I am dreading lunch.
I haven't been to my first three lessons of the day. Trapped inside the toilet cubical, I never found the right time to pick up the courage to return to class. With the time I spend in here, I have some how calmed myself down and removed all the trances of my tears from my face.
Lacy has come in numerous times in attempt to persuade me to come out. But now, after many failed responses, she has accepted the fact I am not ready to show my face in public.
Almost the entire school has witnessed the break up of me and Josh, and the humiliation of Josh moving on and leaving me like dirt. Josh is so popular, more popular than me. Students like Josh, they agree with what he says as well as backing him up. So there is no doubt in my mind that almost the whole school will support him on his new relationship. Maybe not everyone will treat me like shit, but no one (apart from Nathan and Lacy) will defend me.
"Paige!" Lacy hugs me the moment I show up at our lunch table. I hug her back with the gratitude of her waiting for me. "I was so worried. I thought you were going to stay locked up in there all day!" She exclaims, glad I am here with her, our feelings mutual.
"I was getting kind of bored." W giggle but it doesn't last long.
Across the cafeteria is the table Josh is sat on, Courtney on his knee. His eyes claw mine and grab my full attention. He pulls Courtney into a kiss, just to make me feel worse than I already do. His actions result positively to his plan, getting a round of applause for a reaction off his mates.
"Let's go outside," Lacy suggests, standing up, noticing I am getting distressed by Josh's distractions.
We step out onto the field and a breeze of cool air refreshes me. I let out a sigh I haven't realised I have been holding.
"Better?" Lacy asks me.
"Better."
We sit down on the grass near the very edge of the field. No one can hear us from all the way over here.
"Why do they hate me?" I let out a long sigh, my fingers tugging at the grass below. I shouldn't take my depression slash anger out on nature, but the grass is a tempting offer to release my up build of stress.
"Who?"
"The school," I clarify. "Everyone has been laughing at me and glaring. What have I done? Shouldn't they be sympathising towards me?" I turn to her with my eyes dropped and my cheeks pail. "I mean I'm the one that just got dumped."
"Well let I remind you that you did call the staring quarter back's new girlfriend, and the head cheerleader, a fuck toy. Everyone just believes you weren't good for Josh, like you were the reason he was unhappy after being replaced in the football team and then Courtney went and got him a place at Rovers. You're just in a very unfortunate position right now. If it helps, I don't hate you."
"I know you don't hate me. But everything you said is true." I let out a weak groan, rolling my head around then resting it on her shoulder. "Why does Josh have to turn out a massive jerk? A frog would have been better than what he's turned out to be."
"We do have a school pond if a frog is what you want," Lacy amuses me with her humour.
"I just have a feeling that today is going to be a long day."
And I am right.
After lunch the day seems to drag. I decide to sit, isolated, at the back of the classroom in each of my remaining lessons of the day. I don't want to interact with anyone. Nathan agreed to swap places with me so he is now reseated on the front row. He now is sat around the cheerleaders.
I don't know if he decided to do that for my benefit or his? I like to think it was an act of kindness for me and not a popularity move on himself.
Then, in my final class of the day, my eyes rest on Courtney. What disgusts me the most about her is that she has a boyfriend (my EX) but is still flirting with Nathan! Yet again, I don't know if it's the fact Josh dumped me for her that is annoying me, or the way she is getting attention from Nathan.
Math finally ends. Normally I am fine with calculus, it is actually my favourite compared to geometry. But with everything going on, including the sniggers from the football team (besides Nathan, of course), I have found it difficult to concentrate. So because I don't finish my work, I have double homework!
Again. God if you can hear me, help.
The next day isn't that different from the day before. Yes I may not be publicly humiliated like I was yesterday, but the sniggers and smirks from the cheerleading squad seem to be a revolving form of torture. I don't understand why they have to hate me so badly- despite everything Lacy had said to me before about calling her names.
I throw my books into my locker and slam the door shut, waiting for Lacy's arrival to cheer me up. I stand patiently for another ten minutes. Checking my phone, I have no new messages. My head rises and for the first time this morning I have a genuine reason to smile.
"Hey Nathan-" I call his name but he keeps on walking. It is as if he completely blanked me out.
Strange.
My eyes follow him as he strolls over to Laura. She is facing her locker so doesn't see him coming, until he taps her on the back. She spins around and engulfs him in a welcoming hug. Her tiny frame is minute compared to his muscular build.
I can't help but watch. From behind the shield of my locker, I observe their movements, closely watching their proximity. She giggles; he giggles in return; my heart cracks.
"Hey girl!" Lacy's perky voice makes me physically jump in shock.
"Hi," I say in a less enthusiastic tone. She detects it automatically. But there is no time to explain as the bell rings. We go straight to homeroom and take our seats in the silence I set the tone.
Josh walks in. His fingers are laced in with Courtney's as they enter, hand in hand. They take their seats in the centre of the room, the whole cheerleading squad and football team crowding around them. And this time I do mean the whole team- including Nathan.
Strange.
He doesn't normally interact with everyone like that. I am going to ask if he wants to sit with me and Lacy but I discard the idea as that would include the possibility of a cheerleader or another member of the football team overhearing, giving them yet another opportunity to snigger and make fun of me.
I've already been tripped up in the corridor today, and something tells me that's not the end of it.
The first two periods go swimmingly.I don't communicate with anyone and no one laughs at me. Drama at our school doesn't normally fade very quickly, so I know that the whole situation with me Josh and Courtney isn't over. She will still manage to find a way to rub it in that Josh chose her over me. Or Josh will scheme a plan to emphasis his love for Courtney, concluding with me running off in tears. Like before and the time before that. I don't know why the football team have to join in too, but hey, they all listen to Josh.
Josh and Nathan.
But as I watch Laura looking down at me from her desk, whispering to her friends, I don't see Nathan defend me at any point...
"Hey, you want to go buy some lunch?" I catch Nathan's attention as the class piles out onto the corridor. He turns to face me with Laura clinging to his side. Her smile strikes out as fake, her cheeks raised and her eye lids batting. Her enjoyment of being on his arm makes me feel heartsick.
"Oh, sorry but me and Laura are going out for lunch," he smiles, Laura hugging his arm tighter, my stomach churning. A jealous hormone releases inside of me, filling my bloodstream with reluctant resentment.
"That's cool," I supress my emotions, trying to avoid his eye contact as I nod with a superficial smile. "Maybe some other time?"
But he is already walking off with Laura's arm wrapped around his. Are they a couple now? All I know is that he won't talk to me long enough for me to find out.
He may not be talking as much to me, but he hasn't stopped using his phone. I find that out later that day. I am in my room, alone, thankful that he hasn't been completely ignoring me.
Sorry 4 not eating with u at lunch 2day 😐
That's ok. I had Lacy
But it would have been nice to have you too.
U mad at me????
No, why would u think that? 😶
Kind of, I want to be able to trust you so stop hiding things from me. If you are dating Laura just say so.
Idk... U just seemed a bit down when u saw me with Laura. Everything ok?
Yeah I'm good.
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Apart from the fact my boyfriend cheated on me (cough, cough EX boyfriend) everyone in the school hates me for some reason which I still do not know why, and you- my supposed friend- aren't defending me and keeping secrets! So yeah... I'm great.
It hurts me to lie to him. But he should detect I am covering up the truth.
Ok
Or maybe not.
Then my phone vibrates again...
Laura is hosting a party this weekend. Her folks r out of town. U wanna come? 😃😀
Has he even been paying attention to what has been going on? The whole flipping school hates me! If I go to a social occasion such as a party, I'll get beer poured over my head or something. What is he thinking?
I'm ok at home thanks
I would have wanted to go if you were acting more like a friend.
There is no way I'm going to that party.
U sure?
Positive
Suit yourself