The next morning – the morning of the eighth day – I was standing by the shoreline of the beach trying to clear my mind of the mess it had been writhing around in all night. Attempting to wrap my head around the past week's events was hard. Almost impossible. I couldn't bring myself to believe that we had just been worried sick for a whole week while Ash was busy lounging wherever the hell he had gone. As the hours since the call passed by and my fury had time to subside, I began to think about the situation more rationally, and as much as I tried to make myself believe it, that just didn't seem like something Ash would ever do. Even on his most selfish of days, I couldn't imagine him willing allowing all of us to suffer for no reason. He may not have cared about or been particularly close to any of us, but he was smart enough to know the effect his disappearance would have on everyone. There must've been a reason for it – and it had better be a fucking good one.
I guess if he ever returned then I would find out what it was.
I stood along the shoreline, watching the waves get smoother and smoother the farther out I looked until they all blended into one big expanse of blue. Today, the morning was colder than they usually were. The sky was cloudy and the air was windy, but it was good. Being out here was helping me clear my head out and with the sound of the wind whipping past my ears, everything else faded into the background.
I closed my eyes and let my body sway as I thought about Ash and when he might return. This past week without him had been a lot longer than I expected it to be, and I didn't know if I was ready for another month and a half of Hawaii without him. And I was so focused on my thoughts, so in tune with the wind, that I didn't hear the footsteps approaching me from the right. I didn't hear them until they were right next to me, and the voice spoke.
"Hey."
And I fell apart.
My heart skipped a beat in my chest and began to race as my mouth became dry. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to show him just how much his presence affected me, but still, I couldn't stop my brows from trembling as they drew together.
I knew this wasn't my imagination, because in my daydreams Ash was always too perfect. But now, I could hear the scratchiness in his hoarse voice. No matter how much I wanted to I couldn't have created that myself. And along with his voice's scratchiness was something else – a certain confidence, a asuredness. One that hadn't been there the day he'd left. He sounded stable, peaceful, and hearing that put a smile on my lips.
His leaving had accomplished at least one good thing that shone bright through all the bad.
I opened my eyes, keeping them on the ocean in front of me as I spoke. "You're back," I said.
He chuckled and then sighed, his gaze still hot on me despite me not looking at him. "I'm back," he replied. "And I won't be leaving again."
"Why should I believe that?" I asked.
I saw him shrug from the corner of my eye and I took in a sharp breath. "I don't really expect you to," he said. "But still, that doesn't make it any less true."
"Fuck you, Ash," I snapped, turning to face him and immediately stopping short once I laid eyes on his body.
It was like I was looking at a Jackson Pollock painting, except rather than paint scattered around over a cotton canvas, the paint spots were bruises, and the canvas was Ash's body.
Before, he had only had scars on his eye, lip, and knuckles, but now, he was way past that. Both of his hands (that were holding tightly onto some plastic bags) were battered and bloodied. It made my insides crawl to watch the plastic tug at his raw and fleshy fingers. He was wearing a jacket that was zipped almost all the way up and so I couldn't see much of his body, but I didn't need to see his body to guess the kind of marks that adorned it. The zipper of his jacket caught right below his collarbone, and where it opened up, there was a large gash running down into the part of his chest that I couldn't see. It had already begun to scab over, but I knew that it must have still been painful. It was too fresh.
Looking up to Ash's face, I laid my eyes on a nose that had been cracked back into place, but was clearly still broken. It was swollen around the sides and sporting a strange hue of maroon-purple that matched maroon-purple color under both of his eyes. The left side of Ash's mouth was also discolored, but it wasn't swollen the way much of his face still was. Instead, there was a fresh cut in the corner that was scabbing over but still full of blood.
I wondered how he could even speak. It couldn't have been without a great deal of pain.
Someone seemed to have taken a great disliking to the left side of Ash's face in general, because even his left eye was struggling to see. It was slightly swollen and clearly just wanted to rest, so Ash didn't bother trying to keep it open as he looked at me. Instead, he used his right eye to convey everything that the both of them could possibly want to, and as I met and held his gaze, I realized that despite all of the injuries decorating his body, he looked better now than he ever could have hoped to eight days ago.
His mouth couldn't move properly, but the one side that could was curled upwards into a familiar smile. An assuring smile, and it was so warm it nearly took my breath away. I felt myself starting to tear up as I took in this boy before me. As a Virgo, I didn't tend to cry a lot, but when it came to Ash, all that flew out the window. There was just so much information to take in that my body was making the decision for me.
I wanted to hug him and kiss him and take care of his wounds all at once and I wasn't sure where to begin. He was looking at me with a tender eye that told me he finally had some of the answers we had both been looking for on the day he left.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly, regretting that I had cursed him out. I still didn't know where he'd gone or what exactly he had done all that time, but I could see now that it had been worth it. The injuries on his body were going to heal as the days passed, and they were bad, yes, but the newfound peace he had was going to last much longer than any injury ever could.
"No." Ash shook his head, wincing as he made the movements. "Don't be. What I did was shitty," he admitted. "But I meant what I said; it won't happen again."
I watched his lips as he spoke, flinching with every movement that made the left side of his mouth crack open. Why was he wasting all these words on me? I knew it must have hurt him to say them.
"Were you fighting?" I asked. "In the illegal fight club?"
His breath hitched in his throat momentarily as he realized I knew more than he'd bargained for. It was only for a moment though, before he breathed out and nodded. There was no reason to lie anymore anyway. "I was," he said. "I don't think I'll be going back though."
I could see him connecting the dots in his head as he spoke. That day at the lake had taught me a lot about him, and even if there were details he didn't mention, I knew enough to know that he should've been done with all of that back then – three years ago. He could see that I had realized that much.
"I'm sorry about the other day," he said. "About your brother. I could tell that my bringing him up made you uncomfortable and I didn't mean for it to, I'm sorry."
I looked at him, not sure where this was coming from all of a sudden. It was more than just him bringing up my brother that had upset me – it was the connotations that him doing that had. Bringing up my brother – mentioning him by name, no less – meant that Ash without a doubt remembered the day at the lake. And yet, for the three years since he had acted like I didn't exist. Like it never happened. I didn't want to hear that and know that he had done it out of his own volition. It was better to just be forgettable than to be memorable in an unsavory way...right?
"It was a lot more than just that, but thank you," I replied. I wanted to ask him about everything in that moment. His demeanor was such that I thought he might finally answer my questions, but I knew it was hurting him to talk, and I now knew I had more time with him here, so I decided to wait. To wait until it wasn't painful for him to talk – in more ways than one. To wait until he had rested, healed and wanted to talk to me.
Ash nodded. "Yeah, I guessed as much," he said under his breath, looking down to the sand around his feet. He looked like he had something more to say but wasn't sure how to or if he even should say it.
I smiled. "What is it?" I asked, kicking some sand onto his shoe playfully. "Now's the best chance you'll get before everyone finds out you're back and skins you alive. They're all still really mad about what you told the police, you know."
Upon hearing that, Ash cracked a smile, but he cracked it a little bit too much and groaned loudly, stomping a foot on the ground. He pinched his lips together like he was trying to hold back a shout because one of those would no doubt hurt his mouth even more.
"Fuck!" he hissed, bringing a hand up and pressing it lightly against the side of his mouth with the healing scar. He looked up at me, noticing my worried stare and took in another sharp breath, chuckling again, but only moving his lips the slightest bit this time. "Try not to say things that make me laugh," he said, lowering his hand with a strained sigh.
I watched the movement, my eyes still wide as I spoke. "What was funny about what I said?" I demanded.
"'They'll skin you alive'," he said, mimicking my voice as he looked from the porch of the house back to me.
"But they will," I warned him.
Ash rolled his good eye. "They can try, but I really don't have to answer any of their questions," he said. "I get that they were worried but it's really not any of their business what I was doing or who I was doing it with. You're the only person on this trip that I care about, Keira, and if it's fine with you, I'd just like to use the time we have left here to get to know you better."
Okay, I was sure I didn't hear him right.
I mean, yes he seemed more at peace with himself and all, but I didn't think it was to the extent where he would admit all of this to me! What was I supposed to say to that? It was clear he was waiting for an answer and even though he'd given me the option to say no, I knew that wasn't what I wanted. And he knew it too.
"I – uh, that...that sounds, um...it sounds great," I stuttered, fumbling over what should have been a three word sentence. I was shaken, and he could tell.
The un-injured side of Ash's mouth curled up into a grin as he nodded at me, the look in his eyes almost knocking me off of my feet. This was the Ash I knew. This was the Ash I had met three years ago, and this was the Ash that I wanted to spend a summer in Hawaii with.
"Great," he said, chuckling lightly. "Well I'll let you finish up out here, I guess."
"Oh, I think I'm actually done...I should probably go eat breakfast anyway," I said, turning to head inside with him. I hadn't wanted to be in the house because the energy was all off and outside was more comfortable, but now, with Ash back, everything was right where it needed to be.
We entered the house together from the back porch, and as we walked in, the house became dead silent. Tonya and Asia were both in the kitchen, making themselves food while Jack, Phoebe, Mackenzie, and Brian sat at the dining table, already eating. All of their eyes were on us now though. Some faces looked relieved, others shocked, and some – particularly Phoebe's – looked downright livid.
"Where the hell have you been?" Asia demanded, beating Phoebe to the punch.
I wasn't sure if their shock was more from Ash's presence, or from the current state he was in. Probably a mix of the two.
With a chuckle, Ash looked from the room full of people to me, winking at me as he said, "Out."
Oh God. I knew that wasn't going to go over well, and he clearly did too, but it didn't seem like he cared.
"Where is out?" Phoebe asked, setting down her spoon. "You can't just come in here after a whole week – with bruises all over your face, no less – and tell us you've been 'out'. Where is out?" she demanded. "Where were you?" Her voice was more level than Asia's had been, but it was still clear that she was angry and expected some answers. And Phoebe wasn't used to people denying her of things she wanted. Something about the way she carried herself made people prone to giving her information.
If it wasn't already clear enough by now though, Ash wasn't like most people. And so instead of answering her, he just walked over to the kitchen counter and set down the bags that he had been holding in his hands with a 'thud'. He smiled over at Phoebe and said, "I went to get some groceries," before walking out of the room, not bothering to look back at the sea of dropped jaws that had been left in his wake.