Voices were heard downstairs and a thin strip of light appeared beneath the door. Peter pulled away from me. "We have to go." he whispered, putting a finger to his lips to signal me to stay silent.
"I heard it! There's something in the nursery!" a female voice yelled from beneath us, a clatter of heels coming up the stairs.
"They'll see us, Peter." I whispered panicking but he covered my mouth.
"Stay quiet and hold onto me." he commanded sternly, furrowing his brow, but reaching for my hand and resting his forehead against mine.
"Close your eyes." he said as the noise disappeared and only the sound of our heavy breaths remained..
•••
We were back in Neverland as if we had never left, opening my eyes to see the starlit sky and feeling the damp petals beneath my fingertips.
I stood, meeting Peter face to face and feeling as if I'd fall apart. "But what if I don't." I questioned, my voice louder than before.
"Don't speak of such things." Peter shot back, turning from me to run his shaking hand through his hair. "Yes, it will hurt me but making me believe that you could stay is like pouring salt in my wounds. I'll always have that possibility in the back of my mind, of what could have been."
"Is it any worse than always believing I'd left you because I couldn't be with you? Is it any worse than leaving me with only heartache and a fleeting memory of you?" I asked. "How is this better?"
"Because this is what you wanted!" he yelled, grabbing my shoulders with such force.
The intensity of his voice and actions scared me, causing me to jump. I couldn't swallow the lump rising in my throat. "Meadow, listen. Listen to me." he voice softened upon noticing the effect it had on me.
I nodded, tears filling my eyes once more. "In another world, we could have been, but in this life, we are meant for separate places, Meadow. You don't belong here in Neverland and I don't belong anywhere else."
"What if I'm strong enough to survive here? I can be strong for you, Peter, I'll try."
"I don't want you to survive. Surviving is not the same as living. You need to be strong enough to let go. If a mother who has lost her child can move on, surely you can do the same."
That was what truly broke me. He had grown calloused to those he loved leaving him and he wanted me to do the same, for my own good.
"We are all selfish in one way or another, even if don't show it. It was my own desires that brought you here, and now it's your turn, okay?"
Though he was right, and though I had wanted to go back home, it still pained me to think of leaving my dear boy.
He wiped the tears from eyes with his cloak and tucked my hair behind my ear, running his fingers down a single strand; following it with his eyes and then darting them back up to me. "I adore you." he whispered pitifully.
I pulled him into me, placing my hands on either side of his cheeks, and gently kissing him, slowly and tenderly as though it would be our last, and perhaps it would be.
"We should get back. We need to tell the others." Peter said, pulling away and catching his breath.
"Not yet. Not until morning." I said shaking my head.
We continued back up the trail, Peter stopping me before we entered the clearing. "You go first and I'll wait a few minutes as not to arouse suspicion." he said, grasping my arm and I chuckled.
"I think they've already figured it out." I told him, but complied approached the boys as they sat around a large fire.
"There you are, Meadow. We were wondering where you'd gone." Roux said upon noticing my arrival.
"Took a walk to clear my mind." I stated, sitting in between Caspar and Chase.
"Oh, I'm sure that's where you were." James mumbled, Owen smacking his arm and giving him an annoyed look.
"Meadow, what does snog mean? They won't tell me." Liam asked furrowing his brow.
This caused me to laugh. "It's something mommies and daddies do."
He wrinkled his nose in confusion. "But you and Peter aren't mommies and daddies."
"Uh Liam, how about we play a game?" Caspar said, wrapping his arm around the small boy and clearing his throat.
"Oh, is that what the others have told you?" I questioned him further, smiling as the others attempted to shut him up.
"Yes, and they also used another word that started with 's' that I can't remember, but I think it was-" Caspar clamped a hand over Liam's mouth causing everyone to laugh.
"Seems like you boys do an awful lot of talking when Peter isn't around."
"Speak of the devil." Chase said, noticing Peter enter the clearing. "Nice of you to join us!" he shouted.
"I had a few things to take care of." he said, Chase and James giving each other knowing look.
Peter didn't seem to notice as he stared blankly into the flaming abyss. I knew what he was thinking about, and I too could hardly keep my mind on other things.
The others remained clueless as the night went on, but Owen would glance at me every so often as if to ask 'Are you okay?' and then I would smile at him and nod to assure him.
I didn't want to tell them. A part of me didn't want to leave, but I knew what needed to be done. Even now, I noticed a change in who I was and knew that as time went on, or rather didn't, my light would eventually go out. This was not the life for me, but still I thought of Peter.
When the others had gone to bed and I retreated to Peter's tent, neither of us knew the right words to say.
I climbed in bed beside him, resting my head on his shoulder and laying my arm across his chest to entwine our fingers. He only stared at the ceiling, a look of disdain on his face.
"I watched the others tonight and noticed something I hadn't paid attention to before." he said finally.
"And what was it?"
"Joy." he smiled, turning his head to me and his eyes traveled across my face. "You have turned me into something they no longer fear."
"Is that such a terrible thing?" I asked him, tracing my finger up and down his arm.
"I've discovered what it means to have family, Meadow." he smiled at me, though there was sadness behind his eyes. "I am not their king, I am simply another lost boy. Just as they are."
A lump formed in my throat at the words that gently fell from his lips. He brought our intertwined hands to his mouth and kissed the back of my hand. "So, Meadow Drew, I thank you." he whispered.
I laid with him for a moment; grasping onto the closeness we shared. I wish it would never end.
"Peter, Chase has asked to leave Neverland.." I began.
"If he wishes." he said bluntly, swallowing and staring at the ceiling once more. "I would assume James does, as well."
"Is this it? Is this how it ends?" I asked, feeling as though, somehow, this was Peter's way of giving up.
"You will go home and you'll be happy, and laugh a lot, and maybe cry some because its healthy, and that alone is worth more to me than you will ever know." he laughed, reading his forehead against my own.
"You won't forget me, will you?" I asked teasingly, though my cheeks were soaked with tears.
"Never."
•••
Once more, we sat around the table for breakfast, waiting to tell the others of the news that would inevitably shock them, but all the while I was hesitant.
Finally, Peter stood at the head of the table, waiting for the others to stay quiet. "I have an announcement."
My stomach churned and I knew that it was time.
"Meadow.." Peter glanced at me. "Has decided to leave Neverland."
No one spoke, confusion evident on their faces; all except Chase, who looked at me triumphantly, mouthing the words 'both of us?', to which I nodded.
"Is that true?" Caspar asked, looking back at me. "You're going back?"
I only nodded.
"Why, Meadow?" Liam asked, distressed and shocked. "I thought you liked it here."
I stood up, glancing at each of their faces. "This is not my home, boys." I began, trying my best to smile. "I will miss you terribly, but this is the decision I have made."
"Does this mean you're never coming back?" Roux questioned
"After she is gone, she can no longer return. Chase and James are to go along with her." Peter stated, looking down at his plate.
"But you can't go!" Liam whined, holding onto my hand. "You just can't."
Owen shot up. "Now, stop this!" he shouted. "Meadow has done enough for us here, so why shouldn't we let her be where she belongs? Roux, who was it that rode that huge pig through the woods and didn't let go of it so that we could have the big dinner we had?" he asked him.
"It was Meadow. You know that, Owen." he responded.
"And who stayed by Peter's side all the while he was sick?" he questioned. "Look at how much she has done for us. The least we can do is trust that she will be happier back at home."
"They're not leaving without a proper goodbye, then. Right, boys?" Nolan asked, standing beside Owen.
The others stood at there chairs, picking up their glasses and raising them. "To Meadow, the best hog rider that ever lived!" Owen said, chuckling with a two-fingered salute.
And to that, the others cheered, hollering and saluting, though I knew they would miss us as I would them. These are the things I would remember.
We all retreated to outside, everyone hugging Chase and saying their goodbye's and he smiled in a way I'd never seen.
"So it's true. We're going home?" James asked, though not as excitedly as I would have imagined.
"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" I questioned, almost sure he would have been ecstatic.
He chuckled, shaking his head. "You know, Neverland has kinda grown on me." he said. "Plus, someone's gotta keep things exciting around here. Especially now that Pan's gone soft."
I laughed. "Don't you dare give him any trouble. You're sure you want to stay behind?" I asked.
He nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure."
I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Don't start crying on me." he warned.
"Oh trust me, that'll never happen." I said, jokingly. He turned around to the others. "Hey! You're stuck with me. I'm staying here." James shouted, jogging back over to the boys.
Owen walked over to me, separating from the crowd and wrapping his arms around me with a smile on his face. "You be careful out there, meadowlark." he said, kissing my forehead.
"Thank you, Owen." I said, resting my chin on his shoulder. "
"You're really brave, to do this. Don't let anyone tell you you're making a mistake by letting yourself be happy, okay?" he said, pulling away from me and holding my shoulders and then hugging me once more. "I've gotten a bit better at this hugging thing since you've been here."
Everyone tried to make the best of the situation, though I couldn't help but feel as if I was making a mistake.
"Goodbye." I told Owen. "I want you to keep that meadowlark you carved me. Something to remind you of me on days when you miss me too much."
"Will do." he nodded.
The rest of the boys said goodbye, knowing that this was the last time they'd ever see the girl named Meadow that showed up in Neverland one day and maybe, just maybe, I had brought back a light they had forgotten about.
We journeyed back to the bed of flowers and there, I stared at Peter whom I loved deeply. He was not unloveable, as I had once told him, but simply lost as the rest of us were.
"Are you ready?" he asked, his eyes barely meeting mine.
"Will I ever be?" I questioned. "Who's to say we aren't meant to stay together, Peter?"
"Not all sweet things can last forever, Meadow. Eventually, we must all make sacrifices for those that we love and I have cherished you for longer than I deserve." he held me for the last time as we stood in the center of blanket of many flowers.
"Remember me always." he whispered.
"Peter, wait-"
"Close your eyes."
I glanced back at the other boys as they surrounded me, Chase set to return to his home after I returned to mine. Hesitantly, I shut my eyes
"But Peter.." I began.
"Count to ten."
I felt him pull away from me, and I wanted so desperately to kiss him once more.
One..
Two..
Three..
The wind stirred; louder stronger
Four..
Five..
Six..
Seven..
Eight..
Nine..
"Peter, I love you."
"Ten." his voice echoed.
I opened my eyes and found that I was in my bed. My bed. I jolted into a sitting position, looking around my dark room. "Peter?"
Silence.
Everything started to become familiar to me. Memories and thoughts flooded back into my mind all at once, but Peter was no where to be found.
The boy I had been with moments before, remained nothing but memory and I knew instantly..
That I would never see him again..
Ever.
•••
A/N
THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER
I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE IT BUT THERE IS ONE MORE CHAPTER
Omg guys this is it. Idk how to feel about this.
Ok well
Bye I guess
Love love love