Everything righted itself and no sooner did I find myself on the routine that I had been doing for the last few years. It still sucked that Chris and Kai were no longer around, but our table eventually regained its playful atmosphere despite the lack of its original seaters.
Kai texted me frequently, usually in between his classes. He couldn't keep his promise, after all, the one where he planned to come home every weekend. He said it was difficult, adjusting to a life where he was away from his family and where the environment was so different from high school. I just cheered him on, teasing him that he could always come home if he wanted to give up.
Hannah, meanwhile, got herself involved with student council. She would have talked me into joining as well, but she knew that I couldn't stomach the campaigning-and-promoting-myself thing. I joined a scrapbook club instead to make up for my extracurricular activity requirements.
Lu Han, on the other hand, finally accepted his friends' invitation to club tryouts. He kept hating one sport after another though and kept switching to another sport week after week. Undeniably, Lu Han got more handsome over the summer and the amount of his fangirls had actually increased.
"Don't you find it weird?" Hannah asked one afternoon, a few months into the school year when we were walking down the hall. We had just seen Lu Han and a girl talking at a corner in the lobby of the building.
I could still picture the girl's blushing cheek as Lu Han smiled at her. Vanishing the stupid image out of my head, I threw a curious look at Hannah. "What's weird?"
"Lu Han pretty much receives an ample amount of confessions every day yet he has never taken even one of them as his girlfriend."
"So?" I asked, honestly feeling that nothing was wrong with that. If Lu Han gets himself a girlfriend... At that thought alone, my heart already shuddered, what more if he would really get one? I mean... we already lost Kai and Chris from our lunch table, it would be too lonely if Lu Han were to start hanging out in a different table with his girl-yeah that.
"Didn't he tell you that he has a girl he likes? Doesn't it make you curious?" she asked, giving me a meaningful look.
I nodded, suddenly remembering. I frowned, thinking just what kind of girl would that jerk actually fall for. I couldn't really understand why I cared. I already had a boyfriend, whom I was starting to miss, by the way, since his text got scarcer and scarcer with every passing month. Nonetheless, it was Kai whom I should have directed all my thoughts to. But no, my mind ironically has a mind of its own.
"It doesn't make me curious," I said as an answer to Hannah's question, scrunching my nose at the thought. "Plus when I asked, he kept bringing up a new topic anyway so he probably doesn't want to talk about her."
Hannah sighed and facepalmed herself. "Sometimes I really pity Lu Han for having such a dense best friend."
"Dense? Who? Me or you?"
Hannah just shook her head and looked at me in amusement.
My phone beeped just then, and finally, it was a message from Kai.
"Oh! He's coming home tomorrow!" I said excitedly as I read his text.
"Who?"
"Kai," I said as I typed in a reply. "Though I wonder why. He seemed really busy. Thanksgiving is still a month away, too."
Hannah shrugged. "Maybe he's homesick."
"Maybe." I couldn't care less about his reasons. The important thing was that I was finally going to see him after months of, well, not seeing him.
"Yeonie," I heard someone say from behind when I was walking home.
Hannah still had student council meeting. I didn't have to turn around to know that it was Lu Han.
"I'm hurt, Yeon. You didn't wait for me," Lu Han said as he fell into step beside me and faked a pout.
"I thought you had soccer practice today?"
"Well," he said, smiling sheepishly. "I kind of ditched them. I hate soccer."
I smirked. "You hate everything."
"Not true. I like you."
I missed a step and almost tripped. "What?"
He grinned as if enjoying my reaction. "And Hannah. And our treehouse. And pottery, too. And oooh, photography as well."
I exhaled, scolding myself for overthinking it. Sometimes moments like this with Lu Han really had a weird effect on me. I shook my head, willing myself to shoo the thoughts away. I punched his arm and started to walk ahead.
"Aw, Yeon's getting shy again," he said as he quickly caught up to me, messing my hair on the process.
"Lu Han!"
He messed it even more.
I kicked his knee and pinched his cheeks so much that he had to cry out, "Ow, ow, ow, I give up."
"Hmpf!" I said when I started to walk again only to stop when I saw that Kai was three meters away. "Kai!" I said and jogged the remaining distance between us.
"Hello, Jiyeon," Kai said before scooping me into his arms for a hug.
"I thought you're coming home tomorrow," I said as I reached around him to hug him back. "Don't you have any schedule today?"
Pulling away, he looked at me with a strained smile. "Walk with me for a while, is that okay?" he said instead of answering.
I nodded and glanced back at Lu Han who had not moved an inch. "See you later, Lu Han."
Lu Han just nodded and patted Kai's shoulder as he passed us on his way.
Kai took my hand and led the way. He was quiet the whole time and only sighed when we got to the swing at the park.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked as I took a seat in one of the swings.
Kai occupied the swing next to it.
"My dad got promoted, Yeon," he said. "You know about his work in abroad, right? He left sometime around this time last year."
I nodded, also remembering that it was around this time, too, that Kai finally told me he liked me.
"The thing is," he mumbled, suddenly looking down at the ground. "He wants us to follow him there. He wants us to live with him in abroad, Yeon."
His words stopped all the circulation of thoughts in my head. What did that mean? For us?
"I like you, Yeon," he said, his voice almost a whisper. "I really like you. But right now, I don't think we could work this out. When Dad called to tell us the news, I was disheartened and tried to tell them to let me stay. I was old enough, after all. But the entire family is moving and they wouldn't allow me to stay behind. I had known this for a quite a while now but I didn't know how to say it. But now that I can't run away from it anymore, you have to know."
That explained the lessened text messages. He was trying to figure out how to tell me.
"What are you saying then?" I said, unable to form any more coherent sentences.
"I'm saying that I think, we should break up," he said gravely, still unable to look me in the eyes.
I just sat there, looking at him, stunned. What is he talking about?
"I don't understand," I told him honestly. "We can call or email each other, like what we've been doing. That'd work." Though I knew I was lying. Text messages were hardly enough even when he was only a bus ride away. What more if he would actually move to another continent? But still...
"Maybe it will work. Maybe it will not. Either way, it wouldn't be fair to you if I ask you to wait for me," he explained, shaking his head.
"Why wouldn't it be fair? It's okay with me. I like you," I told him.
"Do you really?" he whispered, smiling sadly.
"What do you mean?"
"Why don't you pause for a while and look around, Yeon? I'm sure you will know the answer to my question," he said, suddenly standing up.
I grabbed hold of his hand. "Are you really breaking up with me?" I whispered, not even knowing what the meaning of my words anymore. Because really, what did it mean to break up with someone. Did that mean never talking to that someone again? Or you just simply stopped calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend?
He closed his eyes and nodded. "I'm really sorry, Jiyeon, but it's for the best."
"But," I said, standing up as well. And yet, no words, no arguments would come out of my mouth, my mind shellshocked at how fast the event was unfolding.
"I'm sorry, but you have to trust me. It's for the best, Yeon. For the two of us." Then he kissed me on the forehead and turned to go, leaving me alone.
I watched his back as he walked away, my vision becoming blurrier with every passing second. It was only then that I noticed that the tears were flowing fast, wetting my dry cheeks. Something clawed at my heart, squeezing it to the point that it was getting harder for me to breathe.
I collapsed on the seat of the swing, suddenly crying my heart out. It was really happening, no scratch that, it had already happened. The once perfect relationship that I had with the first person whom I had fallen for was officially over.
The sky began to darken but I had no plan of going home. I just kept pushing my feet against the ground, swinging myself absentmindedly, the tears showing no sign of stopping.
It was like that for a while and I lost track of time. My eyes were already tired from crying and it wanted to shut down already. In fact, my consciousness was already dripping away, when I suddenly heard that familiar voice.
"There you are!" Lu Han shouted in relief, running over to me. "I've been loo- Yeon?" His voice dropped to whisper upon seeing my tear-stricken face.
"Kai... left..." I muttered in-between sobs. "He... broke up... with..." I couldn't even finish my sentence as the tears started up again.
"Wh- Why would he?" he asked in disbelief.
I just shook my head while crying. I couldn't bring myself to say the reason that had finally ended things between Kai and me. It was too hurtful to think about it.
"I swear, if ever I see that guy again, he's going to get it," Lu Han growled, his voice low.
"No," I said but it only came out as a croak. "It's not his fault."
Lu Han took my hand and pulled me up. "Stop crying, okay?" he asked, his eyes pleading with mine. "Please, Yeon, stop crying."
I nodded, but my eyes were still leaking tears. Lu Han shut his eyes and started walking, dragging me with him. He took me home and the only good thing about that day was that my parents weren't around, therefore no one saw my puffy eyes.
"Please, Yeon. Stop crying," Lu Han said as he tucked me in bed.
I nodded again.
He looked away as if he couldn't bear to see me this way anymore and I didn't blame him. I probably looked like a wreck. So I made Lu Han leave right away to spare him the sight of me and he obediently left, wordlessly. And I appreciated his effort.
That night, all I did was cry. And the worst part was that I couldn't even get myself to fall asleep.
As if fate had heard me though, I heard someone sing in the middle of the night. The song was eerily sad yet comforting at the same time. A lullaby.
Kai broke my heart that day, but Lu Han managed to calm it for a while.
I was finally able to sleep that night. All because of him.