dan
Dan thinks back to earlier during that morning.
Last night, his mother didn't come home after work like she usually does, Dan waited until three a.m. but she still didn't show. Eventually, Dan fell asleep on the sofa, and when he woke, she still wasn't home. Dan called her but she never answered.
He had no choice but to lie to Shawn, to tell him that she was fine, just... Out. He spent the morning trying to call her, but eventually, he had to leave for school. He was late - of course. But the sight of Phil had calmed him down.
But Phil wasn't here now, he'd run out. When he heard that Caspar had been hit by a car, he and Louise had ran straight out. Dan wishes he had friends that cared so much, however, the only person he can think of is Phil, and he has other friends to worry about.
After english finishes, Dan tries to call his mum again, but no one answers. He sighs, shaking his head. He needs to find out where she's gone, so without hesitation, Dan walks straight out of the school gates. He needs to know where she is. He may despise her, but deep down, he knows that she is mentally unstable and broken, and he realises that he really does care about his mother.
Dan runs down the street, heading towards where she usually works. He arrives out the front of the large building and pauses, surveying the streets. He's about to walk inside when he notices something; a part of the road taped off by police. Dan runs over, seeing a car stopped, another ran into the back of it. He freezes when he sees a trail of Crimson staining the road.
He pushes through and tries to keep going but a police officer stops him.
"Where do you think you're going son?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at Dan.
"What happened here?" Dan asks almost desperately.
"A woman and teenager were hit by a car," he says, "woman named Lisa Howell and the teenager was called Caspar."
"Where'd they go?" Dan asks, his heart speeding up.
"I really don't think this is any of your business kid-" the officer starts.
"That's my mum! I want to know where she's gone!" Dan yells, clenching his fists by his side.
"Oh, you're the one who's been calling the phone," The police officer says.
"Yes! Why didn't you answer it if you had it?" Dan yells.
"Look, calm down. I can take you to the hospital. Don't worry, your mother is in a stable condition."
Fifteen minutes later, Dan runs into a hospital room, finding his mother lying on the bed. Dan's heart stops. She looks bad, she looks, well, like she's been hit by a car. But Dan is pretty sure that it was intentional.
But how did Caspar get hit as well?
"D-Dan?" His mother chokes out, blinking at her son, "Dan I'm so sorry. I-I'm a horrible mother to you and Shawn. I'm not there for you, I'm so hopeless. I let him ruin me, and that's not fair on you."
Dan sits on the bed, taking her hand in his as she sobs. He feels his own heart start to melt, the icy edges growing weaker. It's not his mother's fault - it's his father's. He can see that now.
"You can fight it mum," Dan says softly, "don't let it win."
"I won't this time Dan," she says, squeezing his hand, "I promise. I needed this. It wasn't until after, when I was in the hospital, that I realised what I'd done. I was about to leave my two kids behind."
"So you ran in front of the car?" Dan asks.
"Y-yes. But this boy, he pulled me back, not quite quick enough, but enough so it wasn't fatal anymore."
"Caspar..." Dan says quietly.
"I've been told he's in the next room," his mother says.
"I'm just glad you're okay mum," Dan whispers.
"I'll be a mother now Dan, I promise," she says, pulling Dan into a hug.
Dan pulls away gently, so he won't cause her any more pain. He smiles softly at his mother.
"That's all I want."
***
When his mother closes her eyes to rest, Dan stands up.
He walks out, coming face to face with Louise. He freezes, his eyes widening.
"What are you doing here?" She asks sharply, tears in her eyes, "the person in that room is responsible for Caspar getting hit! Why the hell are you in there anyway?"
Dan feels hatred grow inside of him, curling in his gut and it's an unpleasant feeling. He also feels tears prick his eyes as sadness also takes over. He glares at Louise, who glares back.
"Why were you about to go into the room?" Dan asks, struggling to keep his voice steady.
"I was going to go see who the hell was responsible for this accident," Louis snaps.
"Is Caspar okay?"
"Yes."
"Then why the hell are you so upset? He'll get better quickly."
"That's not the point. The point is that it never would've happened if that person in there had been looking where they were going!" Louise says accusingly.
"You don't even know the full story!" Dan snaps back to her.
"Why are you even in that room Dan? I didn't think you cared about anything."
"Of course you don't."
"What's going on out here- Dan?" Phil asks, his eyes widening when he sees him.
"Please tell your friend here to stop accusing and assuming things," Dan snaps angrily.
"What are you doing here Dan?" Phil asks gently, his blue eyes curious and gentle, like they always are.
"My mother was hit," Dan says softly.
"Oh really? Well that explains a lot! Howells must cause damage to everyone!" Louise snaps.
"What the hell is wrong with you Louise?" Phil asks angrily, turning to her.
"Caspar is hurt!" Louise says, "and he could've been fine if his mother had looked where she was going."
"You just freaking assume things don't you?! She purposely ran in front of that car! She wanted to end her life! So next time, know shit before you speak it!" Dan yells angrily, "I'm so fucking done."
Dan turns and walks away, heading towards the lift. He needs to get out of here. He needs to go somewhere alone, he needs to scream, to cry, to do something to slow his mind.
He needs a release from himself.
***
phil
Phil is mad, to say the least.
Louise didn't know about Dan's mother, but he'd heard what she'd said, and although she was overcome with worry and grief, he can't forget her words.
"Phil I'm sorry, I didn't know-" Louise stammers, holding onto his arm.
"Knowing that shouldn't have made a difference on what you said to him," Phil says, turning away.
"Wait, where are you going?" She asks.
"I'm going out. I need time to think," Phil says, "stay with Caspar."
Louise nods in response and watches as Phil walks quickly down the corridor towards the elevator. He doesn't look back once. As soon as the elevator doors open to the ground floor, Phil is running.
He stops outside the hospital, surveying the streets. There's crowds of people walking by and traffic, it's rush hour, everyone is heading somewhere. There's only one thought in Phil's head though;
If he were Dan, where would he go?
Phil spots the large park opposite the hospital. The mass of forest which back onto it seems like the area that Dan would go, where no one would see him break and crumble.
Phil crosses the road and runs straight into the trees, his heavy footsteps crushing leaves and disturbing animals around him, but he doesn't care. He keeps running, looking around for any signs of Dan.
After a minute, Phil stops, his face red and he leans over, resting his hands on his knees as he tries to regain his breath. He hears the crunch of a dried leaf and stands up, looking to his left.
He then hears a small sniffle, and walks around ten meters to his left to find Dan huddled behind a large evergreen tree. He hasn't noticed Phil yet, so he bends down beside Dan and reaches out his hand, placing it on Dan's forearm.
Dan jumps, frightened and looks up at Phil, tears pooled in his deep brown eyes. His cheeks are pink and eyes red, and Dan no longer looks frightening or dangerous, like he usually does, he looks just tired and broken.
And Phil realises that's how Dan has been this whole time, he just acted a different way, so no one would see him like this. Phil tries to muster up the picture of Dan smiling in his brain, but he can't seem to picture Dan any other way than how he looks now.
"Ph-Phil what are you doing here?" Dan asks, his voice hoarse and shaky.
"I came after you, I'm sorry, about what Louise said," Phil says softly.
"Not your fault," Dan shrugs.
"But it's unfair, you don't deserve it," Phil says, frowning at Dan.
"I'm used to it," Dan says simply.
"But you shouldn't be," Phil says, sighing and he sits beside Dan, so close that their shoulders are brushing, "you are the most amazing person I've met."
"That's you," Dan says, looking over at Phil, "I wish I was as happy as you, I wish I could make others happy like you."
"You do Dan," Phil says.
"No."
"You do, you make Shawn happy, you're the best brother to him and you're the most important person to him - he loves and needs you Dan," Phil says.
"He won't if my mother recovers. No one really needs me Phil," Dan says quietly, "Shawn still spends a lot of time being unhappy."
"Well, you make me happy Dan. Those videos we filmed for English, they make me smile and laugh. I spend so much time making others happy, people forget that maybe I need to be happy as well," Phil says, "but you really listen to me Dan."
"It's nothing compared to what you do for me," Dan says quietly.
"Well it's everything to me," Phil says simply, reaching forward and lacing his fingers through Dan's, something he's wanted to do for a long time.
"Thanks Phil," Dan says quietly.
Then there's a moment, where their eyes lock. For Phil, time slows, and all he can think about his how much he wants to kiss Dan. Dan seems to have the same idea, as they both seem to slowly lean forward, and just before their lips touch, Dan pauses.
"Would it be wrong if I kissed you?" Dan asks in a whisper, his breath hot on Phil's lips.
"Totally wrong," Phil says, "but totally right."
And then they're kissing. Their lips touch and after a brief moment, they separate, but for Phil, that was the moment when he knew how much he'd fallen for Dan. His heart is racing and his lips are tingling.
Then, to make his heart melt even more, Dan smiles properly again. His face lights up, his dimple appears and creases appear next to his eyes.
"You're smiling," Phil says, a grin creeping onto his own face.
Dan laughs lightly, looking over at Phil.
"I'm happy."
*****************
an// hey hope you enjoyed! THEY FINALLY KISSED :D please remember to vote, comment and share if you enjoyed! Also thanks so much for 10 K reads, it means the world!
Tell me your thoughts on the chapter! I'll try to update again within the week, as usual. Thanks so much for reading! :D