Chapter 3: A Sad Occasion
Why here? Why here of all the places in the world. Why? Why the one place I hate the most. Why the place that holds every single fear molecule in my body. Suck it up Jessie. You are fine. You can get through this day. You are a strong girl. You got over your parents death, didn't you. Stupid me, if I got over their death, I wouldn’t be so scared now. I look over at Kevin and see a frown forming between his eyes. Smile. Smile. Ah here, I found a smile and I force a smile on to my face. He smile back, but his eyes are full of worry. Stupid! I can’t believe I am making this guy worry about me. Someone I only see at school. Someone I only met earlier today. Someone that could go tell everyone about the girl scared of carnival rides. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I start to walk behind Poppy as she walks to the ticket booth. Breathe Jessie. In and out. In and out. In and out. Poppy look back and wait for me to get to her. I smile and she hooks her arm through mine. Next to me I can feel she has this skip in her step. I can feel myself calm down a little as I feel the warmth of her arm against mine. You are okay. I really start feeling fine but I start hyperventilating again as we near the ticket booth. Chill you stupid girl it is just a ticket booth and everyone is here to keep you safe. Gregg is already there and looks back at us.
“How many tickets should I buy?” he asks looking like a little boy coming to the carnival for the first time. It almost makes me laugh, but sadly the knot in my tummy does not allow that.
“I’m not going on those things so just for you, Kevin and Jessie.” Poppy replies with a smile.
"Now who’s the baby now?" I hear Kevin say from behind me and Poppy turns to stick her tongue out at him.
“Ohm,” I start to say and decide to finish my sentence, “I don’t want to ride either. You and Kevin go on.”
“You sure, really Jessie go enjoy yourself. I am a chicken. Don’t stay just because of me.” Poppy say to me and give a little laugh as Kevin makes chicken wings next to me.
“Really, I don’t want to ride.” I say throwing her a smile. I am so glad she’s not going to, now I am free. Now I don’t have to feel bad either.
"We can go somewhere else if you want, Jessie." Gregg asks me. I see out of the corner of my eye that Kevin is making a sad face and Poppy hitting him against the head.
"No, go enjoy yourselves. I’ll keep Poppy company." I say laughing when Kevin do a little dance and run out of Poppy’s fist way.
"You sure?" Poppy ask and I nod my head. I can feel myself starting to enjoy myself being around them.
“Okay, twenty tickets for now.” Gregg says to the guy wearing a rainbow wig in the booth.
He gets the tickets and count ten out for Kevin and then both of them are gone.
“We would have chosen another place if we know you weren’t going to ride. I know you said it is fine, but still.” Poppy say next to me, still with our arms hooked.
“No, it’s really fine. Gregg looks like he will enjoy it.” I say and laugh.
My laugh sounds fake. So I stop mid-laugh and Poppy hear it too.
“You want some cotton candy?” Poppy asks as we walk past a cotton candy cart.
“Sure.” I say.
“What colour? I always take blue, because having a pink tongue is so overrated.” She says and laughs.
“I know right. I totally agree, so blue for me too. I thought I was the only one that thought that.” I say and I laugh, this time a real laugh. I guess cotton candy can fix everything.
Poppy got two cotton candies and we walk on. We walk in silence for a while, enjoying our cotton candy. As we walk I feel two hands closing my eyes.
“Guess who?” I hear a voice say. His hands are very soft. No, get your head together Jessie.
“Johnny Depp?” I say and hear Poppy laugh.
“You like that guy? Girls. But no, guess again.” I hear and laugh at him.
“Then maybe… Oh I know,” I say, “your Kevin.”
I turn around and put a piece of cotton candy on his nose. He tries to lick the cotton candy of his nose. I start to laugh and he smiles at me, then he gave up.
“Why couldn’t you go on longer? I enjoyed this.” Poppy says with a smile and I laugh.
Kevin gives her a punch on the shoulder and put his arm around my shoulders. The lacrosse team captain has his arm around me. This is so weird.
“I need a buddy to ride the wheel with me, would you please?” Kevin ask me and steal some of my cotton candy.
I feel my face go white and the air getting stuck in my throat again. I shake my head very fast from side to side. Kevin gives me a look and just gives me hug and is of again.
“Are you okay? You look pale again.” Poppy say and take a step in front of me to look me in the eyes. I can see the worry in her eyes.
“Yup, I’m fine.” I say. I look down and walk on. Poppy stop me and take my hand.
“Why don’t I believe you?” Poppy say and drag me towards the nearest bench.
She pats the seat next to her as she sits. I take a slow step. Breathe in and sit. She is silent. Waiting for me to say something. I look up at the wheel and sigh. It even looks bigger from down here. I should probably tell her. I feel my heart break a little. I never told anyone, Mrs Henderson only know what the police told her. Poppy is still silent and still waiting. I don’t know what to say. Why can’t I. Jessie, you should tell someone. Mom and Dad would not want me to suffer for always. They would want me to let go and live my life. I sigh again.
“I don’t know where to start.” I say just to say something. I twirl the cotton candy in my hand to keep my eyes busy.
“The beginning” Poppy says to me and takes my hand. She also takes the cotton candy and stuffs it into a plastic bag.
I sigh and turn to look her in the face. I gasp as I see the look on her face. It was a look of care. She looks like she really wants to know, not out of curiosity but because she cares about me. Now I know that I can tell her. I feel the air return and I relax.
“The beginning, well, it was my thirteenth birthday. My parents packed the car the previous day for our road trip here. My first time at a carnival. I was so excited that day. They woke me up with a cup of hot chocolate and the first part of my present.” I say and take a necklace out from under my shirt.
Poppy take it in her hand to look at the little golden heart the size of my pinkie nail. On the heart is ten little diamonds and in the centre a little ruby. Poppy let the heart fall and I tuck it back under my shirt.
“We left just as the sun started to rise and we stopped here as soon as the gates opened. My dad called the nearest guy to take a photo of us three at the gate. I was so embarrassed, but today I wish I insisted on more pictures.”
The last photo I took with my parents. My Dad made the most awful face and I was caught mid laugh. It is the ugliest photo ever, but I will never change it. I always keep on my bedside table to see them every night as I fall asleep. I feel a little tear start at the corners of my eyes.
“We rode all the rides together. Even the little baby train, I remember my Dad telling the man that I was still 10 years old and that the guy needs glasses. It was so funny. We rode all day and ate some of those cheap hot dogs for lunch. Today hotdogs are my favourite food. Especially the cheap ones. We left the best for last though, the Ferris wheel. The carnival was packed at that time and we stood in the row for half an hour. When we reached the front at last the ticket guy took our tickets and we got on a little green car. Now I know that green is not a lucky colour…
“The second time around we started to hear screeching noises and a loud thunder sound echoed through the carnival. Then suddenly the wheel just jerked to a stop. The little car started to swing. The wheel gave another jerk. I felt my mom and dad pulling me tight into them. At the next jerk I knew why my mother kept on whispering in my ear that we were going to be fine. The little car was loose. We started to fall and I was pulled tight into my dad’s arms. When we reached the ground my dad fell solid on to the ground. He took all the impact. My dad was dead on the spot and my mom lost most of her blood. She died on the way to the hospital. I only had a broken leg and a bump on my head.”
I look up at Poppy and the tears are streaming down her face. My eyes are also full of tears. Poppy leans forward and pull me into a hug. She’s not saying anything just rubbing my back. She isn’t saying sorry like all the other people, she is just there. I sit there for a while in her arms just taking it in. She pulls back and takes a tissue out of her handbag and hand it to me.
“Do you want a milkshake? I want a milkshake.” Poppy say and pull me up from our seats.
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I am dedicating this chapter to Daizee to say thanks for her comment!