#### THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS GRAPHIC SEX AND VIOLENCE. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED. WATTPAD MAY PLACE IT UNDER A PRIVACY LOCK ONLY FOR FOLLOWERS, SO CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED#####
"Tell him that Frankie and Stanley are coming in right now," Claude said in my ear. "Don't ask me where I'm going. You really don't want to know."
I glanced over my shoulder and could see Frankie and Stanley making their way towards the entrance of the camp, hands raised. Beyond that was a very strange sight. It looked like all of the camp's inhabitants had come out of their trailers, young and old alike, and most of them were carrying guns. The kid who had tried to sell me weed, trailed behind, possibly looking for a chance to make a sale.
"You guys really don't like vampires, do you?"
"You have no idea," Jesus said.
"Well I got my boys Stanley and Frankie coming in, as a measure of good faith, so if your guys could avoid killing them, that would be great."
"I'll see what I can do." Jesus gestured and there was a great deal of clattering and rustling as rifles were shouldered all around. I took a closer look at Jesus, noting his appearance carefully, the long partially dreadlocked hair with random beads and bits of string, the weathered face that looked either distinctly Mayan or some kind of First Nations. There was a lack of the pale blue eyes that I had expected to find and definitely not fangs to speak of.
"So, you're obviously not a vampire," I said, still looking for some kind of clue. "What the hell are you?"
"Does it matter?"
"Matters to me, so yeah. Everything we were told kinda pointed to the fact that you were a vampire. You know, travelling at night... long lifespan..."
"Travelling at night is just easier when you can see where you're going. Helps to avoid most high-traffic areas. When you travel as much as I do, getting stuck in traffic is undesirable."
"So what are you then?"
"Very, very old." He smiled at me then as Frankie and Stanley finally arrived, looking a little sheepish but keeping their hands in the air.
"I only count three of you. Where's the other one."
"Benjamin caught a major case of the chickenshits, so he decided to sit this one out." Stanley said, and he wasn't too happy about the whole thing, but then again, that was just Stanley. "Can we take our hands down now?"
"Yeah take them down. You look like idiots."
"Better than looking like a strainer," Frankie said. "Look, you mind if we can get this over with? Your guys back there are looking a little too trigger happy for my liking."
Jesus regarded him carefully and then looked back at me.
"I thought you were in charge Jefe. Sounds like your boy here's giving the orders."
"Frankie's a little cranky. He likes to get straight to the point."
"He talks too much," Frankie shrugged when I glared at him. "What? you do!"
Jesus watched us for a long moment then nodded and sighed deeply. He pinched the bridge of his nose, that one annoying dreadlock with the beads swinging into action once again, almost hypnotic in its motion.
"Look, since Harry didn't fill you in on the details and since there's only three of you, it seems to me like Harry's trying to fuck both you and me at the same time, so why don't we just call the whole thing off and go and get shit-faced. How's that sound to you guys?"
Stanley and Frankie were hesitant, but looked like their heads had just been taken off the chopping block. They looked to me and I could only shrug.
"Just how fucked up are you thinking?" I asked.
***
Best party ever!
Well at the time, I thought that it was. This part I didn't tell Sammy and Jaime, mainly for the reasons that you'll see soon enough. I kinda glossed over the details merely out of necessity, but it was also because if you weren't there with us, you would never understand just what happened or even how it happened.
We tried to talk about it later when Claude was trying to get some more details about just how badly things got fucked up, but even then we couldn't tell him. Some things just happen, and around Jesus anything seemed possible.
It's completely pointless to give a vampire a Bud Light and expect him to be impressed. First of all, we all know that Bud Light tastes like shit, because it's a goddamn light beer, and also because its a goddamn Bud Light. The rate at which we metabolize alcohol requires something a hell of a lot stronger. Whiskey. Tequila. Vodka. Rum. Motherfucking Moonshine. One of those will do the trick if you want to get us properly fucked up. The effects don't last more than an hour though, so if you want us to stay fucked up, you'd better have several bottles laid in for the occasion.
I'd thought that what Jesus had produced after the second bottle of scotch was some kind of moonshine and technically I was right, but only in the way you could call the Death Star a "space station" or a nuclear weapon an "explosive". As in, sure that's accurate but way off the mark, kind of totally underselling the idea.
"What's this?" Frankie has asked, but I had already uncorked it and taken a huge swig, glasses be damned. I could feel the burn and a familiar warm numbness spreading through my body. I grinned sloppily and passed the bottle to Stanley.
"It's good, is what it is, " I said and grinned at my new best Buddy Jesus.
"We call it Balché. An ancient recipe but I've had a few hundred years to perfect it. It'll get your dick hard Jefe. Make you feel one hundred percent like a man, yeah?"
Stanley took a swig and passed the bottle to Frankie; I could already feel the effects hitting me something hard, kind of like a roofie and had time to wonder just what the hell was in that thing and if it was going to kill me.
The next hour was a blur of alcohol and drugs and eventually naked women. I mean lots of naked women. I have no idea how many bottles of tequila I'd gone through, or how many more swings of the Balché I had, but I remember opening my eyes to that dull slowness of a most excellent buzz to see Jesus sitting on the other side of the bonfire just watching over everything, a knowing smile on his face.
Listen, if you get offended by gore and the kind of raunchy sex I tend to have, now might be a good time to skip ahead.
Time was fractured for me at that point and I remembered drinking and laughing a lot and I was now thoroughly convinced that Jesus was my best bud in the entire world. I grinned at him, giving him a very bleary thumbs-up. He caught my eye and grinned back, making an obscene gesture with his hand that seemed to indicate that either he wanted to blow me or--
Holy shit! There was already a blonde head bobbing very industrially at my lap. As she came into focus, her labours being very much more appreciated especially since I now knew she was there. Just how fucked up was I anyway?
"Where the hell did you come from?"
The girl (what was her name again? Did I ever know her name?) made eye contact and smiled suggestively.
I took a swig from the bottle of tequila that I didn't even know I was holding, trying to fight back the urge that was growing in me now, bringing a surge of saliva to my mouth as I imagined the copper taste of her blood in my mouth. Instead I tried to drown it in tequila, not wanting to deliberately undo all of the progress I had made with Claude pestering me these last few weeks. I hadn't had a single drop of blood in nineteen days and was finally getting used to the idea that it wasn't something I needed... and here is was right in front of me, pulsing through the oh so healthy veins of the naked blonde who was doing her best impression of a vacuum.
She was about twenty-two, attractive in a girl next door kind of way, and had the kind of curves I'd always admired on a woman, real curves that some women spent too much time trying to get rid of instead of realizing just how sexy they were. Her blonde hair was cut shoulder length and she was just everything I needed in that moment.
I gave in to the urge then and nodded to her, reaching out to pull her towards me and she happily bounced to her feet and threw herself down on top of me, her small but perky boobs just begging to be kissed and sucked on--
The thought occurred to me then that I was naked. Naked and outside on some fucked up lawn chair. Naked and outside on some fucked up lawnchair and about to have the shit fucked out of me by a very attractive woman whose name I couldn't even remember bothering to forget.
There was a surge of panic as I looked around, finally taking everything in as I wondered just what the hell Jesus had done to get me this fucked up. Apparently I wasn't the only one. Immediately to my left Stanley had a very buxom brunette bent over his own lounge chair and was ploughing into her, sweat pouring off of both of them. Just beyond them I could see Frankie wrapped up in the arms and legs of another brunette, somehow managing to sit on the edge of the chair as they fucked the hell out of each other. This brunette was smeared with blood in a couple of places and it was easy to see why, as Frankie sunk his teeth into her shoulder and sucked as hard as he thrust into her.
This would normally have been enough to spur me on and make me think that Jesus threw one hell of a party, even in my semi-fucked-up state, if it hadn't been for the fact that the six of us were the only ones having sex of any kind.
Jesus and his people, men and women alike stood in a ring around us, watching silently, waiting, their faces made cruel and judging by the hard flickering of the blazing bonfire. That by itself was just plain fucking creepy and spelled a huge amount of trouble for us, but the thing that really got me was that there were six other naked woman standing just behind Jesus; their eyes were blank was if they were dolls just waiting to be turned on. No pun intended of course. Each one had a different type of scar on their torsos, a long scar that told the story of some kind of operation nobody probably talked about anymore.
And there was that kid again, pulling deep on a glass pipe and nodding appreciatively. He saw me looking and grinned at me, toasting me with his weed.
I looked back to the the girl who was straddling me, one hand skillfully positioning me for entry, the other on my shoulder, bringing those cursed nipples brushing past my lips and I felt my fangs ease into place, worse traitors than my already traitorous erection.
"Wait!" I said.
"For what?" she asked, and guided herself down, taking me all the way in, and for a second I couldn't think as the bliss of entry took over, that feeling of connection that flooded the body with adrenaline and endorphins.
I grabbed her shoulders then, pulling her closer, burying myself deeper, not caring about her name in that moment, or the utter insanity of this entire fucked up situation, willing myself to get lost again and just go with it, enjoy it for what it was, but as my hands moved across her torso, there it was, an overly long scar on her right side that reminded me that everything here was just wrong.
I tried to move then, I swear I did, but she was grinding on me and damn it was so fucking good. I could smell her sex, her musk mingling with my sweat and giving off a heady odour that made me want to pull her up so I could bury my face in her crotch and use my tongue and yes my teeth to lick and suck and drive her to orgasm as I got high on her blood.
I could feel Jesus watching, just waiting for something, maybe for me to lose myself, maybe for me to lose my mind and my soul in the inevitable blood that would flow, that always seemed to flow during sex. It occurred to me then just out of the blue that I had never actually drunk blood from any guys, at least as far as I could remember and that sex and the blood letting were so intricately intertwined. I wondered if it was like that for Stanley and Frankie and promised to ask them when I got a chance becuase that was kind of weird wasn't it? That kind of connection, the intimacy of it being linked like that.
Stanley was biting on the brunette's shoulder now, holding her tight around the waist and fucking like his life depended on it.
I should have wanted to give him a high-five., I should have yelled out about how weird and fucked up this was, like what are we doing man, but none of that came out.
"Hold him," Jesus said and he was right behind me. Two hands clamped my shoulders down, and they were so strong, even stronger than I was, which was shocking considering how it was the first time in a long time that I was able to feel helpless.
"Keep fucking him," Jesus said to the girl on top of me and she more than doubled her efforts, clamping me with her powerful thighs and just grinding into me like she wanted to fuse our genitals.
"You got it!" She smiled. I looked to her for help, but she just kept on riding me like there was nothing wrong with this.
I looked up to Jesus, ready to plead for him to stop this madness, whatever it was. He was squatting next to me, surgical gloves on his hands; he held up a scalpel to the light as he spoke to me.
"You really shouldn't have trusted me, you know. You were at least right about that, but oh well."
"What are you doing?" I tried to yell.
"Taking what was promised to me," he said and he was way too calm about this entire scenario. "I wouldn't bother to fight it if I were you. It's a very old and powerful drug that your kind has no resistance against. Better vampires than you have failed to break free of its effects, which include no pain reflex, a high degree of suggestibility and it also gives you one hell of a boner, so just be glad it's not your dick I'm cutting off. You keep on fucking and you won't even feel a thing."
He gestured over to the left and I looked, panicked at what I was going to see. I was right to panic. Two men flanked a bewildered Frankie, one with a metal tray, and the other man--
This is really fucked up and I wish I didn't have to remember it so bear with me.
The other man was cutting into Frankie's side with his scalpel, blood spurting everywhere as he plunged the scalpel and then his hand into Frankie's side. The worst thing was how Frankie was screaming, maybe in reflex and horror, maybe in agony, but through it all, he just kept on thrusting and fucking, holding the brunette closer and pounding into her, seemingly unable to stop. The brunette gasped as she was spattered with blood.
Stanley watched in horror, able to stop himself, unable to pull away, even as two other men approached him with scalpels and a tray.
"Unconventional and a little messy, but it gets the job done."
"What are you doing to him?"
"Hopefully not fucking up his liver too much. There's quite nothing like the liver of a vampire to keep you going for another hundred years. The price of immortality you see. I get to live forever, but I don't heal like you sons-of-bitches. No: I have to keep replacing parts when they wear out."
"I'm kind of attached to my liver!"
"Oh don't be that way. It will grow back. Now if I was taking your heart I would be a lot more worried if I were you--"
Frankie screamed and I looked back to see the man with the scalpel holding up a ragged hunk of organ. He nodded to Jesus and passed it over to the man with the tray. Frankie keeled over, blood gushing out of the hole in his side and yet he kept on pumping and pumping. He was still holding on to the brunette as he went over but she managed to pick herself up, a little unsteady on her feet. Remarkably, Frankie was orgasming even as he was bleeding out, huge amounts of semen spurting out from him with every pump of his hips.
I looked back to Jesus, trying to panic, but completely unable to focus. I wasn't even thinking about the very energetic blonde on my lap anymore and in fact I could have been completely flaccid at that point for all I knew.
"He's dying! I've got to help him!"
"Shh. I'm very not interested. He may die, but he'll come back. It's the best thing about you vampires. Besides, the liver has remarkable regenerative abilities and yours grows right back in a day or two. It took me about twenty vampires to figure that out, but once I did it opened up so many possibilities."
"What the fuck are you?"
Jesus grinned then, seemingly glad this conversation had come up again.
"Let's find out, shall we?"
The man with the tray brought the liver over and the damn weed selling kid was there again, examining the liver closely and very seriously. He looked up and made eye contact with me and winked. Then with he pulled his shirt off with one movement, revealing a torso criss-crossed with long scars.
"Nothing here is what it seems Roberto..." the kid said, but I wasn't listening to him. They were cutting into my side and I was screaming too much to hear anything.
Fade...
to...
black...
***
I woke up in the back of what looked like a mobile home with foil over the windows, acutely aware that we were travelling down the highway at speed and that I was in a certain amount of pain, but more than anything that I still had a rock hard erection.
The radio was playing a song I hadn't heard in a long time, a song by Smashing Pumpkins that I really should have known the name of, after all I could certainly half-mumble the lyrics, and I wondered who was driving. A surge of panic hit and I looked up, expecting the worst--
Claude sat on the bunk, staring off into the distance, a grim look of concentration on his face. If anything I would have called it a seething look, but that wasn't something I associated with Claude.
"Dude..." I managed to say, and then the pain hit me.
I could feel a dull ache deep inside me and when I lifted up my blood stained shirt, there it was, a long scar across my torso where Jesus had taken my liver. The scar was healing nicely and the ache was dull and not screaming at me, so I knew I was already on the mend, but still, the utter horror of it all, that he had taken a piece of me, that was kicking me right in the face and laughing at me for being a dumb motherfucker.
I looked over to my right and found Stanley and Frankie, both with bloodstained blankets thrown over them. They also had embarrassing erections tenting the blankets.
Damn that had been one fucked up drink.
"You took off the headset," Claude said, and he wasn't even looking at me. His tone said it all, the disappointment in me that went deeper than just me taking off the headset.
I glanced at him, trying not to puke at the thought of my aching hollowed out insides and realized that my erection was definitely feeling some pain. The thought that I might never use it again was more distressing than the loss of my liver, for some reason, so I tried to concentrate on that instead.
Stanley and Frankie were waking up now and they looked as groggy and embarrassed as I felt. When they discovered the long healing scars on their torsos, there was going to be the appropriate amount of freaking out.
"Not exactly like I had a choice," I said and why did my head hurt so goddamn much? "Jesus was pretty insistent."
"So it had nothing to do with you guys wanting to go off to get completely fucked up?" He looked me right in the eye and I heard the unspoken words: You in particular.
I met his gaze and shrugged helplessly, knowing my own ability to fuck things up completely wasn't going to help my case, but I tried to be as truthful as possible.
"When he said it, no matter what it was he said, it sounded like the best idea in the world. I honestly meant to humour the dude until you came up with something clever to get us out of there, but it's like I couldn't help myself. He could have told us to strip naked and have an orgy--"
"You did."
"-- or to stand on one leg and cluck like a chicken--"
"You also did that."
Wait, what? I didn't remember that part. Granted, parts were hazy as hell and I might have been making up the rest of it, but I definitely didn't remember that part.
"Seriously?"
"No, but he could have. Once he had the three of you looking him in the eye, you did everything he said. He told you to take off the glasses and the headset, and you did. I didn't stick around after that. I know when it's time to get the hell out of Dodge."
Frankie had seen Stanley's scar and was a result was now freaking out about his own scar which looked like he had almost been sliced in half.
Stanley was groggy but pissed. He stumbled to his feet, wincing as he pulled on the healing scar across his torso. Clearly he remembered everything.
"You left us to get sliced up by that psycho?"
"I left you so there would be someone around to pick up the pieces!" I think this was the first time I'd ever seen Claude so genuinely mad. It threw me for a loop and more than anything, a lot embarrassed.
Stanley at least had the good grace to mumble some half-apology.
Claude continued. "I'm human, remember? I have the soft squishy bits that don't grow back. All I have is this one life. That's all I get. You guys get to come back, so don't you dare judge me for leaving you. Sometimes there are no heroic rescues, not when it's an impossible situation." He shook his head and looked off into the distance again, deep in thought.
Something occurred to me then.
"So how did you get us out of there? And more importantly, who's driving?"
Claude grinned and walked over to the flimsy curtain which was doing a great job of protecting us from the sunlight outside and also hiding the driver from us.
"Meet your lord and saviour, Jesus."
The kid who had tried to sell me weed earlier waved from the driver's seat. He grinned wickedly and winked at Claude.
"You shoulda bought the weed dude. A lot less pain and embarrassment all around."
***
I'm going to be a complete bastard now and I'm going to leave it there. There are a lot of things that we agreed not to ever discuss, and I've already said too much. I only told Jaime and Sammy some of the less sordid parts, mainly because it's still embarrassing, but I'm including it here so you know what a mindfuck meeting Jesus could be.
I just knew whatever happened was going to be painful.
############
Bet you guys didn't see that coming! Oh don't give me that because you want to look so smart. Anyway, this is where the flashback ends, so say good bye to Stanley, Benjamin and Frankie once again. Maybe we'll see them again if I revisit some of the other jobs they did for Harry, cuz those jobs were hilarious fun! Pity we never got to see them! You may feel free to hate me now.
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