There was a guest room down the hall from our common room where guests stayed. Since we were all boarding it was not uncommon for people to have visitors want to come stay with them for a while. It was one of many empty rooms, the most of which will be filled next term. For Year twelve students, they like you to share with a roommate for the first term and then you get your own room in the second. The idea behind this is basically so that we have a chance to form special bonds straight away, which is a brilliant idea. I honestly don't know what I would have done for the first term if I hadn't been sharing a room with Rachel. It would be sad to live apart from her, but having formed a bond so close, so quickly, I had no doubt that our friendship wouldn't suffer.
After showing Amy and Zac to the room they were staying in I let them get settled in and unpacked whilst I returned to my room. I had barely closed the door when I got a text from Danny.
Hey babe, are they here yet? When are we going down to dinner? Xx
I replied quickly, not wanting Danny to get even more nervous about telling Amy than he already was. I think he was more nervous for me than for himself, he really didn't want me to lose my best friend over him. I knew that he would feel absolutely awful if that happened.
They're just settling in now. I'll text you when we're coming down to dinner. You're with Rachel and Jack right? Make sure you all come down together when I text you so we can just get this thing over with. The longer we have to wait to tell her the more shocked she's going to be. Xxx
I had decided that it would look less weird if Danny came with Rachel and Jack because then it wouldn't look that weird that he was eating with us. We would be able to play it off as him just tagging along with my roommate's boyfriend. I was fully aware that we'd probably overthought about this but if that's what it took for Amy not to freak out over me and Danny then that's what was needed.
My phone buzzed, Danny again.
Yeah I'm with them. Don't stress Jessie, it's going to be fine! And even if it's not, at least you'll be able to come over and make out with me all night - it's a win-win! ;) xx
I laughed audibly, what a douche. But he was right in some sense, it most likely would be fine – surely I was over stressing about it all.
I finished off some reading that I had for English before there was a knock at the door. 'Hey Jess it's us, are you ready to take us to dinner?' Amy asked through the wood.
'Yeah just coming!' I called, grabbing my phone and texting Danny quickly before joining them in the hallway.
We were in the queue for our food when Rachel tapped on my shoulder. 'Jess hi, fancy seeing you here,' she said, clearly not putting her a-level drama skills to good use. 'We were just getting some dinner, we should eat together.'
'Hiya,' I replied, before turning to Amy and Zac. 'This is Rachel. Rachel this is Amy and her boyfriend Zac.'
'Hey great to meet you,' Amy said. 'I've heard so much about you! Who did you say you were with?'
'Just my boyfriend and his roommate, they're getting drinks. They'll come and sit with us in a minute.'
'Oh Danny's with you?' I tried to sound surprised. 'That's so funny, did I tell you that he and Amy used to go out?'
'Erm you may have mentioned it yeah.' Rachel said.
'Danny?' Amy looked shocked, 'it will be nice to see him again I haven't seen him in ages.'
'Yeah that will be nice,' I said as we moved forward in the queue. Rachel gave me a thumbs up behind Amy and Zac's back as we shuffled, so far so good.
We were barely seated a few seconds when Danny and Jack joined us. Everything was going to plan. After the formal introductions were over with, conversation turned to Jack and Rachel.
'So how did you two meet?' Amy asked. 'Did you know that Danny was Jack's roomate or was it just coincidence?'
'Just coincidence actually,' Rachel answered. 'We were in geography together, I didn't know that Jess and Danny knew each other until later.'
'Oh cool, that's hilarious.' Zac said, although his expression was far from one of hilarity. In fact, I don't think his face changed the entire time we were eating.
'Ew!' I exclaimed suddenly as everyone turned to look. 'They put tomatoes in my wrap, that's so gross.'
Danny started laughing. 'Those ones always have tomatoes in them. What did you expect, you melon?'
'What do you mean they always have tomatoes? It says it's a Caesar Salad wrap, there's no tomatoes in a Caesar salad.'
'Did you even look at the ingredients Jessie?' He asked whilst picking up the box it came in. 'It clearly says that there's tomatoes in it.'
'Shut up.' I joked, hitting him playfully on the shoulder. 'Clearly if I looked at the ingredients I wouldn't have bought it, stop making fun of me.'
'But you're just so easy to make fun of babe.' He replied.
I stopped, he just called me babe. In front of Amy. I turned to her to see if she'd twigged anything, it didn't seem to have phased her at all. She was completely focused on her own meal, phew. We couldn't have her finding out about us mid-meal, that would not be part of the plan at all.
The dinner continued in the same manner, and I feel like Amy was really getting along well with everyone. I'm glad that she seemed to like Rachel. The only thing was that she seemed a bit off with Danny. I get that they had broken up on kind of bad terms but it still seemed weird to me, that was ages ago and she had a new boyfriend now – was she still really upset about it? It was just little clues throughout the dinner, like every time Danny made a joke she'd do this sort of half smile instead of a proper laugh. Or if she asked a question, she would always direct it at someone else around the table, never at him. I hoped that I was just imagining things.
Once everyone had finished eating we went to head back to our rooms. Just as we reached my corridor I pulled Amy aside and asked if I could talk to her alone for a second in my room. She happily obliged at first, but quickly became confused as he saw that Danny was following us. 'With him?'
I nodded slowly, 'yes if that's alright, we kind of have something to tell you.'
'Okay,' she said as the three of us walked into my room. Me and her sat down on my bed with Danny sitting on Rachel. 'So,' she said, 'what's up?'
'Basically,' I started, my heart beating inside my chest. 'I just wanted to tell you that me and Danny are kind of seeing each other.'
Her eyes widened, she looked from me to Danny and back again. 'What do you mean seeing each other, like casually?'
Danny answered. 'We're boyfriend and girlfriend.'
'What?' There was a sharpness to Amy's voice, every letter she spoke was enunciated to the fullest degree. 'How long has this been going on for? How did this happen?'
'Not long,' I replied. 'Only a few weeks properly but I guess we've been feeling some stuff for a bit longer.' I didn't mention how long, no way was I going to bring up that night last year. No way. 'We got seated next to each other in Maths and then – '
'Maths?' Amy interrupted me and I could sense the disbelief in her voice. 'The boy you liked who sat next to you in Maths was Danny?'
'What?' Asked Danny, clearly confused at the allusion to my slip-up during half term.
'I'll tell you later,' I replied before turning back to Amy. 'Yes, but nothing was happening yet otherwise I would have told you. I just fancied him a bit then, we weren't going out or anything.'
'Wait, was this at half term?' Danny interjected.
'Danny!' I snapped. 'Babe, I've just said I'll tell you later, wait a second please.' I raised my eyebrows and smiled at him so he knew I wasn't actually mad at him.
Amy was silent for a second, looking like she was solving some sort of equation in her head. She looked at Danny. 'Hey can I just talk to Jess for a second?'
'Sure,' he said after a deep breath, clearly realising that this was something that would have to be solved through intense girl talk. 'Text me later yeah?'
'I will,' I said, as he walked out the door.
'Danny, Jess? All the boys in this school and you chose Danny?'
'I'm so sorry Amy, I know that you guys went out and everything but I didn't chose him it just – ' I rambled until I was interrupted.
'Jess, I'm not annoyed.'
'You're not?'
'No, I'm worried about you.' Okay, that I was not expecting.
'Worried?' I repeated.
'Danny is not a good boyfriend. He cheated on me remember? He's unfaithful Jess, once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve someone so much better.'
For some reason, this reaction was worse than anything I possible could have expected. What could I say? That it was okay that he cheated because he cheated on her with me. Oh don't worry Amy, he's not really a cheater, only when it's with the girl's best friend. As if! 'Amy I – ' I started.
'I know what you're going to say. I get it, you love him. But I'm not sure that I can just stand by and let my best friend go through the same thing that I did. I know it may not seem that bad Jess but trust me, getting cheated on is the absolute worst thing in the entire world. To know that someone you loved could do that to you, it was so, so horrible.' At that moment, I honestly wished that I could have been struck by lightning, or spontaneously combusted or something.
I was such an idiot to think that I should forgive myself for cheating with Danny. What was I supposed to say now that Amy was sat here in front of me, telling me once again about the pain that I had caused her? 'Amy I know that he hurt you. But I think honestly I want to stick with this for a while, I really really do love him and I'm just not ready to give that up just yet. Please can you try to understand?' I pleaded.
'I completely understand Jess, I just don't want to see you hurt in the same way that I was, that's all. At the end of the day, there's nothing I can do to stop you and Danny doing whatever you want. If you want to risk it then that's your decision.'
'Thank you.' I hugged her widely. 'Thanks so much for understanding, I am so lucky to have you as a best friend.'
'Of course babe, I love you. Friends always come before boys, that's a given.'
'Yeah,' I agreed, my voice faltering. She was completely right, friends should always come before boys. And now she was living by the exact same motto that I'd absolutely destroyed a few months earlier. Crap.
Once we'd hugged it out and Amy had gone back to her room I texted Danny.
Hey, Amy's gone. She said she's fine with it, could you come over? Xx
My mind was racing, I didn't know what to think. She'd accepted our relationship but had still left me feeling like absolute crap. It almost would have been better if she'd just point blank refused to give us her blessing. Then at least I could resent her, rather than wholeheartedly hating myself.
'Jess?' Danny knocked on the door. I let him in and walked back to my bed. 'Is everything alright, you look upset?'
As he sat next to me I turned to him, wanting to tell him how I was feeling. But I couldn't get out the words. How could I explain to him all the turmoil that was going on in my mind? How could I tell him that my best friend didn't approve of him because of something that we'd both done? That I was in the clear but he wasn't, because I was the most selfish person in the world. I tried to speak. 'She – she – .' But words failed me. All I could do was nestle my head into Danny's shoulder and cry.
I cried and cried and cried. Hoping that somehow the pain and guilt I felt would leave my body with my tears. But it didn't. It never would.
/ / / / / / / / / / / /
A/N Kind of a sad end to that chapter. I don't know if you've noticed but the tone of the book is definitely darkening as we draw into the close. Will it end happily? I guess you'll just have to read on to see ;)
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