finally Iridescent awoke and when we were all ready, Henry took us to see the building where he used to work. He had to go on foot because traffic was crazy again, but sidewalk traffic wasn’t much better. Then we got breakfast at a McDonald’s nearby and headed to Henry’s car to drive out to where his old home used to be.
It took hours to get there, where traffic was less and the land sloped a little to create a quieting atmosphere. His house was the third one. It looked like a cottage with its homey bricks and tall chimney. A strong brown door stood at the front with wedged glass near the top and a welcome mat near the bottom. The grass was neatly cut and the wind chimes blew gently in the wind, but there was no sign of any sort of child’s toy.
Henry knocked twice then rang the doorbell, nervous and sweating. It seemed forever. The birds whistled, the sun grew brighter, the trees swayed in the breeze then finally the door opened to reveal a squat old woman with thinning gray hair.
“Elisa,” Henry smiled hugging her.
She seemed pleasantly surprised, grinning ear to ear. “Henry, my child.”
“This is Elisa, Cara’s mother.” Henry told us.
“Do come in, I’ve made spaghetti!”
“I’m sorry Elisa, but we can’t. Is Cara here?”
“No, my child. She moved. Didn’t she tell you?” Elisa rasped, coughing into a handkerchief.
“No, she didn’t. Is Jessie with her?”
“Look here Henry. I know you didn’t think she was a good mother after all she did, but she’s better than you think. Yes, of course she took Jessie.”
“Do you know where she moved to?” Henry sighed impatiently.
“They moved to Central Park Apartments. She just couldn’t stay here anymore without you.”
“Thanks Elisa,” Henry replied kissing her sagging cheek.
“Your welcome, good luck, my child!”
We started back the way we came winding through roads to get to Central Park. Even as I watched children swinging back and forth, I could only think about that night and Henry’s chest on mine. We stopped abruptly in Central Park Apartments. I had to admit that they were still high class with a well kept pool, gym, and Laundromat. There was even a diner whose prime rib steak was advertised on its plasma screen sign. Henry got out and checked to see which number apartment Cara was in.
When we found the apartment, top floor and three bedrooms, we weren’t surprised. Henry knocked again, but he wasn’t as nervous and a woman opened the door and her eyes immediately went wide. Cara. She was nothing like I had pictured, I had pictured a bimbo and this woman looked intelligent. She was dressed in a power suit, hair pulled back into a tight shining bun. Her teeth gleamed white, as she formed a genuine smile at Henry, which I resented, and she couldn’t have been more than maybe a “c” cup in bra size. She invited us in beaming at her former husband, while he scowled and searched the place down for any sign of his former boss, Phil.
“Where’s Jessie?” Henry hissed.
“He just caught the bus,” she said, pouring herself some coffee. “Do any of you want coffee?”
The “no” was unanimous and monotone. Henry looked carefully at the pictures of a little boy. “Is this Jessie?” he pointed.
“No, that’s Phil’s son, Jake.” She sighed heavily, sitting down with her coffee cup in hand. “Jessie’s going to be so happy to see you. I didn’t let him forget you, you know.”
“If you wouldn’t have blocked me from him, you wouldn’t have had to.” Henry retorted.
“I know,” she sighed again, miserably. “It’s a stupid mistake that I can’t take back. Phil wasn’t worth it.”
“So where’s Phil now?” I asked curiously.
“He’s at work,” Cara replied, placing wide, watery eyes on me. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your name.”
“It’s… Jailbait,” I said, reluctant to give her any name.
“Jailbait, that’s a strange name.” Cara smiled warmly. “And yours sir?”
“Iridescent,” he replied with none of my earlier apprehension.
“What strange names,” she said softly. “You both must be from out of town.”
“So how’s it going with Phil?” Henry interrupted.
“It’s…going,” she stuttered, trying to smile, but failing, “right into the toilet.”
“I’m surprised it’s still going at all.” Henry answered, leaning back in the chair.
Suddenly Cara’s Rolex beeped. “Oops, I’m almost late for work. Well, it was nice meeting you two and nice seeing you again, Henry. I have to go now, so I’ll have to see you later.”
“What time do you get off?”
“Five o’clock sharp.”
“What time does Jessie get off?”
“Four fifteen, Phil usually picks him up.”
Henry turned red with anger, but it was only to be expected. She saw him bristle with anger and began to rush us out the door. She locked the door behind her and took the steps two at a time, books in her arms. I turned to Henry, desperate for him to look at me.
“There’s something she’s not telling me. Something she’s hiding.”
I swelled up with jealousy again. He knew her so well and I knew nothing about him. Here he was oblivious to what I was feeling but so susceptible to Cara.
“Why did you not tell that sweet woman your name?” Iridescent turned to me, eyes gleaming with curiosity.
“Ya know, curiosity killed the cat.” I spat at him.
“Alas, but satisfaction brought it back, did it not?”
Henry paced up and down in the penthouse, barely eating and not talking trying to figure out what Cara could be hiding. Iridescent sat near me, talking my ear off about his past.
“The normal humans found me there, heaped among the garbage. They say that I was raised by robots, but in all actually the first face I can remember is a brown one with wrinkles and kind eyes.” He continued, lost in his own story. “They told me I was wrong. They said that they were my parents and that I would do what they said or they would leave me to die with bound, pierced feet like Oedipus.”
“Like who? Edeepis?”
“No, Rave, Oedipus.”
“Well look, I don’t care about Edie and I don’t care about Cara. We came here for Jessie so why don’t we go pick him up and leave?”
“Because that is kidnapping Rave! We could get in very major trouble from such malicious doings!” Iridescent screeched.
My stomach gurgled. “And when are we gonna eat lunch? I’m starving.”
“Iridescent, go downstairs and buy us some lunch. Here’s forty dollars.” Henry piped up.
As soon as Iridescent left, Henry locked the door then came towards me. At first I was afraid that he was going to hit me, but he gently grasped my forearm and led me into my room. He wasn’t as gentle as he was the night before, his roughness and rasping grunts different, but I didn’t mind. Or, at least, my heart didn’t which pounded as he finished and put his clothes back on. I’m sure Iridescent had been waiting outside of the door for awhile, stiffly holding whatever food he could find.
Iridescent entered the room wordlessly and dropped a bag of sandwiches on the table, his eyes wide with understanding and disapproval. I was beyond sure that he had heard everything, my screams of pleasure, and Henry’s grunts of enjoyment included.
That night we went back to Cara’s apartment, who opened the door with the same overjoyed look she had before. She motioned us in and called for Jessie. Jessie came bouncing in with black hair flopping over his dark brown eyes and a smile that was completely Henry’s. His eyes went wide in recognition and he ran into his father’s arms.
“I’m never gonna let you go,” Henry sniffed. “I’m never gonna let Phil hurt you, I promise.”
“Daddy!” Jessie kept crying. “Daddy!”
Both Iridescent and I were teary eyed as we watched them reunite. Phil came from the back with a baby girl on his shoulders.
“What is it, son?” Phil smiled at Jessie until he saw Henry.
Henry had the utmost rage in his eyes, the burning fire of Hades.
“He’s my son,” Henry growled, pushing Jessie behind him.
I looked shocked at Phil. No wonder, Cara had cheated. Phil was younger than Henry surprisingly with a face that seemed chiseled out of stone. He set the little girl down and stretched his beautiful, muscled chest and extended to his full height. He was about a foot taller then Henry, but he was broader. Still, I forced myself to hate him although his appearance was of immaculate perfection.
“So you’re back,” Phil chuckled. “After losing everything you had, you’re back.”
He pulled Cara into a half-embrace and held his little girl’s hand.
“You haven’t stolen anything from me, Phil,” Henry’s voice was low. “Cara still loves me, and my son never stopped loving me.”
Phil nodded then took his shirt off. I tottered a little and had to sit down in Cara’s low chair.
Phil smiled. “You’re right. You can have Cara and Jessie, but you’re gonna have to pay me child support because this is my little girl, by your beloved wife.”
“What makes you think she’s yours?” Cara spat at him.
“A simple paternity test can settle it, but for now I think you all better leave except you.” He pointed at me and grinned.
Then I looked at Henry whose arm was around Cara and Jessie protectively. I could feel my jealousy rising up again. Henry backed away, never taking his eyes off of Phil’s blue ones. They left. The only one that stayed was Iridescent who refused to leave. Phil shrugged his shoulders at him and began to go back to his room.
“Wait!” I called desperately. “I want to know your side of the story. Why did you ruin Henry’s life?”
“Oh, you must not know Henry as well as I do.” Phil chuckled again. “Do you even know his last name?”
“Admittedly, no, but I’d like to think that I know a little bit about his heart,” I huffed.
Phil’s smile disappeared. “He sexed you?”
“If you must know…yes, twice,” I answered haughtily.
Phil sat down. “You know, that he’s just gonna go back to Cara, right?”
“He-he can’t,” I whispered, sitting down too.
“Let me clue you in,” he began, “Henry Iscariot was always the jealous type especially of me and the women I dated. To make a long story short, there was prom and I was going to take Andy Miller, and yes that’s a girl, to the dance in my limo. Come to find out that not only did Henry take her after I called dibs, but he also sexed her and she was two years younger than him. So obviously we weren’t friends anymore and I started climbing the corporate ladder and became CEO of an advanced company. Who gets hired? None other than Henry Iscariot, working at a low level job, basically filling my coffee cup and being my lap dog. So the office has a party and I meet this woman named Cara. Come to find out, Henry is engaged to her. So, I decided to scoop her up, like he scooped up Andy. So I enticed her to leave Henry who was cheating on her at the office with my receptionist and secretaries. A few months later we got married. It wasn’t all revenge; I did like Cara at one point. Then she began bucking her head up, trying to get Henry out of Jessie’s life. At first I was like whatever, but then it started getting out of hand and I was starting to see Henry’s life going down the drain. So I tried to get her to stop, but she refused, saying that she wanted Henry to get what he deserved. So, again, make a long story short, I start drinking, Cara starts being vindictive I hit her. Albeit it was the lowest point of my life, I never thought I’d hit a woman, but it felt good afterwards. I was ready for her to go. Then we just fell apart. The marriage was a dumb mistake and I regretted it deeply.”
“None of that sounds remotely close to what Henry told me,” I said sarcastically.
“Well, the big difference is that I have proof.”
He ran to his room and got an envelope full of documents and a smaller envelope full of pictures. I sifted through the pictures. Each one was of him with a different woman, ripping her clothes off, getting hot and heavy. The documents backed up everything Phil said.
“But Cara didn’t seem vindictive,” I replied softly.
“That’s because you haven’t lived with her, plus you brought her prize back home, Henry,” he answered quickly.
I began to cry uncontrollably, my face immediately becoming soaked with tears. I put my face in my hands trying to hide my shame. What was I but another statistic now? Iridescent rushed over to put his arms around me, pulling me to his chest, while Phil laced his fingers through mine.
“I was so stupid,” I sobbed.
“Well, stupid is as stupid does,” Iridescent smiled a little. “I should have stopped you. I am no better than a common tramp.”
“As am I,” I whimpered.
“You are not,” Iridescent answered.
Suddenly my phone rang incessantly. “Hello?” I answered sniffling, not bothering to look at the caller id.
“Oh thank God,” came a relieved voice. “Rave, what the hell?”
“Tank?” I asked unbelieving.
“Yeah? Wait, are you crying?” Tank sounded like a bulldog.
“Yeah,” I sniffed.
“Who made you cry? I’ll kill him.” Tank barked.
“I wish you could,” I replied hopelessly.
“Just tell me where you are,” Tank responded immediately.
“I can’t,” I began.
“Just tell me where you are!” he roared.
Iridescent snatched the phone from his hand and told him exactly where we were then hung up before I could try to convince Tank to stay away.
“What are you doing?!” I asked bewildered.
“You have had your fun,” Iridescent said sternly. “It is time to go home now.”
He wouldn’t let me argue with that so all we could do was wait. Just wait and see. I could imagine Tank storming in with the whole crew not far behind him, ready to shake whatever sense I had left in me. None of this was supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to get this involved with his life and junk, literally. I wasn’t supposed to lose my virginity to a guy I barely even knew and apparently didn’t care about me at all. Cara wasn’t supposed to be intelligent and Phil wasn’t supposed to be so damn attractive.
The next morning, the banging on the door wasn’t who we expected. When Phil opened the door he received fist to face and surprisingly it wasn’t Tank. It was Henry all glorified and shining in his white muscle shirt and equally white basketball shorts.
“Come on you two,” he said, simple.
“We refuse to go anywhere with you,” Iridescent replied.
“What? Quit playin’ around, let’s go.”
“Henry,” I began softly. “Is it true? Are you back with Cara now?”
“I told you that I didn’t love her,” but in his eyes was a web of lies, clear as day.
“So you fuck me, but you marry her right? The vindictive bitch that tossed you on the side before, but that’s what you want, isn’t it?” I roared.
“Hey, I fucked you because I wanted you. You wanted me too, right?” Henry hollered back.
“Not anymore, past tense. You’re nothing to me and you can take your hoe and snotty little brat back to the whole you crawled out of.” I hissed.
Henry’s hands clenched and unclenched as his breaths came out as roaring gasps. Before I knew it Henry was face down on the carpet and Tank was there. Apparently Iridescent had opened the door when he heard a knock and Tank had assessed the situation and reacted. I rushed to his aid, placing my palms on his face and smiling brokenly into his eyes.
“Are you okay?” I asked him.
“Yeah, are you okay?” he shot back, mirroring my actions.
“Physically, yes. Emotionally, no.” I answered.
“Yeah, I figured. Is this the guy that’s been hurting you?”
When I looked down at Henry, for some reason I choked up and began to cry. It took all I had just to nod my head yes and back away. Tank flipped him over and punched him face repeatedly until Henry passed out like Phil was. Tank moved away from Henry, coming towards me again, but I walked to where Henry was and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“For showing me how blind I was.” I whispered and then we left.
“Where’s everybody else, Tank?” I asked suspiciously.
“They don’t know that I came to get you,” his voice was uneasy. “They were all grieving pretty hard.”
“Poor Doc,” I sighed. “What have I done to him?”
The guilt was nearly overwhelming, but I can honestly say that I had never planned to see them again. Even then, sitting in Doc’s Hummer driven by Iridescent now, it seemed like I would never see their faces. Talk about a guilt trip. There were mountains of things that I could be guilty for and they were all surfacing. Tank glanced at me.
“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” Tank murmured and punched my arm.
“Thanks, Tank,” I smiled softly. “You always knew how to cheer me up.”
We could all hear the sarcasm and it was enough to lighten our moods even if it was only a little bit. Tank pulled his fitted cap over his eyes and crossed his ankles meaning to sleep, but I couldn’t help worrying, wondering, and fretting over random things. It was like everything was coming back to me. That rubbery, slippery garden hose wrapped around my father’s neck, Rufus’s shit in Ms. Lonny Baker’s yard, Doc’s face when he spoke about Bill, Tank’s heart, Rex’s heart, Bill, Iridescent, Henry, Phil, Cara, Jessie, they all swirled around me in bright balls of steamy light. I began to drift in and out of consciousness and in and out of reality.
Chapter 5: Matters of the Heart
I’d like to say that everything happened smoothly and that I was welcomed warmly into open, grieved, deprived arms. But that would be lies. The only one that accepted me so smoothly was Tank. Rex slapped me so hard that I hit the floor and his eyes were like ice. I hadn’t even told him what had happened while I was gone. Doc refused to speak to me after he laid eyes on me the first time. Bill was his usual uptight self, picking up on the invisible mistakes that I made. I could tell by his raised eyebrows and disapproving, rebutting glare that he realized that my virginity was lost. I had expected differently, open arms, presents, hugs, and kisses. None of which I had received or had even come close to receiving. My liquor was gone; my room was covered by a thin sheet of dust. It was nearly as if I had died and had been transformed into a ghost. Spiritual or not, I had to get out of the haunted house that held only gaunt, haggard faces swollen with misery and unforgiving eyes.
So indeed I did leave to go to that same park where I had spent an evening with Henry which was fatefully interrupted by the spilling of Iridescent’s blood. I paused, staring at the rotten apple in the grass become conquered by ants and flies. There so many things that weren’t finished, so many questions unanswered. How were we going to distribute the anecdote and save people? What was Iridescent going to do now? Were people still afraid of me? Will things ever go back to normal? And the biggest question to plague my mind thus far: who am I going to choose? I sat in the midst of crunchy, brown, fallen leaves and rotting food, the smell wafting into my nose and mouth at every breeze.
As if in response to my question, Tank came walking my direction out of a settling fog that dissipated around him like melting ice. Tank sat beside me, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. His presence alone said everything I had ever dreamed of him saying with words. It spoke volumes. It was like he was telling me that Shayla didn’t exist to him anymore. The only person that did exist to him now, the only person who truly mattered was me. When he turned and placed his watery eyes to fall on mine, he knew that I knew and there was nothing left between us. We were wrapped in blankets of the warmest, bubbly champagne of exploding vibrance. Our eyes were locked, but our spirits floated high above us, dancing on the tree limbs and tasting of the fruit. In his spirit, in his soul, we were one. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone, blood of my blood. We drank deeply of each other and though merely moments past, years past between our souls.
I looked at him and smiled. I finally chose, I finally knew who I could spend the rest of my life with. And, granted, it wasn’t who I’d thought it would be, but it didn’t matter because I loved him through and through. Passion and love rolled up into a ball and it was all of that. I guess it had to happen this way because I had actually decided long ago that he was the one, that moment at the creek.
“I love you, Tank,” I said as he pulled me into his arms.
“I’ve always loved you, Rave,” he whispered in my ear, his hot breath causing my skin to tremble, the touch of his lips causing me to crumble.
I don’t know how long we stayed that way in each other’s arms, but I know how long I wanted to. If there was something past eternity that was how long I could have stayed there, eating his passion fruit and drinking his in his essence.
They all sat at the table fidgety, worried. Choices have to be made, sacrifices have to be given. They were waiting for me, for what I had to say. None of them knew what I had called them in there for. None of them were thinking along that train of thought, not even Tank who had been only hours before. Rex sat erect in his chair, rocking back and forth slowly, closing his eyes and sweating. Bill Hamburger, sat staring, thinking of impossibilities. Doc was rigid and completely impatient, beginning to pace when he could no longer stand to stay seated. Finally I walked in the room, commanding their immediate attention. I stood on a chair so they could all see me.
“I’d like to apologize, but I know it won’t matter because it can’t take back what I did. I’m sorry for hurting all of you. I really thought at the time that you guys would be better off without me and Iridescent,” I motioned towards him. “But, that’s the past. Now, for the future. I’ve chosen. I have. I’ve chosen who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
Everyone’s eyes were wide, including Iridescent who sat in a dark corner, trying not to be in anyone’s way. Even Rufus looked up, startled by everyone’s sudden awe. I cleared my throat twice and tried to look at neither Rex nor Tank and chose to look at my Chuck Taylor’s.
“I’ve chosen you, Tank,” I whispered, slowly bringing my eyes to his which were sparkling with so much pride and love that I was afraid his eyeballs were going to burst.
Rex stood up, “You can’t do that to me.”
“Rex, I’ll always love you, but you’re not the one for me. You’re too perfect and you deserve way better than me,” I walked to him and put my hand in his. “You were the best man I’ll ever know.”
His voice was broken, “So why can’t you choose me?”
“Because there are two sides of me and the one you don’t know, that’s the one Tank owns. The destructive one. You love the sweet one, but I can’t be her, not anymore, she’s not who I am.” I murmured, petting his warm, soft hair.
“Well then I guess I’m no good for anybody,” he hissed, taking my gun from out where it stuck up in my jeans and cocking it.
“Don’t!” I screamed reaching for the gun, but it was too late.
Rex, my beautiful, beautiful Rex, fell to the floor in silence with a hole growing wet with blood in his head.