[dedicated to Clarke for being a funny commenter (banner credit) ]
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The last bit of the journey stretched so long that I found myself grasping at any topic to converse with but conversation between Alastair and I was dry. I wanted to be mad at him for his rejection but I didn't quite know what to feel. With him seated in the driver's seat and me in the passenger's seat, I could practically hear the sexual tension sizzle between us as he cast me his occasional silvery, heated gaze.
It had taken all day to reach Deidrif and when we did reach there, the sun had already set and darkness of the night was already beginning to creep in. I wasn't sure where this place was because all I saw were tall, green and lush trees towering high above the Jeep, becoming more dense and darker as Alastair took a sharp turn and drove the Jeep into the opening of the evergreen forest.
"We're here," Alastair said, breaking the silence that had made itself comfortable for hours of the ride inside the Jeep, as he hit the brakes and opened the door to get out.
"Uh," I started, not sure if I was sounding stupid or not, "where exactly is Deidrif? We're in a forest. I'm almost certain we're lost."
Alastair's hand was still on the handle of the Jeep and I heard him chuckle at my retort as he cast his alluring grey eyes to me. His chuckle was soft and sincere and I couldn't help but admire the way his dark hair fell over his enticing grey eyes, the swirl of grey whirling with amusement. Suddenly realising what he was doing, he stopped mid-chuckle and thinned his lips, pulling them into his mouth and if he thought that would ease the tension between us then he was wrong because that simple action drew my attention to his slightly purple tinted lips that I recently found more than just alluring.
"Deidrif is separate from the mortal world, of course," Alastair supplied, his lips now parted and moved as he spoke, the serious expression that he loved to wear had graced his features yet again, "it's hidden by an enchantment. Only those who belong to Deidrif and has the blood flowing through their veins can come and leave Deidrif as they please. But many are content in Deidrif and few would ever venture out into this world."
I nodded, and asked, after Alastair had gotten out of the Jeep and I followed him, clambering out the vehicle as well, "so are we going to drive all the way to, uh, the Kingdom?" It still all seemed too surreal for me. I had only recently discovered this other life that I apparently truly belonged to, where my mother was the Queen and Ronan was the King, which made me - their daughter - a Princess. Even now, after having all day in the Jeep to think about everything Alastair had told me about my family history, legacy and the feud that had taken place because there was no conversation between Alastair and I on the ride, I was still coming to terms with it all. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have pictured being on the run, being a Princess...belonging to a world like this. It was going to take a while to adjust myself to all of it.
"No, we're going to have to walk on foot," he replied, his eyes set on the trees like he was looking for something. "If I had known sooner that we were coming back to Deidrif - it was all sudden so I couldn't plan for anyone to bring horses or a carriage-cart to the border-"
"Why can't we just drive there?" I asked, my brows furrowing in confusion.
His own eyebrows raised like he had finally found what he was so intently scouring the forest for before he whirled out and walked to the Jeep, answering me as he made his way back to the vehicle, opening the back seat and looking for something, "Cars, Jeeps, any sort of vehicle isn't a product or something that belongs to Deidrif and only things that belong to Deidrif - except clothing, food and essentials of that sort - can go through the enchantment."
Alastair emerged from the Jeep holding onto his duffel bag in one hand and a sleeping bag in the other. When my eyes landed on the sleeping bag, my stomach stirred with anxiousness and anticipation. "How long is the walk?" I asked, my voice tight as I eyed the sleeping bag in Alastair's right hand as he slung his duffel bag over his left shoulder.
"About three to four hours," he replied, walking past me and I followed him before he came to a standstill a few seconds later and eyed the gap between the two very tall lush green trees. I noticed that he had not once locked eyes with me as he had often done before and my stomach stirred but not with anxiousness and anticipation but with an unidentifiable emotion because I knew the reason he was avoiding my gaze was because he knew that I could read his emotions through his eyes and that what had transpired between us last night, the proximity between our bodies and the open emotions about each other, was not something that should have happened because for some reason that Alastair had not yet told me about, it couldn't.
"We'll be walking for four hours now?" I asked, glancing up at the sky and back at Alastair who still wouldn't pick up his gaze to look at me.
"No, we can't walk now. On the other side, we'll enter the Forbidden Forest of Deidrif and it's safer to stay closer to the border until daylight so we are not taking the risk of walking when it's almost nightfall," Alastair replied coolly, but I could sense the slight tremor in his voice as he spoke. That wasn't all he wanted to say. I could read the silent words that Alastair had muttered; there were things - creatures, who knew what they were - in that forest and walking at night would definitely not be safe.
"Come on," Alastair said, finally lifting his grey eyes to mine, momentarily locking his silvery gaze with mine, before he jerked his head to the small space between the trees and cast his glance elsewhere. "We should settle in quickly." With that he took a few steps forward, stepping through the small opening that the two most towering trees in the forest provided before I could see him no longer, a white light appearing before he had disappeared.
Panic momentarily seized my heart, his vanishing act made my heart pulse with panic and anxiousness. Taking a deep breath, I straightened my back and walked towards the two trees before I stepped over the roots, my eyes closed and then - "oof!" My eyes shot open in an instant to see that I had collided with Alastair, my foot stepping on his foot, my weight tipped all towards him which made the pressure in my foot that was crushing Alastair's to increase.
I stepped sideways, blushing slightly at the close proximity - I could feel his warm breath tickle my ear and my exposed neck, his arm brushing mine and the warmth of his body kissing at my exposed skin - and looked at him apologetically before I said, "I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."
"That's okay. I moved out of the way but you were taking a few seconds too long to come through so I got a little wo-" He cast me a glance before he tried to cover up the fact that he was just about to tell me he was worried about me by saying, "I was about to come through to get you and see if you were alright but the moment I was going to come through, you already did so there's no need to apologize. It's okay."
He was rambling. It was the first time he rambled and I tried to press my lips together as I made an attempt to not smile but I couldn't resist. Alastair, however, wouldn't have noticed my smile because he was soon bending down and picking up a piece of wood - long and thin - before he bent down again to pick another one.
I didn't know what he was doing but I assumed he wanted to make a fire to keep warm so I helped him, taking the sleeping bag from his right hand to make it easier for him to pick up sticks and he looked sideways at me, his gaze hesitant and somewhat appreciatively warm but I pretended not to notice as I bent down and helped him pick up any pieces of wood that was within my line of sight because I knew the moment he knew that I knew I was looking at him, his expression would return back to that serious passive expression and while Alastair wasn't smiling, I actually liked the warmth of his silvery gaze on me.
"I think we have enough wood for a small fire," Alastair said, straightening up after a few minutes of searching for pieces of wood. After a few seconds of debating where to place the fire, he littered the area that he found suitable with the pieces of woods that he carried and I dropped the portion I had helped him pick up to where he deposited his collection.
"Do you even know how to build a fire?" I asked, watching him as he squatted - the jeans he wore stretching against his leg before riding up and making crinkles to form near the pocket area - and placed the sticks into a pyramid-like position.
He looked up at me, the shine of the night made his grey eyes look darker and a little haunting. "The King wouldn't send me to protect his daughter if I didn't know the basic survival skills, would he?" Alastair replied, a swarm of emotions pooling in his eyes.
I sat down on the ground, the hard earth hurting my butt and I adjusted myself to make myself the most comfortable I could get before I watched Alastair build the fire. A couple of long, silent minutes passed by before he made the fire and lit it. He perched himself next to me and cast me his silvery gaze. "You should sleep," he said, his voice soft and low and maybe it was because he didn't want to awaken anything dangerous in this forest but a part of me knew the tone and softness of his voice was not because of that.
Instead I held his gaze, jutting my chin out a little before I started equally intently in his eyes and said, "you still haven't told me why my nightmares have begun to change ever since I met you."
A ghost of a smile played on his enticing lips but it was gone in a blink of an eye. "Well, I'm not quite sure why your nightmares began to change but maybe I acted as a trigger," he said before he looked back at the fire and watched the delicious flame lick the open chilly air and send a thin trail of smoke upwards. "For some people these gifts cannot be controlled. Mariana's gift couldn't be controlled and likewise yours can't be controlled either." I noticed that he said couldn't instead of can't for my mother unlike me, telling me that he had already acknowledged the fact that my mother was dead and maybe she was but she wasn't gone. I could still hear her voice in my head, whispering to me when I was in doubt and she didn't need to be alive to help me or guide me. She was still here with me.
"For some people these gifts can be harnessed or controlled. I got my gift when I was eleven and I started seeing things and hearing things whenever I touched someone. I didn't know how to control it until my mother taught me this breathing exercise that was supposedly used on gifted people to calm them down after they have their, uh, episodes." Alastair's hand was on his knee and I saw his hand tighten around it, his slightly dark skin growing a lighter colour. Without thinking twice I laid my hand on top of his, slipping my fingers through his, feeling the roughness of the back of his hand inside my palm, before slowly prying his hand from his knee. My hand slipped into his, my hold around it tightening and when Alastair cast me a frail glance, his grey eyes filled with sorrow, despair and helplessness, I felt my heart ache and twist and I gripped his hand tighter before I moved closer to him and placed our entwined hands slightly above my knee.
His eyes were dark and this time he didn't push me away. He simply gave in and he did so by letting me hold his hand in the chilly night, the fire he built did little to keep us warm. I realised at this moment that he and I were quite alike. We both had on a fake bravado, hiding behind a mask because we didn't want the world to see just how weak and vulnerable we were.
"It took me four years to get complete control over this gift, this power, and even then it wouldn't erase the secrets that I pried on unintentionally. They say these are gifts but they're sort of like burdens. Your mother's painted until she finished the painting. It wouldn't matter if her fingers were bleeding, she would continue painting. And your nightmares, they bring you anything but pleasure. Few people are truly gifted with gifts but unfortunate people like us are gifted with the worst kind of gifts."
There was a sense of opening that hung heavily in the air and I found myself grasping at the opportunity. "Why do you keep pulling away?" I asked and I felt his hand go rigid in mine before he tried to subtly pull it away from me but I gripped his hand tight and looked him dead in they eye. "See, you're doing it now."
His serious expression that had fitted itself on his face when I asked the question five seconds ago came crumbling down in an instant because I had seen the state he was in when he was weak and if I hadn't then he wouldn't have crumbled so fast. "You have to understand, Genevieve, that Deidrif doesn't follow modern rules that the mortal world does. You belong to Royalty and maybe it seems a little off to you now but Princesses aren't allowed to get involved with common men or peasant men."
I tilted my head, licking my lips that had gone dry, "you aren't a common man, Alastair."
"You know what I mean," he said, his dark grey eyes fighting against temptation, the swirl of grey holding many emotions, "a Princess or anyone of Royalty can only marry a noble man, only from a noble clan. To be involved with someone who does not belong to a royal clan is an offence, it isn't acceptable." His sentence strung up a series of questions - Were there other places like Deidrif? Was Deidrif not the only place that wasn't the same as the 'mortal world'? - but I chose to ignore them for the moment being and pester Alastair about this later.
"Is that why you refused to kiss me yesterday at the nightclub and after that?" I asked. The question had slipped through my lips before I had the chance to swallow it down but once it was out in the open I didn't regret it because I liked the way his grey eyes grew appreciatively darker as his head tipped forward the slightest bit which made the space between us even shorter, his hand now gripping mine instead of the other way around.
"That's only half of the reason," he said, his silvery voice soft and low, almost like he was whispering to me, telling me a forbidden secret.
His words ignited something within me and I found myself, like him, leaning in a little bit more closer and reducing the distance between us. I could now see the swirl of grey in his alluring eyes perfectly and they whirled with passion, yearning and longing. "What's the other half of the reason?"
"Well," he said, his slightly purple tinted lips lifting up the slightest bit almost like he was smiling but he wasn't and I wondered if it was because his heart was beating so fast and hard against his ribcage that he couldn't smile, that he could only get lost in the moment like I was getting lost in it. "When I kiss a girl that I like I don't want her to be drunk."
My heart was beating so loudly and so fast, tattooing it's pace to my ribcage, that I was certain Alastair could hear the frantic beatings of my heart. "Well," I began just like he did, my gaze on him heated as I leaned in just a little more so that our noses were almost brushing, so that I could feel the jean of his leg pressed against the jean of my leg, so that I could feel the warmth of his body kiss mine after they smothered through my shirt and jeans and so that he could see in my green eyes the mirrored emotions that were in his. "That girl's not drunk now."
His silvery gaze moved down to my lips and I instinctively darted my tongue out, moistening my lips and I watched his grey eyes grow more darker and hooded with longing and wanting. He stiffened then. He looked back to me, his expression serious and passive and while I still saw those fighting emotions in his eyes it still hurt me a little to see him pulling back so quickly.
"You should sleep. Get some rest. You'll need the energy because we're leaving right after dawn, or at dawn." His voice was clipped and strained like he so badly wanted to say something else, do something else, but he knew it wasn't right.
And despite my disappointment I felt myself smiling, my lips stretching out into a genuine, warm smile that was meant solely for Alastair. "You're a strong and brave man, Alastair. It's no wonder that my father whom I still don't like, by the way" - I saw amusement flicker in his grey eyes briefly - "chose you to protect me. He sees a man that has his demons and instead of succumbing to them he tries his very best to fight his way through."
"You shouldn't say things like that," he said, his grey eyes unguarded and soft and a warning tone was underlying his voice but by the way his voice trembled the slightest bit showed that he was affected by my words.
"It's the truth," I replied as I brought my hand up and skimmed my fingers across his cheekbone, his heated grey eyes that were fixed on me putting me under a trance and pulling me forward with invisible strings.
There was a moment of silence where Alastair kept his silvery gaze on me - heated, fierce and intense - and if he thought that sort of gaze was going to make me back down he was wrong. It made the attraction all the more prominent and compelling, the tugs on the invisible strings more stronger and urgent. "You should sleep, Princess," he managed to say at last.
I smiled and I knew that he saw that it didn't quite reach my eyes. I placed my hand that was on his cheek moments ago to his shoulder which I used as support as I leaned in and brushed my lips across his cheek, his stubble that had begun making an appearance grazed my lips which managed to send a tingling sensation down to my toes. My lips lingered on his skin for seconds more than was necessary before I pulled back and said, "Don't call me Princess, Alastair. Maybe that's what everyone in Deidrif will see me as but I am far from a Princess."
My goodnight kiss seemed to have disarmed him and he opened his mouth to reply but he couldn't. His cheeks were flushed, his slightly dark skin had a tint of pink to it, and his gaze on me was lustful when his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed his nervousness.
Before he could regain his composure, I turned around and took the sleeping bag that I had deposited next to me and crawled a little bit away before I pulled open the sleeping bag, adjusted it and slid my body into it. Getting comfortable I silently prayed that I wouldn't have a nightmare but the longer I stayed in the sleeping bag, the more uneasy I became and I found myself having trouble to find sleep.
Lying in the sleeping bag, sleepless, for quite a long time with my mind constantly jumping to all the moments Alastair and I shared, playing them over like if I didn't grasp onto them tightly they would slip away and I wouldn't remember them - it was then that I realised what had caused my discomfort, what had made sleep so hard to find.
It was Alastair and the fact that I could not have him in the way I yearned him, the fact that he could not have me in the way he yearned me, made me uneasy to the point that I couldn't fall asleep. Because I knew that any sort of relationship that was not platonic between Alistair and I was unacceptable and immoral.
Forbidden.
A/N:
poor Gen and Alastair. the struggle is real. i'm really satisfied with how i ended this chapter. what do you think? writing these scenes between them makes me feel so nice. i'm such a cheesy person haha. also, this chapter isn't very long but i do hope it was satisfying enough!
there's not much to say about this chapter but i hoped you learnt a little more about the way Deidrif works and about the gifts people have. sorry for the late update. i know i said that i would update on the 25th/26th but i was away from home and went to go visit family out of the city. i'm only a day late so :P
question: thoughts and inputs on the way Deidrif works in regards to relationships/marriage etc??
also, wish me luck for nano!
next update: april 1st/2nd
until next time,
-anha xo