Alright ladies and gents! We have finally reached the point where Loving Him and Losing Him match. After this chapter is posted, I will post the next chapter of Losing Him. READ THIS CHAP FIRST! And without further ado, enjoy.
PICTURE OF DREW BECAUSE WE ALL ADORE HIM!
XOXO
Firelipz♥
Lady Amanda watched her creation with a pleased expression. He was everything she'd hoped to create. General Goodman would be ecstatic. So far, the other countries were still unaware that Betas and Omegas could create true Alphas. She was sure they still thought that Betas were sterile. The American facilities were so far ahead in their research, it made the woman almost giddy.
Christos was the perfect soldier. He was ruthless, obedient, and did not feel pain. He was free of the emotional strife that our soldiers face and he just kept going.
They discovered that the trick was in the Omega blood. The stronger the bloodlines, the higher the chance of a true Alpha. But true Alphas only come one in a litter. The rest were true Omegas, but those Omegas bore the ability to have true Alphas. It was a never ending cycle and when the discovery was made, Lady Amanda was thrilled.
It was time, she thought, staring at the young adult Alpha.
It was time to start breeding him.
Chapter Five
"He's being a total jerkwad!" I exclaimed, falling back on the bed.
My best friend, Drew, rolled his dark brown eyes at me, while rocking one of his cute little pups to sleep. He looked exhausted, but I wasn't going to comment on that, last time I did, I got chewed out.
Despite being exhausted though, he looked good. He had a certain glow to him and I think it was all because of the little guys he was taking care of. I couldn't wait for that. For that nurturing feeling to kick in.
"It's been rough these past few days so I'm not surprised. Kai's been a little on edge too. I don't think there is anything we can do about it except comfort them when we can," Drew told me. I glared at him.
"I'm the pregnant one! I should be the one comforted!"
Drew chuckled. "You sound like Pyka."
My face softened at the mention of our other Omega friend. "How is Pyka, by the way?"
"He's fine. He's been on bedrest and hating it. I try to visit when I can because I know that being alone and holed up in the room is torture."
We both shared a look and shivered.
"Tell me about it," I mumbled.
Drew sighed in relief as his pup finally fell asleep and went to put him in the crib with his brothers. When he came back, he plopped on the bed beside me.
"Thank Goddess. It took me two hours to get him to stop wailing after Kai left. That boy has become so attached, I don't know what to do," Drew complained, referring to his smallest pup, Ambrose.
"He just loves his Papa," I teased.
"I know. A little too much."
We laughed.
I was really happy that Drew let me in here. I was the only one that he really allowed around the pups. Sometimes Melrose would come but I don't think that he will be truly comfortable with her around his pups until she has some of her own. But knowing that I even had her beat, made me feel a bit special.
"How are things with Christos?" he asked and immediately the happiness deflated from the air. I frowned.
"I don't know what you mean."
Drew snorted. "Don't play dumb Asa, I can see right through you."
I sighed, turning over and giving him my back. I didn't want to talk about it because with Drew, I find myself admitting things that are never supposed to be voiced allowed. I couldn't let him dissect this relationship, because if he does, I'll have to come to terms with it.
I just want to run. For a little bit longer.
"He's in love with you, you know."
I winced. "No he's not. That monster isn't capable of love."
"Asa, have you ever actually listened to him? When he explains why he did it—"
I whirled on him with a fury that surpassed the others. "Don't you dare defend him to me!"
Drew sighed. "You know I'm happy that you found Asher and that he was even accepting of the pups that aren't his. But Asa...you're not happy."
Stop it Drew!
Don't ruin this for me.
"I am happy!"
"No you're not. You're lying to yourself."
"Why wouldn't I be happy? I was saved from two years in Hell, reunited with my lover, and surrounded by amazing Wolves. Tell me one reason why I shouldn't be happy?"
Drew gave me a level stare.
"I'm not going to say it for you Asa. I want you to say it. I want you to recognize that you're not happy and there is only one thing that will make you happy."
I started to cry.
"I-I have to go," I sniffled.
"Asa-"
I hurried out of there.
Christos was waiting for me by the door. I didn't look up at him, but I knew he was there because I was so damn aware of him.
We walked to our hideout in silence.
He didn't comment on the fact that I was crying, though I could feel his curiosity like it was palpable. I refused to acknowledge it though. I refuse to acknowledge him.
"I will prepare you something to eat," Christos said.
I wanted to protest, but he was already gone. I walked through the front door with a sigh, before plopping down on the couch. I felt a few nudges from my pups, and I soothed their anxiety with a kneading hand.
"It's probably getting cramped in there, huh? I'm sorry, but you'll be out soon. I can't wait to meet you all," I told them with a smile.
I hoped they were a cute as Drew's pups. Those pups were going to grow up to be handsome little heartbreakers. I could just tell.
Would they have his eyes? Or his dark mocha skin?
A part of me wanted them not to have any part of him, but a small part, in the depths of my heart, wished they inherited his every beauty. From his high cheekbones, to his full plump lips. I wanted them to be carbon copies of him so I could love him though them.
The thought froze me in place.
No.
I won't delude myself that far.
I don't have feelings for him. I refuse to.
Damn it, Asa!
"Asa?"
I jumped at the voice, looking down at the warm plate of sautéed steak and vegetables with a side of mashed potatoes. How did he cook this so fast?
I nodded in thanks while practically inhaling the food. It tasted so good, each tangy flavor exploded on my tongue, forcing small moans from my lips.
Christos sat across from me and watched dare I say it, with a pleased smile.
When I finished, he took the plate into the kitchen, and washed it for me. When he came back, he sat across from me again. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he was also waiting for permission, like he always does.
"Spit it out," I muttered.
"Why were you crying?" he asked softly.
I was a bit caught off guard and just stared at him for a moment too long, before clearing my throat and looking away uncomfortably.
"Just a misunderstanding between Drew and myself."
Why was I explaining anything to him? He didn't deserve to know.
"Would you like to see my garden?" he asked suddenly.
I looked up at him startled. His gaze was intense and unwavering. I found myself a little lost in those ruby depths, before I shook my head and cleared my throat.
"Um, yeah. That would be nice."
Christos nodded before getting up and making his way to the door. I followed him, watching as he held the door open for me.
We climbed out of our hideout which was beneath an old shop at the edge of the community. I followed him through the empty streets towards the trees where we ducked and dodged the leaves. Some of them were destroyed from the previous battles and that made my heart clench.
Humans were such destructive creatures.
There was an uplifted root covered by a few leaves. Not paying attention, my foot caught on it and I went crashing down. Or I would have if Christos didn't react so quickly, catching me along the waist. My hands flew to his chest as I caught my breath, too afraid to imagine what could have happened.
Christos slowly released me but offered a hand.
I looked at it for a while, before brushing past it.
This visit meant nothing. Things didn't change between us and they weren't going to. I just wanted an excuse to get out of the house.
At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
When we finally reached our destination, my mouth dropped in awe.
It was breathtaking.
All of the vibrant lilies just dancing around each other like children on a merry-go-round. It was mesmerizing. But the most beautiful of them all, were the dozens of white lilies in the center.
I fell to my knees before them, gently cupping the delicate petals as tears watered in my eyes. I looked back at Christos in amazement. He was looking away bashfully, his dark skin faintly red in the face. His hands were wringing the ends of his shirt and suddenly he looked twelve.
"It's beautiful Christos, truly."
"I –I made it f-for you," he stuttered. "B-because you said you liked l-lilies."
My mouth popped open on its own accord. He didn't...he couldn't have...
It was a few months after they met and they just couldn't stop talking. We've gotten close enough where his touch didn't even bother me. He was the only other person I allowed to touch me freely.
Christos.
We were cuddled up on the floor of the cell. I laid my head on the Alpha's shoulder as we held hands.
"If you could leave here, what is the first thing you would do?" I asked him.
Christos was silent at first.
"Garden."
I pulled away to look at him in confusion and slight shock.
"Garden?"
Christos nodded.
"I want to surround myself with flowers and maybe...I'll find my flower."
I let that ruminate in my mind for a bit. It made me feel a little warm inside, knowing that such a kind and gentle Wolf was hidden in that rough exterior and I was the only one who knew.
"That's nice. I like flowers. Lilies are my favorite. White ones especially."
I should have noticed how his hand tightened in mine after that revelation and saw the sparkle in his eyes.
My heart nearly leaped from my chest. I wiped the tears from my eyes but they just kept falling. My limbs were tight with emotion and I just couldn't make them stop.
Christos was unsure with his movements, but he eased forward and kneeled in front of me. His next move was even more hesitant but he wrapped his arms around my frame. Without missing a beat, I curled up against his chest.
Why did I fit here so perfectly?
My fingers tangled themselves in his braids, holding on tightly. As much as I didn't want it to, things changed.
Christos lifted me up into his arms effortlessly. My legs wrapped around his waist while my arms went around his neck. Without another glance at the garden, we made our way back to the hideout.
When we reached the house, he traveled to the living room and set me on his lap while he sat on the couch. It was very quiet.
I stuck my face into his neck, relishing in his thick sweet scent, rubbing my nose along the skin so my own mingled with his.
"Thank you," I said finally, breaking the silence.
Christos didn't respond, just held me tighter.
And after that, his presence was no longer the burden it was before. When the next day rolled around and morning came, just before Asher left for his Alpha meeting, I didn't sneer at Christos's presence in the kitchen. Instead, I watched him with a new gentleness.
"I'll be back soon," Asher said, giving me a quick kiss before disappearing.
I sighed.
He's never home anymore.
Christos set a bowl of fruit in front of me. I smiled at him gratefully. When I finished, he cleaned the bowl and put it away.
Last night, I had been thinking. Drew's words kept ruminating in my mind and it made me realize that I never truly gave Christos a chance to explain. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to relive it again.
But maybe that's what I need to get better. To get stronger.
Maybe it's what I need to move on.
I'm broken.
And a broken Omega can't properly raise pups. Drew was still having problems adapting but he's gotten stronger. Standing up to his fears and I know those pups were going to have the best guidance from him. I needed to do the same, but first...
I needed to know.
"Christos?"
Christos looked up at me.
"Can we...talk?"
Christos nodded, helping me off the stool and leading me to the couch in the living room. I didn't know how to start and Christos didn't pressure me. Of course not. He was so attentive to my needs, I think he knows them better than his own.
"I know I've been...unreasonable. And I won't apologize for that because you hurt me. I t-trusted you and you betrayed me in the worst way. I told you what happened to my family. How my mother was raped in front of me. How they slaughtered my baby brothers. How they raped me and made my Papa watch. How they killed him right after. I even told you about Asher. How I was waiting for him. You knew what I suffered. And you did the same thing. But, I want to know why you did it. Because...because I don't believe you did it to hurt me. It sounds insane, because you did...but..."
I couldn't finish my sentence. I just waited.
"I didn't want to," Christos said after a strained silence. "Lady Amanda raised me. She trained me to be the perfect warrior. It was all I knew. I followed orders because I did not know there were other options. I did not know how to say no. I did not know she assigned me as your guard on purpose. I did not know what she was planning. But she told me that same day that I was to knot you. I said no. It was the first time I ever said no. But...I did not want to hurt you."
I listened to Christos talk quietly. It's been a long time since I've heard him talk so much. I was almost transported to the past...Almost.
He continued.
"Lady Amanda does not tolerate disobedience. And I was punished. Severely. She told me again, to knot you. I refused. She did not like that her training backfired and that she could torture me forever but I would not be affected. She would have had to kill me. I thought we would be fine. That I protected you. But she injected me with hormones and I lost myself.
Christos's eyes—much to my disbelief—watered with unshed tears. His expression was guilt-ridden and haunted.
"They threw me in there with you. And you were in heat...I tried to stop. I tried to control myself because I knew what you suffered. I did not want to hurt you."
He didn't continue and I didn't make him.
Before I could even react, the pups went crazy inside me. I cried out in pain, doubling over. Christos was quick, placing his hands on my stomach and murmuring to the distressed pups. They still kicked but much less than before.
Christos leaned his forehead against mine.
"I am sorry. What I did to you was unforgivable and I will never forgive myself for it. Never. You should hate me and I would not blame you."
I looked into his eyes.
Damn it, Christos.
I forgive you.
And I kissed him.
He froze in shock, but responded gently. His lips were just as soft as I imagined and he was sweet. Sweeter than a person should be, but I felt myself getting delirious with his sweetness.
I cupped his face, kissing him harder, pushing my tongue into his mouth. Loving how he let me take control but was just as passionate. We grew eager and rougher with our kiss, not bothering to stop for air.
I clumsily climbed on his lap, maneuvering enough so that my large stomach didn't thwart me from pressing myself against him. His hands tightened on my hips. Before I could even blink, he flipped us over, laying me softly on the couch, hovering just above me, but pressing his lips to mine tenderly.
But just as I was about to fall even more into him, he was suddenly ripped away. I sat up with just enough time to see Asher throw Christos into the wall. The Alpha crushing it with the strength of my mate-to-be.
Asher's blue eyes were red with fury. He clawed at Christos viciously. Tearing and ripping. But Christos wasn't fighting back. He was letting him. I stared at all the blood in horror.
"Asher! Asher stop it! Asher don't hurt him! It was me! Asher!" I screamed but he didn't hear me. He was completely feral.
I wasn't strong enough to help and I didn't have a phone. So I ran. I ran to the one place where I knew I could get help.
I just hoped I got there in time.
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