Weeks past, months past for my mothers suicide "what's taking so long? Arin't they suppose to be asking family friends or family members?" I asked Ben sitting on the couch "I believe so, I don't know, I'm not a cop Serena" says Ben sassy "don't sass me dear" I said when a knock was coming from the door "hello? Ms. Grayson?" says the cop "yes?" I said, The cop has hazel eyes, long dark brown hair, and slightly shaven beard/mustache "deputy Patrick, but call me Pat" he says smiling "pleasure" I said "what is this about?" I added "I want to ask you some questions, About your mother" says deputy Pat "okay" I said letting him in "what happen on the night of your mothers disappearance?" he says "well, she was drunk as all belief" I said trying not to swear in front of a cop.
"Does she drink often" Says Deputy Pat "after she left my father, when i was a child" I explained. He took note of that, Obviously. "Did your mother and father... Ever fought it out like fist to fist?" asked the Deputy "not that i know of, i was in my room hearing it all go down" I said remembering the times i spent in my room writing... "And what would you do in your room?" he asked me "I have this journal, i write everything in there" I said handing my pink journal "may i take this to the office?" he asked me "uhhhh not the hole thing, i need it in my sight" I said "I can make copies" I added going into the den "make yourself at home! It might be a while" I smiled polity "do you need anything?" I asked "coffee would be nice" Says Deputy Pat "I will put that on right now!" I said despairing into the kitchen.
Coffee was brewing I heard mumbling coming from the living room, he was asking questions to Ben about my mother as well "what was your first impressions about Mrs.Grayson?" he asked. "Well, i thought she was a nice woman, until i heard screams from the other side of the front door" says Ben looking nervous. I walked to the den to make copies of some pages that could help the police. Deputy Pat came in asked if the coffee is done "It should be, ask Ben to take it off" I said glued to the printer avoiding eye contact. "thanks Serena" he says walking out. not going to lie, he is a pretty hot deputy. "Serena? It's done! Want some?" asked Ben "please!" I said its like 10:00am I haven't slept in weeks... cause of this shit "here honey" he says walking in "thanks" I said kissing him "Hows the coping doing?" he asked putting a hand around my waist "good, trying to read everything trying to see if this will help" I said scoffing "well can I help?" he asked "yeah! thanks" i said looking at him "you're welcome" He says kissing me "Serena, may I take the copies that you have?" asked Deputy Pat "sure! You can swing back here and take the rest" I said handing him the papers "of course, here's my number if you have any other things to tell me" he says looking straight in my eyes "i will" I said.
~Later that day~
I look at Ben "what now?" i said "we can kick it with the band, like good old times" He says "I like that idea" I said going up stairs to change "don't do anything stupid" I joke "yeah, yeah, yeah" says Ben going to make himself a snack "I will be quick" I said starting the shower "you say that everytime" says Ben "I know, but i will be quick this time" I said laughing. Ben rolls his eyes.
I take out cloths "Ugh, mom why did you leave me so soon? I wanted to help you, you didn't have to leave me" I said stripping down letting the water trickle down my back. I didn't want you to go, i love you and i know you loved me, why? I thought washing my hair and shaving. I turned off the water and getting dressed when i heard the door "BABE! CAN YOU GET THAT?" I yelled "ONE STEP AHEAD!" he yells back "Deputy, pleasure to see you again" I said still in my towel "sorry, did i come at the wrong time?" he asked "Kinda, but i'm almost ready" I said dissappering in the bathroom once again putting on makeup and got dressed "sorry, about that" I said blushing, "I'm not like that on a daily" i added "its true" says Ben conferming it. "I have the coppies for you" I said smiling blushing slightly "It's not the best writing cause i was crying in some" I added "thank you, and i have some news to tell you" Says Deputy Pat. I look at him concerned "what is it?" I said "It wasn't a suicide attempt, it was actually a murder" Deputy Pat says tearing up. I look at him crying "what?" I said "I'm so deeply sorry, Serena" he says hugging me "I can't belive someone would kill my mother" I said.
I was heartbroken, my life is slowly falling apart, i can't even perform in Ben's band in couple weeks "Ben, you need to find someone else to sing for your band" I said. "Does Vivian sing?" asked Ben "yeah, she can sing better than I do" I said "lemme give her a call" says Ben "I need sometime" I said "I understand, you need some time to heal, don't worry baby" says Ben kissing me "hey Vivian! Serena can't sing right now, and we need another singer for the time being" says Ben "I will love to sing with you Ben!" says Viv "great! Thanks Vivian" says Ben "you're welcome!" Says Viv "and what happen to Serena?" she asked "lets just say... Her mother isn't coming home" says Ben "Oh god" says Vivian "yeah, she won't be coming to school anytime soon" he says.
A brim of tears formed in Ben's eyes "Ben? whats wrong?" I asked whipping my own tears then his "I'm just emotional right now" he says pulling me into a hug "cause of the news?" I said "yeah" says Ben "she was a good woman, most of the time" he adds "she was a good mom" I said.
Later that night when Ben left to practice with the band and Vivian I began to write:
Day 369
Mommy, I love you. I know you wheren't always here for me but i know you wanted to stop the pain you caused the family. But it wasn't your doing it was dads, he left us, he left everything that he loved and cared for. Don't let the pain of gulit inside your soul that you can't escape now... I am so sorry that you have to die by someone who wanted to kill you or it was out of random, We don't know for now, it sucks so hard to think that someone who wasn't humane enough to end your life so short.
Mom, i hope to see you again sober in the heavens above i hope.
With love,
Your loving daughter, Serena <3
I closed my notebook slowly coming to an end, I put it next to a picture of my mom and i smiling a genuin smile, i start to cry again "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" I said starting to break things out of anger "WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME! I NEEDED YOU STILL!" I screamed through my tears. I never felt like this in my intire life... I hated this feeling, i want it to end. I woke up from my blackness that came through me and looked around "Oh God what have i done?" I asked crab walking backwards to the door (like they do in the horror movies lmao) i put on my pajamas and went to bed dreaming about that night, i dream about that night over, and over, and over again wondering what i could do differently about it, pursuade her not to go out or something... I am blaming myself for this, i know it's not good stress on me but i could have saved her life.
The next morning i called Ben not to come here, i need sometime to reflect on this "I understand, call me if you need anything" he says "thanks, I love you" I said he hung up with a click. I am alone the fear of something hapening fills my body "I'm having a panic attack" I said breathless "Siri call boyfriend" I said "calling Boyfriend" says Siri "hey babe!" says Ben "BEN HELP ME! I AM HAVING A PANIC ATTACK" I said "shit, i will be right there" says Ben "HURRY!" I said I don't get panic attacks often, but Ben is always with me, this is the first time ever that we ain't together. "Babe?" says Ben behid the door "its open" I said spread out on the kitchen floor "oh god" says Ben running to the kitchen to get my meds for them, i never had them in a while so i never took them. "thanks babe" I said drinking water with my pill.
I took a deep breath "I don't know what happen" I said in his arms "it's okay, I'm here now" says Ben smiling "thank you" I said hugging him tightly "you're welcome" he says "and I was with the band" he adds "and Vivi is really good!" says Ben "I told you!" I said laughing "well, she learns the songs well" Says Ben "I sent her the copies of the CDs" I said "thats why" says Ben laughing "gotta help a sista out" I said getting up from the floor "I'm okay now, thank you Ben" I said "you're welcome" says Ben "you can go back and practice" I said "no way, i don't want to leave you again" says Ben "Ben, i will call you if i need anything" I said kissing him "okay, call me anytime" says Ben "I will, I love you" I said "I love you too" says Ben walking out the door.
I was doing my daily routine when i got a text from a blocked number,
To: Serena
From: Unknown
Y O U A R E N E X T :)
I was freaking out but i didn't want to call Ben again, so i didn't do anything about it.
~Next Day, at school~
"SERENA! I'M SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM!" Vivian says "thanks, girl" I said hugging her "I thought you where coming back two months" says Vivian "I wanted to come back, to see you and Jack" I said "well, I am glad that you came back" says Vivian "me too, where's Jack?" I said "somewhere around here" says Ben "I haven't seen him in a while" I said laughing "no duh" says Ben "Oh hey, Serena, Babe, Ben" says Jack hugging Vivian and me "how are you, and I'm sorry about your mother, that sucks" says Jack "thanks Jack" I said "you see? She don't even care that her poor mom is dead" says Beckie "Hey Beckie shut the fuck up, i do care that my mom is dead, why don't you suck on a dick, oh... shit, sorry thats right... You can't get any cause you are an ugly rat" I sneared "Bitch what did you say?" says Beckie "you heard me, Bitch" I said she came running at me "your nothing but talk ain't ya?" says Beckie "Not really, but your all fake, plastic barbie doll cause your daddy pays all your bills and shit" I said "I am not plastic, or fake" says Beckie trying to swing at me but punched a teacher instead "BECKIE!" says Mr. Hannah "I'm so sorry sir" says Beckie "come with me" says Mr.Hannah, Mr. Hannah is a gym teacher who don't tolarate violence "damn Serena, you got Beckie in trouble! Where did that come from?" says Jack "you know" I said shrugging "I got practice" I added walking with my friends and boyfriend.
I sat down in my first class "Serena! Thank god your back!" says my teacher "take your time with the work you missed" she says "thank you Ms.Cammie" I said "you're welcome dear, And I'm deeply sorry about your mother, if you need anything, let me know" she says "thank you" I said walking to my seat, i hear whispers coming from other students "okay students, we are watching a video" says Ms. Cammie "yay!" said the students I didn't say anything I'm having another panic attack "Hey what's that matter?" says Shawn "I'm fine" I said "You don't look fine, Serena" says another classmate "MS. CAMMIE! SERENA IS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK" says Vivian "oh God" Says Ms. Cammie "what do i do?" she asked Vivian "call Ben, her boyfriend, he has her meds" says Vivian "okay" says Ms. Cammie "hello? Mr. Hannah? Is Ben Marrow in your class" she asked "its an emergency" says Ms. Cammie.
Ben came running in the classroom "oh fuck" says Ben taking a pill and the water bottle off my desk "here" says Ben I took it and drank the water, I look at him scared "what, what happen?" I asked him "you had another panic attack babe" he says "oh... Am I okay?" I asked not knowing what the fuck is happening "yes, you are okay" says Ben "thank you" I said "always" says Ben "thank you mr. marrow" says Ms. Cammie "welcome, keep an eye on her" he instructed her. "I will" she said he nods.
~Skipping to the end of the day cause lazyness :3~
I drove Ben home "thanks, for today" i said "you're welcome" says Ben putting in the 1975s "and you shouldn't come back tomorrow, just in case that you have another panic attack" says Ben "I was planning on staying home again" I said "maybe two more months is good for you to recover" says Ben I nod while listening to the 1975s. He sighs "Look, i know you hate not going to school, but its for your health" says Ben "I know that!" i said getting red in the face. He looks at me with fear in his eyes "sorry, i am just... I don't know what i'm feeling" I said dropping off Ben "want to come in for a while?" he asked me "sure, i need some away time from that house" I said parking the car.
I walked into his house "Serena!" says all the bandmates "Oh My God! What is this for?" I asked him "having a party for our favorite person" says Spike "thank you guys" I said hugging everyone "and i am so sorry about your mom" says Emily "I need to find out who did this" I said getting a red solo cup filled it with water (and a little vodka) "hows the rehersing coming?" I asked "great! It kinda sucks that you can't tour with us" says Eric "wait... TOUR?" I said looking at Ben "I thought it was just a week thing?" I said "It's for three months" says Ben heart broken "THREE MONTHS?!" I said "I'm sorry, baby" says Ben pulling me into a hug "thats why you wanted to spend alot of time with the band" I said taking a sip of 'water' "you know, i'm not going to worry about it" I said, "I'm going to have fun" i said "well alright" says Ben "I never seen you like this" says Vivian "you know" I said Ben takes my cup and tastes it "Serena, you shouldn't be drinking" says Ben "its just one drink" I said "fine" says Ben.
As the night went on text messages from a blocked number kept texting me:
To: Serena
From: Blocked Number
I know your address, phone number, and all your close friends watch who you trust...
See you on the other side bitch :)
To: Serena
From: Blocked Number
Ben is pretty sexy, better watch out for girls geting to him ;) he might not want you anymore! oops >=] spoke to soon!
To:Serena
From: Blocked Number
I killed your mother :) And she deserved all the shit she caused you and your family :) you're next cunt... Tomorrow night, you will be just like your mother... a drunk bitch who don't care about her family or friends... See you tomorrow bitch
To: Serena
From: Blocked Number
Lock your doors... Cause I'm going to be coming for a visit :3 xoxo
To: Serena
From: Blocked Number
Say good bye to all your friends! Cause you will be dancing with the devil tomorrow night! Or the angels like the perfect little girl you are.
To: Serena
From: Blocked Number
If you want to know who i am... Just turn around :)
And I turned around... It was my closest friend... Vivian.
Authors note:
If there is any typos through this chapter tell me in the comments below XD thanks!
Forever and always, Brooke
p.s If you experenced any of this contact me on my twitter or message me on here... or talk to one another in the comments :) Love you all :)