I awoke later in the day, (one PM to be exact) feeling a little sore in certain places but more relaxed than I'd been in ages. I laid still, eyes closed and the events of the night rolled back through my mind. Damon's clothes falling to the floor, hot water pouring around us, his cold touch a saving grace against it. Laughing as I nearly fell onto the floor of shower, the slick tile hadn't been the greatest for keeping my footing. The hungry kisses that had passed between us, curious hands exploring each other in ways we hadn't before. A misstep that ended with Damon knocking his forehead against the showerhead that sent us both into fits of laughter.
It had been intoxicating, strange, wonderful and perfectly imperfect. I wouldn't have changed anything. Though one moment I was eager to forget, afterwards, as we settled down into bed, clothed and clean. Snuggling close to me eyes closed in content Damon had whispered that he loved me again. The words were so sincere, so sweet but I'd frozen once again. Unable to say anything back. How terrible was that?
Damon was one of the most amazing men I'd ever known. He was kind, sweet, smart and funny. He cared about me, treated me like a partner, he had faith in me even when I found it hard to find. I cared about him more than I had about any man I'd known before, I'd let myself be vulnerable with him multiple times. Last night marked the most recent event both physically and emotionally and I still couldn't say the 'L' word to him. Loose my virginity with him? Of course. Tell him that I loved him? No. What the hell was up with that? What was I so afraid of? I didn't have to worry about hearing him say it back, he'd been the one to take that first step. So what was it? I didn't know and that was the one part of our night together that had been bothering me, at least when I stopped to remember it.
I opened my eyes, the peaceful moment gone thanks to my moment of worrying. I tried to get up, but a strong arm around my waist stopped me and pulled me back against the mattress. "And where," asked Damon, pulling me against him and nuzzling my neck. "Do you think you're going?"
I laughed his hair tickling my face. "To the bathroom?"
Damon chuckled and his grip loosened allowing me a chance to get up. I smiled at him and smoothed some hair on his forehead. Apparently sleeping with wet hair left him with slight curls. I bent down and kissed his forehead and I saw a smirk cross his peaceful features.
Smiling contently I slipped into the bathroom and took care of a few things and brushed my teeth. I knew perfectly well we still had a few more hours before we had to get up and start being productive but in the event that we were awake enough to start messing around I did not want to have bad breath.
I also took few seconds to brush my hair and when I came back out, Damon was still in bed and he appeared to be asleep. "Hey," I said, sliding next to him. "Wake up and smell the hemoglobin."
Damon opened one sleepy eye. "Did you just make a vampire joke?"
"Ife's rubbed off on me," I said as I laid down and rested my head on his pillow. "Got you to wake up didn't it?"
"Just barely," he groaned. "I barely slept," he looked up at the clock. "And we still have plenty of time to do that by the way.
I smiled coyly. "Is that a bad thing, the lack of sleep? And while sleep is nice," I agreed as I traced the curve of his shoulder. "Being awake does have it's advantage's."
Damon smirked. "I'm willing to loose a little sleep," his arm snaked around me, pulling us closer and I heard him laugh. "Let's break a few rules."
"What rules?" I teased. "You never break rules."
"Hey I can break rules!" he said defensively as his traced my jawline but I shook my head and fought back a surge of giggling. He'd hit a spot that was ticklish.
"Cutting in line doesn't count Damon," I pressed a kiss against his cheek. "Don't worry though, I'm not much of a rule breaker myself either."
We didn't say anything for a while, didn't kiss or touch more than we already were. Just laid there quietly until I was hit by a bolt of lightening. At least figuratively. "Damon, what's going to happen when this is over?" I meant "this" as every problem we'd faced so far. What would happen when this business trip (for lack of a better term) ended? What would happen to us when Richard was caught and packed away for three counts of attempted murder?
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"When we stop Richard," I said, propping myself up on my elbow to look at him. "What happens? I can't stay with Robur forever. Not as a human anyways. Humans won't last in the vampire world very long it's common sense. And you can't exist in my world period, the day-night timetable would be impossible for you." I winced, remembering all too well how damaging the sun was to vampires.
Damon sighed and ran a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. "I've tried not to think about it too much if I'm being honest. We've had so many problems as it is that I couldn't think about solving a problem that wasn't life or death. My biggest concern has been keeping our heads above water here and making sure nothing happens to you if Richard decides he wants to...act again." I was glad he hadn't used the words 'attempt murder' the implication was enough to send chills through my bones.
"Fair enough," I said slowly. "Maybe we should just cross that bridge when we come to it? It's not like we know what's going to happen in a week." Suddenly, I realized something though, I finally had my answer as to why I couldn't say "I love you". Because I was too afraid to say it aloud and make it real, because I was still too afraid to face the reality that I may lose it.
Damon and I, despite what we felt for one another were from different worlds. Vampires were immortal. Humans weren't. Vampires drank human blood and needed it to survive. Once upon a time hunting humans down for food had been a run of the mill thing. It even existed today for vampires that lived on the edges of the undead society. Long term I couldn't exist in a world like that, not as a human. Damon couldn't exist in my world, it was unsafe for him to be in the sun, one touch and he'd wind up in need of an ICU Burn Unit. If I returned to the human world, going back and forth would be difficult and probably have healthy ramifications down the road.
I didn't want to become a vampire either. I knew if that happened I would never be able to go back home. I would never see my friends or family ever again. I'd never be able to feel the sun on my face again. Could I give that up?
I had no idea, but I decided to follow Damon's advice and cross that bridge when I came to it. I laid back down against him, listening to the sound of his breathing and shut my eyes again. Sex was pretty amazing, but so was just falling asleep next to each other. When I awoke again, about an hour later an alarm was going off. Something that sounded almost like a fire alarm though it was far less loud and shrill.Thunder boomed and I felt the room shake. Florida got these sort of storms all of the time, and though few were damaging, I realized this one would be and realized why that would be problematic. If I window broke in this hotel the guests would be in danger.
I turned over, ready to wake Damon in the event that he was a light sleeper, but he was gone. In his place was a note, scratched hastily on a pad of hotel stationary.
Ember,
Richard wanted a meeting with me and came up around one-thirty with the request. I agreed. Do not panic I brought Keith with me. I don't trust Richard enough to go anywhere alone with him. I'll be okay. Rest, I'll see you soon.
Love,
Damon
The note should have reassured me, but it didn't. A voice in the back of my head, a voice that wasn't mind was going insane. Damon's in trouble go.
It was irrational to think so, Damon wasn't alone with Richard he had Keith. He'd altered me that he was going somewhere and probably did the same with someone else. Richard wouldn't try anything he was not stupid. But still that voice wouldn't stop. Damon's in trouble go. I couldn't get it to shut up and the anxiety wouldn't leave me. It was irrational but I knew I had to do what I was told. Though I had no proof and it made no tactical sense, something was wrong and I had to do something about it.
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