Amelia
Lacey sat on the edge of the bed as she looked at the floor and started her story.
We were at the last senior party before graduation, it was held at the house of one of the football players, his brother was home from college, so of course the crowd was a mixture of high school and college students.
There were so many people, getting drunk, dancing some even looked like they were practically having sex while on the dance floor. Of course, the college boys in attendance were doing their best to get at any high school girl that would allow them, Jackie was approached several times, quickly shooting any advancement towards her down, telling them she had everything she could possibly want standing beside her.
Lauren smiled at the memory.
"It made me feel proud she thought so highly of me and I could see the love she had for me as she looked at me for a second before turning back to our friends Amy, Tasha and Kim as she said those words. "I watched as her smile faded, "Or at least, I believed that at the time."
She continued as I placed my hand on hers attempting to give her the strength to continue.
As the night wore on Jackie started hammering back drink after drink, I opted to be the designated driver that night so I didn't drink. I was starting to worry, knowing Jackie could be a little rowdy and careless when she got drunk. So I tried to get her to slow down, her once caring demeanor changed as she snapped back at me, telling me to chill out and relax, that I was killing her fun. I figured it was because we were hanging out with some of the college girls after we split off from our friends and she wanted to keep up with the older girls.
I sat back and watched, noticing the older girls were not getting as wasted as her. But she was beyond control and I knew if I said anything she would just get upset. One of the girls I was talking to explained that they all took a pill that allowed them to get buzzed but still kept them from getting completely wasted. She offered to get me one saying that it would, at least, keep her from being too hung over in the morning. I figured what could be the harm as she left to get it she was stopped by some guy, She chatted with him for a while and came back. She said he overheard our conversation and had the pills on him she said he felt bad for me knowing what it was like to take care of an obnoxiously drunk girlfriend as she handed it to me. I looked over and saw that he looked just as sober as the girls and thought it was nice that there were still responsible people at this party.
I went to Jackie, I explained to her that I got her a pill for her hoping to save her from a painful hangover in the morning and pleaded with her to slow down on her drinking once again. She got angry at me and started yelling at me about taking pills from strangers, how irresponsible I was and how I always had to be a kill-joy every time we went to a party. I was taken aback, she's never spoken to me like that before. I was so angry and hurt, that I shoved the pill in her hand and yelled at her for the first time in our two-year relationship.
I watched as the strong woman before me continued to struggle with the emotions of that night.
I told her if anyone was being irresponsible it was the drunk standing before me. I told her that the very people she was standing here trying to impress were the ones who suggested it, and they were not as blatantly drunk as she was because they took that pill before they drank. I left after that and went outside to get some air I don't' really know what happened afterward.
"It was all my fault everything that happened that night was my fault!" She spat angrily as tears streamed down her face.
"You can't blame yourself, Lacey." I tried to reassure her, but she cut me off as she stood and paced the room, her jaw clenched as she roughly ran her hands through her hair.
"It was my fault if I wasn't so trusting and naïve, " she cried as she slumped to the floor. " I, I gave her that pill, I drugged her it was all my fault, everything was my fault." She sobbed. Moving quickly, I knelt down beside her pulling her into me in an attempt to comfort her as much as I could. Now I understood her guilt, she's blamed herself for what happened, and still did, after all, these years. As held her, my own tears fell my heart broke for the woman in my arms.
"What they did to me that night was nothing compared to what they did to her." She continued shakily I looked at her as remembered back to what Lauren had told me.
"You weren't hurt in the car accident were you," I asked already realizing.
She shook her head and pulled away from me as she leaned up against the wall and continued telling me about the night.
I was still angry at Jackie for what she said and felt stupid for not realizing that although she said she loved me, I was also being a burden to her, she comforted and protected me for years, when my stepfather tried to beat the sickness out of me as he put it, she was there giving me reassurance things would be better knowing I couldn't hurt my mother and sister by letting them know. When people in school bullying me for being gay she was always there to pick up the pieces ad stood by me every step of the way.
I needed to find her and make sure she was ok, I thought I'd just keep my distance and when she was ready I'd drive us home as planned, we'd talk tomorrow and if she wanted to leave me I'd understand.
I searched the party for her, I couldn't find her. I came across the group of girls she was with and they said she went to the restroom upstairs. When I couldn't find her in the restroom, I searched the bedrooms. What I saw broke me, there were four of them in the room with her, I rushed at them in a panic all I could think of was getting to her.
"But I-I was W-weak," She whispered as I watched as she once again broke down, her cry of pain now a cry of anger as she clenched her fists remembering.
"Jackie, S-She was crying, T-they'd torn her clothes, two of them grabbed me as another continued to r-a-rape her," She whispered, she sat there for what seemed like an eternity while she stared at the wall, her blue eyes held so much pain and agony, finally she blew out a breath and continued.
They laughed, The bastards just laughed as I cried for them to stop, Her eyes found mine as she pleaded for help. I tried, I tried so hard to break free to get to her, I was dragged to a corner and tied to a chair. They made me watch as they took turns raping her, they held my head in place, beating me when I refuse to look at what they were doing to her. I must have blacked out, after some time though I heard them stop, my eyes were swollen from the crying and the beatings making it difficult for me to see her so I called out for her, they beat me again until I passed out. Few days later I woke up I the hospital.
She was already released from the hospital when I woke up, When she came to see me, I tried to apologize for being too weak to help her, but she wouldn't look at me. She said she'd come by to explain what the police believed happened and I was to stick to the story, how she was raped at the party by a guy and I was bringing her to the hospital to get looked at. I was too distraught to drive which lead to the accident. When I tried to argue with her telling her we needed to report it, she laughed. She said she didn't need people to know she was gang raped. Letting people know she was raped by one person was bad enough.
I agreed to do what she asked as she turned to leave I stopped her, she looked back at me, but there was nothing there, I knew then she would never look at me the same way as before. I said the only thing I could to let her know how I felt.
I sat there as she repeated those last words she'd spoken to Jackie. "I love you, Jackie, no-one can't change that, this, what happened won't change that. I know you may never forgive me, but know that I will always love you, That was the last time I saw her despite my many attempts. A few months later she was gone." She finished.
She got up and dug around in her desk and pulled out a worn envelope and handed it to me. "The last day I went to her house hr father told me she was gone. It broke me to see him in pain as he cried. He held on to me repeating the same words over and over again, she's gone, she's gone.."
"I refused to believe him and tried to get past him, she couldn't be gone, she was stronger than me, stronger than all of us. There was no way. He handed me that letter before he stepped back and shut the door. I don't know how long I sat there in front of the door where he left me, next thing I knew my mother was pulling me into her arms." She said as she closed her eyes, tears still streaming from her face. I watched as she walked over to the closet and changed into a pair of sweats.
"Where are you going?" I asked worriedly.
"For a run, I won't be long," she whispered before heading to the door.
I looked at the letter in my hand and pulled it from the envelope and proceeded to read it.
Lacey,
None of this will make any sense, Just know what I did what I needed to for my own selfishness. You are stronger than you know. You are eighteen now and next week will be graduating. Don't waste your life here. I remember how you've always wanted to join the Marines, the only reason you haven't pursued the option is because of me. You wanted to follow my dreams instead of your own, every decision you've made was for me and not you.
Go, follow your dream Lacey, if it helps in your decision, it's what I want for you. you need to learn how to take care of yourself now. This is not the end I envisioned. I was an ass at the party because I knew I would be letting you go soon, seem fate decided to punish me for my actions, unfortunately, you were hurt in the process as well.
I know you Lacey, and I know no matter what I say, you will still blame yourself for that night. Don't', it was never your fault. I love you and although it is no longer in they way I once did I still love you. Live your life, find happiness. Find you.
Jackie.
I knew Jackie was right about one thing Lacey never forgave herself for that night. I didn't know what to do for her except be there. I was already falling for this amazing woman, there was no turning back.