I'm done-
sick and tired
(so tired)
of
every
little
thing
existing on planet Earth
choking me as
I sleep.
I just want to sleep.
I want to be free
of this relaxed intensity,
of this careless
and passionate-less
existence.
If I can't feel
anything,
then I don't want to be anything.
But still, I stay for you.
It's sad when I can still remember
the roses' lovely fragrence
yet bring them back to my lips and nose
and not even the smell of the spring air
greets my waiting inhalation.
I don't even want to die.
I want to not exist.
To have never existed.
I want to go back in time and give my mother
a different child,
a better child,
a happy child
who can give her the grandchildren
she so desires.
I'm a fuck up.
And I can't even kid myself to think, "Maybe one day, I'll change."
So I'll settle for denouncing my entity and returning to God. Or the ground. Whomever will have me.