"I wish your idea could have worked," I mumbled out of the blue.
Ahsan scoffed lightly. "The world hates me already and it'll hate me even more if you gave birth to the child of a terrorist."
"The world may hate you, but I don't. And right now, that's all that matters," I assured him firmly.
A few more silent moments passed between us until he revved up the conversation again. "Hey, wanna know a fun fact?"
"Uh, sure?"
"It's a common misconception that people die from hanging due to suffocation, but it's actually because the second vertebrae at the back of your neck cracks, which cuts off all signals to and from the brain."
All hints of subtle happiness instantly vanished from my face.
"I'm sorry," he apologized quickly.
"It just gave me a gruesome image in my head."
"Sorry, love. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just...thinking of things."
"It's...it's fine. And don't call me that."
"Call you what?"
"Love," I said with a grimace.
Confusion spread across his face. "Why not?"
"Faizan used to call me that and each time, it just sounded horrible to my ears. The word doesn't sit well with me anymore."
"Hm," he mumbled thoughtfully. "Don't let him change your perception of something pure and good. Don't let him control your thoughts and actions. Then again, I shouldn't be the one to advise you in this department. It's easier said than done."
"I know. It'll take time."
"But, I'd still like to give you a nickname," he mused.
"You can call me whatever else you'd like."
"Yeah, but it should be a good one. Let me think." Ahsan scrunched up his face and tapped his chin. "Got it!"
"So what will it be?"
"Okay, it's not very creative and original, but I think it fits perfectly."
"And that would be...?"
"Hayati."
Hayati.
My life in Arabic.
My heart swelled and I downplayed my feelings to stop myself from tearing up. "How is that a nickname? That's longer than my actual name!"
"By one letter," Ahsan scowled, even though it was obvious to him that I loved the new name. "Literally."
"One letter can make all the difference!"
"Just appreciate my kindness, okay?" He rolled his eyes. "In my head, I used to call you Churail, so be happy with what you have now."
"Churail?" My jaw clasped and unclasped itself from the sudden confession. "Why!"
"I don't know, I used to thinking you were annoying. I still kinda do..."
"So you thought of me as a witch."
"Something like that." Ahsan grinned.
"Well then, I had a bunch of colorful words for you in my head too."
"Oh really?" He was enjoying this. "Like what?"
"Like idiot, jerk, and some other unspeakable things as well."
"Ouch, that hurt. So we're pretty much even, right?"
Narrowing my eyes at him, I said, "Churail is just something else."
"Well, I don't think of you like that anymore, Hayati. Now let's drop it." Ahsan let out a dramatic sigh. "You're ruining the moment."
The glass door open and we both spun around.
"You've got fifteen minutes more," one of the guards said before shutting the door again.
We were both quiet for a moment.
"Ahsan, isn't there some way out of this?" I nearly whimpered. "An appeal, or something?"
He smiled sadly. "No, there isn't."
Desperate for an alternative, I even had the audacity to ask, "How about you try to escape? Why don't you pull out one of the railings in the cot and maybe try to drill a hole in the wall and then-" I was cut off when he scoffed lightly.
"I think you should know that drilling a hole into the wall isn't the best escape plan."
"Right." My eye twitched at the memory. "Then maybe something else?"
"The premises are surrounded by barbed wire, and there's high security the moment you step out of this room." He exhaled deeply. "There's no point, Hayat. There really isn't."
I came to a loss for words because I had suddenly lost my ability to comfort someone. I hated that. "I wish there was something I could do."
"Oh, Hayat." Ahsan's eyes softened. "You being here is more than enough, believe me. Now, how about we talk about something else?"
"Like what?"
"Hmm." He pondered for a moment. "I miss Saad a whole lot more than I ever would have imagined."
"Me too."
"You know, Saad had called me Baba once."
My head snapped up quickly. "He did?"
"Yeah, I'm not sure why. I guess when I would show my face to him, he just figured I was his father since I was around him so much."
Random snippets of old memories slowly pieced themselves together. "Oh my God!"
"What?" Ahsan looked down at me, startled.
"There was this one time I was teaching him the alphabet, and when we got to 'B', he randomly said 'Baba' repeatedly!"
"Really!"
"Yeah! He said it so much that when I had asked him who he was talking about, he immediately covered his face except for his eyes! He was thinking of you!"
"Aw, man. I missed that?!" Ahsan's eyes glossed over. "Wow, what a smart kid."
"I know."
I felt Ahsan clench and unclench his jaw. "It still angers me that I just stood there! I could've done something, I could have-"
"No," I whispered. "As horrible as it sounds, it was the way Allah had willed it. We can't change fate no matter how hard we try. We're all just temporary beings on this planet. Some people's durations here are just...shorter than that of others. It was his time. That's all."
"I guess you're right, but still." He took a deep breath. "What were we talking about again?"
"I don't even remember."
"Time just flies, eh? Even though there's no point in saying this now, I wish I could turn back time and mend things. I wish I could go back and made my time worthwhile by doing small things."
"Like what?"
"Like, little things. I wish I had spent more time holding your hand. When was the last time I had done that, if ever? I can't even do that anymore."
"Yes, you can," I whispered, setting my hands on the table.
"Nah." He shook his head sadly. "They're watching us right now. Doing something like holding your hand would only backfire on you."
Yet again, we were immersed in silence until I realized that I really wanted to hear him speak as much as he possibly could before he could no longer. We didn't have much time left.
"Ahsan?"
"Hm?"
"Is...is there anything you wish you could do, like well, if you h-had the time?"
"Yes, to live a normal life with you," he answered promptly.
It pained me to even blush.
"Anything else?"
"I wish I could speak to my mother again, even if she yells at me. I wish I could hear her again." He sighed as he clasped his hands together. "Hey, if you're able to, can you do me a favor?"
"Yes, anything."
"Well, if time permits, could you, well, pay a visit to my mother? Could you tell her that I love her very much and that there wasn't a single day where she didn't cross my thoughts? Could you tell her that I know that I've failed as a son and as a human being? Could you tell her that being terribly sorry for all that I've done and for all the pain that I've caused her is a huge understatement? Could you tell her all those things without mentioning what really happened to Du'aa and my father? Could you do that for me, please?"
Hot tears raced down my cheeks as a response. "Of course I will," I whispered.
"Only if you can though," he added thickly. "If you need to go back to America before you can do that, then don't worry about it." Ahsan bleakly stared at the wall in front of him. "Maybe some things are just meant to be left at cliffhangers."
Suddenly, his whole body stilled.
"What is it?" I panicked.
It took a while for his mouth to form words. "It's almost time to go."
"Oh my God." My heart raced in overtime.
Where did time go!
Ahsan quickly put a finger to his lips before craning his neck towards the door. "I saw them leave for a moment. They may be coming soon."
"Oh my G-God." My lips trembled at the last word.
God, God, God!
With the little time we had left, Ahsan leaned his forearms on the table and spoke below a whisper. "Our time is up."
"Ahsan..."
"I just want to tell you things that I've only felt in my heart, but never said out loud to you. These damn cameras are the only reason that's keeping me from holding you one last time."
"Stop."
He continued, making sure to look me in the eye. "You are the greatest person that had ever crossed my path. Your emotions, your feelings, your thoughts are all so real and raw, so much that you are truly one-of-a-kind, and I mean it. In the beginning, it was so hard for me to break out of mentality that I was strongly brainwashed to believe, but slowly, everything you've said made sense to me. Everything." He exhaled deeply. "People like you are rare. I know it'll be hard, but please don't let this whole ordeal change you. You can do so much with your strength. I have complete faith in you."
"Please..."
"I'll miss hearing your voice, even your scoldings. I'll miss seeing your face every day, even when we weren't on speaking terms. I'll miss talking to you about anything and everything under the sun. I'll miss our banter, our stupid comebacks, and our sarcasm. I'll miss the way you tried to comfort me, either through words or through gestures. Hayat, I'll miss you so much, I can't even tell you..."
I blinked furiously, but my own hot tears betrayed me.
He bit down hard on his bottom lip as he struggled to express himself. "You are beautiful, inside and out. Hayat, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. And I c-can't even begin to apologize enough for not being the right person for you. I love you, Hayat, I love you so much. I wish I wasn't such an idiot to have wasted so much time. I wish we met like normal people and I wish we could lead normal lives together. I'm sorry for all the times I've hurt you and made you cry. Even now, you're crying because of me. Please, don't. I love you, Hayat, always remember that." His expression grew tender as he concluded.
Footsteps from down the hall appeared to have gotten louder.
Our time was up.
The two of us quickly recovered our emotions in due time as three guards entered the room. Two of them grabbed Ahsan on either side, and a third guard strode over to me.
"Our apologies, miss," he said in Arabic. "There was an issue we had to resolve at the front desk. I hope that terrorist did not harm you?" It was a question.
I shook my head.
"Good. Now, please follow me." The guard prepared to exit the room after the others had.
Ahsan's eyes cautiously flickered to me. They softened. While holding that gaze before he was dragged out of my sight, a small beam of hope fluttered in my chest.
Maybe, just maybe, a miracle would occur.