"Err Cat. Don't you think you should stop?"
Ignoring Celia's inquiring gaze, I settle on a curt reply in response. "No."
"But you've already hit thirty five. And it's almost ten thirty! People sleep at this hour Cat, not bake! You're not the star of some baking reality tv series. Relax, sis!"
"Doesn't matter."
"Catherine, you're not going to be able to eat thirty five cupcakes on your own. Are you catering for someone?" Sarcasm oozing out of her mouth, she places her elbows on the kitchen counter to inspect my face further.
"No." I keep losing the battle against my own feelings; Zander knowing my past nerved me prior to me telling him the truth, and then I thought things might be okay now since he knows but my mind can't settle on it's own level of apprehension; I'm back to being a nervous wreck.
"Fine, if you're not going to tell me anything then I'll invite Zander and Patrick over for a tea party." Turning off the electric mixer in my hand, I stare at Celia vexed. The last thing I needed was the instigator of my indecisive feelings to walk through my door.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I try to avoid the floating statement. She's fishing for a reaction and I'm not about to grab onto her bait. "Do whatever you want."
Scoffing she crosses her arms and pulls out her phone, "I really will."
"Okay." Not caring in the slightest, I place a pan in the oven and begin frosting a batch of cupcakes that have already cooled down. As I wonder whether I should go with chocolate or vanilla, a knock against the door makes something in my stomach drop – not for the first time today.
"Cupcake I smell cupcakes!" Patrick's voice explodes into the kitchen and I almost drop the frosting pipe in my hand.
Scowling, I send him a death glare before settling on vanilla as my frosting of choice. Taken aback by my moody figure, he backs away slowly and leans next to the farthest wall from me. "Cupcake what is up with the attitude?"
Celia's voice comes from the next room, most likely holding the door for the one person I want to avoid at all costs. "You shouldn't talk to her, just grab and go."
"What is this? A video game? I don't exactly have five lives to get anywhere near Cupcake."
"At least you'll be getting something to eat."
"In that case, Zander can walk into the battle zone for me. Why should I have to risk my life for cupcakes?" At the mention of Zander's name, I become frozen from sudden panic. Hovering over a cupcake, frosting pipe in hand, I make an effort to ignore the movements of someone near me.
"Cupcake you okay?" Timorously, my body tries to shrink at the sound of his voice but instead of taking notice of my discomfort, Zander grabs one of the cupcakes I've finished frosting and gobbles it down within a few bites, staring at me in the process.
"Um, yeah I'm fine." I mumble out, my eyes downcast.
"Really?"
"Er...yes. Really fine."
"Really fine? You're trying a little too hard to sound convincing." Sighing, I put the pipe down and tug at the sleeves of my sweater to hide my trembling fingers. I didn't even know why I was reacting this way; I couldn't justify it or even begin to rationalise my own actions other than fear or maybe the singular wasn't it, I have too many fears.
"What about me? Get me a cupcake too! I can't go anywhere near her without thinking my life is in mortal danger." Patrick's cry for help breaks something within me, I was beginning to fall into another trance, deep and dark thoughts consuming my mind and his voice reminds me that I need to act like a big girl. I shouldn't crumble this easily.
Heaving a sigh in exasperation, Zander turns his head giving me a chance to release a shaky breath. "Pat, just shut up man."
"Rude!"
"I'm being serious."
I don't even need to look into the next room to feel Celia's anger rising. "You idiot, let's go! I'll buy you a whole cake and babysit you if you'll shut up and leave them alone." At her words, I can't help but smile. I knew her too well.
Finally looking into the next room, I'm startled to see them eyeing each other, Celia upset while Patrick stands elated with the thought of cake. "You're going to treat me?"
"Yeah...like an owner feeding a puppy."
"I'm extremely insulted but I can't deny that dog-owner tactics have no effect on me."
"I feel so sorry for myself and what I have to deal with."
"At least I'm good looking." At this, Zander clutches his stomach from laughing and choking on a cupcake simultaneously.
"I won't comment. I'll just feed you. Now c'mon, let's go." And before I can plead with my eyes for her to stay, Celia grabs Patrick's arm and drags him out the door.
With a suffocating tension in the air, I begin tapping the countertop with a single finger, my eyes refusing to look behind me. "Cat..."
"Just give me some time. I don't know what's gotten into me either, but I need some time." I blurt out.
"But everything's good right? We're on the same page?" Yelping at his touch, my body swiftly turns around and Zander retracts his hand from my shoulder.
"...I have no idea. Are we?"
His eyes crinkle, his expression pained but his voice comes out steady. "Cat, just be honest. What are you afraid of?"
I can already feel the tears deep within me about to surface, like this massive toxic bubble about to pop from the nagging emotions inside of me. I can't cry again today, I was a grown-up after all; I needed to have at least a bit of control over myself. Swallowing, my eyes bravely glance upward and my mind tells me to admit defeat – I need to be straightforward or else I may repeat what happened in the past with Shawn or create further misunderstandings with Zander.
"Do you think I'm some mental case? It's just as painful having people pity me and have them think I need to be taken care of."
He takes a moment to analyse my face before opening his mouth, his words coming out gradually. "Well...I think you do have problems and they do effect you mentally but I don't think of you as some mental patient, even if that were the case treating you any different wouldn't be a solution. What you went through and what you had to face would scar anybody. Having nails thrown at you and explicit words said to you every day isn't something you can easily forget. I don't think you need to be locked up in a hospital if that's what you're getting at but you might be able to cure yourself Cat."
Scoffing, my eyes narrow as the toxic bubble inside of me continues it's course. "Cure myself?"
"I'm sounding way to optimistic or from how hurt you look I must sound like an ass, and maybe I'm not using the right words but you're the only person who can make the memories in your head go away. And before you get upset, I also think that the choice is yours to make, I don't know what will make you happy or if there is a solution but that's just my honest opinion."
"I'm..."
"Your more than capable of anything Catherine, and I want us to be friends regardless of the doubts floating in that mysterious head of yours." Tapping my forehead for effect, he gives me a small smile but I can sense the caution and worry from his body. The tables have flipped, the conversation may be about me but I didn't think for once that my answers would have an impact on him.
Slowly, I try reassuring him even if I didn't know what I wanted to do either. "Okay, but – "
"But?"
"But I still need some time to think. This is all really hard on me, I don't know if I can accept another person in my life."
"I'm not Shawn and I can promise you now that I won't do what he did. It's hard for me too. I can't make friends and accept people into my life so easily either. My reasons aren't emotionally invested compared to yours and may seem superficial but we're on the same boat of mistrust."
Guilt comes over me like a dark, heavy cloud; I've only focused on how different we were. It was hard to formulate any similarities and this common trait between us was so obvious that I overlooked it. Of course Zander would have a hard time trusting people, his personality just destroys any thought of mistrust on his part. He naturally attracted people but it never occurred to me that he rejected the people he attracted, I thought it was so simple, that he openly accepted people – he picked me as someone he was hell bent on being friends with after all.
"So you're saying you'll keep my secret?" I ask cautiously.
"I'm saying I can do that and promise to actually be a friend."
"Okay."
"So we good?"
"Yeah."
Smiling broadly now, he nudges my arm. "Then say it."
"Say what?"
"Call me your friend."
Sighing, I finally laugh and shake my head. "You ruined the mood and the chance for that, it'll be forced now."
"That hard for you huh?"
"Fine...thanks friend."
"I know I said to call me friend but where's the thanks coming from?"
"Just because."
Grinning, he nudges me again and picks out another cupcake to eat. "Oooohhh, Catherine Lewis is thankful towards me, she finally appreciates my existence."
"I'm saying thank you for being honest." I declare matter-of-factly. I felt much better, and all the doubts in my head have been reduced significantly. If I didn't muster the courage to talk to him, and if Zander wasn't such an honest person himself I probably wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. What a difference openness can make – it determines whether you'll sleep at night or if doubtful demons will plague your mind.
"Was it helpful?" Covered in vanilla frosting and sprinkles, he licks his thumb before grabbing what I can only guess to be his fourth cupcake.
"Yeah, it was."
Shocked, he freezes and his eyes widen at me. "Really? I was helpful and you're admitting it?"
Such a ridiculous sight, Zander surprised while covered in frosting and sprinkles and it is no use on my part to hold back any longer; I point and burst out laughing, "yeah you were."
"What?"
"Look at your face."
"Huh? Touching his chin, his fingers coat with frosting and he runs to the bathroom to check his reflection in the mirror. "Hey! Why didn't you tell me?" Marching back into the kitchen, he glares at me but his eyes light up in humour.
Backing away with my hands in a cautious, surrendering manner, my back hits the fridge. "Because you wanted to have a heart-to-heart conversation."
"You've managed to keep a straight face till now? How? And you could have at least wiped my face!"
"Why?" I ask lightly, sliding downward as Zander was now caging me against the fridge. To my horror, he slides down as well while his hands remain on either side of the fridge, a demon-like gleam in his eyes.
"Because we're friends now! That's what friends do!"
"Wipe each other's faces? Is that what you and Patrick do when you're alone?"
"I'm really disliking the shift in this conversation and your tone. The only thing me and Pat do is fight and eat junk food...or cry while watching sad animal documentaries."
Rolling my eyes, I pathetically karate chop his wrists and spring up to avoid the dangerous proximity between us.
Turning off the oven, I start clearing the kitchen and putting away all the baking utensils – I was no longer stressed or worried so I didn't need to bake anymore. If anything, I felt amused and somewhat relieved that Zander shared a piece of information vital for matchmaking profiles.
Observation: Animal documentaries make Zander Nolan cry.
"Do you need some help Cat?" Popping up next to me, he hands me a used whisk to place into the sink.
"No thanks."
"But I need to do something in order to justify all the cupcakes I've already eaten and the ones I want to eat."
Startled, I turn to him with disbelief written all over my face. "You want more?"
"Yeah." Rubbing the back of his neck, he smiles sheepishly.
"How many?" I ask with dread.
"How many did you make?"
"Thirty five."
Scratching his chin, he crosses his arms and leans against the counter. "Realistically, I could probably only eat fifteen."
"FIFTEEN CUPCAKES? What about Patrick?"
"What about him? He's getting an entire cake." His voice is suddenly glacial, and I'm stunned by how offended Zander looks.
"You're not going to share with him?"
"Why do you care about him all of a sudden? You hurt the poor guy's feelings earlier and now you want me to share cupcakes with him?"
"That's because...I had a lot to think about." I admit truthfully, realising how rude I was earlier on.
"And? Your guilt shouldn't manifest itself onto me Cupcake. I don't like sharing and I'm not about to because you feel guilty."
"Why are you getting angry? I'm looking out for you to. That many cupcakes is bad for your health and will result in a stomachache."
"How is that looking out for me? If you feel that sorry then you should offer to feed me some real food. We suffered at the mall together, so why are we fighting?"
"You're the one that started it!"
"Well?"
Sighing, I close my eyes before opening a cupboard. "There's ramen, bread, and oatmeal."
"That's sadder than going to the mall."
My eyes narrow as I cross my arms defensively, my income was depressing and worth crying over, obviously the contents of my kitchen would be to. "They're your only options besides cupcakes."
Alarmed by my icy stare, Zander clears his throat before choosing his next set of words wisely. "I like toast, toast is good. Toast is always good. Who doesn't like toast?"
"Jam or butter?" I offer politely.
"Both. I'll take half and half."
After two minutes, I place the most exquisite plate of toast he's ever laid eyes on and sit across from him at the kitchen table.
Drawing circles on the table with his forefinger, Zander grabs a slice of toast while avoiding my eyes. "Soo Cat...ever thought of moving?"
I've just settled into my chair but feel as if I might keel over as his sudden question throws me off guard. "Why?"
"Isn't this place too big for you?"
Frowning, I consider his suggestion with panic rising within me. My frugal habits and measly kitchen contents have finally caught his attention. Trying to gauge a reaction out of me, Zander's eyes begin to roam the rest of the apartment, his eyebrows furrowing as he notes the lack of furniture. The place was furnished enough with the very basics, but not extravagant enough or on par with the rest of the apartments in the complex.
"Yeah, this place is definitely too big for just you."
"Meaning?" I ask nervously, my voice low. Oh no, he's finally noticing!
"Uhh, want to be roommates?"
Astonished, I stare at him blankly, not a single coherent thought being formed. "...What?"
"If we combine our furniture together we'd have enough and I'm sure Pat doesn't mind sleeping on the couch."
"Uh...you want the three of us to share one single apartment?"
With a hopeful smile, he nods energetically, "yup. So what do you think?"
"I think I like living alone too much." The mere thought of living with not one, but two idiots makes my skin crawl and pumps anxiety through my veins. I may never sleep a wink or get any work done with the two of them wrecking havoc.
"You're going to flat out deny my incredible offer? No other person, let alone a female could resist such an offer."
"Um...no thank you." As appalled as I am, I'm more relieved than anything. My mind tells me I'm deluding myself by thinking he's overlooked the apparent disparity between my income and lifestyle of choice...if I could even label it as such but for now, I'm glad Zander's only fixation is on being roommates.
"Then how about trading for a day?"
"Huh?" Now I'm really beginning to lose track of where this is headed.
"Trade apartments. For a day."
"Er..."
"C'mon Cat, do you want to see me on my knees?"
Blinking, I glance down at his plate of toast before looking back up. "I really don't know what you're talking about."
"I've tried being subtle but that clearly doesn't work on you."
"I'm still confused. And your subtly couldn't possibly work on anyone."
"Fine, I'm going on my knees and begging now." And true to his word, he gets on his knees, his eyes slightly watery and pleading.
"Please trade apartments with me for a day otherwise I may never get to taste freedom again."
My eyebrows scrunch up questioningly, I was still at a loss as to what he's suggesting. "Stop being so dramatic, I really can't understand what you mean."
To my relief, he sits back in the opposite chair before shifting his focus onto me. "What I mean is, my mom and sister are going to visit me tomorrow and I can't let them stay over at my place. If I do, my mom will take one look at the place and kick me out."
Stunned, my eyes widen as my jaw drops. "The First Lady and National Daughter are coming to the apartment building tomorrow? And why isn't your place any good? Did you kill someone?"
"Seriously, do I look like I'm capable of killing? Wait...don't answer that because I feel like I'll be really disappointed by your answer. And yes their coming! Help me please! Help a friend out." His eyes bore into mine and before I can leave my seat, he grasps both my hands.
"Uh..."
His right forefinger pops up, drawing my attention. "Just one day."
"I don't know..."
"What will it take?"
"But why isn't your place any good?"
Dropping his hands, Zander stares at me with all the despair swirling within his green eyes and leans against his chair with a heavy sigh. "Do you really want to know?"
"Yes...and no."
Rising, the chair he was once on scraps against the kitchen tiles and he stands next to me, waiting for me to mimic his actions. "Come on then, I'll show you."
Doing as I'm told, I follow him out the door and walk the few steps it takes to arrive in front of his apartment. Unlocking it, the door flings wide open and he gestures for me to walk in. Biting my lip, I take a few cautious steps inside but stop dead in my tracks as I notice what's on the carpeted floor.
"Is that blood?" I screech, snapping my head around to see Zander's dubious expression.
"No...it's tomato juice. We were trying to create the most disgusting drinks we could possibly make and tomato juice happened to be one of the liquid bases for our little experiment but it turns out that the drink we came up with exploded, and that's basically where the stain is from."
Closing my eyes and shaking my head from the absurd story, I point at the large stain marring the carpet an ugly colour. "And this stain is the reason you can't have the First Lady and National Daughter over?"
"My mom's a neat freak. She'll kick me out as soon as she lays eyes on it."
"So why not clean it?"
"How? I've tried everything! Pat's a cleaning genius and he still hasn't been able to figure out how to remove this stain."
Ignoring the false statement of Patrick being a cleaning genius, I squat down to inspect the stain closer. I'd solve this no matter what it took; I wasn't about to hand Zander my client, my apartment for a day. His mother or sister could stumble upon documents and files regarding the Matchmaking business and so could Zander himself. I'd be jeopardising everything before even having the opportunity to approach one of his parents about the proposition of finding their son a partner.
"Baking soda should do the trick. And if that doesn't work, try covering it up with a rug or a piece of furniture." I declare optimistically, rising to give Zander an innocent smile.
Groaning, he flops onto a couch and throws a cushion at me, which hits me square in the face. "You really don't want to trade apartments do you?"
"...No." I reply coldly, my hair disheveled as the cushion slides down to the floor in silence.
"Fine, but can you come over tomorrow then?"
Puffing the strands of hair around my face, I nearly choke on air as I realise what coming over tomorrow means. "Wha-wha-what?"
"I have to introduce you."
"Why?" I ask mortified. No, no, noooo. Is this really happening? Have I sealed the deal by casually agreeing on friendship? My entire world comes crashing down on my head as fragments of reality make me realise that I've just agreed to be friends with the President's son and there's no turning back.
"Because we're friends now."
"But I don't think I can handle that," I mumble out, regretting my words as soon as they're out in the open.
"We're normal people Cat."
"Normal..." I repeat slowly. Zander is definitely not normal, and from the brief encounter I had with his Mom by the swimming pool, she looks as if she could eat me alive with her piercing gaze.
He seems to sense how conflicted I am and sits upright to look at me more seriously. "I was once a nobody, no one knew my name or who I was till my dad decided to run for office. I mean, no one really paid attention to our entire family till my dad became the President."
"But you're a somebody now, doesn't that change everything?" I ask somewhat carefully, not wanting to upset him. His family's position seems to frustrate him and I don't want to have an upset Zander on my hands.
"I really hope when it comes to my friends that it doesn't. I wish I could have met you before all this since you seem pretty scared by it."
"I'm...just nervous. Like I said, I need time."
"Which means?"
Being friends with someone means having the courage to do so, then I'd have to take the first step. Courage was something I never possessed in the past, and never could summon amongst Shawn's circle of friends. If I couldn't even pluck the nerve to meet Zander's family then there's no way I could continue to receive his friendship when he gave it so freely.
"I'll try."
Observation: Zander Nolan and Catherine Lewis are friends...I think?