That night, no matter how hard I tried not to, I dreamt only of my wedding. I remember my mother walking into my room with a proud smile on her face, the one I had longed to see all my life. I had finally done something right. I asked where Ingrid was, worried that I would make everyone in the church impatient.
"I wanted to do it myself," She replied, her voice happier than i have heard it in a long time, "I know it has not seemed like it in the past, but I am so proud of you, and am so glad that you have found happiness."
Shortly after I was sat in front of my vanity staring at my reflection. My mother had done a wonderful job with my appearance; My hair had been braided intrinsically and then brought into a bun in the back. My dress, influenced by the Queen's dress, was so white I feared even the slightest of touch would forever disfigure it without repair. It had a wide lace collar and the bodice was corseted until my waist where the fabric was fanned out. My mother gingerly dusted some pearl powder on my face before glancing into the mirror and smiling at me.
"You look beautiful my darling," She said, "Now come child! We mustn't be late getting to the church!"
We laughed as we raced down the stairs not caring that we were not behaving how a proper ladies should act, and got into the carriage careful not to get my dress dirty in the puddles. It took us thirty minutes till we arrived at the church, but in my dream it only felt like seconds. Before I knew it, I was ushered into the church awaiting my cue to walk down the alter. I heard the musicians begin from the other side of the door as they were opening and all I could focus on for a moment was the number of people who had come to the ceremony. I wrapped my arm around my father's outstretched elbow and matched my pace with his as we walked down the aisle.
"Do you, Charles Richard Anderson take thee, Mary Lee Collins as your lawfully wedded wife?" Asked the reverend.
Lord Bedford turned to me, his brown eyes glowing with warmth and happiness and the sunlight beamed down upon him through the stained glass window giving him an angelic aura, "I do."
The reverend then turned to me, "And do you, Mary Lee Collins take thee, Charles Richard Anderson as your lawfully wedded husband?"
I smiled blushing slightly as I turned to my fiancé, "I do."
"Then with the power invested in me, by the Church of England, I now pronounce thee husband and wife!"
Contrary to the applause I expected from the guests there was absolute silence. I turned toward the crowd only to find emptiness. I turned back around. The flowers in my hands had wilted and started to decay, my dress had faded from the beautiful white into a black too dark for even mourning. I looked up at my husband but this time his eyes, once warm and inviting, were now cold and piercing through me like a knife.
Looming over top of me he whispered with a menacing grin, "Welcome to the beginning of forever."
He was no longer the angelic man I thought he was... but the devil himself.
*********
I tried to read once I realized trying to sleep was hopeless and was exhausted by the time Ingrid had gotten me ready for breakfast. Mechanically I moved through the tasks needed to be done before I was presentable enough for table.
"Lady Mary?" Ingrid questioned while brushing the tangles out of my hair, "You are awfully quiet today, is everything okay?"
She placed the brush on the vanity and stared at me through the mirror, "No, Ingrid, I am afraid I am not."
"Pardon me if I am over-stepping my boundaries m'lady, but perhaps getting it off your chest would help."
I inhaled deeply, exhaling before beginning, "I spoke to my mother last night like you suggested, but she did not see reason like you expected her to. At first she was very calm about it, saying that with what Lord Bedford could do for our family's reputation she saw no reason to call off the engagement unless there was a reason. But her temperament changed the moment I started to give my reasons behind my sudden change in attitude toward him. In short she said that it was not every day a Marquee's heir took an interest in a dukes daughter, that I needed to stop being ungrateful and the wedding will continue as planned."
Ingrid was quiet for a moment before softly saying, "I am so sorry Lady Mary, I never would have though she would react like that. What do you think you will do now?"
"I wish I had an answer. I will not marry him, but if my mother does not consent," I said thinking back to the dream I had before my birthday, "there is no other option other than death for me but to run away."
"Leave your family? Are you quite sure?"
"I'm afraid that is the only choice I have."
Ingrid fixed the last few strands of my hair in place and then stepped back a pace, "Well you have some time to think before you have to decide what you will do. Nothing good comes from making rash decisions, so be sure to think long and hard about it. "
I turned around and offered her a half-hearted smile, "I will thank you," and then excused myself heading down for breakfast.
*********
My mother requested breakfast to be brought to her room, claiming a migraine. In actuality it was more to do with our discussion last night and not wanting to deal with the awkward tension that would follow, which I as well was happy to avoid. Although my talk with Ingrid created more questions on how I was going to handle the situation I was in, I did feel as though a great weight had been lifted off my chest. My father stayed fairly silent during breakfast, occasionally mentioning something interesting in the newspaper and I made no effort in coming up with conversation.
"I need a day," I thought, "A day where I can be myself with no rules about how I must behave and really think about what I need to do."
"Mary?" My father called.
"Yes sir?"
"Are you alright? You are very quiet this morning?"
"I did not sleep well is all," I said as nonchalantly as possible, "I was wanting to take Nirvana out for a ride today, would there be any problem with that?"
"None at all, just make sure that you let the kitchen know so they can pack you a basket for luncheon."
"Yes sir, I will be sure to be back before dinner."
*********
After breakfast I immediately went to the kitchen.
"M'lady!" Our cook exclaimed, causing all the staff sitting to stand up awaiting my instruction, "What can we do for you?"
"I was planning on going riding in about forty minutes, would you be able to pack a lunch for me by then?"
"Of course m'lady."
I gave my thanks and went to my room where Ingrid was waiting with my riding clothes laid out. Neither of us talked much, although it was a comfortable silence with both of us lost in thought. Shortly after, I was done getting dressed and grabbed my book before going to fetch my lunch and left for the stables.
The crisp spring air had faded into the humid air of summer but the slight breeze on the warm day reassured my decision to spend the day outdoors. Once I arrived at the stable I noticed the absence of Lucien. I decided to go visit my brother's horse, Aspen, while I waited for him to come and ready my horse. I entered the stable and noticed a stack of carrots lying on the stool and picked one up along with a brush and went over to her. She gratefully took the carrot, whinnying happily. Slowly unlatching the stall so I did not startle her, I carefully advanced toward Aspen, making sure to watch the horse for any signs of distress. When the horse did not react I reached out with the hand holding the brush and stroked her. Time seemed to stand still and I could not tell you how long I stood there brushing her.
"Im sorry m'lady, I hope I haven't kept you waiting long," I jumped and whirled toward Lucien, my heart skipping a bit. I clutched my hand to my chest and tried to steady my breathing. Looking both slightly amused and apologetic he added, "Sorry m'lady, I did not intend to startle you."
My heartbeat and breathing returning to normal, I smiled kindly toward the stable boy, "I assure you no harm has been done, I need some help in readying my horse, if that is not too much trouble?"
"Of course, m'lady," Came his reply and he immediately set off in search of her riding gear. I said my goodbyes to Aspen and exited the stall, locking it behind me.
Lucien helped me onto Nirvana once she was ready and I raced toward the pavilion. The breeze whipped through my hair causing strands to fall from my bun. I probably looked as though I had been mauled by a bear, but I did not care. I slowed Nirvana down as we approached the pavilion. I hopped to the ground, hearing a faint thudding sound caused my impact. There was a tree nearby which I tied Nirvana's reigns to. After stroking her for a minute I went to the shade that the pavilion provided. As much as I wanted to push aside the problem at hand; I really needed to figure out what I was going to do. I could not and absolutely would not marry Lord Bedford, that much was certain. My mother would not call off the wedding no matter how much I pleaded, so that also could not be an option. I thought for what seemed like days, slowly nibbling away at my lunch, but it was to no avail. The only thing that would work was to run away, even though the mere though caused a great ache in my heart. I had spend most of my life here and it would be a hard adjustment going from a soft bed and maids to wait on my every need to virtually nothing.
"How could I survive out there when I can not even dress myself," I thought. Then an idea came to me that had me jumping to my feet. I grabbed the picnic basket and rush toward my horse. Once I successfully mounted her we raced to the stables.
*********
"Well," I questioned Ingrid, mentally crossing my fingers.
"You...want me," she gestured to herself in surprise, "to teach you...?" Ingrid questioned hesitantly.
"Yes show me how to be more independent. I can not stay here and I do not possess the skills necessary to live on my own. Will you help me?"
"Of course m'lady. Where do you want to start?"
"How do dress myself and do my hair, might we borrow one of your uniforms for me to use to learn, it is not like I will be wearing fancy dresses where I'm going."
"Of course, m'lady. Shall we start with hair then?"
"Yes. I wont need to know anything complicated. Just how to braid and pin up my hair."
She spent the afternoon teaching me how to do my hair. I sat down at my vanity, she took out all the hair pins in my hair and it hung in loose curls down to the middle of my back. I grabbed the brush and glided it down my hair until there was no longer any knots. Ingrid brought my hair to one side showing me how to do a simple braid. I followed her instruction and within a few hours I became pretty good at it.
*********
August 1865
Ingrid spend all the time she could spare teaching me the things that I have had people do for me all my life. I will admit, I felt a tad stupid at first when I had a lot of trouble with things that she made look so simple; but now that I have learned and can now successfully care for myself, for the most part, I feel a new sense of worth and empowerment. Along with what Ingrid taught me I took an interest in plants. I learned how to tell the poisonous apart from the edible and some of the medicinal purposes of them. I went to our library and was surprised at the amount of books on it. In actuality there were only two or three books on it, but it was more than I had expected to find.
My wedding was coming up quickly, Mother wanted the wedding to happen as soon as possible. Arrangements started almost immediately after I accepted his proposal, but a wedding of this scale took time to prepare. Little did they know that when they woke up on the morning of the wedding I would no longer be there. I will be long gone somewhere within the forest where I will start my new life.
It is only three days away now. Mother had been very insistent on the day. She would have preferred to have the wedding last month but there wouldn't have been enough time to prepare. As young girls we learned the rhyme:
Marry on Monday for health,
Tuesday for wealth,
Wednesday the best day of all,
Thursday for crosses,
Friday for losses, and
Saturday for no luck at all.
So it was obvious why I just had to be married on a Wednesday. While many believe in these superstitions, I paid no mind to them. A wedding was a wedding no matter the day of the week; and if one truly loved another then the day of the week should have no influence.
Mordecai and Corinne arrived with their baby girl, Florence, in their arms. She had Mordecai's dark brown hair and Corrine's deep blue eyes. She had turned one just this past month. She toddles around the estate with her mother chasing her. There were also many evenings spent cuddled in the library with her, reading books. How much of the book Florence actually was told was debatable since she was more interested in turning the pages.
"M'lady?" I distantly heard Ingrid question, bringing my mind to reality once again.
"Yes Ingrid?"
"I think it would be best to start getting you ready for supper. We do not want you being late."
"Of course," I replied going to my closet and picking a light green evening gown and then walking toward Ingrid, ready to help me dress.
*********
"The Marchioness and Marquis of Bedford wrote that they would be arriving with their sons and the dowager marchioness of bedford late tonight and then the rest of the guests should arrive at varying times tomorrow," Spoke my mother, eager to once again discuss the upcoming wedding. I nodded and made a grunt of acknowledgement to show that I had heard her, "Mary, has the seamstress paid a visit to make any final adjustment yet?"
"Yes mother," I replied.
"Elle a regardé très belle!" Spoke Corrine from the opposite side of the table. She had been with me during the fitting. As with the day of the wedding, the colour of the wedding dress was also very important. In the 16th and 17th centuries, girls in their teens married in pale green, as a sign of fertility. Mature girls in their twenties wore a brown dress, and older women even wore black. Up to the 18th century, only poorer brides came to their wedding dressed in white as a public statement that she brought nothing with her to the marriage while other brides just wore their Sunday best.
Since the Queen got married, white had become a very favourable colour. My wedding dress was as white as the Queen's, with a fitted bodice, small waist, and full skirt over lots of layers of petticoats and my crinoline. It was made of lace and silk. The veil was a long piece of lace fabric with intricate designs.
"Well then, it seems as though everything is on schedule," Mother spoke as she lifted the spoon, from the bowl of soup, to her mouth.
*********
It was half past twelve now and everyone has long since been asleep. The giant halls made every footstep sound as if it were a heard of elephants instead of my slender form making their way down the flight of stairs. With me I carried a few simple dresses that I had gotten in town. They were not bulky and I was able to dress myself. I also carried enough food for the next two days until I could find a town, and some money I had stolen from my father's study.
I will admit I felt a little guilty for what I was about to do to my family. Never once had I thought myself capable of stealing and hated myself for wasting all the effort that had been put into my wedding. If only they had seen reason, then this needn't be necessary.
My conscience would not let me leave without any word to anyone about my disappearance. So I wrote to the person whom I would miss the most reading:
Dearest Mordecai,
You once said that you would support me no matter what,
I hope that still holds true and that we may meet again.
I am so sorry it had to come to this.
Yours Truly,
Mary
In the moment I could not care that the handwriting of the note was no where near the delicate and grace that a true lady would have. A few stray tears smudged some of the words, but I could not take the time to make a neater note. If I did not leave shortly, the maids would wake and alert my parents to my escape attempt.
Guided by only the dim light of my candle I made my way down the stairs toward the stables. It was only when I placed my hand against the attempt to push it open did I realize how terrifying the though of leaving the only home I had ever known. Without fully realizing what I was doing I turned away from the door and headed to the servants quarters.
"Lady Mary? What are you doing up?" asked a petite kitchen maid whom had just finished washing the dishes from the festivities during supper.
"Oh, I just noticed that one of my dresses has a rip in it and I wanted to tell Ingrid before I forgot."
"Of course, her room is through that door and on the third door to your left. Have a good night Lady Mary," She bowed and left me to my own devices.
I came up to what was supposed to be her room, pausing for a moment right outside her door, the finality of my decision finally setting in. But I couldn't back down now, without a second thought I pushed open the door seeing the sleeping figures of Ingrid and another maid. Creeping as quietly as possible I made my way to her bed and gently shook her awake.
"Lady Mary?" she questioned as her eyes adjusted to the dark room.
"I can not do it," I blurted.
"Do what?"
"Leave without you. I hate to ask you to betray the trust and loyalty of my parents but I don't know how the world works like you do," I paused a moment before continuing, "and besides I'd miss my best friend terribly."
"My loyalty lies with you Lady Mary. Whatever happens next, we will figure it out together."
Ingrid hopped out of her bed grabbing a small suitcase and filled it with a few spare changes of clothes and a small pocket watch that was left to her when her father died. Ingrid was rushing out the door when she noticed me still stuck in my position, "Well, come on! We have to hurry or we wont make it out before the maids start getting up!"
I nodded and followed her back towards the stables.
"What about money? We will surely run out of food before we find nice lodgings and jobs for the both of us," Whispered Ingrid.
"Do not fret. I grabbed enough from my father's study that we should be fine for at least a little while... if we are careful."
We left the house through one of the servants quarters and came out by the stables. I looked longingly over toward where I knew Nirvana's stable would be, as much as I dreaded leaving her here there was no way we would be able to sneak her out without causing a fuss never mind being able to keep her fed and hydrated. So we continued past toward the forest as fast as our feet would carry us, stoping only once the sun rose high into the sky.