As Carson Evans walked up the steps of the city bus, she sees the man that she loved in high school. He was sitting at the far end of the bus with a white collard midway button shirt with an unzipped black leather jacket. His long dark brown hair was combed midway to his neck. He had a book in his hands that was titled,'The Bull Market: How to Make our Economy Thrive'. He was so interested and intrigued in his reading that he didn't notice Carson was staring at him or even that they're meeting again after twelve years.
"A dollar, ma'am," the bus driver said as he cleared his throat which made Carson startled.
"Right," she answered as she nodded her head nervously making her blonde curls bop up and down. She looked over at her wrist where her black purse was dangled. Carson takes out the dollar in her unzipped mini pocket of her purse. She then puts her purse over her shoulder and then slides the dollar in the machine.
The bus driver smiled warily as she walked down the aisle. Her eyes were still shifted on him. She looked down, now feeling foolish and stupid for looking at him. 'Ugh, Carson. Why, why did I come back?' She thought as she walked.
Carson looked between aisles trying to find a place to sit, but all the seats were full. As soon as she gets closer to him, she cringes with heat. She starts breathing deeply and hoping that she'll find a seat. When she finally, walks past by him, she suddenly goes back and falls in his laps.
"Sorry about that!" The bus driver said over his shoulder.
"Um, it's fine." Carson says back putting her fingers on her mouth while still on his lap with her head looking up at him.
"Carson?" He says puzzled looking down at her.
"Joesph?" She answered smiling as if she never knew he was here.
"When, umm did you come to town?" He chuckled.
"I don't think this is the best moment to talk about that." She simply says feeling the hard cover pressing against her head.
"Oh, right. I would get why you would said say that." He laughed. "Well, lets just wait for the next stop, but hey in the meantime can you put your head up?"
"Sure." She laughs.
"Thanks." He said as she put her head up. He takes the book under her and puts it in the blue seat next to him. "There, you can put your head back."
"Thanks." She answered as she slowly puts it back.
"You're welcome." He replied fixing his leather jacket.
Carson sighed. 'How did I get to this point where I'm resting my head on my ex's laps? Why, oh why does this happen to me? He must think that I'm still crazy. Maybe that's why he's asking me, why I'm back in town. I can't tell him the real reason why I'm really here. I have to lie to him. Lie to him and say that I'm married because God forbid me to tell him that I'm actually single because of the breakup. Probably, because that breakup made me feel that I should never trust anyone else and put my heart in anyone's hands other than my own. I could never and wouldn't say that to him because that book. That book that he was reading was called, 'The Bull Market: How to Make our Economy Thrive', which means that he made it big while I'm coming back here with no job and nowhere to go except to my parent's house.'
"You can get up now." Joseph said.
'Does he mean get up to like leave or for me to sit next to him?' she thought to herself puzzled, but somehow got the hint. She struggles to get up from his lap, but still manages to get out on the aisle where everything stood still.
"Where are you going?" He asks leaning over to get the book from the seat and put it on his laps.
"I was just going to you know sit somewhere else." She shrugged.
"Nonsense." He smiled. "Sit with me and plus everything is full."
"Yeah, but I can ask them to make room for me." She replied.
"Still stubborn, eh?" He laughed.
"St-st-stubborn is good." She stutters as she felt her body flush as his hand touched hers.
"Haha, yeah. You never changed have you?" He chuckled. "Look, just sit down before you end up how you were ten minutes ago." He said letting go.
"Ugh, fine." Carson said.
"Good." He said.
"Good." She retorted as she walked in feeling the seats across her back. She slips into the seat and takes off her purse and puts it on her lap, then crosses her arms.
"I see you still do that." He mumbled looking at her.
"And what's wrong with me crossing my arms?" she questioned.
"Noooo, nothing it's just. I'd imagine you that you stopped doing that." He simply replies. "Seriously, you've never changed have you?"
"You act like it's a bad thing." Carson retorts.
There was a moment of silence. None of them knew how to change the subject. After five minutes, Joesph looks down at his closed white book. "Look, Im not saying it's a bad thing."
'How can she see that I still like her. I've never forgotten about her. Somehow, I always loved the way she would always make people smile with her presense, the way she used to get mad at me when I didn't do it her way or when she hated me when I couldn't accept to be with her when high school ended. I know everything is mostly my fault for why this was over. I take full credit, yes. It was my fault we broke up.' He thought as he looked at her again while she leaned against the window that was filled with fog looking straight ahead at the people that were in front of her.
'As I see her dressed in that long black dress that's cut off through her midway light skinned knee.I couldn't look away. Her hair, wow that's the most thing that I liked about her. Not because of her hazel eyes or plump lips, but because of her hair. Without her blonde curls, truthfully I wouldn't have fallen for her.' He thought.
"Soo, when did you come to town?" Joesph asked again as he did before.
"Umm, today actually," Carson shrugged. "How about you, have you always stayed here?"
"Yeah, where else would I go?" he laughs unsure. "I've always loved it here, you know?"
"Yeah." She smiles warily. "You're in business?"
"Yeah, nothing major."
"Seriously?" She laughs.
"Well, I mean nothing has ever really come up. I'm still picking up calls for my boss and I fell like I shouldn't pick up those calls because deep down inside I want to be the boss, I want to control everyone and be the one that people have to look up to.I want to be the boss." He admitted.
Carson nods.
'Why hasn't he asked me about my love life? I know it's stupid, but why doesn't he ask me? Is he waiting for me to ask him or is it because he doesn't care about me? Whatever, It's cool. I guess that's what happens, right after seeing your ex after twevle years. I guess it's better that way. For him ,you know to not ask me about my love life which I have none, but I still want him to ask me. Like how's it going and everything. Oh god, I'm thinking too much of this.' Carson thought as she fidgeted with her fingers wanting her stop to come soon or his which make it better.
"So, what about you, what are you going these days?" He asked sratcthing his nose.
"You know," she shrugs, "still living the life at thirty." She jokes.
He chuckles.
"Okay." She blurts out.
"What?" he asked puzzled.
"Are you seeing someone?" She questioned.
"What?" He cringes his nose while sliding his hands through his long hair waiting for this moment. "Yes, I am. I'm married, actually."
"What?" she replied stunned.
"What you actually thought I would wait for you?"
"I thought...." she broke off.
"You thought what?" He asked.
"Lie to me." She demanded suddenly, "Lie to me.Lie to me and say you want this. Please. Tell me that for years that I've been trying to forget you is because I'm crazy. Because that's what I am, I'm crazy. I'm crazy for still falling for you and thinking that were still meant to be even if you're with her."
"Carson..." He began. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm happily married. That thing you say between us is over. It's been over ever since you left me. I don't get why you would even think, I would be with you. It's not to be cold or anything, but it was you who left me, don't forget that. You left me because you didn't want to be here anymore while I wanted to be here with my family because that's the most important thing in my life. My family. So no, I'm not going to lie to you."
Carson sighed as she pushed the button,"When I left you, I wanted you to come with me. I guess all I wanted was for you to make a sacrifice for me."
"What sacrifice? I was going to leave you over my parents and that to me was more of a sacrifice, I"m sorry, but seriously you should have been the one to do the sacrifice here." He snapped.
She got up. "I'm really sorry." She sighed. "I really am and you're right. It was selfish of me to go and leave you behind. It was selfish and irresponsible, I'm sorry, but I still love you."
"Well, I love you too, but not like how I used to." He answered.
"Fair enough." She nodded stepping foot on the aisle. As she reached up to the front of the bus and walked down the gray steps, she wanted that feeling where you would see in the movies where the guy would ran after her before the bus leaves and kisses her and tells that'll It'll be okay, but as she watched the bus drive by between her teary eyes. She knew it wouldn't happen.