Alex groaned as he turned over in the small bunk to find his phone. 2:48am flashed at him in bright white from the small screen. Ever since Hollie had left, over two weeks ago now, Alex would swear he'd seen every hour of the clock almost every night. If he wasn't still awake, drunk, or writing he was restlessly tossing and turning, the bunk feeling much bigger than usual.
Hollie had finally called on a Tuesday, but Alex's first response had been to go absolutely postal at her for what she'd done.
"Are you fucking serious, Hollie?" He'd almost growled at her timid 'hello.' "You disappear in the middle of the night, abandon me and don't speak to any of us for a week, and your first word is 'hello?!' What about 'sorry?' What about 'I miss you?' What about actually being here in person?!" Alex surprised himself at the vitriol that had poured from his lips, a very different reaction to the one he swore he'd have days ago if she would just call.
Hollie whispered an apology and hung up, Alex knowing full well that she'd burst into tears, and he'd gone looking for Morgan.
Looking harassed, probably due to her worry for him, Morgan almost brushed Alex off until she saw the look on his face. "What happened, Lex?" she murmured as she led him to a quieter part of the venue.
"I think I might've just made things worse between me and Hollie..." He replied sheepishly.
"How can you make things worse if you haven't spok...oh, she called didn't she?" Alex could only nod in response.
"And you went nuclear on her...?" Alex couldn't meet Morgan's eyes, but nodded again.
Morgan pulled her brother in for a hug so he wouldn't see the panicked expression cross her features. She'd been so sure this was fixable, just a blip, but Alex and his way with words occasionally meant that he could deliver seriously crushing blows within a couple of seconds that even those who knew him best struggled to swallow. With Hollie's current headspace, Morgan wasn't sure how she'd have coped with the call.
"It's gonna be okay, Brother Bear; she's strong enough to cope with that, and you know she was probably expecting it. She knows what she did was shitty - why else would she not be back yet? She's just scared." Morgan rubbed Alex's shoulder and smiled up at him.
"Did she tell you that? Is she going to come back? Because i'm starting to think I'm going crazy!" he muttered in response.
Alex had been in a funk ever since. The guys were so excited for the special show at Starland Ballroom in New Jersey, and had been rehearsing the Put Up or Shut Up songs to play the record in full. It had all been going fine until halfway through Lullabies one afternoon, Alex completely broke down and refused to play it again, which had added a somber note to the rehearsals following.
So now in the early hours of Friday morning, somewhere on the road to Connecticut, Hollie still hadn't called; Alex was scrolling through the pictures on his phone, willing it to ring. Not ten seconds later, his phone buzzed and a notification appeared on his screen; it was a text from Hollie.
Mrs. Gaskarth: I'm so sorry. I miss you and I love you, and I hate that I've made you so angry and sad. Are you okay? Xxxxx
Alex locked his phone and closed his eyes for a moment, convinced sleep deprivation was causing him to see things. After a minute passed he reopened the phone to check and, sure enough, the message was still there. He considered replying before changing his mind, sliding out of his bunk and heading for the deserted back lounge, closing the door behind him.
She answered within two rings, despite the time, and said nothing for a minute.
"Hollie...?"
"I'm here. I'm so sorry, Alex!" her voice was unsteady as she spoke.
"So am I, baby. I miss you. Why did you leave?"
"It's hard to explain," Hollie began, "I guess I started to feel like we didn't have any time alone, to be a married couple. I know what I signed on for. You've been touring almost as long as we've been together. I guess I've gotten burnt out on it. It's selfish, but sometimes I just want you to myself. I let it get the better of me, and I had to get away. Not from you, necessarily, I just needed to clear my head."
"I wish you had just told me." Alex said, frustrated. "We've always been open with each other, Hollie, why would this be any different? We could've talked about it. The tour is nearly over, our wedding is right around the corner - at least, I hope it still is - and we've got a ton of time off coming up. We could've made time to work through things. I know my schedule isn't always ideal, but you have to know, baby, if you need me to make time I can. All you have to do is say so."
"I'm sorry. I guess I feel like I shouldn't because when I ask you to stay home I'm asking everyone to stay home too. I don't want to be the whiny wife who makes everyone miserable."
"Hollie, they get it. We all have families. We all have girlfriends, and boyfriends, and husbands, and wives, and friends. Yes, we love touring, but a few extra days off a year isn't going to ruin anyone's life. You're my wife. By definition, you get to tell me when you need me to be around."
"I hear you. And I appreciate it, more than you know. I love you so much, Alex."
"I love you too. Please tell me you're not giving up on us."
"I'm not." she assured him.
Alex let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. "That's very good news."
Hollie sniffed, clearly trying to get her emotions under control. "I miss you so much." she said on a whisper.
"At the risk of undoing all the good we've just done, would you consider coming to the Starland Ballroom show? We're doing all the Put Up Or Shut Up songs for a live anniversary recording next year. It would mean so much to me if you were there."
"I don't know, Alex...I'm not sure I'm ready for another show just yet. Plus I just got a huge assignment today. It's going to take ages for me to get it together."
Alex closed his eyes, but tried to hide his disappointment when he spoke. "I understand. But, hey, we only have four more shows. I'll be home in less than a week. Then we can really hash this out and fix things."
"Sounds good to me." Hollie said. She yawned involuntarily.
Alex laughed. "Okay, sleepy head. I think it's time for you to get some shut eye."
"I don't want to hang up."
"Me either."
"I love you, Alex Gaskarth."
"I love you too, Hollie Gaskarth. Now go to sleep."
"Okay, okay. Goodnight, love."
"Goodnight, baby."
Alex smiled for the first time in almost three weeks. Maybe they were going to be okay after all. He opened the lounge door, and nearly collided with Morgan.
"What are you doing up, sis?" Alex whispered so they wouldn't wake anyone.
"I heard you talking, and I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Yeah, it was Hollie. I think we're going to be okay."
Morgan sighed in relief, and hugged Alex tight. "I'm so happy to hear that."
"Me too. I was worried I'd lost her."
"So is she coming to Starland?"
"No...she doesn't think she's ready to be back on tour yet. She's pretty burnt out."
"And you're okay with that?" Morgan asked, already knowing the answer.
"No, I'm not, but we repaired a lot of damage tonight. I didn't want to press my luck. But I'm definitely not singing Lullabies now..."
"Fair enough. Are you going to try to sleep?"
"Yeah. I think I might actually succeed now."
"Okay. I love you, Brother Bear."
"Love you too, Morgan."
She waited until she saw the curtain close on Alex's bunk, and then Morgan went into the lounge and turned on her laptop. Desperate times called for desperate measures...
***
The next day, Morgan was setting up the production room at the venue when her phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket, not surprised at the name on her caller I.D. "Hey, Holls, what's up?" she played innocent.
"Uh, uh, don't even try that crap with me, Morgan Leigh. Why the hell is there a confirmation for a flight to New Jersey in my inbox?" Hollie did not sound pleased.
"Because you're coming to the Put Up Or Shut Up show." Morgan said definitely.
"No, I'm not. I told Alex last night, I'm done with shows for a while."
"Well, that's just too damn bad for you because you're coming. Alex is refusing to play Lullabies and I'm not having it. I swear, Hollie Gaskarth, if I have to take a red-eye flight to Baltimore, kidnap you, and drag you to Jersey by your toes, you will be at that show."
"You don't get to use your Captain Morgan voice on me, you know. You're not my tour manager."
"Fine, you leave me no choice."
"You're not seriously going to fly all the way out here?" Hollie actually started to sound worried, which amused Morgan to no end.
"Oh, no. I'm calling in reinforcements." As soon as she spoke Morgan heard Alex's and Hollie's abnormally loud doorbell sound in the background. Perfect timing.
"Hang on, someone's at the door." Hollie said.
A moment later Morgan heard a gasp, and then a groan. Hollie hadn't known she had all four aces in her hand.
Defeated, Hollie said, "You called Vinny?!"