Halfway through Karkat's third week here, he did something crazy: he actually came to me first in the morning.
"Do you still want my phone number?" he asked me abruptly that Thursday.
"What?"
"I said d... do you want my phone number still," he said, his voice getting more mumbled as he spoke. His cheeks turned pink as he looked away and scratched the back of his head. "I-I can... um... g-give it to you now. If you want."
"Oh. No, yeah, that'd be nice." I pulled out my phone. With a slight smirk, I asked, "What took you so long?"
"Shut up," he muttered. "You're lucky I changed my mind at all." After a second, he sighed. "I just... I guess I thought about what you said and I thought that maybe I could... g-get to know you a little better." Half a second later, he added, "But that doesn't mean we're friends."
I smiled. "Alright, whatever you say. But still, thanks. Appreciate it."
"Yeah..." Karkat murmured as he handed me his phone. As I entered his number into my contacts, I glanced up at him and grinned a little.
"What?"
I shook my head. "Nothing. Here." I handed him back his phone. As I did, the bell rang. I gave him a single handed wave before I turned around and we went our separate ways. All throughout first and second period, I could practically feel his number burning in my pocket, so during third period, I slipped my phone into my lap and sent him a quick text.
DAVE: yo whats up kitkat
He texted back a couple minutes later.
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK.
KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TEXTING ME.
DAVE: woah dude chill no need to bite my fucking head off
KARKAT: SORRY. MY PHONE'S FUCKED UP. I CAN ONLY TEXT IN ALL CAPS.
DAVE: damn you ought to get that checked out and fixed man
DAVE: someone might think youre mad at them
KARKAT: WHO SAYS I'M NOT?
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU EVEN TEXTING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? AREN'T YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS RIGHT NOW?
DAVE: maybe
DAVE: its fine though i can get away with it
DAVE: teachers usually feel weird about taking a crippled kids phone
KARKAT: ARE YOU EVEN ALLOWED TO USE THAT WORD? ISN'T THAT A SLUR?
DAVE: nah man you dont understand
DAVE: *i* can use it because i actually am crippled
DAVE: its just you people with four fully functioning limbs who cant
KARKAT: OH.
KARKAT: WELL THAT STILL DOESN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION. MY TEACHER NEARLY CAUGHT ME JUST NOW. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
DAVE: eh nothing really
DAVE: just wanted to talk to my new best bro
DAVE: and i wanted to see whether or not this was your actual phone number
DAVE: cuz you were kinda super fucking vague on who you do or dont give your number to and im not entirely sure if were friends still
DAVE: is the jury still out on that
KARKAT: THE JURY HASN'T EVEN BEEN CALLED INTO FUCKING SESSION.
DAVE: i see
DAVE: what about a court of appeals kinda deal
KARKAT: FUCK YOU. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. WE'RE NOT FRIENDS.
DAVE: overruled
KARKAT: THAT'S NOT HOW A COURT OF APPEALS WORKS.
DAVE: then objection or whatever the fuck
DAVE: whatever floats your boat
DAVE: your tiny adorable rage filled boat
KARKAT: FUCK YOU.
DAVE: and besides if we *werent* friends then why would we be texting each other in the middle of class, both risking getting in massive amounts of trouble
DAVE: "not-friends" dont take risks like that
KARKAT: YOU'RE RIGHT. THEY DON'T. I SHOULD BE IGNORING YOU THEN.
DAVE: no wait thats not what i meant
DAVE: also way to hit me right in the feels dude
Karkat didn't reply for the rest of the period, but I was able to corner him on the way to lunch.
"So, you're gonna offer me your phone number," I said as I wheeled up beside him, "completely unprompted, might I add, and then get all bent outta shape when I utilize it? Way to be consistent, man."
"I'm not angry that you texted me, I'm angry that you did it in the middle of Spanish, when my teacher was right beside me," Karkat said flatly, holding open a door for me.
"I said I was sorry."
"No you didn't."
"Oh I didn't? Shit. Sorry."
"'Sorry' won't make up for my teacher verbally abusing me in front of the entire class."
I winced a little. "Ouch. Sorry. Did she at least do it in English?"
"Nope. All Spanish," he muttered, his eyebrows furrowed deeply.
"Shit, man. That's the worst. Here, how's about I make it up to you. I give you a kiss, and we'll call it even."
"No," he said automatically. After a second, he realized what I'd said and his face scrunched up in disgust. "Wait. What? No. No. Of course not. What the fuck dude?"
I shrugged and grinned at him. "Worth a shot."
Karkat scowled down at me, his cheeks pink. He looked away from and sighed sharply. "Are you this annoying to all your friends?"
"No. Just you, mostly." After a second, I broke into another grin. "Wait, does that mean we're friends?"
"What? No. I never said that."
"Yes you did. You said to all my friends, implying that you were the only one I wasn't nice to. You included yourself in the group. That means we're friends now."
"No it doesn't," he snapped, his cheeks turning pink again. "I-I just misspoke. That's not what I meant."
"Nah, I think you meant we're friends now."
"Y--! No I--!" Karkat started to stammer. After a few moments, though, he sighed sharply and rolled his eyes. "Ugh. Fine. Since you won't fucking leave me alone otherwise, I... guess we're friends. I guess."
I grinned. "I knew I'd get through to you someday. Speaking of, I wanted to ask you something."
"What?" Karkat asked, narrowing his eyes a tiny bit.
"Oh, nothing much," I said nonchalantly as I pulled out my camera. "'S just... I was thinking earlier that because you decided to be so charitable earlier and give me your number, I'd need a picture to go with your name. Can't just have 'Kitkat Vantas' in my phone without a mental image. Just think of what were to happen if I got your number mixed up with someone else's. It'd be pure chaos. Cities would burn. Empire would crumble. Children would cry. People would perish. It would be utter madness. Complete discord. Could you imagine?"
Karkat furrowed his eyebrows a bit. "What?"
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, say 'cheese.'"
Before Karkat could object, I'd held up my camera and snapped a picture of him. The flash stunned him, making him stumble back a bit. He rubbed at his eyes, swearing sharply under his breath, as I shook out the picture.
"Dude, what the actual fuck!?" he squeaked, still blinking and squinting. "You just about fucking blinded me. Did you just take a fucking picture of me?"
"Sorry," I murmured, holding the new picture up to examine it. "Forgot to warn you about the flash. 'S kinda bright."
In the picture, Karkat's face was still drawn together in confusion, his eyebrows knit together and his mouth still half open and twisted into a small frown. One of his eyes had started to squint a bit from the flash. The entire thing was so cute and hilarious that I couldn't help but grin.
I looked up at Karkat and grinned. "And you say you're not photogenic."
"What the fuck? I don't care about the-- D-did you just take a picture of me?"
"What? Oh. Yeah. But don't worry about it." I shrugged, slipping the photo into my bag. "I dunno. It's just my thing, I guess. I do that with all my friends." I looked back up at him. "Consider yourself part of the club now."
Karkat only scoffed. "You can't just take someone's picture without asking them. Get rid of that picture."
"No. It's cute. I'm keeping it. And besides, this is just my hobby. I've been doing it for, what, 5 years now? It's fine."
"Is that supposed to be a good thing? Your hobby being stalking people?" he muttered.
"I'm not stalking anybody, I just like having pictures of my friends. It's nice. Comforting, I guess."
Karkat huffed sharply, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, don't show anyone that picture."
"Aw, but why? You're such a cutie."
"Don't," he said forcefully, his cheeks blushing red anyways.
As we got to our table, I held up my hands in surrender. "Fine. I won't. It'll just go up in my locker. Fair?"
"Why am I friends with you?"
"Don't act like you don't love me," I said playfully.
Throughout the rest of the day, I kept texting Karkat, laughing at how easy it was to get him flustered and riled up. We kept talking until I got called down to the office during 9th period. Dirk was waiting there for me.
"Hey," he said as I approached. "Dr. Scratch called. They want your legs now."
"Oh really? That's gonna be a bit of a problem. I've grown quite attached to these mangled flesh stumps, useless as they may be. Having legs is a nice aesthetic. They're gonna have to pry them from my cold dead hands."
"Nah. I already agreed to hold you down once we get over there," Dirk said as he held the door open for me. "You won't stand a chance."
"Really? They enlisted another cripple to help? Must be understaffed."
"Mm, well y'know. Budget cuts."
"I thought they said we were gonna look at the x-ray next week," I said as we started off towards the hospital.
"I don't know. They called me about half an hour ago, said we should come in today."
"Oh." I sat back, watching the damp pavement roll past. "Is that... a good thing?"
"I don't know." Dirk cut his eyes towards me. "But don't worry. If it was something big, they would have caught it earlier."
I nodded, leaning my arm against the window. I was quiet for the rest of the ride there. Dirk was probably right. It was gonna be fine. They would have caught anything major earlier. Right?
Except.
When we got there, after I'd been looked over and deemed Not Dead, they called Dirk into the other room and he stayed in there for almost an hour. When a nurse finally came to get me, her face was caught between a look of worry and one of artificial reassurance. But most overwhelmingly, her eyes were pained and pitying even as she tried to smile. I knew that look. That was the look they gave you before they told you that you were paralyzed for life.
When I got into the x-ray room, everyone else was making that face too. Except for Dirk. He just looked sick and pale, like he was about to throw up, and he was gripping his left shoulder with a white knuckled hand, the way he did when he was stressed. On the monitor were my x-rays from earlier, almost all bright white lines from all the rods and screws holding my legs together. Except there was something new this time. On my right thigh, a couple inches away from the bone, was a blurry, fuzzy white mass of some kind. That must've been what they were trying to take out. Except, people didn't make faces like that at scar tissue.
"What is it?" I asked, my voice sounding too loud in my ears, the way it did when I got nervous.
"Um," Dr. Scratch said. Doctors didn't say 'um' at scar tissue. "Well, upon further review of your x-rays, we were able to look at the mass in your leg a little bit closer."
"And?"
"Well, it is in a better place than we first thought, so the surgery to remove it will be much less risky than we thought, which is certainly very good, but the mass-- It's... not exactly what we originally thought it was, but it--"
"Ok, I know you're the expert and everything, and I'm probably not supposed to interrupt you, but whatever bullshit ad-libbed sugar coating you're trying to do is really only stressing me the fuck out. Just tell me what it is." I sometimes got kind of impatient and rude when I was nervous.
Dr. Scratch cut his eyes towards Dirk and sighed softly. He looked me in the eye, and everything around us seemed to slow down as he said, "It's a tumor."
"Oh," I said softly. A pause as what he said sunk in. "Oh."
"It's benign right?" Dirk murmured from beside him. He was staring up at the x-ray now, kneading his shoulder anxiously. He had fear in his eyes and he was breathing heavier than usual. "You said it... It was--"
"That's not exactly what I said, but yes, it is certainly very possible, if not most likely that the tumor will be benign, but we can't know for sure until we do a biopsy."
"What? What's that?" I looked over at Dirk. "What does that...?"
"Ordinarily, we would use an instrument such as a needle to collect a sample to send to the lab, but in this case, because of your age and its position and several other factors, we will not be doing that today."
"What? Why not?" I was starting to get scared. "Can't you just--"
Dr. Scratch held up his hand, cutting me off. "We could do it today, but we decided that ultimately it would not be worth the risk or the resources. The tumor itself is currently rather small, and there was a bit of concern as to whether or not a big enough sample would be able to be collected at all. It made more sense to us to remove it during the pre-arranged surgery."
"The one that's in 5 months? That one?" I scoffed, searching for the right words. "Won't it, like, grow or some shit between now and then?"
"Dave," Dirk mumbled wearily, his eyes squeezed shut.
"What? I don't want this... this thing growing inside me for five more fucking months. W--" I looked back at Dr. Scratch. "W-what if it turns malignant or cancerous or whatever? C-can that happen?"
"Well, there's no doubt that it will grow some in that time, and yes, a non cancerous mass can become malignant, but that should not be a significant issue due to its relatively small circumference. If anything, we do want it to gain a bit more mass so that we will have enough suitable tissue for a proper biopsy and analysis. But don't worry. We will be keeping a much, much closer eye on it for now. You don't have to worry. We'll make sure nothing happens."
I wanted to say something else, but I couldn't find the right words. I sat back in my wheelchair, the dull ache of tears starting to rise in my chest. "W... Why didn't... Why didn't you find it earlier?"
"The mass we originally identified did not appear to be anything like this, and it would have been a very large, possibly erroneous stretch to even think it was a tumor. It made much more sense to conclude that it was simply another collection of scar tissue. Only recently did we notice an unusual margin of growth. We found it as early as we could." Dr. Scratch sighed. "If anything, we caught it earlier than most. In that context, you're lucky."
I opened my mouth to retaliate, but stopped when I felt Dirk's hand on my shoulder. His face was back to his usual stoic mask but I could still feel his anxiety in how hard he was holding me.
"That's enough," he told me. To Dr. Scratch, he said, "Thank you."
"It's not a problem. You can get some secondary information at the front desk."
I didn't say anything as Dirk wheeled me out, his breathing still clipped and shallow from above me. I dug my nails into my palms, trying to keep from screaming or bursting into tears. God. A fucking tumor.
In the car, we were both silent, too traumatized to try and talk. I didn't want to hear what he had to say anyways. As we pulled into the driveway, Dirk cleared his throat.
"W... We're gonna be ok," he said hoarsely as he put the car into park.
"No, we're not," I said flatly.
"Yes, we are. This is going to be fine. They're gonna take it out and you're gonna be fine. We're--" Dirk held his breath for a moment. "We're gonna be ok." He seemed to be saying it more to himself than to me. He helped me out of the car, but he lingered outside for a bit. Through the window I could see him leaning against the van, his head in his hands. I went back to my room, stopping to grab a couple of Dirk's beers from the fridge. He wouldn't miss them. I tossed one on my bed and stashed the rest in my dresser. I hoisted myself up and cracked it open. I took a small sip, staring up at the ceiling. I wasn't usually much into drinking, but this was a "special occasion." I guess. I kept sipping from my beer, enjoying the slight buzz it gave me, and pulled out my phone to text John.
DAVE: hey guess who has cancer haha
I hesitated before I hit send. No. I couldn't tell him. Not yet. Could I? It was John. I knew him. This would just stress him out a ton more than usual. And what if it turned out to be nothing? He'd probably think I was joking anyways. But I still wanted to talk to someone. I deleted the message and clicked out of the conversation. I tapped Karkat's name.
DAVE: hey
I waited. I took another sip of my beer. It was only 5. After a couple minutes, my phone buzzed.
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
DAVE: nothin really
DAVE: i just
DAVE: kinda wanted to talk
DAVE: maybe get to know you a little better
DAVE: i still hardly even know anything about you tbh
KARKAT: HAHA. VERY FUNNY. I GET IT.
DAVE: no really
DAVE: i want to know you better
DAVE: i dont know
DAVE: maybe try again or something
DAVE: like here i dont even know who you live with or why you moved down here
DAVE: can we at least start there?
No reply.
DAVE: hello
DAVE: karkat
DAVE: you still there
KARKAT: I'M HERE.
KARKAT: FINE. SINCE YOU'RE SO HELLBENT ON 'GETTING TO KNOW' ME ALL OF A SUDDEN.
KARKAT: I LIVE WITH MY BROTHER. AND HIS FIANCE.
KARKAT: WE MOVED DOWN HERE LIKE A MONTH AGO. WE HAD TOO MUCH STUFF TO GET DONE FOR ME TO GO TO SCHOOL UNTIL LAST WEEK.
DAVE: see? were already so much closer than before
KARKAT: SUUURE.
DAVE: you said you were from ny right
KARKAT: YEAH. SOME STUPID TINY WHITE WASHED SUBURB OF THE CITY.
DAVE: what was it like there
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU ACTING ALL SENTIMENTAL AND MUSHY ALL OF A SUDDEN?
KARKAT: IF THIS IS A FUCKING PRANK I SWEAR TO GOD
DAVE: its not i swear
DAVE: i dont know im just
DAVE: curious i guess
KARKAT: WHAT?
DAVE: i dont know
DAVE: ive kind of had a really really shitty day
DAVE: i just kinda wanted to
DAVE: talk to someone or something
KARKAT: WHAT HAPPENED?
I didn't know why, but when I read his reply I suddenly felt tears on cheeks. I didn't know where they were coming from. I wasn't crying. I was not crying over a fucking question. I pressed the sleeve of my shirt against my eyes, taking a moment to calm myself down before I texted back.
DAVE: its nothing really
DAVE: im fine i guess
DAVE: i dont really wanna talk about it right now
DAVE: its ok if you dont wanna talk. im kinda tired anyways
KARKAT: NO. WAIT. IT'S FINE.
KARKAT: WE CAN TALK.
KARKAT: ARE YOU OK?
Fuck. This fucking kid. For whatever reason, I started crying harder then, my chest starting to feel too tight and my vision almost too blurred for me to type. I had to take a minute and force myself to stop.
DAVE: yeah dude im fine
DAVE: dont worry about it
DAVE: i gotta go now but ill see you at school
KARKAT: DAVE...
DAVE: im *fine*
DAVE: i swear
DAVE: why would i lie to you
I set my phone down on my bedside table before I crushed it. God, my hands were shaking so hard. They always trembled whenever I got upset like this. I hated it.
I wiped my cheek again, sniffling softly as I reached for my bag. I fished out my pictures from today, trying to ground myself. Most of them were of Dirk, and a few of John. I picked up one of him smiling goofily at me, and noticed one stuck to the back. It was the one of Karkat I'd taken during lunch. In this light, his freckles stood out a lot better, and it just generally looked much better without the glaring fluorescent lights of the cafeteria.
I stared at it for a moment, feeling the pressure in my chest loosen a bit. Ok. That was better. I hauled myself up so that I could twist around and pin it on the wall above my bed, next to the one I'd taken of him on that first day. I laid back down and looked up at it before I closed my eyes and rolled over. It was only around 6, but I didn't care. I didn't want to have to deal with this day anymore.
"Everything would be fine." Yeah fucking right.
* * * *
A/N: heyyyyyyyy
ha so i dont really have a lot to say right now. im kinda tired rn. this is up. i dont think its been v long but i dont know tbh. whatever. please enjoy
as im posting this ((12/15/15)) im probably going to come back and edit this over the next couple days or something so if you see any glaring inconsistencies or think anythings just generally bad ((even tho none of u ever call my writing bad <333)) u can tell me and ill be sure to fix it.
alright
yeah
finals are terrible btw
see you next chapter