"I miss you," Yoongi's voice cracked. He misses his sunshine, his bright sunshine who once gave him so much love and happiness. He misses his one and only Jimin. Yoongi smiled as he traces the gold carved Park Jimin 1995 - 2013 on an old gray grave covered with weeds.
"I'm sorry I haven't clean your place, it became messy now." Tears fell off on the grave and he hiccups. He brushed the hot fluid off the grave and pulled some weeds to throw.
Yoongi sat quietly on the grass, knees folded onto his chest, fingers fidgeting. He blew some air and his bangs flew off his face. He laughed bitterly, that was one of Jimin's hobbies.
"I have a story, you have to listen carefully." Yoongi tangled his legs and did an Indian sit in front of the grave, repeatedly pulling some weeds and throwing it at the corner of the grave.
"You see, I met this guy yesterday, his name is Hoseok. He was so bubbly just like you. If he was small, I could tell he's your sibling."
"I was just sitting on our favorite bench near the lake, then he suddenly sat beside me." Yoongi stopped, reminiscing what actually happened yesterday. When he remembered again, he let out a small ah!
"He told me how beautiful the lake was. It was funny, he started talking endlessly without introducing himself or even asking my name. It's rude, you know."
Yoongi laughed once again. "That happened to us right? The first time we met. I sat beside you then talked about how great these bunch of players play basketball." He chuckled.
"I can really see you in him. He has this thing that represents you and I still don't know what was it. But for sure, both of you have bubbly attitude, shining eyes, cute smile and funny personality. He made me laugh so many times yesterday though I was really down." Sigh escaped his mouth. If only Jimin was here, he might become jealous and hit Yoongi right on the head. Yoongi laughed and stared at the dark sky. Tonight, he will be one with the rain.
His heart was so vulnerably broken and no one can ever fix it aside from his late boyfriend. Tonight, Yoongi, the sky, and the rain are one. Dark, gloomy, dull, and crying. Yoongi will be locked on his dark room, laying at his cold floor, bailing his eyes out, and crying endlessly. Yoongi is in pain and Jimin isn't there to heal him. Yoongi is so lonely and Jimin isn't there to cheer him up. Yoongi is crying and Jimin isn't there to wipe his tears. Yoongi feels like dying and Jimin isn't there to stop him because Jimin is gone.
Today is Jimin's second death anniversary and Yoongi wants to feel his presence again. But that is really impossible.
Yoongi closed his eyes and bowed his head, face buried on his knees. He hugged his legs tighter and cried harder.
Yoongi misses his boyfriend so much.
"Jimin, I miss you so much," He murmured. The wind blew and the evening wind passes him. It was cold, and the emptiness he feels becomes emptier. His heart feels numb and he just wants to be with Jimin right then and there.
Yoongi's sniffs stopped and his eyes remained close. He doesn't want to open them again, he wishes to wake up from this nightmare. He wants to wake up on their comfortable bed beside his warm Jimin and hug him tight, so tight, and never let him go.
"Hyung!" Jimin winced while tangling off Yoongi's arms around his waist. He hadn't eaten his dinner and he wants to eat breakfast already. His tummy is vibrating and creating ungrateful sounds.
"Hyung, get off!"
Yoongi smirked and deepens his face on Jimin's neck. Jimin, who's ticklish, yelled in surprise and tried his best to get off the bed. Yoongi tightens his grip on his boyfriend's waist and kissed his neck. "I love you Jimin,"
"I love you Yoongi hyung. Now get off me and cook me breakfast."
Yoongi groaned and pulled off. He stood and wore his slippers. "Tell me, did you love me just because of my cooking skills?"
Jimin laughed and spreads his body all over the bed. He wiggles his hips and pulled his tongue to Yoongi.
"Cooking skills your butt. You don't even know how to cook tastefully. And no, Yoongi hyung, I really love you."
Yoongi smiled sheepishly and bowed his head towards Jimin. Jimin closes his eyes and pouted, waiting for his boyfriend's soft kiss.
"Brush your teeth first, brat." Then Yoongi disappeared leaving his brat wailing on the bed.
"Please come back," His voice was barely hearable. It was too low for someone to hear, but Yoongi knows Jimin could hear him loud and clear. His angel can hear him. Why does he even need to leave him alone in this dark and cruel world?
Yoongi feels really lonely as if he was rejected. He feels terrible and devastated. When he loses Jimin, he loses his world too. He lost the fantasies they made together and the wall they build cracked and fell.
His friends wanted him to move on, let Jimin go, and find someone else. Namjoon and Seokjin tried setting him up with their classmates but Yoongi refused as always. It's either he won't show up on the blind date or attend then reject his date right away.
Yoongi wiped his cheeks with his palm before inhaling deeply. It's getting late and Yoongi doesn't want to spend the night on a cold cemetery. Not that he doesn't want to be with Jimin, but he better spend the night alone on their room like the other times than be with this cold dirty grave.
He stood and removed the weeds on his dark red shirt and black pants. He bid his goodbye to Jimin and walked away.
Inside the bedroom Yoongi and Jimin used to sleep at, Yoongi's at the corner knees folded and his arms hugging them. The room is pitch black and nothing is visible, not even himself. The door was closed so does the lights. Moon didn't show up tonight, it hid on the dark clouds. The surrounding was quiet not until the sound of rain clanking on the roof invades the whole room.
His tears start to fall again. Funny to think he still hasn't run out of liquid in his body since he was crying for god knows how many times.
Yoongi is so lonely and he needed Jimin.
He needed Jimin and Jimin is not there to comfort and hug him.
Yoongi misses Jimin's warm hugs and kisses. And Jimin wasn't there.
Jimin will never be there.
Yoongi cried, cried and cried. If only Jimin was there.
"I miss you," He murmured endlessly. He whispered repeatedly.
Yoongi brought himself onto the bed and shuts his eyes. This feels great and suffocating at the same time. Great that he was laying on the bed they used to cuddle on at nights. And really suffocating because he was the only one left, his lover left him a couple of years ago which feels like just yesterday.
He hugged himself and stopped his sobs. His eyes peacefully shut close and his breathing was back to normal.
The clanking of rain in the roof finally stopped and nothing was heard, aside from his weak and slow breathing.
The surrounding feels really warm and calm. It's as if everything came back to normal in just a second.
Yoongi slowly opens his eyes and he was greeted with light, coming from the opened door, surrounding the whole room. And a body was standing below the door frame, left hand holding the knob and right hand on the light's switch.
The light opened and the dark room glowed. Light penetrates the room and everything was now visible.
Yoongi suddenly sat on the bed, eyeing the little guy standing near the door.
"Hi hyung!"
It was his Jimin.