✺ K A T E ' S ✺ P O V ✺
"So, how are you this week? Anything new happen to you?" Mia asks with a sweet smile as she sits across from me. The small therapy office doesn't seem to be closing in on me as usual. I'm actually a bit refreshed to be here for a change.
"No, not much is different since last week." I shrug back, trying to think of something that's happened to me since the last time I was in her office.
"Lena brought her boyfriend over a few nights ago and they hung out at the dorm for a little bit. I didn't talk very much, though. I felt weird being a third wheel." My fingers tap gently against my jean-clad legs while Mia continues to stare at me. She's usually quite helpful for when I want to vent, but sometimes I'll say something and she won't say anything. It's uncomfortable and makes me feel obligated to say more even when I have nothing else to say.
"I also hung out with a friend the other night." I add. My thoughts run back to Friday night when I spent it naked in Professor Styles bed.
"Oh, really? That's certainly different. Where did you meet this friend?" She readjusts her position in her chair while staring at me in surprise.
"I met him at school." She doesn't need to know I know him because he used to be my professor.
"Oh, him? Is it that kind of friend?" She cracks a small smile while I find myself blushing a bit.
"Uh, sorta. It's nothing serious but we've done some... Stuff." I laugh uncomfortably while she does the same.
"Are you being safe? I know you don't have any family here to really talk to about it so I feel a bit obligated to ask..."
"Yeah, we are." I'm not sure if feel awkward talking about it, or a bit riled up just thinking about it.
Harry and I haven't talked much since that night besides him texting me to make sure I got home safely after I left, then him texting me again a few days ago to ask if wanted to meet up again sometime this week. The conversation doesn't necessarily flow with ease between us, but I'm at least happy to hear from him. At least I can know it wasn't just him getting laid and forgetting about me.
"Well, I'm glad to hear you're getting more social. I do want you to keep in mind though, Kate, that kind of relationship is a portion of the reason that you're here in the first place. I'm not saying that you're guilty and I'm not saying that this is the same kind of thing that that was, but I think you need to keep that in mind as your friendship progresses." She scrawls something down on the notebook in her lap while speaking. My happy mood from a few minutes ago has immediately lessened just by the mention of him.
"I think I've got this handled, but thank you. I'll try not to be accused for the murder of this one." I sarcastically roll my eyes and Mia gasps audibly in surprise. I don't feel bad being blunt with her. If there's any sort of reminders that I need in my life, it's certainly not some lady making hundreds of dollars and hour trying to tell me to be careful with who I see because I was falsely accused of murder.
The rest of the session seems to pass by as slow as possible. By the time Mia releases me I feel as though I've been inside for years rather than an hour.
The sun is just beginning to set behind the tall buildings from the mid-afternoon hour. I zip my coat up onto my body quickly, then grab for my phone in my pocket. I'm still slightly fuming over Mia's assumption and need some sort of distraction. I'm about to text Professor Styles, but I'm pleasantly surprised to find there's already a message from him at the top of the screen.
From: Harry
Are you available tonight? I'm going to be doing work late at my office so I'll be on campus. I think it's pretty deserted by now so I might be able to stop by your dorm without seeing too many students.
My stomach churns just from the simple message. Maybe my fantasy of him screwing me in my dorm bed will come true.
To: Harry
I'll be home soon. Come over whenever.
I feel giddy in my step as I walk towards the bus stop. Depending on how long he plans to take, I need to get there before him and spruce up the place. It's certainly nothing fancy like his apartment, but I don't think he'll care much if there's some scented candles lit and me naked in bed.
When I get back to the dorm, it doesn't take me long to clean up. With Lena never being home it's usually my own mess that I'm cleaning up. I don't bother with any deep cleaning and only focus on the main things such as picking up clothes from the floor and making the bed. Laughing at myself as I tuck in the sheets to the mattress, I can only imagine how it will look in a little while.
When he finally does arrive, the clock is pushing eight PM. I've resorted to laying on my bed with my laptop playing some movie while I attempt to not fall asleep or mess up my appearance. I shamelessly fixed up my makeup and hair, as well as changed into a comfortable yet slightly revealing outfit in order for his arrival.
"Hey," he greets casually as soon as I open the door. I nearly groan at the sight of him dressed in casual jeans and a blue button up with his hair pushed away from his face. He looks obscenely attractive for having been doing work in his lecture hall.
"Is it clear?" I ask jokingly, peeking my head out to look down the hallway.
"I haven't seen any students." He answers back, his voice low. A handsome smirk covers his lips and I give him a similar look before wrapping my hand around the collar of his shirt to pull him into the room.
"Is your roommate coming home tonight?" He asks, standing behind me as I walk across the room. I allow him a moment to look around while I retreat back to my bed to sit down.
"No, she's out with her boyfriend." I sift my fingers through my hair and watch as he undoes the top two buttons of his shirt. His shoes are left by the front, then he's pacing over to sit down beside me.
"I forgot how small dorms are. I definitely don't miss this." He comments with a chuckle, relaxing his posture as he gets comfortable. I sit beside him with my legs crossed under me and my hands in my lap in order to not touch him.
"I couldn't imagine being a teacher. It's like you spend so many years trying to get out of this hell hole then you just came right back to it." I nudge his arm with my hand and he laughs along with me.
"I'm here because I'm passionate about what I teach. I'm not here for the idiot college students. I could certainly do without the portion of the job, to be honest." Despite his negative words towards students my age, I feel his arm slip behind my back and snake around my waist.
"You're cool though. You're not as much of an idiot as the rest of them." He adds. I crack a smile of amusement while shaking my head back at him.
"Gee, thanks. That means so much." I turn my head up towards him and notice how close together we are. My face is inches from being buried in his neck, and I don't even hesitate to press my lips against his jawline, hoping to catch his attention.
"Is this all I'm here for?" He asks partially joking. I suck and nip at the sensitive skin of his neck and jaw, making him squirm in his spot.
"I figured we'd get the first round out of the way so that we could enjoy the rest of the night." My hand creeps up his stomach to fiddle with the button of his shirt, making him laugh breathlessly.
"You think we're going for more than one?" He asks back. I nod, scoffing as if it's the most absurd question he could ask.
"Hell yeah we are. Have you seen your dick? I can't believe you'd think I'd pass up the opportunity to take advantage of having you in my bed." I move away from him to stand on the floor, loving the feeling of his eyes hungrily skimming down my body.
"I love that you're always so willing to just drop your knickers for me." He says with his smirk still prominent. I see his hand move down to his lap to palm himself through his jeans. I can already feel myself getting aroused at the sight.
"Do you want to do this or should I keep going?" I ask, using my best seductive voice as I tug gently at the hem of my shirt.
"Mm, as much as I love a good show..." He sits forward on the bed and I grin as I step in between his legs. His own hands replace mine on my hips for him to tug gently at my t-shirt. I lift my arms for him to slip the fabric off of my body, then it's tossed carelessly across the room to be forgotten about. His fingers rub curiously across my skin while I wait patiently for him to finish exploring so that we can get to the fun bit of the evening.
It seems to take him a lifetime to strip me down to my bra and panties. My clothes are abandoned on the floor while I stand in only my undergarments, embracing the feeling of having his eyes on my body.
"Your turn." I murmur with a grin, grabbing his hands from his lap to pull him up. He stands along with me, both of us laughing at nothing while staring at each other. I continue to peer up at him through my lashes while slowly working on the buttons of his shirt. The fabric is pushed easily from his shoulders within seconds to allow me access to his flawless skin that's marked repeatedly with ink drawings and words.
The tattoos swirled on his skin don't make any sense to me for various reasons, but I find myself slightly excited to have a topic for pillow talk. My stomach was already doing backflips and now I'm thinking about chatting with him about his seemingly random tattoos while cuddling naked in my bed and nearly feeling nauseous from silly excitement.
"You're so sexy." His voice comes out low and husky, making my heart skip a beat. As if I wasn't already blushing, I'm sure my cheeks are on fire now.
"So are you." I answer back, meaning the words completely. He pulls his lip between his teeth and continues to stare at me while I impatiently undo the buckle of his belt.
"Are you sure your roommate isn't coming back tonight? It might be kind of awkward for her to walk in on you undressing me." He continues to speak lowly and completely contradicts his own words seconds later when he leans down to begin kissing down my neck. I moan quietly at the sensation while continuing to attempt to get his pants off.
"Yeah, I'm sure she's not coming back. She's probably doing this same exact thing right now." I lean back to watch as his pants drop to his ankles, making me grin with satisfaction.
"Is this all college students ever do? Drink and screw around?" His fingers hook around the waistband of my panties, allowing him to playfully pull them down my hips.
He doesn't pull them all the way down and only smirks at me while bringing his fingers between my legs to rub gently against my bundle of nerves with his thumb. My legs quake the slightest bit and I find myself leaning against him in hopes of holding myself up.
"Yeah, basically. More like get drunk and make bad decisions." I scratch my fingernails lightly down his chest and stare at the flawless skin in front of me that I so badly want to kiss and touch every inch of.
"Am I a bad decision?" He removes his hand from between my legs and suddenly drops my panties completely. His hands then reach behind my back and work effortlessly to unclasp my bra, allowing the fabric to fall from my shoulders.
"No. You certainly are considered one of my favorite sins, though." I drop the bra to the floor and smile when I'm finally exposed completely in front of him. His eyes rake down my body and back up, landing on my chest for a long moment.
"You're one of my favorite sins, too." His hand moves up to cup my breast with his large palm, allowing his thumb access to flick over my nipple. Goosebumps raise across my skin and the simple action leaves me breathless.
"I'm going to turn off the lights. Get rid of these." I snap the elastic band of his boxers as I step away, smirking while he yelps.
Once the main light in the room is turned off and a lamp is turned on across the room instead, I make my way back towards the bed. Professor Styles is already laying on my bed with the blankets under his fully nude body.
"On a scale from one to ten, how open are you to trying things?" I ask once I'm crawling onto the bed to join him. I crawl over his body and rest with my legs straddling his waist, enjoying the sight of him under me the second I'm settled.
"What kind of things?" He asks back. His arms loop around my back and pull me down so that we're face to face.
"I don't have anything specific in mind." I trace my thumb across his plump bottom lip, the continue. "I just think it's important for it to be mutual knowledge if we're both open to new ideas."
"I'll keep that in mind of one of these days I want to take you from behind." He leans up to playfully peck my lips and we both laugh a bit too hard at the simple joke. I smack his arm playfully, but don't deny him. I'd probably try just about anything with a man as handsome as him.
A moment of silence passes between us once we've calmed down, allowing us some time to stare at each other. Our silent smiling gets awkward at some point and he resorts to tucking some hair behind my ear to ease the strange tension. Instead of continuing our staring, we both seem to get the same idea and lean in simultaneously to press our lips together. If my body wasn't already buzzing before, it certainly is now.
As our lips begin to move together, our hands begin to wander once again. He fingers find the area between my legs and waste no time gently prodding my entrance. I moan into his mouth and work effortlessly to gain some friction while sinking myself down onto his long fingers. He curls them easily while beginning to pump them in and out as his tongue explores my mouth.
He doesn't keep his interest very long though and is all too soon pulling his fingers away. He pulls away from our kiss and I open my mouth to question him, but he surprises me instead by sticking one of his fingers in my mouth the was previously inside of me. I feel as though I should scold him for not asking permission, but find it hard to be upset when he's looking at me inquisitively as I suck my own arousal off of his fingers.
"How do you taste?" He asks in a low whisper, seemingly completely entranced by watching me. I make my sucking more dramatic as he slowly pulls his finger out, his own lips parted in awe as he watches me.
"Maybe you should taste too." I answer. My hand grabs his and moves his second finger up to his own mouth for him to suck my arousal away just as I did.
"Christ," he mutters once he's done, shaking his head as he drops his hand back to his lap. Our bodies shift suddenly for him to sit up with his back against the headboard and me still on his lap. It takes only a few seconds for us to reposition ourselves, but this time, he's slipping inside of me and we're both groaning in synch.
"Oh fuck," his voice comes out in an unexpectedly husky moan, sending chills through my body.
"Feels so big." I whisper lowly, not even sure where to begin with moving. I want to screw him until I can't feel my legs, but I also want to take it slow and really feel everything.
"Yeah? You like it?" I feel him smirk against my shoulder while I quietly moan in response. He shifts his body momentarily to get a better position, then sharply thrusts upward into me. I have to muffle my scream with my mouth pressed to his bicep. My hands are gripping his shoulders almost painfully tight, and I feel momentarily as if I'll explode with all of the sensations he's awakening.
Somehow everything feels better than the last time. I had gone months without sex before our last hookup, and this time strangely feels even better than the last.
"Oh my god, Harry," I gasp when the realization hits me. He doesn't let up and continues to thrust into me with a content smirk on his pink lips.
"Yeah? I love it when you moan my name."
"No, babe, that's not why I was stopping you. We forgot a condom." I get off of him with ease and open the drawer on the bedside table. He doesn't say anything, but I hear him groan impatiently as I rip open the package and remove the condom from the foil.
"Are you okay? I didn't even think to put on a condom." He opens his arms to me as I lay back beside him on the bed. He takes the condom from my hand and rolls it with ease down his length.
"I'm sure I'm fine. I'll get a morning after pill tomorrow." I roll over onto my side to look at him and he does the same. We both crack a small smile as we lean in for a kiss, then resort immediately back to groping each other.
"Plan B? Aren't you on birth control already? I'd be concerned if you weren't taking those precautions based off of how good you fuck. A man would have to be out of his right mind to have you once and not come back for more." He unexpectedly hikes my leg up over his hip and swiftly enters me with ease. A gasp of surprise, along with pleasure, fills the small room.
"Of course I'm on the pill. I'm just doing what I can to not end up pregnant." I bury my face in his neck as he begins to slowly retract his hips, then sharply thrust upwards again. I can feel him deep in my stomach and momentarily wonder if this is real life or some fantasy I'm going to wake up from at any minute.
"I appreciate you being responsible. I'm not quite sure this would continue being our little secret if I knocked you up." His hand moves up to cup my face and I'm grinning like an idiot as he kisses me. I like the idea of this being our little secret. I especially like the sound of him referring to it as that.
As our bodies continue to move together, more time passes and we somehow manage to get even more sweaty. I'm sure my bed sheets are soaked, but I can't find it in me to care. It's hard to think of anything when he's hovering above me, using the headboard as leverage to slam into me. I attempt to keep my moaning to a minimum incase any students are in surrounding dorms, but find it to be nearly impossible. My mind can't process the reminder to be quiet while he's making my legs shake. My moans turn slowly into screams that I end up having to muffle my sounds into his shoulder or into his hand that's covering my mouth.
When he finally reaches his high I hold his head against my chest and smile contently at the sounds of his quiet grunts. He made me finish twice in twenty minutes, leaving me question if he's even human or some kind of sex god that I've been blessed with.
"That was..." He rolls off the top of me and to my side instead, allowing the both of us to breathe properly. He doesn't even finish speaking as he settles into his spot with his arms tucked behind his head and a lazy smirk on his lips. I'm sure I look just as giddy as he does.
As the silence begins to fall around us once again, I feel myself beginning to grow drowsy. I turn my body to face his and inhale deeply against his chest that smells of cologne and sweat. He smells manly and I can't seem to get enough of it.
"Kate..." His voice comes out low when he finally speaks again. I'm trying to get comfortable with my head laying on his chest and my arms around his waist.
"Yeah?" I can't help but smile as I look up at him. I've cozied into his side at the perfect position and feel happier than I have in months.
"I um... I don't really think that after-sex cuddling is really included in the no strings attached thing. That's, like, grounds for unwanted emotions and shit. I don't want you getting too comfortable with this whole thing." He pats my shoulder in a friendly manner while my good mood slowly fades.
"Oh... Right. That makes sense. Sorry." I keep my head down as I turn away from him and lay on my own side of the bed. Thanks to the small dorm rooms only allowing twin-sized beds, I barely have enough room to scoot far enough away to where we're not still pressed together. I'm inches from falling off the bed, but it's more comforting than his rejection of my cuddling.
It seems stupid of me to be upset over him saying something that's likely accurate, but it still feels wrong to not want to continue to cuddle after something so intimate. I've been spoiled to having a boyfriend for years before I moved here and he always wanted to cuddle whenever I wanted to. For as much as I make it seem like sex is all I want, it's harder than I thought to not act grossly affection afterwards.
"You don't have to be sorry. I just figured I'd point it out." I feel his fingers graze over my arm, then we're back to laying in silence.
"Are you going to go home?" I ask quietly at some point. I can hear rain beating against the window outside and I want to turn to face the window, but I don't want to seem fidgety by continuously rolling around.
"Do you want me to?" He asks back. His voice is a low whisper and sounds comforting.
"If you want to go then you can. But if you want to stay... It might be nice to sleep next to someone for a change." I finally give in and turn my body once again so that I'm facing him. He's laying on his side in the same direction so that we can stare at each other, but I find it awkward and end up looking out the window above the bed instead of at him.
"This is a lot of adjusting. I haven't really even spent time like this with someone since my wife passed away." He surprises me by stating. My gaze moves back towards him and I notice he's staring intently at me with his head resting on the pillow.
"Is that why you don't want to cuddle?" I dare to ask back. He stays silent for a second, then cracks a small smile.
"Yeah, that's probably a portion of it." His perfect teeth sink into his bottom lip and I have to stop myself from leaning in to kiss him.
"It seemed like cuddling is all that we did before she died. It was as if it was the only thing we had left to do was to hold each other because we knew it wouldn't last for much longer." I feel him scoot in closer towards me and I sigh, suddenly relieved.
"Did you know that she was dying?" I wonder in return.
"Yeah, she was sick. We didn't know until a few months after we got married."
"How long were you married for?" I feel bad asking all of the questions, knowing I'm probably making him upset, but I want to know the answers. It's hard not to be curious about him.
"Only a year and a half." He sighs lowly and turns his gaze up towards me again.
"Do you miss her?" I press on the final question that I know he probably doesn't want to hear.
"Of course I miss her. She was the love of my life. I hate to sound like such a lovesick puppy but it's the truth. I would give up absolutely anything to have her back." He shakes his head at the thought while I find the courage to bring my hand up to stroke his cheek.
I feel sympathy for the man laying beside me, trying to mask the pain of losing his wife with hooking up with me. I'm not sure if I should feel used or not, but the confusing part of my brain reminds me that he probably needs this as much as I do. As much as I hate to admit it, sleeping with Harry is the exact distraction I need from my screwed up life that he caused. If he hadn't screwed this all up for me than I wouldn't even be living in Chicago, trying to sneak around to sleep with my teacher to get away from my overwhelming thoughts for a bit.
"I'm sorry that you lost your wife, Harry. I couldn't imagine losing someone close to me like that." I kiss his cheek gently before settling back against my pillow.
"Didn't you go through kind of the same thing? You weren't married, but you lost your boyfriend."
"Yeah, but I don't think they're really the same thing, honestly. You and your wife sounded like you got along and that you really loved each other. Him and I were... Well, I guess that people pinned me as his killer because we weren't very good together. He was an asshole to me so when he was stabbed everyone thought it sounded reasonable that it was just me finally getting my revenge." I try to keep my tone light since the topic is so heavy. Harry listens intently and I resort to laying on my back while he stays on his side so that he can stare down at me.
"That's kind of why I yelled at you like I did that day at the beginning of the year. I knew it would get me in trouble- not necessarily expulsion like it almost did- but I just couldn't take it anymore. I was treated like shit for so many years by him then you yelled at me that same way and I just lost it. I thought it would be different because you weren't him and I didn't expect you to come back at me just as harsh, but you did. I was so upset that night because it was like reliving all of those bad memories." I feel silly admitting the small bit of my past to him, but it's also nice to have someone to talk to for a change.
"I..." He seems at a loss for words and I immediately regret sharing so much with him.
"How was he mean to you?" He adds after he seems to get his voice back.
"He said mean things to me. If I would say something wrong or do something incorrectly he would call me stupid and get on me for not paying attention. I just always felt like I was walking on eggshells around him trying not to get yelled at because of his temper." I trace my finger over the outline of the floral design on the sheets of the bed. I don't want to look at Harry, knowing either he's going to be upset or not affected. My mind probably couldn't handle either reaction.
"I kind of implied that you were stupid right before you switched out of my class. Is that why you switched out? Because I made you feel stupid?" I feel his hand graze over my hip, then his arm wraps around my waist and pulls my body against his. My mouth opens to ask if he's sure he wants to cuddle, but I choose against saying anything. I'll just let it happen for now.
"Sorta. You remind me a lot of him, sometimes. When I piss you off you guys react in the same way and it scares me because it reminds me of the entire relationship. I dated him for three years and the entire time I was always wondering if things would get better but they never did." I curl up closer against his chest, choosing to instead take advantage of him actually wanting to hold me.
"When we were forced to break up because of the attempted murder charge, I felt so guilty because I was sad to lose him, but I was relieved he was no longer my problem. He was mean to everyone in his life and as much as I loved him, I certainly don't miss being treated like shit. I'm sorry if I'm mean to you sometimes. Now you know it's because you remind me of him." My voice gets slow and sleepier as I continue to ramble on to him. His chest is slowly falling and rising under my head, but I know he's not asleep. I can feel his fingers tracing shapes against my skin, likely in hopes of making the subject seem less heavy.
"It's never been my intention to upset you like that, Kate. I didn't realize that it hurt you so much. I thought you just liked to argue with me because we have similar personalities and we're kind of good at showing each other up when it comes to arguing." I feel his lips press sweetly to my temple and my heart flutters momentarily. I didn't really want the reason behind him cuddling with me to be because I guilt tripped him into it, but after months of nothing-- being held by him is more comfort than I could have ever anticipated.
"It's okay. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you just because he made me bitter."
"I'll try to remember all of this next time you annoy me. Maybe we won't end up screaming at each other and storming out next time now that we know a little bit more about each other." His hand creeps down my spine to grip my waist while I try my hardest to stay away so that we can finish our conversation. I can only nod my head in agreement with him.
"Kate, I have one more question before you fall asleep." He adds after a second.
"Hmm?" I manage to peel my eyes open for a second, but they shut again right after.
"Why exactly are you running from him? Can't they prove that you didn't do it?" The question is heavy and as much as I expect it to wake me up, it doesn't. My brain is still shut off almost completely and I have no trouble sharing with him the darkest part of the whole situation.
"Whoever did stab him isn't coming forward and I'm apparently the only reasonable suspect... But they can't prove it. Until then I'm being moved around because he's shown an interest in trying to get some sort of revenge on me. They're worried I'm in danger." I bring my hand up to cover his mouth and crack a sleepy smile.
"So don't tell anyone that I'm here because he's gonna find me." I add, kissing his cheek swiftly before laying back against the pillow again. Harry doesn't say anything else and I'm allowed silence to slowly drift off to sleep in.
I suppose all I can hope is that he doesn't remember this conversation tomorrow.
✺ ✺ ✺
Authors note: hopefully this is a lil more insight to clear things up for you guys it's not much like a lot of things still happen later on lmao
I'm in San Francisco rn and it's amazing I never want to leave :(((
Ok thanks for readin